Fragile

Fragile

If I lost my eye sight, would you guide the way for me? If I lost my memories, would you help me bring them back? If I told you that I love you, would you say it back to me? If I disappeared from your life, are you going to remember me? If I died tonight, are you going to move on with someone else?

I loved everything about you. Your medium brown eyes, the birthmark on your neck, pronounced Adam’s apple, defined cupid’s bow, pearly white, straight teeth, lean and tight muscles. I loved the way you’d look at me. I loved the way you’d be so cold to others, yet so nice to me. I loved the way you’d hold all of my bags. I loved how you’d always open the door, no questions asked. I loved how you’d always ask how my day was, and showed interest in hearing what I had to say. I loved how you’d surprise me with flowers, watch, just random gifts. I loved how you’d wipe away my tears. I loved how you’d hold me tight if I’d start crying. I loved how if I needed something, you’d make time for me to help me out. Even the things you call imperfections, like your uneven abs, lip piercing holes that show but won’t go through, D.I.Y. star shaped tattoo on your hand, spots on your face, the scar on your head. How you’d get jealous easily and get upset for no reason. How you can’t do math. Whether it’s good quality or imperfections, it was just another reason for me to love you.

Darling, I loved you.

We grew up together. You took me to all these new places, places I never knew existed. You opened a whole new world for me. You taught me so much, my love. You taught me all these new words You taught me how to say mean jokes, which I started to use on you, yes, jokes on you. You taught me how to fish You taught me how to ski You taught me how to play video games You taught me how to be stronger You taught me how to be kinder You taught me how to love You taught me that I have a heart, because without it, I’d never have to deal with such immense pain.

Where did we go wrong? How did we become so selfish, so greedy. Our love was so pure, so innocent, yet dangerous. We were two kids, playing with fire. But we weren’t scared, because we had each other. When I looked at you, I saw my boyfriend, my lover, my best friend, my teacher, my future husband. You were my world, my everything, my love. I truly loved you darling.

Slowly something so innocent, turned into something so nasty. Crying turned into yelling. Yelling changed to screaming. Broken phone, keys, doors… Busted up knuckles, cuts on your left inner arm.

But darling, I still loved you. Darling, you still loved me. Did you? Did you really? Then who is she? A rebound? …I understand. Darling, I understand. But darling, I just can’t. I can’t stop myself from imagining, how you talked to her, how you looked at her, how you picked out what to wear to see her, how you felt driving to her place, how you talked about her to your friends, how you continued to talk to her, how you let her touch you, or who knows, maybe you touched her.

“I feel like our world’s been infected and some how you left me neglected We found our lives been changed” —Christina Aguilera

Our world’s changed, my love. But this isn’t because of you, this is because of us. We built up a tower together, and we knew there were issues, but we continued to build it up, ignoring the problems, ignoring each others’ pain, and everything collapsed.

My heart hurts.

My love, I feel so lost.

I’ve never felt such pain until this.

But…

But you see,..

My love,

The thing is,

Although my heart’s been shattered

Although I’m losing it

My love,

My darling,

I….

I still love you.

If you lost your eye sight, I’d help guide your way. I’d protect you from any obstacles, I’d never leave your side.

If you lost your memory, I’d create new ones with you, New memories that are so great, you wouldn’t even care if your old memory came back or not.

If you told me that you love me, I’d tell you that I love you. I promise my love, I mean it every time. I’ll repeat it many times, as much as you want, my love.

If you disappeared from my life, I’d never forget you. You’re always on my mind my love. You’re always on my thoughts.

If you were to die tonight, darling I’d die with you. If you’re in heaven and I’m in hell, I’d do my best, whatever I can to get to you. If I were to be in heaven, and you were in hell, darling I’d go to hell with you. If we were to reincarnate, I will find you in the next life. If we were living in different countries, I’d still find my way to you. If we couldn’t speak the same language, darling I’d still fall in love with you. There is no ‘someone else’, my love, you are the only one for me.

Because darling,

I still love you

My love,

I will always love you