critt3rdeep-blog

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Absolutely agree...

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Yes, indeed...

Hypnosis, hypnohookup, kik,,, GoddessAlexandra3

I am “That Guy” or “To Live with Asperger’s Syndrome“

This is meant as a window into what it’s like “inside my mind” on a typical day of life... The struggles I face (and work hard to fight) on a constant basis. This in NO way is referring to any one individual or event. Rather, what it’s like (for me and likely many others) to live with Asperger’s Syndrome.

I am “that guy”...:

...whom 90% of the time is the only person out-of-the-loop / out-of-touch with the tone of intent (and actual topic-driven conversational flow) in any given multi-person or one-on-one verbal interaction.. while simultaneously being utterly oblivious to the fact “in the moment” -- Because I’m simultaneously expending copious amounts of energy to maintain an outward appearance of “being comfortable in my own skin” while I’m trying to participate in human-to-human verbal communication.

...whom is a hopelessly awkward-looking person who looks like I’m trying my utmost (yet failing completely) to *NOT* appear like I’m painfully-uncomfortable and panicked by any given “near-stranger obligatory ‘Hello! How are you??’ verbal exchange.

...whom rarely instigates an in-person conversation with anyone in the interest of “purely purposeless interaction” for fear that he’ll make a “fool” of himself by stumbling and stuttering over his own spoken words; which only serves to deepen his own sense of social anxiety.

...whom in most circumstances has to verbally rehearse aloud how I *think* my next upcoming conversation should / will go; even with my own mother. My near-constant racing, muddled and tangled thoughts prevent me from deriving any measure of true enjoyment from in-person encounters with fellow humans.

...who will *always* completely miss / misinterpret subtlety whenever it’s used in a conversation or even a purely-innocent and humorous remark in day-to-day social interactions; often leading to a potentially confusing reaction / response from me -- and in turn resulting in fellow humans finding me: socially-awkward, uncomfortable to converse with, insulting, condescending, odd and outright “creepy”.

...whom people will often go out of their way to avoid interacting with due to a past “social sin” they’ve suffered by me, which I’m completely unaware of.. as most people will *not* take the necessary time and effort to pull me aside, alert me to the issue (communicate how it made them feel [and why]) and ask me to re-phrase / explain what I truly meant.

...whom will occasionally realize (on my own) that I may have came off as “creepy / insulting / condescending” long after the fact. I will (to often) in turn mentally and verbally curse myself for my (inwardly-perceived) “stupidity”.. again, further-deepening my own sense of self-doubt and renewed feelings of social paranoia.

...whom will intentionally choose to communicate via written / typed word in the interest of self-regulation to avoid further humiliation, added social distress and potential future hurt feelings from yet another “communication FAIL”.

...whom will completely miss verbal and physical social queues a person is trying to convey to me in order to clue me into the fact that I might be making said person very uncomfortable or upset by something I’ve just said to them in an oddly-worded or “mixed-signal” fashion.

...whom will (whenever innocently asked “How I’m doing” by an individual) simply respond with a “Hi..ok..” coupled with an awkward smirk and nod; then will quickly “make my escape” from said person’s presence in avoidance of further “purposeless” conversation (as well as added potential of self-embarrassment or yet another social blunder).

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I want to conclude with an apology. I sincerely apologize to anyone I’ve hurt, confused or made uncomfortable as a result of my “Aspergian brain having its way” with my verbal (or typed!) at times painfully-awkward communications. I would never wish to cause anyone stress or embarrassment. I hope you can please forgive me and that this post helps folks to better-understand where I’m coming from in situations like this.

I also want to make it very clear that I absolutely do not consider Asperger’s Syndrome to be a “crutch” nor an excuse to justify situations when I’ve hurt / creeped-out someone by completely fouling up what *should’ve* been a pleasant verbal exchange.

To those (you know who you are!) that have exercised the necessary courage, patience and (most importantly!!) forgiveness to notify me of social issues I’ve caused (and in turn help me to properly adjust my approach to social interactions): I can’t thank you enough! You’ve truly made a positive difference in my life.. I do not take it for granted. If anyone ever needs to “pull me aside” and inquire about an “Aspergian hiccup” you may have experienced in any interactions with me, PLEASE don’t “be shy” about it. I realized recently that there are likely a *lot* of individuals I’ve come in contact with; and have probably at one time or another suffered stress, anxiety or a fair amount of “creep factor” from me due to this.

I consider myself *VERY* lucky to have met so many supportive, accepting and non-judgmental people over the recent past!

If anyone ever has any questions on having Asperger Syndrome and would like to learn more, please don’t hesitate to ask! I’m always happy to “further educate” folks with an interest in this topic. :-)

That all said, be kind to one another, people! Thanks so much for reading!

Ohh my.. Yussh.. that *IS* right!! Love it!!

Oh, you thought you were going to be the one hypnotizing me?

That’s cute.

It’s adorable how captivated you are already, I bet you couldn’t even look away if you wanted to.

Good, just like that.

I don’t mind, just keep staring and falling. It’s so fun to see you this way. Helpless to resist.

I’m sure you’d be happy to do whatever I ask of you.

Isn’t that right?

Absolutely adore this!! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and experience!

NEEHU8 or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Tying Fayvie. (Sunday Night Scene Log)

Please keep in mind this is my memory of it, as memory can often be fictionalized - note that. 

@fayvie had asked me prior to the convention if I would be willing to tie her. I loved playing with this wonderful human, it was her first time in rope and I think it really suits her. We chose to go for a more sensual route. 

I have always wanted to meet Fayvie but we missed each other by a minute. I’m really happy she has come back to the more in-person hypnosis scene. I feel her sense of humor and mine go well together, and I was super happy to finally get to play. 

I put the white with green spirals blindfold over her eyes, her raven hair at this point still in a pony-tail. The room was populated with people I adore. I allowed her to find the right headspace with her eyes covered at least initially. I brought my arms around her and helped her shoulders stretch out. She moved very dreamily already, I could feel the intensity building. 

I moved to get a hank of my rope, and allowed it to fall so she would hear/ feel it. I wrapped it around her chest and allowed the rope to tell me where it wanted to go. Knowing certain fundamental skills allows me to play in this way.  After she was tied, I removed the blindfold so she could see a scissoring demo that @h-sleepingirl was showing on @cckitten78 (I would have wanted to see that too!)

I refocused her by removing her pony-tail and then did a slow and deliberate hair- pull induction, allowing her to melt into me and the rope. 

I talked to her about how the rope will start feel like an extension of myself, and all the places it touches will be my safe and deliberate touch. I got very close to her ear and we discussed intensity, I allowed her to modify the feeling of intensity by simply saying a word, and once it got to the best intensity for her she stopped.

I took her then untied lower-arms and brought them to the front, hugging her from behind, encouraging her to sink deeply into the rope more and more. 

I then tied the front part of the tie, and pulled her hair some more, touching her neck and holding her hair back. Behind her and supporting her as she dropped. 

I slowly brought her up and asked if she wanted pictures, and she said she did. The above are the pictures, and she looks so at peace but also so beautiful and regal. These pictures remind me of the way portraits of royals look. 

I untied the rope slowly so Fayvie could feel it move across her body. She loved how the rope left it’s imprint on her skin in parts. We had a bit of aftercare and then she left. 

I really enjoyed playing with you, @fayvie. Thank you for having me help you meet some goals! I can’t wait to hang out again.

PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE CAPTION OR BE GROSS OR YOU WILL BE BLOCKED.

I’m trying something a little different for my re-caps this time. I’m going to go backwards from the end of the event to the beginning. I also, will likely be more inclined to do different scene logs over the thing-to-thing moment-to-moment type.