The Doctor Being Held By His New Self, Being Kissed On The Forehead By Him, Being Told It's Okay. That's

The Doctor being held by his new self, being kissed on the forehead by him, being told it's okay. That's not growth, that's healing.

The Inherent Queerness of Monsterfucking: Fifty Shades of Subversive

Or; The research paper I begrudgingly watched 50 shades for, with edits for smooth tumblr reading. Yes, this is a paper about porn. ~2400 words.

Like porn, politics, and football, people tend to have very strong opinions on BDSM and kink. Inherent to the nature of kink is the subversion and revolution of social norms and our sense of taboo, a transgression against the rules we've set as a society. The subversion of traditional ideas about sex is what makes kink kinky; it turns concepts of right and wrong, pain and pleasure, completely upside down. Normative gender roles, too, can sometimes be reserved, such as the case of the female dominatrix, but in practice things tend to trend in a heteronormative direction. One study (1) shows that most men tend to self-identify as dominant, with most women tending to identify as submissive, especially in heterosexual contexts. Likewise, in homosexual male spaces, masculine men are much more likely to be perceived as tops whilst more feminine/gnc men and "twinks" are more likely to be pegged as bottoms (2) Despite the focus on transgression and subversion within BDSM and kink, masculinity and phallocentrism still dominate norms both in the public eye and within many kink communities themselves, especially online. For queer women and those outside the gender binary, often neglected and forgotten in kink representations, this brings up an important question: What does kink look like outside that model? In fan communities online, many writers seek to answer that question. Between the boundaries of traditional gender and anatomical essentialism, queer kink stories both acknowledge and defy phallocentric, patriarchial ideas about sex, gender, and power.

The realm of fantasy holds a magnifying glass to this discord between queerness and phallocentrism, having the ability to take certain ideas to their erotic extremes beyond what's realistic within the consensus reality. Many kink acts themselves are rooted in fantasy and roleplay elements, acting on desires not otherwise appropriate or even possible. These fantasies take place in the imagination and become the foundations for erotic fiction. The 2015 film Fifty Shades of Grey is one such piece, with its immense popularity solidifying a specific heteronormative perception of BDSM relationship dynamics. The movie follows a dominant, controlling male's pursual of a sexual relationship with a bland, naive young college senior: quite the "big Dommy McDommerson"(3) as one reviews from the community puts it, Christian Grey is practically a caricature of the standard hyper-masculine archetype, full of snappy innuendos and brooding bad-boy backstory, not to mention fully inept at romance and consent. At its core, Fifty Shades is essentially a reiteration of the standard many-times-rinsed-and-repeated stereotypes and heteronormative ideas about kink and sex. The gay male kink fantasy, too, unsurprisingly centers the phallus. The works of Tom of Finland, for a prominent example, deal extensively with this imagery of masculine dominance and phallocentrism, sketching out big strapping men with disproportionately massive cocks that center a specific model of cis maleness tangential to dominant norms of sexualized masculinity. By contrast, the obscure fantasy world of kinky erotic fiction written by and for queers contains vast diversity of gender and sexual dynamics; the only real commonality is an aversion to the heteronorm. Here, queer kink stories are told in relative anonymity and can explore a variety of kinky and subversive ideas about sex, gender, pleasure, pain, and identity. One example, "A Taste of Hell," an Overwatch fic that provides an excellent example of this phenomena, illustrates many of the transgressive ideas explored by these communities including rape, free use, violence, and the trope known as monsterfucking. (3) The plot is simple, following a young woman who dies and goes to hell only to discover it to be essentially an eternity of sexual slavery to lesbian demons, whose lover comes in from the living world to argue for her resurrection.

"A Taste of Hell" was published to AO3 in 2017 by user 'zieg', and the broader community it's a part of exists as a safe space for exploration of sexuality and social taboo without judgement or moral condemnation. In these online communities, primarily women and genderqueer people (only 1% surveyed identified as male) construct fictional worlds of erotic potential where boundaries of right and wrong are blurred and anything can be sexy. Zieg describes their writing as "an experiment of sorts," and "an elaborate, fantastical roleplay of sorts between writer and reader." They acknowledge the disturbing and "fucked up" nature of their material, citing the BDSM and kink tradition of taboo roleplay, in a disclaimer linked at the beginning of the piece; this idea of sexual transgression is widely regarded with little further comment in much of the community, with 48,000 posts tagged "Dead Dove: Do Not Eat" on AO3, a reference to the idea that the label ought to be warning enough. "This is hot and I'm going to hell," says one respondent to Kukka's research in Fandom's Pornographic Subset, "God please forgive me." A key factor in these writings is the unapolagetically "fleshy, hyperbolic descriptions of sex;" euphemisms and formal sex language are absent from the text, which instead tends to lean towards the crass and the colloquial, with an entire miniature dialect of fandom-specific vocabulary. Far from the clean cinematography of Fifty Shades, “A Taste of Hell'' features graphic descriptive imagery of “hot pussy” and “gaping fuck holes.” This forwardness lends itself to the overall openness of online kink communities, where arousal and sexuality are topics for unrestricted, frank discussion. The comments are full of readers praising the erotic sensuality and writing style of the fiction, openly expressing their arousal and enjoyment of the piece.

The lack of repression in these spaces contributes to the allure of these communities, with many respondents expressing a feeling that “belonging to an accepting community helped them to alleviate their feelings of shame.” (Kukka 64) Audre Lorde, in Uses of the Erotic describes the manner in which female eroticism is “vilified, abused, and devalued within western society” to the detriment of one’s personal power and the necessity for connection and acceptance of one’s inner self and desires in recouping it. The presence of communities for “exploration of sexuality and desire” where “neither is feared or forbidden” nurtures this self-acceptance, and it can be a powerful tool in vital identity formation through the “imagining and reimagining” (Kukka 64) of oneself through shared fantasy. By telling and reading stories, participants can learn more about their own tastes and desires and experiment with new fantasies and ideas.

Many of these fantasies and stories feature a direct dismantling of the gender binary: men can get pregnant (colloquially dubbed 'mpreg'), canonically heterosexual and hetero-presenting characters can be 'shipped' in gay pairings, and sexual activity can be engaged with supernatural creatures like aliens, werewolves, ghosts, and monsters. (i.e. monsterfucking) At its core, monsterfucking is a type of fantasy that subverts not only heteronormative ideas about gender and sexuality, but the human ideal of the gendered body itself. More than just giving a woman a penis or a man a vagina (though it’s certainly done, with and without the context of transness), this trope involves an entirely nonhuman character with its own unique genitalia to match its purpose in the story. For “A Taste of Hell,” this involves a vast host of dominating demon women, with the majority having vaguely human-esque vulvas lubricated with a cinnamon-scented liquid and a sharp, pointed clitoris. The one exception is a character referred to as Mistress Cyx, who has a “long purple horse cock expanding from her groin, a solid metre long and 20 cm thick.” It’s certainly a grotesque description. Similar to the kinky gender-bending roleplay that takes place in real life, these fictions “[provide] a safe space for people to fuck with their gender” (Bauer 234) and to explore the different ways in which sex can be engaged between parties through a subversion of human contexts for gendered sexuality. Tentacles, eggs, probes, tongues, cloacas, and even 'sex pollen' can all contribute in their own strange ways independent of the genders of the involved parties. Even objectively phallic objects, such as the aforementioned horsecock or other supernatural phallus, tend to defy accepted heteronormative standards in the way they're used and described. Combined especially with tropes like male prenancy, where cisgender male characters are able to become pregnant through penetrative sex, these stories "create a new genderqueer place outside of the gender dichotomy" (Kukka 57) where sexual dynamics dely on anything but the gender of those involved.

These strange sex encounters, naturally, draw their fair share of criticism from disturbed onlookers. Perhaps the most pressing, ignoring the undertones of bestiality, is the issue of consent. Elements of non-consent, popularly shortened to non-con, feature heavily in many female fantasies, both straight and queer. In Fifty Shades of Grey, for example, consent is often dubious at best; Christian Grey repeatedly makes inappropriate comments to Anastasia before they become romantically involved, and even tracks her down while she’s drunk (he doesn’t like her getting drunk) and forces her to come back to his hotel room where he undresses her and puts her to sleep. He frequently tries to push BDSM activities on her that she, a vanilla virgin, is not prepared for, and despite insisting that he won’t touch her without a signed contract, he repeatedly initiates sexual activity throughout the entire movie, with varying levels of enthusiasm on Anna’s part, even demanding that she “say yes… to being [his]”(4) while he has her in a vulnerable, powerless sexual position. “It really did frame BDSM as being abusive,” says Blaque in her review. “It just did.” Despite all this, the movie heavily romanticizes Grey’s controlling nature and never addresses the violations of appropriate consent. Conversely, queer kink pieces like “A Taste of Hell” are expected to openly acknowledge their problematic elements before the reader even opens the text. Zieg tags the piece “Rape/Non-Con Elements” as well as “Free Use,” “Sex Slave,” and more; the reader is responsible for reading the tags prior to opening in order to consent to any kinks or uncomfortable content present. Characters meanwhile hold to near nonexistent moral standards, allowable within the suspension of disbelief and judgment that’s critical to the existence of these fanfiction communities. This allows for a more complete and authentic exploration of subversive and transgressive sexual content, with one respondent to Kukka’s study reporting comfort with the questionable material due to a “bigger distance” between themself and scenarios they consider “triple fictional,” a phrase they use to describe the fictional (non-canon) interactions of fictional characters from an existing fiction franchise, all in all: fanfiction.

Despite all this, Fifty Shades of Grey and kinky monsterfucker fanfiction still have common elements. Both feature unequal power dynamics, a core facet of many kink roleplay genres, and both focus on non-male fantasies. Like Fifty Shades of Grey, queer kink practices in real life have even been accused of succumbing to patriarchal sexual models and being anti-feminist for that reason. As France points out in “Sadomasochism and Feminism,” this kind of logic “defines sadomasochism with reference to dominant norms,” reducing female and queer sexual perspectives to a mere reflection of that which oppresses. That’s not to say the world one lives in doesn’t impact sexual experiences and preferences, but allowing oppressive narratives to define queer and female sexuality really only allows those oppressive narratives to dominate the conversation of sexuality altogether, feeding back into their power. Even Fifty Shades of Grey, with its problematic representations of BDSM and reiteration of heteronormative relationship tropes, deserves a level of nuance as a female erotic fantasy in its own right. Furthermore, examining “A Taste of Hell” in the context of male power, when it contains not a single male or masculine character, seems absurd. The absence of male figures rejects the phallocentric idea that sex and sexuality revolves around male power and presence. “The largest category” of responses to Kukka’s study “highlights the importance of kink meme communities in catering to the erotic needs of women and other non cis-male people.” Both works fit that description, subverting the “male-dominated mainstream porn” model.

Another commonality lies in culture of origin; the Fifty Shades of Grey novel in fact originated as a fanfiction of the popular Twilight series, though it’s largely been scrubbed of lexical evidence of its humble origins. Fandom culture online, especially in fanfiction communities, has evolved its own unique set of customs and, more importantly, linguistic quirks. Monsterfucking itself is a term presumably originating in kinky fanfiction circles online, describing the specific type of kink dynamic discussed here. As mentioned earlier, these specific colloquialisms for sexual activity, free of awkwardly formal terminology, are a key part of the community’s open conversation. The unique language of these communities experiences constant transformation, as writers are free to create new tags at their leisure and new slang terms spring up organically from online interactions and memes. Furthermore, within queer and kinky sects of these communities, there’s plenty of overlap with real life queer and kinky vernacular, as well as a host of transformative and individualized language. It can be helpful for those “exploring and expanding gender concepts” to use transformative language to “rename or recode body parts and sexual practices according to the meaning they have for the participants involved as opposed to heteronormative perspectives” in kink practices, and that benefit is amplified through the written language of fiction. This “material-semiotic renaming” that Bauer describes can involve the invention of new language or incorporation of subversive ideas and community slang for genderfuckery, and the explicit description of genitalia and the body present in monsterfucking smut lends itself quite well to exploration and experimentation thereof. With many characters existing as mere projections for interpretation of real life experiences and confusions, it makes sense that their descriptions would be so varied and unique in a veritable playground of self-exploration.

Despite mainstream perceptions of kink as a male-dominated practice, these online pockets of queer community continue to thrive and subvert expectations about sex and gender. Sexually explicit queer kinky fanfictions can provide essential safe spaces for exploration of sexuality and unusual fantasies, allowing readers to learn more about themselves and others and to form community connections. These works incorporate intentionally taboo and disturbing elements, such as monsterfucking, to explore uncomfortable subjects and enjoy the erotic allure of kinky fantasies in a nonjudgmental, communal online space. Such spaces nurture identity building, mutual understanding, and a sense of belonging, as well as providing space for creative expression and validation, specially for those who are geographically isolated from real world lgbtq+ kink spaces or experience social, financial, or accessibility barriers to meeting with like-minded individuals in person.

Boyd-Rogers et al.

Pun unintended, unfortunately

We don't talk about how long I spent trying to find an example fic for this paper that met my needs. Authors who provide commentary on their own porn can be surprisingly difficult to find.

I need you to imagine for a moment me, an ace and very queer individual, pirating fifty shades of grey at my desk with a pad of paper out taking fucking notes so I can cite it in my paper. It was my prof's idea. Apparently I needed to be able to cite a juxtaposing source.

This paper has been adapted from a research paper that I wrote for my freshman writing seminar, with the bulkier explanation of basic fandom concepts having been removed or edited.

Works Cited

“About Tom of Finland.” Tom of Finland Foundation, 2 Nov. 2022, https://www.tomoffinland.org/about-tom-of-finland/.

Bauer, Robin. “Transgressive and Transformative Gendered Sexual Practices and White Privileges: The Case of the Dyke/Trans BDSM Communities.” Women's Studies Quarterly, 2008, pp. 233–253.

Blaque, Kat, director. Actual BDSMer Watches Fifty Shades of Grey | Kat Blaque, 13 Aug. 2020, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F93WHXewX5c. Accessed 24 Apr. 2023.

Boyd-Rogers, Caroline C., and Geoffrey B. Maddox. “LGBTQIA + and Heterosexual BDSM Practitioners: Discrimination, Stigma, Tabooness, Support, and Community Involvement.” Sexuality Research and Social Policy, vol. 19, no. 4, 2022, https://doi.org/10.1007/s13178-022-00759-y.

“Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.” Archive of Our Own, https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Dead%20Dove:%20Do%20Not%20Eat/works.

Fifty Shades of Grey. Universal, 2015.

Kukka, Silja. “‘Fandom's Pornographic Subset.’” Lambda Nordica, vol. 26, no. 1, 2021, pp. 53–79., https://doi.org/10.34041/ln.v26.721.

Lorde, Audre. “Uses of The Erotic: The Erotic as Power.” Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde, 1984, pp. 53–59.

Zieg. “A Taste of Hell.” Archive of Our Own, 3 Apr. 2017, https://archiveofourown.org/works/10536954?

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atoeoth

1 year ago

Thinking about being a demigod as a metaphor for neurodivergency

Thinking about demigods fighting monsters no one else can see, thinking about the mist, how mortals just can’t see it. Thinking about Mrs Dodds, and how everyone told Percy he was crazy for remembering her. How ableism and insults are just so typical in places like a high school and yet if you’re neurodivergent and remember it years after school, you’re called crazy and obsessed because “it wasn’t that bad” and “you need to move on”. How Nancy Bobofit called Percy special. How Chiron (a centaur) was the only teacher to be actually nice and understanding of Percy, since he too wasn’t a mortal. How mortals can’t see the monsters and swords, how they can’t see the struggles we face and our defense mechanisms/ways to cope. How demigods just trying to defense themselves against monsters are seen as “evil” or a threat by mortals, because they can’t see than the reason they made that thing explode was to survive, than the bump on their car wasn’t actually made on purpose, but by a monster throwing them against it. How the world is dangerous to demigods, how they always have to stay alert, how there was always something off about them growing up. How they might have known they were demigods since a young age, or if not demigods, they knew something was different about them. Like Annabeth, who kept attracting monsters and decided to run away at just 8. She knew, her father knew, her family knew. There was no point in hiding it, no point in pretending it wasn’t there, everyone could see it. Thinking about Percy, how his mom knew, and how she made sure to help Percy no matter what, how she never cared. Thinking about Leo, who didn’t know until he was a teenager, who figured out on his own, who’s childhood was traumatized by his powers, how being a demigod completely ruined what would have been a lovely childhood. Thinking about Percy’s time in school, thinking about the demigods having adhd and dyslexia, thinking about how “their brains are trained for ancient greek/latin” and how they have trouble understanding what everyone else can easily read. Sure, it’s dyslexia, but it can also be something else. Their brains are not trained for neurotypical social cues, that’s not a language their fluent in, they have their own language, which neurotypicals can’t understand. How if they tell someone they’re a demigod, they won’t believe them, and think they’re weird. How it’s not something they can mention unless around the right people (other demigods, gods, mythological creatures, or parents of demigods kids, which in this scenario, is anyone with a connection to neurodiversity). How the parents sometimes are aware their kid is a demigod (like Sally), because they know the other parent was a god, in this scenario, they’re aware of the possibility of a neurodivergent kid because they slept with a neurodivergent person. Except sometimes they don’t know the other parent is a god, they don’t know their kid is a demigod. How someone can have neurodivergent kids, who’s neurodivergency is passed down from their other parent, except the other parent is not diagnosed. How, even still the neurodiversity community, there’s still stigma and stereotypes. How they treated Nico, even if he was just like them, simply because he didn’t fit. How the more visibly demigod you are, if you’re the child of one of the big three, the more monsters you attract, the more dangerous life becomes, how the moment a demigod realizes they're a demigod, they can't hide it, they attract more monsters, there’s no turning back.

Thinking about being a demigod as a metaphor for neurodivergency

1K notes View Post

atoeoth

1 year ago