Latest Posts by ace-with-anxiety - Page 2

Just wanted to say, this is literally one of the best shows Netflix has right now. But sadly is barely known and they don’t even bother in making publicity for this amazing show which is kind of sad.

That’s why I’ll take this moment to tell you, give this show a chance, watch it on Netflix and trust me when I say, you won’t regret it. This show has everything. Great cast, photography, story, production, you name it.

It deserves to be known and appreciated. Currently has 2 seasons and 24 episodes. All on Netflix.

30 days of autism acceptance

April 22: What are some social rules that do not make sense to you/that you don’t understand?

So many-

- Eye contact

- Hand-shakes

- Small talk

- The fact that you come across as a smart ass when you correct someone’s wrong information, whoever nicely you say it

- Saying hello to a stranger as you pass them

- The concept that harmless weirdness is bad or creepy

- The stigma against stimming as a whole

- Dropping hints instead of just saying it directly

- Don’t think this really counts as a rule, but flirting

April 23: Do you have any internal rules? What are they?

I’m not quite sure what this question means. Do you mean like morals? Or OCD stuff?

Maiden, Mother, Crone

Okay. *Spoilers* So there’s a lot that happened in season 3 of CAOS but the scene that I am eager to speak on first is the one where the women of the coven are trying to bring back Hilda. I found myself so moved by it that I kept on replaying that scene over and over, and over. It was just so powerful. The acting being more than just taking on a character and changing of facial expressions but also the conviction in the voice of Miranda Otto as Zelda, a sister determined to bring her sister back from the dead. 

The entire scene of them calling upon the Goddess Hecate, being in a circle of womanhood- hands bound together while the males could only watch on the side- was nothing short of powerful. Roz being a part of that circle, while she is not a witch, she is a human with mystical gifts and it just felt empowering and emotional to me. The tears would not stop coming. It was a moment of sisterhood, motherhood and womanhood. 

This show has countless times referenced the ways women are not respected or viewed as capable as their male counterparts. *Zelda having to hide Leticia from Blackwood because she was born first, Sabrina having to challenge for position of Top Boy, Father Blackwood refusing to give Prudence his name, the vampire telling Sabrina she is beautiful and ordering her to tell him thanks as if he had any right in making her beautiful or him taking a bite out of her without her consent, etc. The times that women are challenged in this show is crazy. So for this scene to make the men unable to actually take part but freely give their support while they call on a female deity is incredible. 

I cannot stop going on about this scene but the lines “WE CALL ON…OURSELVES, THE POWERS THAT HAVE BEEN DENIED US.” The powers that have been denied us. The powers that have been denied to us. The. Powers. That. Have. Been. Denied. Us. All the while, as those words are freed from Zelda’s mouth, she shuts her eyes and motions her arms down in such a way that brings out frustration, anger, pain, lack of respect. She is calling upon this Goddess, praying to her and begging her not only as a servant but as a woman.

It’s nice to have representation, in all aspects. Such as a person of color seeing characters that are depicted in positive un-stereotypical roles. Or as girls and women seeing other women in positions of power or as Goddesses. Without going in too deep on this topic, I just want to say how impactful it is to even have the thought of Goddesses. If I was a witch in that universe, I would wish to pray to one and not solely a male figure one. There are numerous times where we are united by the experiences other women have faced. “We call on ourselves”. Times when only we can understand and truly relate. 

Women are strong. I view this scene as a way of embracing and being fully aware of this strength. A coming togetherness that unites this strength. Again, that scene was one of the most powerful scenes of the entire show.

“Why criticism hurts so much" 

I’ve been working on a series aiming to explain why we can get so deeply hurt and afraid of disapproval that it will interfere with our life decisions.

Coming soon: 2/4 "Where does it come from?” ¾ "How can I spot it?” 4/4 “What can I do?”

I get a lot of DMs asking me “How do I know if I have ADHD?” and the short and boring answer is “you can’t unless you talk to a doctor”.

But I want to share what I think should have been obvious clues to me!

I think it’s hard to judge your own symptoms if all you’ve known your entire life was ADHD. I was convinced I had no problems and just had to stop being lazy and all my problems would go away.

So, to everyone asking themselves “what if I’m just lazy?”, I hope you can find the courage from this to seek a diagnosis! And if you can’t:

Your struggles are legit and real, if they have a name or not.

oh yeah don’t worry about my leg bouncing, i’m fine. that’s just a thing i do when i’m bored, or excited, or nervous, or alive

ppl don’t understand adhd/autistic cleaning processes. we think so far ahead it’s like,,, impossible to do shit. you want me to vaccuum my bedroom floor? okay. we need to pick up all the stuff thats on it first, though. and where are we going to put the stuff? well, theres a couple categories of Stuff- Clothes, Random Items, and Trash. Trash is easy, we just throw it away. Clothes have to be sorted into Clean, Not Clean- and then the not clean ones have to go in the laundry bag, but theres so many so i might have to start a load now- ugh, distracted. lets go back to the clean clothes. well, these go in my drawer but- my drawer is really disorganized, so i’ll have to organize the clothes first so that theyll fit and look neat. by the time i’m done with that, i’ve spent an hour and a half trying to do stuff in my room. i finally turn to random items, most of which can find a home on my desk, but others i dont really know what to do with. plus, my desk is dirty. so i have to organize my desk, figure out where everything goes, and the stuff that doesn’t have a place can go in… a box, i guess. (not like i don’t have three other boxes full of random stuff in my closet)  so i put all the items back up but now i have this box full of stuff i dont know if i need so i have to go through it, sorting it into donate and dont donate piles. i might as well throw in some clothes to, so i dig through my clothes drawer and get the clothes i dont want, throw them in there too. okay, back to the random items- the ones i dont want to donate are still here, so i have to put them somewhere. i dont have anywhere to put them- maybe i should get a shelf? i start googling shelves, figuring out which ones would be best for my room, debating prices, learning about installation, and eventually im like ‘well, already on my computer’ and i decide im going to ‘check’ social media and end up lost in it for an hour or so. you walk back in, and theres stuff all over the floor, albeit in bags and boxes, and it still hasnt been vacuumed. its been five hours since i started. how does it take five hours to clean your room? it just does. 

Some nights, even knowing this will set my nervous system screaming, I want someone who will hold me close. I want someone I can build a life with; someone who is the other half of my soul.

Then I remember that this would probably require sex at some point.

Fuck.

I’ll just have to settle for turning into Carpe the cola aunt, with twenty dogs in tow.

Story time!

Warning: This is just a fluffy anecdote but I felt the need to put it on the Tumblr because so many posts surrounding these kinda subjects are shrouded in anxiety and sadness. I PROMISE there is a point 😂

ANNYWAAY. I recently started spending time with this guy. Eventually he asked if he could take me on a date. I said yes. The date was very similar to just our hanging out before, only towards the end he held my hand. I let him. Afterwards I went back to my place and told my closest friends about the lovely evening.

After a bit of giddiness in a group message, my one friend asked: “does he know you’re asexual?”

Right then and there, it hit me. If I would like to continue seeing this guy, eventually calling him my boyfriend, I would need to tell him. I was terrified.

About 4 days later he came over to my place and kept me company while I did chores. After about an hour I got tired and decided to show him my favorite comedy. We sat on my bed. I was nervous. About 5 or 10 minutes into settingly down, we held hands. A couple minutes later I was casually lounging in his arms. I could sense he wanted to kiss me but he wasn’t the least bit agressive and continued to hold me.

About 2 hours later. We both had other responsibilities. As he was leaving I told him. I mumbled out a string of sentences essentially saying “Hey I have a complicated relationship with physical affection… I don’t always call it this but the most accurate way to describe me is *asexual*” I stared down at my feet and told him he did nothing wrong I just needed him to know. I ran back inside.

I followed up over text because I was just too anxious to say anymore in person. He told me he’s a little scared of crossing a line but that it’s not my fault and I’m just gonna have to help him. He admitted that it was new to him but he wanted to persue me regardless of my orientation (he even called it that which made me really happy) We briefly talked boundaries and I made sure he knew that I was still attracted to him romantically. I ended the conversation by saying that I wouldn’t mind if he kissed me now that he knows about me. We both laughed at and he thanked me for trusting him enough to say something.

*Why am I telling Tumblr this:*

Real life is not the Internet. Not everyone equates intimacy and sex. While not everyone you date is going to be the right fit for you and your asexuality—Hecc, I barely know how Guy and I are gonna last—there are people out there that understand (or are willing to). There are asexual people ready to date asexual people. There are sexually attracted people who would be proud to call an asexual person their SO.

You just have to use your strength to say something.

Clear up those misconceptions.

Tell them what you need, and what you need them to refrain from doing.

Love yourself and the right person will love you.

Yes it’s difficult at times. You may think: “What if they don’t believe me that I like/love them?” “What if they think I’m implying they are a sex obsessed deviant?” “What if they think I’m useless?”

You just have to look out for the ones that are willing to listen regardless of their prior understanding.

Being asexual presents it’s own set of unique obstacles; statistically way more people are sexually attracted to others than they are asexual. And that’s okay. Give life a chance.

*But most importantly*

Do it when you are ready. I chose to tell him then because I have chosen to continue seeing him. If you do not feel safe. You don’t have to tell. Everything is up to you. :)

Dating as an Ace

Talking to people in person is terrifying because I know once I come out to them they’ll lose all interest/think I’m a freak.

Trying to use dating apps is a waste because most of them are for one night stands or casual sex, not relationships.

Meeting people at work sucks because even if they’re really cute, I can’t make any approaches past “how can I help”, which gets me ignored 90% of the time anyway.

Not even my college pride group is useful because when I told them I was Ace, the club president went “is that real?” That broke my heart.

And finally I have online meetings that lead to LDRs. I’ve been in a LDR and it was the happiest I’ve ever been, but when she left I felt empty because a person I’ve never met took so much from me.

Nothing works, and it’s so depressing.

When you’re swiping through a dating app and you realise there’s really no point because sooner or later they’re gonna want to bone and when you don’t wanna they’ll think you’ve been leading them on and probably get pissed and it really doesn’t matter how well you’ve been getting on so you just climb back into your no one is ever gonna want you for more than a few months maybe box

Trial and Error

Anyone looking to date or meet people in the ace community, there’s a Facebook group called Asexual Singles. You have to be single to join but there’s over 3000+ members.

A girl from said group found an ace on Tinder and I’ve met two demisexuals through OKCupid. I actually began talking to an asexual man through omegle.com of all places and two years later, we’re still very close friends despite never having met in person.

Said friend told me about a dating app for Android users called ACEapp. Coming soon for iOS users!

I know dating is complicated and even moreso for those in the community since not everyone is out and we make up an extremely small amount of the population. Just like dating in general, it’s all about trial and error.

Hey, do you have any ace klaus headcanons? I just found out someone I knew and liked doesn’t believe aces experience oppression and it’s bumming me out, so I would really like some validation. If you don’t want to that’s fine.

I’m so sorry :( That really sucks. People suck!

I actually wrote a whole story that can be found right here just for ace Klaus.

And I will make some more just for you:

AKA. The “What if Klaus was ace sequel.”

Klaus returned home from Vietnam heartbroken. All he wanted was a long bath and to forget everything about the last year except the sound of Dave’s voice.

Then some weird shit happened with the apocalypse but that kind of sorted itself out.

In the end their family was left in a big empty house together just like when they were kids. 

He kind of expected them all to fuck off again like when they were kids. But no one left. Allison returned in between filming for her movies. Five had nowhere else to go. Vanya was there more often than not just to hang out. And even Diego started sleeping in the mansion, claiming it was for no other reason than the beds were better than the gym’s. 

It was with Diego who Klaus started bonding with the most. Diego talked about Eudora. Klaus talked about Dave.

And it was during one of these bonding sessions (crying sessions) that Klaus said to his brother that Dave’s was only person who never forced Klaus into sex.

DIEGO FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT.

“What do you mean force you?”

“Show me where these fuckers are I’ll stab them to death.”

“Fine I’ll ask Five to psychologically scar them if you won’t let me kill them!”

When Klaus finally calmed Diego down enough to explain, he told his brother that he never actually wanted sex, it was just that sex was the easiest way to get a roof over his head on cold nights and food in his belly and drugs in his system.

When Klaus was done explaining it all, including how amazing and perfect Dave is (was,) Diego said slowly, “Klaus do you think you’re asexual?”

To which Klaus replied “What’s asexual?”

And then that’s when Diego started explaining that Klaus was not broken or abnormal or weird.

Asexuality is completely and utterly okay.

And in the future there would be hours of looking up more about asexuality, learning about the ace spectrum, and of finding groups in the city where Klaus would meet close friends.

But that night there was just two Diego telling Klaus that he would never let anyone touch him again.

Except of course when Dave’s ghost wanted to give Klaus cuddles.

You all can talk about America’s ass but can we just appreciate that the last 10 years gave us This

Tony Stark is the strongest avenger and you can’t change my mind, I love him 3000.

Say what you want about Endgame, but can we pls take a minute to appreciate how many different types of relationships we got to see?? Like yeah, there was a little romance, but it was almost completely family-centric. Sibling, parent-child, found family, best friends, we got it all and that makes me so damn happy.

tony fragile, wounded, tired furiously delivering his arc reactor to captain america because apparently this is all that steve always wants from him: just take and take and take… the arc reactor which is also intrinsically connected to tony’s heart… the symbolism, the poetry, rdj’s acting, the fight for my stony rights etc

idk what introvert needs to hear this but please check yourself when ur saying stuf like “staying in your room all weekend by yourself watching netflix is much better than going out and being social” because speaking from experience it’s very easy to confuse being introverted and isolating yourself to cope with anxiety and depression please reach out to your friends and make an effort to live your life and say yes to things, there’s no harm in enjoying your own company but please try to avoid shutting yourself away because you’ve convinced yourself that you’re better alone it’s seriously a recipe for loneliness and will really fuck with your self worth

Yasss I kept saying this. Losing the Norte Dame was heartbreaking but I’d kill the guy who thought it was a good idea to burn down the magnificent Library of Alexandria

Nothing lasts forever, but losing Notre Dame is an absolute tragedy. It’s like seeing the Library of Alexandria being burned in real time.

In 7 days, Marvel will prove to me whether or not they are fucking stupid enough to kill off Tony Stark when his character arc has been building towards retirement and fatherhood.

Just let him be, for fucks sake. Pepper doesn’t need a dead fiance. Rhodey and Happy don’t need a dead friend. Peter doesn’t need to lose a father-figure for the 3rd time in a row.

I got an ironman fidget cube from my boyfriend and I can imagine Tony Stark making a line of autistic-friendly avenger themed stim toys for kids.

submitted by @istandintheshadowofgodsandtitans

Tony Stark would 100%, absolutely do that!!! And that’s an amazing fidget cube oh my goshh!!

Asexuality is weird because you’ll be 12 going “wow why are people my age concerned about sex we’re just kids” and then you’re 16 going “wow why are people my age concerned about sex we’re just kids” and then you’re an adult suddenly realizing that other people are attracted to people and want to have sex with them and that’s the normal thing at that age and you’re like oh maybe it’s me

Original text post by @heelys-ben-hargreeves

The things they don’t teach you in school

Victor refusing to make the Monster a wife because he was worried they’d breed is such a cop out. Like, you’re cobbling together body parts from charnel houses. You can just not give her any ovaries. You can just spay her like a cat. Why are you this dumb Victor. You’re a doctor.

Trying to figure out if it’s “worth it” to come out as ace is such a mood.

Will they even recognize the term “asexual” or will I be starting at the ground level here?

How many ways are they likely to ask if I’m sure? (Have you tried…? Well how do you really know if…? Maybe you just haven’t met the right person yet.)

Are they the type of person to need me to explain why it doesn’t matter if I have or have not had sex before?

If it has no effect on my physical boundaries with this particular person, is it worth the energy spent?

Will it actually change anything about my interactions with this person for the better if they knew?

PSA

You shouldn’t have to *try* to be attracted to someone. Like it shouldn’t take any kind of purposeful intent on your part. It should just happen. It should be natural.

I find myself every once in a while falling back in to old habits I developed as a kid when I was trying to fit in. I’d look at someone and kind of *will* myself to have a crush on them or think they were sexy or whatever.

I’d look at someone and then imagine doing some kind of romantic thing with them and if i wasn’t completely repulsed by the idea then I’d be like “yeah I guess I’m attracted to them.”

But that’s really not how it’s supposed to work.

I imagine that this is something that a lot of non-straight people can probably relate to. I’m sure a lot of you went through that “trying to be straight” phase.

Just know that when it comes to sexuality/attraction, if it feels unnatural then it probably is

when she says she doesn’t send nudes

If you don’t have means to a therapist or mental health professional

Check out therapistaid.com. There’s worksheets there that you can download for free.

Of course it would be a lot more beneficial if you have a therapist to help you through it but not everyone has access to one.

It’s a free site where you can have free downloads of worksheets on many things.

If there’s something there that you think would be helpful, print it out and complete the worksheet on your own.

It’s hard to be accountable for yourself but at least there’s a way for you to have some insight and work on yourself.

the umbrella academy as john mulaney quotes

Luther: “I have hair on my shoulders now. I don’t even have a joke for that, that’s how much I hate that shit.”

Diego: “Who’s that? Who are you? Whats that? What’s that over there? Don’t do that!”

Allison: “Get the fuck out of here with your technicalities. Just ’cause you’re accurate does not mean you’re interesting.”

Klaus: “I started when I was 13 years old because I stole 2 cigarettes from my older sister and I hid them in a shoebox under my bed with a copy of Cosmopolitan magazine.”

Number Five: “One black coffee”

Ben: “Just too anxious for a lot of things, I get nervous all the time, not even about like major life things, just about like everyday situations.”

Vanya: “My friend was telling me that his dad used to beat him with a belt and that’s just the setup to my story, so… forget about that poor son of a bitch”