Venice, Italy

happy trans day of visibility!

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Hope gangle dies slipping on a ping pong ball

Pain.

Jax x Pomni

Angst | Hurt/Comfort | Oneshot | 5k

CW: Panic attack, angry mental breakdown, migraines, implications of Jax being abused by Gangle

Summary: Jax has a panic attack in the car after clocking out of Spudsy's, his mental breakdown fueled primarily from what Gangle did to him. Pomni catches wind of what's going on, and decides to check up on Jax to make sure he's doing okay.

A/N: Alright when I say this story is a rollercoaster, I mean it. It starts and ends on two completely different notes, but hey, that's what makes the transition more interesting right? Anyway someone on here said they wanted more fics of Jax losing his mind, and this has some of that but tbh it's more of an anger-fueled breakdown XD I decided to make this into a FunnyBunny fic because why not + it's my favorite ship sooooooo yep! Enjoy!

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Pain.

It's one of the words people use to describe an experience so horrible that you feel it from beneath your skin.

It's something Jax had become used to hiding. Pain meant weakness. In the wild, the animals that hide their pain the best survive the longest.

At least, longer than the animals that don't.

Those animals become prey.

Eaten.

Forgotten.

Jax stared at the steering wheel that his hands gripped so viciously. His ears dipping the lowest they ever had.

Caine didn't put a lot of work into the details of each car, all of their license plates ended with the same numbers, 001. So one could imagine that the logo on the steering wheel was just a jumbled silver mess that vaguely resembled most car brand logos.

The machinery worked fine though. There was an accelerator, a brake pedal, even a handbrake. Jax figured that creating a machine was probably easier since it was all the same processes and formulas anyway.

Those grounding thoughts in his head didn't stay long, swept away by a pulsing migraine that suddenly shocked his nervous system. He grunted and held his head with one of his gloved hands, suppressing a pathetic whimper from leaving his throat.

It was gone. Just as quickly as it had appeared.

Jax stood still for a moment, one hand on the steering wheel, one hand pressed against his head. 

Gangle did something to him in that employee re-evaluation room. Something that meant every random interval he had to experience another dagger to his head that lasted about 5 seconds.

But the anticipation was excruciating. It was torture.

Torture.

His digital heartbeat was all he could hear.

Digital. 

Everything. 

Everything in this world, digital, fake, unreal.

His feelings included.

His pain included.

Jax laughed at the monotony of it all, a chuckle of pathetic agony and despair as he leaned back against the gray car seat. It was gray because Caine didn't @#$&ing care to put any meaningful detail into this last-minute adventure. 

If Jax deserved whatever he went through or not at this point, it didn't matter. He just kept laughing, tears pooling at his eyes, hands pressed against them. Fingers digging into his head like he had nails to dig with.

Nothing was taking it away. The suffering.

Another pulsing migraine shocked his nervous system, a piercing pain like someone shot him in the head.

And again, it disappeared as quickly as it came.

Every single time, it reminded him of what he went through.

The car honked loudly as Jax repeatedly pounded his fist into the horn, pretending like it was the screams of pain of that wretched masked girl. His hand gripped the steering wheel as he delivered every blow, the blares of the horn screeching around him, surrounding him in his own delusion.

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!!” he roared, jagged edges in his jagged teeth as he let out a primal scream louder than the horn any car could produce. It ripped through his throat as his hands tightened around the steering wheel like it was the last thing grounding him to this plane of unreality.

Jax panted, the sound reverberating in his ears before he clenched his jaw again.

His hands dug into his skull as he screeched again, trying to drown out the sine wave in his mind that grew louder and louder the more he screamed and sobbed. It was the most raw anger he felt since he got here, the result of holding everything in his chest until that dynamite exploded out of him.

The ringing got louder, louder. The world spun around him, Jax could feel his insides churn as the searing pain wormed its way into his brain again, everything was a reminder to the psychological terror he had to experience under the hands of someone he hated more than anything.

But now he wanted out, no matter the cost, HE JUST WANTED THE PAIN TO STOP! WHY WASN'T IT STOPPING!? WHAT WRETCHED DIGITAL GOD HAS HE ANGERED TO DESERVE SUCH HARROWING NIGHTMARES INJECTED STRAIGHT INTO HIS PSYCHE!?

HIS MIND WAS A PLAGUE AND I CAN'T FIND A DOCTOR!

I JUST NEED IT TO STOP! 

PLEASE!

STOP!!

.

.

.

Everything went silent.

His eyes snapped open, pupils dilated. His mouth back to normal, panting, chest rhythmically moving back and forth, unwavering in its pattern.

Where was he? Did a where even matter?

Did a when even matter?

…

Jax couldn't handle it anymore, slumping against the steering wheel. Tears pooled in his eyes as he finally let out the sobs building in his chest.

Why did he do this to himself? Why did he always insist on punishing himself so severely?

What was the purpose? What was he trying to prove?

Questions upon questions in Jax's mind, none of which he could answer. He pressed his eyes closed as he wept, head resting against his arms that crossed against the dashboard of the car. Tears stained his cheeks, not that it mattered. His body was fake, all of it was fake.

Nothing mattered.

And yet he still hated himself.

Jax couldn't deny that it had become a conscious choice at this point.

He tried his best to breathe.

.

Through the thick fog in his mind and the blurred state of his vision, Jax spotted a giant hole left in the center of the steering wheel. He sniffled, wiping the tears out of his eyes in order to inspect the damage further.

The mechanics of the car horn had been pulverized.

His eye twitched, and he swallowed back any remaining sobs.

Jax gently pressed the dent with two fingers, but nothing sounded.

How long had he been punching that thing? How long had he been hallucinating those screams in his head? Surely this thing must have stopped working halfway into his breakdown.

Jax chuckled, facepalming and shaking his head. Oh joy, he was finally losing it now, wasn't he? Anger bubbled like magma in his chest.

Dagger to his head.

He hissed, clenching his jaw.

“Jax? Hello?”

Jax's ears flew up as he finally managed to hear the tapping on his window. He flinched, head whipping up, eyes stark. Like a cornered rabbit.

His vision was hazed, blurred, but he recognized the red and blue of…

Pomni…?

The jester girl stared back at him, eyes large and full of worry. Her mouth curled into a small frown as her pinwheel pupils studied his vulnerable form.

Jax paused, he didn't even realize he was still panting. What was she doing here?

He opened the car door with a shaky arm, legs wobbling as they struggled to step out of the vehicle.

Pomni stepped back to make room for his lanky figure. Her hands were clasped together nervously on her chest, fidgeting with the other. She caught a glimpse of the destroyed steering wheel inside the car, and her eyes reflected fear and concern for a moment.

Jax shut the door and leaned against it, one hand still gripping his head, anticipating another attack. His pupils were small, tight squares, gaze hanging low and docile.

Pomni stepped a little closer, looking up directly at his face.

“I-I heard you screaming…” she murmured, and tilted her head. “I-Is everything okay…?”

Jax looked back at her. His pupils dilated a little as he held her eyes with his own.

Her voice was small, high-pitched. Not like the annoying fork-on-a-plate crybaby voice Gangle had. It was softer, more inviting, more gentle. Unbiased.

There was probably a reason he went to her for some kind of emotional reassurance back there.

“Yeah I'm… I'm fine,” he finally mumbled in a half-hearted attempt to convince himself of the same. He broke eye contact, and his slow-blink reminded him of the tears that lined his eyes. “Just a little…”

He sighed.

“It’s fine. I'm okay.”

Pomni’s eyes softened. She noticed how vulnerable his voice sounded, quieter, less confrontational. She didn't think he could get any more docile after their conversation back there. 

“A-Are you sure…?”

She reached one of her hands out.

Jax flinched away, so she pulled back.

Pomni pursed her lips, immediately clasping her hands together. She didn't want to overstep his boundaries, no matter how big of a Jax-hole he was to her usually. The vulnerability in his eyes told her everything she needed to know, and she couldn't help but empathize with his struggle.

Jax stayed silent, it was better than opening his big mouth and spilling out all of his mental turmoils. His pupils darted back and forth, inspecting the concrete ground without any sort of purpose.

He blinked again, feeling too numb to push himself to do anything except stand there with his hand on his head.

Pomni looked down as well, a sense of awkwardness making its way into her chest as the silence between them stretched on. She shifted her weight between her heels and toes, rocking herself back and forth.

“Well… Do… You wanna go back to the circus…?” she asked after a few more moments of silence. “I already closed the store so… The adventure is over.”

Over?

“I-I thought Gangle was closing,” Jax stated, showcasing a brief expression of genuine surprise as he made eye contact with Pomni again.

How long has it been!?

“She was going to, but I saw that she looked really stressed, so I offered to close for her.”

Ah yes, of course.

Jax sighed heavily, shaking his head. 

Pomni, your heart's too big for the way things are in this world.

“Agh—” He grunted as another piercing sensation shot through his head, lasting a few seconds before disappearing. Right, the migraines.

Jax's hand tightened on his head as his eyes pressed closed, and Pomni noticed, her eyes widening with concern as she reached out for him again.

“Everything okay?—”

“Yeah, yeah,” he insisted through a strained voice. He finally let out a deep breath he was holding when the pain and shock subsided. He shook his head and pushed away Pomni's hand.

“I'm fine. Let's go back.”

Pomni wasn't convinced, nor satisfied with the answer he gave her. Why was he so damn difficult to get through to!?

She shook her head, ridding it of those thoughts. He needed time, maybe a different method of comfort. Just like Gangle, remember?

Jax was already walking towards the still open portal when Pomni came back to her senses. She quickly hopped after him so they can both return to the circus.

…

Jax sat on one of the benches backstage, elbows on his knees, staring at the ground. The migraines had disappeared since they came back from that adventure.

Wish he could say the same about the trauma.

Zooble had brought Gangle back to their group after she retreated to have her crybaby moment on her own.

As if she was the victim here. 

Jax couldn't believe he had to see her face again and again for the rest of time. The thought of having to deal with her boiled his blood, and he clenched his fists as the memory of the last ten minutes played in his mind.

Jax didn't really say anything when Zooble sn Gangle walked up to them, as much as he wished he did. He just got up off the couch and walked away, feeling like he was going to throw up that black liquid right then and there at the sight of that white mask and soulless black eyes. He always thought they were creepy.

Of course, nobody else cared or even batted an eye when he left. Pomni looked at him but ultimately didn't do anything. Kinger seemed too out of it to pay attention as always. Ragatha was still too high to understand what was happening — how long did that stupid sauce last!? God…

Jax curled his arms around his slim torso, breathing slowly in an effort to calm himself down. For @#$&’s sake, he was in the circus! The adventure was over, Gangle is back to her normal idiotic crybaby self. What gives!? Why was he still bothered?

He growled to himself, pressing his eyes closed and clenching his jaw.

Why did it… Still… Hurt…

The darkness of the backstage surrounded him, a chasm that felt like it was going to swallow him whole. As the stage stretched on, there was no one to be found there but him. A small, lonely little rabbit, hidden in the corner of this dark… cellar.

The fear of abstraction was one of the only reasons Jax was holding his emotions back so fiercely. That fear of being locked away, conscious, to spend an eternity in the darkness with nothing except your own mind, and the hundreds of other directionless eyes.

After what happened today, he was sure that no one would even miss him.

Jax laid down on the bench and hugged himself, closing his eyes again. His jaw quivered with the urge to cry. He brought an arm to his face, clenching his teeth, trying his damned hardest not to let anything slip its way out.

Despite his efforts, he spilled. A few times.

Only softly, he tried to convince himself as the sobs slowly escaped from their prison in the back of his chest. No longer the loud crying and breaking he performed in the car, but soft weeping into his arms, by himself in the dark back of the stage. The stage that was the start of the end of his life.

Jax had felt loneliness before, it was no stranger to him at all in fact. It didn't take a genius to guess that he had been in this place before. 

But this was the first time it hit him so hard, seeing all the other members ignore his silent suffering. Giving him shallow answers, keeping a safe distance from him as if he was going to reach out and bite them at any second.

They treated him like some kind of feral, wild, unpredictable animal.

Only now did he understand just how badly he had screwed himself over. Jax didn't think he was doing anything wrong, none of this was real! They were always fine by the end of it, why were they always so mad at him? Why do they forgive Gangle for everything she put him through yet villainize him for the mere crime of defending himself!?

Jax couldn't do anything except sob by himself in the darkness, resentment growing like a disease in his chest. Besides, the reason he felt so comfortable to do so is because he knew for a fact that nobody was going to come looking for him.

It was exactly what he wanted.

So why does it hurt so damn much?

Jax opened his blurry eyes, staring at a blank point in front of him. He was just as lonely as he was before. It was quiet, dark, nothing spoke to him except some muffled, distant voices and laughter. He felt the urge to go and ruin it for all of them out of pure spite, but what was the point?

He swallowed back any remaining tears and stopped himself from sobbing any further. It was pathetic. Jax covered his head in his arms, resting his body against the hard wooden bench. A sniffle or two escaped him, but that was about as much noise as he wanted to make.

Footsteps echoed in the darkness backstage, making his ears twitch in response. He didn't really register that someone was in here until they got closer to him.

With that realization, his eyes snapped open, and he shot up, defensive and ready to attack whoever decided to—

Huh?

Pomni froze, staring back at him, looking just as timid as she did back at the restaurant. Her eyes were wide and surprised at his sudden movement.

Jax slowly sat up, processing her presence right in front of him after being suddenly yanked out of his previous mental state. His surprised expression slowly fell into neutral annoyance once he fully grounded himself again, and it came with an annoyed sigh.

“You again?” Jax grumbled. He shoved his head in his hands, leaning his elbows on his knees and mumbling something to himself. He pulled his hands away to stare at her judgmentally. “Don't you have 4 other colourful characters to entertain yourself with? Why are you always finding me, for Pete's sake?”

Pomni seemed to remember in that moment just how hostile Jax was, especially when he was feeling vulnerable. This was going to be her biggest challenge yet, but she didn't want to give up on him. Like Kinger said, the worst thing you can do is make someone think they're not wanted or loved.

And Pomni didn't want anyone to feel like they were nothing.

Not even Jax.

“I-I just wanted to check in and, um, see how you're doing,” she spoke with a calmer and more reassuring voice, being careful to keep the warmth she's been maintaining since before.

Jax looked back at her with an expression that resembled the one he gave her after she described her experience with Kinger as not that bad. He observed her timid mannerisms, the way she fidgeted with the buttons on her outfit and twitched back nervously with every move he made.

She reminded him a lot of a skittish, curious little animal.

Albeit his analysis of her, he just sighed heavily and rested his head on his palm. Jax wanted to tell her to buzz off, but honestly, he could really use some companionship…. Someone who cared.

His silence made Pomni perk up a bit. She took it as some level of acceptance that she could stay, so she walked over to him and sat down, scooting closer to his hunched over form.

“So, um… How are you doing?” she asked, swinging her legs a bit as her hands gripped the edge of her seat.

Jax avoided eye contact with her, trying to assume a nonchalant and uncaring front again. Though the bouncing of his leg said otherwise. “Just peachy,” he grumbled, staring blankly ahead. “Never been better.”

The sarcasm in his voice made Pomni let out a small snort. Jax side eyed her with furrowed eyebrows, with more confusion than actual frustration.

Pomni cleared her throat and shook her head, coming back to her senses.

“Sorry, sorry,” she apologized, sighing softly. “Do you wanna talk about it…? We can talk about it if you like.”

Jax always found it intriguing how ready Pomni seemed to help those around her. It was in a different way than Ragatha, though.

Ragatha always seemed to go after those she saw as the “victims”, her view of morality was very black and white. He always had to assume she had selfish motives, her way of helping seemed to be some kind of coping mechanism to reassure herself that she was a good person.

Pomni, however, seemed to jump whenever she saw a moment of vulnerability. In anyone, even NPCs. He still thought about that conversation he overheard back in the Candy Kingdom between her and Ragatha. It made her feel a little bit more genuine and… Well, Jax decided it wouldn't be so bad to vent a little to her, right…?

Jax sighed, quietly trying to gather the words he wanted to use in his head. Though it was quite difficult, everything he wanted to say said too much, and he didn't fully trust Pomni yet. His elbows rested on his knees as he gripped his forearms, still bouncing his leg anxiously. His gaze hung low, staring at the wooden details on the ground.

Pomni studied his vulnerable form, figuring that maybe he needed a bit more reassurance to actually talk. She didn't really know how to go about it, but tried her best anyway. It was really interesting to get to know this more… human side of Jax. It made him feel more genuine, more relatable.

“Um… Maybe we can start with what's bothering you?” she suggested with a small hum, fidgeting with her hands in her lap. 

Pomni felt as if each phrase she said was another step into a dark, mysterious forest. It was like blindly trying to navigate a twisted labyrinth with nothing but a 3 foot stick to guide you. Jax was definitely some kind of character to navigate, so she had to be very careful with her words.

So far, however, Pomni thought she was going in the right direction. He didn't explode at her or anything, that should be a good sign, right?

Jax considered her words internally, and finally he just shrugged. What was bothering him, eh?

“Everything, honestly,” he confessed with a half-hearted chuckle. “The stupid Spudsy's adventure sucked, should've been expecting it since it was Gangle's suggestion after all,” he groaned, leaning back against the wall behind him.

“It was literal torture, like we were stuck in Hell for 16 hours.”

That's certainly a take, Pomni thought since she was literally stuck in Hell for a couple hours in their last adventure.

Jax continued regardless. “I have no idea why that crybaby would ever suggest such a stupid, horrible adventure. Even less why dentures over there actually thought it was a great idea!”

Pomni listened intently, nodding along, encouraging him to go further.

Jax briefly made eye contact with her before looking down again. The memories of that torture room resurfaced, and he clenched his jaw again, balling his hands into fists.

“I-I mean, I don't understand,” he said with an exasperated tone to his voice. It almost sounded sad and confused, Pomni compared it to her breakdown in the Haunted Mansion adventure where she was confused on why Caine would ever want to put her through something so horrible. 

“Was she on some kind of nostalgia-fueled power trip!?” Jax shouted, feeling the resentment build in his chest again. He had to admit, he was beginning to lose control of his front. “Why is everyone acting like she did nothing wrong!? For crying out loud, why does everyone always make me the bad guy!? I'm always scolded for something stupid, even accidents, and yet Gangle can just do whatever she wants and get away with it scott-free!?”

Pomni flinched back at Jax's intensity. He gestured at himself, then at Gangle with that last line, looking at Pomni with an angry yet pleading expression, as if he was begging her for the answers.

Jax clenched his fists, panting, slowly coming to his senses again once he saw Pomni's fearful and unsure expression. His expression fell into a troubled and somber one as he looked away.

“Whatever,” he murmured, crossing his arms again. “It doesn't even matter.”

Things are still gonna go back to normal tomorrow, anyway. The newbie isn't going to understand.

“I understand how you feel.”

What?

Jax looked back at her with a sincere expression of surprise, eyes wide. He then furrowed his eyebrows, his mouth curving into a confused line.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked, distrustful of her intentions, but also genuinely curious.

Pomni lifted a leg to rest on the bench, hugging her knee.

“I always felt like Gangle was a little… Interesting,” she admitted, unsure about how to word her feelings exactly. “I offered to close for her but she didn't even say thank you, and I guess now that you bring it up and… Uh, now that I think about it… It is bothering me a little.”

Jax's ears twitched as he listened, the large part of him being in utter shock and surprise that someone else shared his feelings. 

“Really?”

Pomni nodded, unsurely pressing her lips closed.

“B-But it's fine, really. I honestly don't really care, I just want to say that I understand your feelings,” she explained dismissively, adjusting her seat again so both her legs were swinging off the bench seat. “I just want to ask… Is there any way I can help you, maybe?”

Jax couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him at that statement. Help? Help Jax? 

Oh, Pomni, you poor thing.

The idea was laughably naive, he’d even find it adorable if he wasn't feeling so miserable right now.

“Nah, don't even think about it,” he answered with a much more relaxed and calmer voice. He looked back at her with his signature soft grin and lidded eyes. “I'm good, really. But y'know what, I'll consider it if I ever find myself in a pickle.”

Pomni giggled a bit as well, even if she didn't understand what was so funny. It was more of a supportive gesture than anything else. She figured the question or offer sounded kind of dumb, and maybe she should've seen it coming. It was almost like she forgot who she was talking to.

“Okay, sounds good,” she agreed with a small nod, then took a short pause, rubbing her neck. “Uh, well, do you wanna come with me and sit with the rest of them? Since you're feeling better and all that.”

Jax's smile faltered and disappeared when he was reminded that Gangle was out there with the rest of them. He shook his head, seemingly worried about doing so. He kept up his nonchalant mask though, it was easier now that he was calmer.

He leaned back against the wall and let out a soft sigh. “Nah, not feelin’ it. You can go though, if you want, I won't stop ya,” he answered, resting his arms behind his head and crossing his ankles.

Pomni considered both options, but ultimately settled for staying next to him. She was still curious about his character, who he was when he wasn't being… Well, Jax.

“You don't care if I stay here with you, do you?”

“Do what you want, Pomni.”

She beamed up at him. He didn't return the eye contact, but she could tell from his eyes that he was feeling way calmer. His face was always so incredibly expressive.

Pomni broke eye contact as well eventually, tapping her fingers against the wooden bench idly as she swung her feet back and forth.

“So, Ragatha's still high, I'm assuming?” Jax asked with his signature grin, breaking the silence after about a minute. He looked down at the small jester next to him, who giggled in response.

“Yeah, I think it's that uh, stupid sauce? This rude NPC asked for it at Spudsy's, said he was addicted or something,” Pomni explained to the best of her ability, gesturing as she spoke. “Ragatha probably had a taste or something.”

Jax chuckled in response. “Thought Caine said he couldn't control our minds. Can't swear in this world but at least we can still take opioids, am I right?”

Pomni snorted again, suppressing her snickering. “It’s so true!” she exclaimed. The swearing filter has definitely pissed her off quite a few times, and the rules related to what was and wasn't for “all ages” were so ambiguous that the line separating them was a jumbled, scribbled mess.

Jax's eyebrows perked up when Pomni laughed, a little confused at first before his grin stretched wider.

“I mean, we get it, it's a circus for all-ages, but can we at least keep it consistent? Children can't say @#$& but ohh let's add something that's totally not an allegory for getting high!”

Pomni laughed even more, covering her mouth as she snorted and giggled.

Does she really think I'm that funny?

Jax wasn't even trying here, but he had to admit her squeaky laugh was adorable. He hated how attached to this girl he was suddenly becoming, but it was the first time anyone's ever been amused instead of spiteful at his antics.

“Y'know, with the way Ragatha was acting, maybe it really is just stupid sauce.”

Pomni burst into another fit of giggles, making Jax laugh as well but out of concern and honestly, surprise.

“Okay, that wasn't even that funny, are you stupid sauced too or something?” he chuckled as Pomni continued to laugh. “Calm down, kid, I didn't even say anything this time!”

“I-I can't help it!” she giggled, sighing quietly and finally calming herself down. She didn't know how much she needed that laugh until now. Maybe Jax wasn't so bad, maybe it would be quite helpful to look at things from an unserious point of view sometimes.

Jax rolled his eyes, leaning forward to look at her with an amused smirk. “Are we calm now, Giggles? Got it out of your system, yet?”

Pomni nodded, still smirking a bit. Though his expression didn't really help at all, she had to hold herself back from laughing again when he raised a suspicious eyebrow.

“Stop looking at me like that!” she demanded with a soft snicker under her hand.

Jax's grin stretched wider, he almost completely forgot about everything plaguing him earlier. “Jeez, you'd think I was tickling you or somethin’. You're so easy to impress.”

Pomni lightly hit his side with the back of her hand. “Oh shut up, you're one to talk,” she retorted with her own mischievous smirk. “Caine managed to impress you with a gun and a giant truck. So I don't wanna hear it, smart guy!”

“Alright alright, ya got me there,” Jax dismissed with another short chuckle, leaning back against his arms again. “You gonna go back to hang out with the rest of the gang anytime soon, or what?”

“I thought you said you were okay with me staying here,” Pomni questioned curiously, looking up at him. 

Jax looked down at her with his mischievous squinted eyes and large grin. “I didn't say that. I said do what you want,” he teased, making Pomni look up at him with a deadpanned yet amused expression.

“You're such a dork-@#$ loser, you know that?”

“Says the one who's still here for some reason.”

“Then get rid of me,” Pomni triumphantly said, looking back at him with a cheeky expression.

Jax rolled his eyes again and smirked back at her.

“Uh-huh. Don't tempt me.”

Free bumper sticker design for any Floridians who want it

New account! From @amothmanstolemydoritos

ok but something about the performance reviews really hit me hard

like, if you havent stopped to look at them, do, and then like think hard about it

Just, the fact that everyone gets the same score, even though they all had DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT experiences, really hammers home that it just doesnt matter how much effort you put in.

Like, how did Jax and Ragatha get the same scores as everyone else - Jax i kinda understand, everything is shitty, and he did help a bit after the "training video" (and WOW WTF was that-) but Ragatha??? Was kinda the coworker who comes to work drunk or high. And then kinda actively just makes things harder for everyone else. And im so glad that Zooble took her home and didnt leave her alone and that the others recognised that there was something wrong with her - but.. if you look at it objectively, she did a bad job. They both did. And they both got graded the same as everyone else.

And outta all of them, imo Zooble did the best job, yunno, head down just trying get to the end of their shift (HONESTLY SAME), and Pomni after them but. Yunno its all the same.

Then, somehow, Kinger, the guy that wasnt even there, got the highest grade!! Only way to win at work, dont play the fucking game!

But the part that really irks me is that, well, the reviews were done by Caine. Obviously yunno, upper management, but.. Caine was never on the floor with them. He didnt help them make the 300 burgers for the Glonk Queen or clean the bathroom or whatever. He doesnt know what its like. And the guy who has no idea what its like working in such a shitty environment is the one who judges you based on how well you can put up with aforementioned shitty environment, so obviously its not gonna reflect how bad it is.

And after Gangle got hit by a TRUCK (seriously where tf did that come from?), he just docks points. Doesnt seem to recognise that hey, that isnt a thing people just do, and this is actually concerning. And obviously, canonically, hes an AI so obviously hes not gonna understand, but it still drives home how people like this actually exist! People care this little!!

Idk what point im trying to make, but i think its this - dont bother actually trying at your job, no one is going to notice and its not gonna make a difference.

ALSO JAX WAS RIGHT! THERE WAS NO CAINE GIVEN CONSEQUENCE, THEY COULD HAVE JUST FUCKED OFF AND NO ONE WOULD HAVE CARED BECAUSE CAINE DOESNT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND WHAT MAKES A GOOD EMPLOYEE

ugh I feel so shitty focussing on everyones grade like their actual experiences dont matter, but i hope yall get the jist of what im saying

"If tampons should be free, then so should my diabetes meds."

Yes? Yes they should be? Your life-saving medication that you need in order to live for a condition you were born with should be given to you at no cost?

generative AI literally makes me feel like a boomer. people start talking about how it can be good to help you brainstorm ideas and i’m like oh you’re letting a computer do the hard work and thinking for you???

ok so i hav THOUGHTS and FEELINGS abt ep 4 of tadc that r honestly kinda difficult 2 put into words? but im gonna try

so i actually genuinely liked this episode even tho it was kinda difficult 2 watch (in a good way!!) but then after watching it i immediately went into the tags 4 tadc and specifically tadc ep 4 2 c what every1 else was saying abt it and tbh i think that was a mistake? like now tbh the problems i hav w the fandom r kinda almost overshadowing the actual content of the episode 4 me which is rly sad bc the episode was a rly good 1

okay so i may as well get this out of the way and accept that im probably gonna get hate 4 it but i gotta say smth that ik basically no1 else is gonna agree w me on,,,

GANGLE WAS NOT THE VICTIM OF EPISODE 4!

and i don't just mean that in the "she wasn't a victim of jax's antics this episode" way i mean like,,, i keep seeing ppl still doing the "oh no poor baby" thing w gangle even w this episode and like? it's tiring!? tbh i honestly thought this episode was the 1 that would get ppl 2 c in gangle what i was seeing in gangle the whole time tbh which is that gangle is the embodiment of weaponised "im just a girl" white woman tears

also 2 get this out of the way since ik the fandom is kinda split on this 1 yes i hc gangle as white, i feel like her character would b different if she was asian both in how she interacts w anime and in her design

so okay 2 explain that, if gangle was japanese i don't think her design would include the european comedy and tragedy masks so heavily and it would be more likely that her design would instead be modelled after japanese kabuki masks since she wouldn't hav the same connection 2 the european comedy and tragedy masks as a european person would and we see that cultural signifiers do in fact change in the character designs with pomni who i think likely is supposed to be asian, her jester costume is more similar to asian styles of clothing than european and her hair is in a style that's very popular with asian working women, now because im not asian and i don't know a lot about cultural signifiers in asian culture aside from what i've heard i could be wrong about some things here and if there are any asian people who would like to correct me please feel free to, just to be clear bc i keep having this problem across my blogs WHEN I SAY IF U R IN A MINORITY GROUP IM TALKING ABT U CAN CORRECT ME THIS DOES NOT EXTEND 2 PPL OUTSIDE OF THAT MINORITY GROUP WHO WANNA START BEEF W ME OVER NOTHING!

so okay in my head gangle is a white girl, this is relevant 2 how she weaponises toxic positivity and then weaponises her crying, white women hav been doing this 4ever and it's how i was able 2 c her being like this from a mile away, i knew she was gonna b like this the whole time but it feels like every1 else in the fandom keeps falling 4 it idk, like at least 4 me this episode rly highlighted how gangle and jax r narrative foils of each other

jax is abrasive and rude and wants ppl 2 think he's just an asshole bc he doesn't know how 2 connect w ppl on a deeper lvl but realistically all he would do if he had a bit of power over some1 would b 2 mess w them a bit bc of him being chronically bored

gangle if she had even a tiny bit of power over some1 would literally b micromanaging them and incredibly controlling and abusive but wants every1 2 think she's harmless

jax when he bullies the others it's clear that it's him lashing out bc of a lack of control in his life so he acts as a bully 2 try 2 feel like he has a dagree of control over his environment

gangle when she starts treating the others badly it's when she's finally in a position of power

gangle is literally being an abusive manager this episode but every1 is more focused on the fact that jax was a bully in the previous episodes 2 notice! hell even some ppl r glorifying gangle's actions! like wtf!?

like okay, early in the episode jax throws ragatha into the deep fryer, that's bad we all know it is, w that being said we also know that physical damage in this world is not permanent and that ragatha will b fine even tho she's having a bad time of it, jax is very clearly doing this as a way of lashing out bc he doesn't like that the adventure they r doing 2day is working at a fast food place

gangle,, seemingly doesn't care abt what's happening 2 ragatha? and is more focused on punishing jax's behaviour, telling him off and then having a conversation w caine who is "upper management" 4 the adventure abt how she wants a punishment 2 b awaiting jax 4 his behaviour at the end of the day, she then also delights in holding this power over jax the entire episode, it's worth pointing out i think that gangle never bothers 2 get ragatha out of the deep fryer and is even shown walking away from ragatha still in the deep fryer showing that she really doesn't actually care about the fact that ragatha is being hurt

later gangle consistently keeps piling work onto jax throughout the episode and seems to delight in holding this power over him, jax gets more and more tired and depressed throughout the episode and eventually stands up for himself but in a way that is less violent than usual, gangle tries to get him to do a job that isn't in his job description, jax then points out that that should be handled by the people who's job it is to do that, gangle then asks jax "doesn't he want to be a team player?" and other office buzzwords that managers often use 2 coerce employees into doing work that isn't in their job description, jax then says no and that he doesn't care abt any of this which is a very normal attitude 4 a fast food employee 2 hav and that's when (if i remember correctly) gangle sends him 2 the brainwashing room also this bitch has a brainwashing room where she tries 2 brainwash jax but no1 cares bc every1 is still defending her 4 some reason!?

another thing that i think is relevant is that i hc jax as having ASPD bc i hav ASPD myself and i relate 2 jax a lot bc of this and hav noticed ways in which jax's behaviour is very similar at times 2 how my ASPD symptoms show up, there r some differences obviously since jax is living in a video game simulation where physically harming ppl leaves no permanent effect and i don't live in that situation but the cycle of messing w ppl around u 4 entertainment, lashing out when things don't go ur way and then not being able 2 connect w those around u thus making u less able 2 control these behaviours in the future and making u lash out more is very real, the chronic boredom is there, the irritability is there, jax using messing w ppl as a primary source of entertainment and also a primary way of trying 2 connect w those around him is there

this is relevant because this would mean that jax is being punished by gangle for showing symptoms of ASPD, smth that he can't control not just that but while gangle is the main villain every1 is kinda a dick 2 jax in this episode, pomni assumes that jax must hav an ulterior motive when he asks how she's doing, zooble basically tells jax that his actions r making it more likely 4 caine 2 kill them all (which i don't think caine would do but zooble seems 2 think he would) and ragatha says that she hates jax but doesn't want jax 2 hate her and basically confesses that being the actual reason why she pretends 2 b nice 2 him, (also yes i say pretends and not tries since she gets mad at jax earlier in the episode 4 smth that jax points out "was actually a mistake that time") and the thing is? jax isn't even surprised, he knows that ragatha hates him already he just also knows she wouldn't say that if she was sober

also side note i rly need ppl 2 stop saying that gangle's brain washing was successful and that's the only reason jax was more friendly/agreeable/less of a bully this episode like no, it's bc he's depressed af this episode also pls stop saying that gangle brainwashing jax would b a good thing if it made him act differently that's legit such an ableist thing 2 say omg

anyway i think im gonna leave this here 4 now bc i woke up not long ago and this post is getting long so idk lemme know if any of this is coherent ig? lol fr tho i hate gangle and i don't understand y u guys like her and hate jax so much

edit: seems like i may not hav made it super clear but i hc jax as being a black queer man as a black queer man myself, i didn't make that very clear initially bc i legit 4get that not every1 sees him that way, idk man 4 me as a black queer guy the coding was there and gangle picking on him in the workplace i think was definitely partly motivated by her doing that white woman thing of seeing a man who doesn't hav as much power as her in society and then leaping at the opportunity 2 abuse that power in the work environment as a perceived "revenge" thing

How it feels to look for Jax fanfic/fanart tbh