Syntax Matters.

Syntax matters.

“Would you get me a beer?”

is a world away from

“Get me a beer, please.”

The first is a request to which she might easily (and logically) reply, “no.” The second is a polite direction. The speaker assumes his request will be granted. It is easier for her to comply than to construct an argument or a valid reason for refusal.

What’s more, the first version causes her to doubt you. The man who says “Would you get me a beer?” isn’t certain. She’ll sense this, even if only on a subconscious level, and it will turn her off ever so slightly. Whereas “Get me a beer, please,” might rub her the wrong way at first–how presumptious of him!–it will also activate her internal drive to please, or at least her inner compulsion to avoid conflict. In the end, if you use the second way, you eliminate the need for her ever-spinning female brain to process your uncertainty. You make it easy for her to comply. You remove part of the decision-making process. In the long term, she will appreciate it. And you’ll get your beer.