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…which means…<3 emmie @ le cocu quotidien.

A New Year and a New Guy

The biggest thing I learned from cheating on my boyfriend with Ryan was to have confidence. I figured out that it is ok to be wanted. It is natural for a woman to feel like she is empowered, and boy did that ever grow in me. Fucking around with Ryan made me stronger, it gave me a power I had never felt before. I felt like I had power over guys, and I loved it.

The week before New Years Eve (not this last one, but the one before) I got invited to a NYE party at the house of a guy in one of my classmates. He is a pretty cool guy, we had worked together on a few things for various classes. He has the same major as me, so we had a bunch of the same classes together. Anyway, he invited me to come hang out at his house for a party, and told me that I should bring my boyfriend along too.

When I was done with class for the day, I called my bf, and told him about the invitation to the party. He seemed lukewarm to the idea, but said he would think about it. I didn’t know why he wouldn’t want to go, because it’s not like we had any other plans anyway. I let the topic go for a day or two, and then on the afternoon of New Year’s Eve, I reminded him of the party, and told him again that I wanted to go. He said no, he didn’t want to go. At first I thought it might be because he had other plans, but when I asked him what he wanted to do instead, he said he just wanted to stay in. Yeah, stay in. Can you believe that? I mean, I was a junior in college, not a 60 year old woman. Who stays in for New Years that doesn’t have kids or something actually important to do the next day?

So, needless to say, that got me kind of angry at him. We had a typical stupid argument that all couples have occasionally, and it ended in me telling him I was going, and in didn’t care if he stayed in. He said he was fine with that. Maybe that was just to argue, maybe he really did want to stay in, I’m not sure. Regardless, I left, went home, and got ready to party.

I made sure I looked good. I wore a really tight pair of black pants and a purple V-neck sweater. I wanted to have fun, I remember looking at myself in the mirror that night, while I was doing my makeup, and I had this thought like “I can do whatever I want. He can’t tell me what to do. He hasn’t caught me yet, I’ll show him. I’m going to get laid tonight.”

So, I went to the party with the full intention of adding to my list of infidelities. It was fun, I felt like I was shopping for guys, or hunting them. I purposely ignored a few texts from my boyfriend. A few hours into the night I had made my decision… If my boyfriend wasn’t going to go to a party with me on New Years, then I would reward the guy that invited me. This was going to be tricky… Remember, he is a classmate, I see him almost every day. He is a decent guy. I didn’t know how he would react. For the purpose of this blog, let’s call him Tyler.

I went up to him as he was messing with his iPod, which was playing the music for the party. I thanked him for the invite, and he told me he was glad I came. I hugged him. Not like a quick friendly hug, but a “I’m really, really glad you invited me” kind of hug. What a rush. I got that evil thrill and feeling that I was being naughty. After the hug, I smiled at him and said “now that’s what I call a hug!” He laughed and agreed. I left it at that for a while, and left him to spend some time talking to a few other classmates he had invited. About 11:30 he saw me and came up to me again, and asked me where my boyfriend was. I pretended I couldn’t hear, because the music was too loud. He asked again, and I made the “can’t hear you” gesture by waving my hand past my ear a few times. He led me down the hall a bit where it was easier with his hand on the small of my back *swoon* and asked again where my boyfriend was. Bingo. This was it, I had him relatively alone and turned up the heat a bit. I answered him “he’s staying home tonight, being lame.” Then I leaned in to whisper in his ear “and I’m a bad girlfriend”. I left him again for a while, but I made sure to keep my eye on him the rest of the night from across the room. When our eyes would meet occasionally, I would give him a sexy little smile, or bite my lower lip, just to look vulnerable and available.

At like 2 am, the party was finally breaking up, and most people had gone home, including all but one of our mutual classmates. Tyler came up and thanked me for coming again, hugged me again and asked me if I wanted him to call me a cab to get me home. I said “nah, I was kinda hoping you might let me stay with you tonight.” Well, shocker - that was all the motivation he needed. He took me to his room and we went at it. Multiple times that night. It was so hot. I felt like I was in control, and I could get what I wanted. And he was good too, so that was a bonus.

I woke up January 1st in the bed of one of my classmates, and added another guy to the list of people I cheated on my boyfriend with.

It’s nothing she asked for.

No matter how much she’s enjoying it now.

It’s important to me that you’re happy, I tell her, but I can tell she hasn’t yet understood.

The best parts of being single, combined with the best parts of having someone you love in your life.

Everything – anything you want.

I see in her eyes a glimmer of understanding.

So this isn’t about you getting something more, she says. I shake my head.

You’ll all I could ever hope for, I say.

So I could experiment and try things out, she says.

And I’d be happy for you, I say.

And if I wanted to dress up and go out on a date and wind up wherever the evening took me, she says.

I’d be here at home, waiting for you, wvenever you found your way back, I say.

She’s quiet now, thoughtful, her eyes flashing brightly as she regards my face.

After a long pause, she smiles.

How did I get so lucky? she asks.

You deserve it, I say.

A Spoonful of Sugar…

…‘cause his secret fantasy was potentially unfolding?…{blushing}…<3 emmie @ le cocu quotidien.