We As A Fandom Need To Talk More About How Wei Wuxian Changed The Burial Mounds. In The Beginning Of

Poster done for Lwj birthday flower event in S Korea. A bit early, but happy birthday HGJ! 🩵

Modern AU - Tax Time, or Gentleman in the Streets, Freak in the (Excel) Sheets

Lan Wangji is an IRS auditor, recently transferred to the city. He’s sent to audit Lotus Piers Shipping after a few red flags were raised in their tax filings, his first audit in this city. When he arrives, he finds absolute chaos and gets annoyed about how little organization there is and how long it takes the receptionist to find the documents he needs. And then when he finds out there’s evidence of embezzlement and fraud…

Let’s just say he and Wei Wuxian don’t have the best of all meetings. It gets even worse when Jiang Cheng jumps in and blows up about it all because hey don’t talk to my brother like that, and brother why are you so stupid to fuck up the taxes like that.

(This involves LWJ using increasingly specific tax statutes and IRS internal rulings and the Jiang boys are just like…. Dude… touch grass…)

So Lan Wangji tells them everything they need to redo and what documents they need before giving them notice that he’ll be back in 90 days to go back over everything and if things aren’t like they were represented to the government and/or there hasn’t been an amended return filed things will not go well.

Meanwhile, LWJ and WWX keep bumping into each other… or rather LWJ keeps seeing WWX whenever he goes out into the city. Co-op owned farmers market? WWX haggling with old grannies and flirting with everyone as Wen Ning and Wen Yuan follow around behind him. Soup kitchen volunteer? WWX is kept on coffee refill duty, with Granny Wen and Uncle Four keeping a close eye on him to make sure he stays there.

Eventually LWJ is like. Sir, stalking me will not help your case. And WWX loses it laughing. LWJ has no idea how to deal with it so he just. Leaves his shopping basket in the middle of the Aldi to sit in his car and contemplate all the life choices that lead him here.

(Lots of internal screaming about the situation. Hot man is bad at tax and adulting is not the situation LWJ ever thought he’d be attracted to but here we are.)

Eventually it comes out that WWX and JC are essentially rebuilding Lotus Pier from the ground up after a family tragedy burned everything down and killed the rest of the family. So basically one business major with only two years of experience and one community college drop out with loads of customer service experience are trying to make a come back, despite other big corporations trying to make a move into their business.

(Looking at you Golden Carp Transport. Lots of shady there, and yet…)

The Wens were also left homeless from the fire, a huge, sprawling family from the northern part of the city, so WWX has essentially brought all of his second family in to help work it.

LWJ has a lightbulb moment and is like o. I fucked up. Hot man is bad at tax, but good at people.

JC is surprised when the Tax Man Cometh again, this time barging in, dropping a giant, color coded, tabbed, highlighted, and very detailed binder on his desk at 6 am, and being like. Here’s all the deductions to take, credits to take, and btw a list of clientele that are stuck in with Golden Carp hint hint nudge nudge, new customers do I have to literally hit you over the head with this or do you get it

JC, after his initial gtfo of my office moment, is like. Wait. What did my brother do to make you do this? What dirt does he have on you? Because pretty sure blackmailing a government official is very very illegal and legalities have not stopped him before.

LWJ has an immediate oh fuck, I’m being perceived moment and is just like. Tell your brother I did this and I will make you the most miserable of all people. And just … fucks off.

JC just groans and is like. How does my brother find these people? And gets to work.

When the 90 days are up, a different Lan comes by all smiley and tells them their refilling has been accepted and very well done on it. Meanwhile, WWX, who has very much been ‘Notice me Senpai’ every time he sees LWJ is like. What?

And LX gives him an updated version of, why does my brother like you again? He’s risking his employment for this?

So ofc the next time WWX sees LWJ he’s just like. I like you, I love you even though you’re a numbers nerd, please come home with me. And LWJ vows to make JC miserable, but later, after he shows WWX that he’s a freak both in excel sheets and in the bed sheets.

(This would involve a lot of math and accounting puns that WWX spent hours at work looking up on Google and trying out on the Lotus Pier accountant, who is just like. Sir. I’m trying to close the month and reconcile, I can’t read your brothers handwriting is this a 5 or an 8, please take your bad stand up else where.)

Lan Xichen: Uncle, you seem almost...wistful lately.

Lan Qiren: It's nothing very important. I've received some insight that has reminded me of the happier moments of my youth.

Lan Xichen: Oh? May I ask what caused this?

Lan Qiren: As you're not doubt aware, Wei Wuxian harbors so level of affection for Wangji.

Lan Xichen: Yes. Although I must admit I thought that would aggravate you.

Lan Qiren: It did. It still does to an extent. But a few days ago, I witnessed that horrible boy walk into a wall because he was looking at Wangji and not where he was walking. It reminded me of how Wei Changze acted when he first fell in love with Cangse Sanren.

Lan Xichen: Really?

Lan Qiren: Yes. In short, the guest students this year show promise, the weather has been mild, and a Wei is pathetically in love. So I'm feeling a little nostalgic

TGCF characters if they lived in real life dynasties

✦ Mei NianQing - (Xia) Shang dynasty

✦ Xie Lian - Han dynasty

✦ Hua Cheng - Hmong population

✦ Shi QingXuan - Song dynasty

Happy birthday for my glory king. Hanguang-Jun,Lan Wangji,Lan zhan,and best of all wei Wuxian’s husband ♥️💙♥️💙

winning card

Since MXTX said HuaLian live until the modern times, have some random headcanons:

Hua Cheng keeps being an interior decorating king so of course his and Xie Lian's home is tastefully decorated for every season and holiday. However, that doesn't stop Xie Lian from occasionally adding the fugliest item ever because he got emotionally attached to it in the store. "It was all by itself, San Lang, nobody wanted it... i know what that feels like better than anyone..." and now they're both sniffling holding an ugly styrofoam pumpkin in the middle of the fall decor isle of Ikea.

The stray animals food budget is off the charts but it's nobody's fault all strays are immediately drawn to Xie Lian and he has to feed them cause he "knows what it's like to be hungry". This does not just include cats and dogs but also rats, raccoons, several bird species and at least one coyote.

Speaking of budgets, the financial control authorities are lowkey on Hua Cheng's case because he is still stinking rich but nobody knows where the cash is coming from. They think Ghost City is the name of some shady mafia establishment and are trying to find dirt on Hua Cheng but there is literally nothing there and it eats the government alive.

Xie Lian occasionally dumpster dives in places where he knows they throw perfectly salvageable things. Hua Cheng cries every time it happens but he stands watch so the police doesn't arrest his husband for it.

In the same vein, Xie Lian insists on recycling literally everything. They have those different colored trash bins and everything, and every time Hua Cheng places an item in the wrong bin, Xie Lian gives him a disapproving look that has the ghost king crumble.

They have so many house plants. It's like a little jungle in their living room but the air is so crisp.

They keep several scrapbooks of paintings, pictures, letters etc from all the people they met to remember them even hundreds or thousands of years after those people have passed away. Even if they now have access to phones and other media for storage, they keep up the tradition of using scrapbooks and notebooks anyway.

Xie Lian is actually up to date with memes and internet slang but has embraced being a cringe Facebook grandpa and is now committed to the persona. Hua Cheng finds this hilarious (he runs a very well maintained beauty channel and a side channel on swords where Xie Lian features in every video and geeks out about their sword collection. They have a golden button and a very large following).

Hua Cheng has a 25 step skincare routine and only uses the fanciest brands of products for literally everything. Xie Lian still swears by 8 in 1 shampoo and somehow has clearer skin. Hua Cheng is both enamored and scandalized about it.

Hua Cheng is a very big fan of acryllics and lets Xie Lian pick the base color every time. Xie Lian takes this task very, very seriously and tries to coordinate it with any activities/events they have planned so Hua Cheng stays being stylish.

Hua Cheng has a portable Dyson Airwrap with him at all times because one time a kid said his hair looks like a wet dog.

Xie Lian is not allowed to get a job because every time he tried to along the decades he became a cautionary tale somehow.

zhancheng to me is like this:

imagine a scenario in which jiang cheng actually does know quite a lot about lan wangji's tastes: his favorite and least favorite tea flavors, snacks, food, books, music, authors and artists, and so on.....except jiang cheng specifically sought out this information during the 13 year timeskip to make lan wangji miserable.

maybe lan wangji is just publicly A Bitch to him one too many times and jiang cheng finally decides he's had enough. so, for the next few months, jiang cheng spends an inordinate amount of time gradually sussing out everything he can learn about lan wangji's tastes. what kind of tea does he like? what kind of tea does he despise? which authors does he always read? what temperature does he prefer his room to be? what new trends in music does he find completely unbearable? when he passes through a region whose cuisine he hates, which restaurants does he find slightly less intolerable?

and then, the next time there's a discussion conference at lotus pier, jiang cheng weaponizes this knowledge. actually, the next time there's a public event anywhere wherein both jiang cheng and lan wangji are in attendance, jiang cheng weaponizes the fuck out of this knowledge. he makes sure that the tea lan wangji hates the most is served to everyone. he has his disciples buy all the local snacks he knows lan wangji has a preference for, just so lan wangji can't have any. he makes sure lan wangji's room and bed are heated to the exact temperature lan wangji finds just too hot to be comfortable. whenever lan wangji's favorite obscure author releases a new work that gusu lan doesn't think is cultivation-related enough to include in their library, jiang cheng has a bunch of his disciples swoop in and buy as many copies as possible, just so that it takes lan wangji a bit longer to get his hands on a volume. jiang cheng "leaks" to a few minor sect leaders the idea that lan wangji actually does like spicy food, and said minor sect leaders actually believe that information for a full year of hosted visits and public events.

this continues for all 13 years of the timeskip. of course, jiang cheng isn't outstandingly successful in actually making lan wangji miserable, because there are limits to what jiang cheng can actually achieve and what he's actually willing to spend enough time on; realistically, all he's accomplishing is causing lan wangji some minor irritations once in a while. but it's enough for jiang cheng to know that, every time lan wangji has to pass through yunmeng, he's absolutely miserable because jiang cheng has persuaded/paid every musician in the area to play the one song lan wangji hates the most.

jin guangyao, of course, figures out what's going on immediately. but even loyalty to lan xichen isn't going to make him sacrifice potentially useful dirt by putting a stop to jiang cheng's asshole behavior himself, so instead he just decides to watch and wait. he also just finds it really funny. meanwhile, lan wangji, for all 13 of these years, never figures out what's going on. he never figures out why he can't ever find the lanling-style osmanthus cakes he hates slightly less than the rest of lanling cuisine whenever he passes through the area and runs into disciples from yunmeng jiang. when his favorite obscure author releases a new book, he gets in line at the indie bookstore in qinghe he went out of his way to visit, and just doesn't question why everyone in front of him is wearing purple.

postcanon, though....now lan wangji has one hell of a source of insider information (wei wuxian), so the turns are about to get fucking tabled.

Based on this post that has been stuck in my head for ages- the three straightest guys lmao

And also their husbands having a similar conversation

Guys I'm so normal about all of these books don't @ me lol