What Did We Do To Deserve Bill Nye

Licia Ronzulli, member of the European Parliament, has been taking her daughter Vittoria to the Parliament sessions for two years now.

“Alexandria’s Genesis, a.k.a violet eyes (a genetic mutation).

When someone is born with Alexandria’s Genesis, their eyes are blue or gray at birth. After six months, the eyes begin to change from their original color to purple, and this process lasts six months. During puberty, the color deepens to dark purple, a deep purple, a royal purple, or a violet-blue color and remains that way. It does not affect the person’s eyesight. Those who have this mutation will never grow any facial, body, pubic, or anal hair (not including hair on their head, on their ears, noses, eyebrows and eyelashes). Women also do not menstruate, but are fertile”

m&m Duel

ALL 👏🏾 OF 👏🏾 THEM 👏🏾

this is the only ship that matters

simon’s friends: why did you do it, simon?

simon: I was closeted and not ready to come out and martin was threatening to out me to the entire school if I didn’t help him slightly inconvenience you

simon’s friends: okay but wHY

simon:

what you need to know about coronavirus

If you haven’t been living under a really large rock for the last two months, then you’ll know that the world has been taken over by the epidemic of Coronavirus. Most of us know that its supposed to be bad, it came from some random place in China called Wuhan, and it has killed a lot of people. Most people tend to overreact to the tiniest of sneezes someone might have, joking that they might have coronavirus. Well you dumbos, worry not. I am here to educate you, and let you know everything you need to know about this virus.

FUN FACT - corona means ‘crown’ in latin. Ha! Now you know something. It’s called corona because of the spiky exterior the virus itself has. And first of all, it isn’t just a single virus. There are a grand total of seven types of coronavirus that can affect humans. Yes, that is a very bad thing for humanity.

Inside the virus itself, it contains a protein, which it can inject into any kind of weakened cells in the human body. Once it has latched onto the host’s cells (you being the host, duh) it just starts producing even more of the virus into your body. That sounds terrifying now, doesn’t it?

“But how did we not see this coming?” You ask. “How did this all happen so suddenly?” Well guess what, it did not. Happen suddenly that is. In late December of 2019, Li Wenliang - a doctor - had warned the Chinese government about this outbreak. But the police shut him down and accused him of spreading false rumours. He realized the virus was highly contagious when one of his patients not only spread it to her family, but Li himself. Oh so what is that doctor doing now, you ask? Battling the virus one patient at a time? If only. But the virus got to him too and now he has died at the age of 34. So yes. China knew about this virus and did nothing. If they had announced the severity of the coronavirus to the people, maybe the outcome of this outbreak would’ve been different. But we can’t keep blaming the Chinese government for doing something wrong (not like it’s the first time) can we?

Let’s move on to what YOU can do to prevent getting this shitty coronavirus and stay alive. Unfortunately, the virus can be easily transmitted through sneezes and coughs of people who are already infected. So stay weary of those who do that around you. I suggest you just drop everything, scream and escape the presence of the person who sneezed/coughed in front of you. Or not. Please don’t do that.

Some symptoms of the virus include fever, runny nose, headaches and what not. The problem is that the symptoms are so common to just regular things you can feel, you don’t know if a cough is just a cough or the freaking coronavirus.

Some of the precautions are just basic hygiene practices which regular people should be doing regardless of the fact that they don’t want coronavirus or whatever. Wash your hands, regularly clean your surroundings, avoid touching your face with unclean hands and also if you sneeze or cough, do so into a napkin and through that shit in the trash.

BUT DON’T WORRY MY LADS. There have been cases where people have been treated from the virus! Yes 2000s of people who didn’t take the precautions have suffered, but many have survived as well. Even if you get the coronavirus, it isn’t the end. Many have been given immediate medical attention and have been cured. 

Even though the virus sounds hella scary (and it is), if you take the precautions, or get good healthcare, you will survive this. don’t worry too much kids. stay in school. 

- rk, your friendly neighbourhood aspiring journalist