'tis The Season, Lads. 'tis Time To Kiss Joe Under The Mistlejoe

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If my mutuals can’t rb this then we can’t be mutuals

Hive's Headcanons: 1st Edition, Glass Joe

(a.k.a "Fuck it, I'm joining the headcanons bandwagon! Let's make this another series!")

For a basic rundown: Glass Joe, real name "Joey Martin", is a 39-year-old boxer hailing from Paris, France. He is well-known for his excessively terrible boxing record, but actually surpasses all of his fellow boxers when it comes to popularity alone.

More info under cut!

In my headcanons, Glass Joe, despite having such a terrible record when it comes to losses and wins, is actually THE most popular fighter of the WVBA. Outside of whichever "World Champion" they're pushing at any given time, the absolute posterchild of the Punch-Out!! series is none other than the meek yet determined Glass Joe.

He started his boxing career to appeal to his family and his peers, who frequently mocked him due to his dislike of sports, nicknaming him "mâchoire de verre" (glass jaw or jaw of glass) due to how he would shield his face in recess kickball at school. Despite his lack of success as a "strong" boxer, quickly becoming a laughing-stock due to his frequent initial losses, he was soon admired for his determination and fairness, being contacted to join the up-and-coming WVBA for their at-the-time new Punch-Out!! series upon his fiftieth consecutive loss. He reclaimed his childhood nickname, proud of his progress despite his losses.

Upon Glass Joe's joining of the WVBA and their Punch-Out!! series, the WVBA's popularity began an exponential increase, which inspired the WVBA to switch their focus from typical boxing tournaments to freakshow fights, enlisting many different boxers from various social and cultural backgrounds to highlight their uniqueness in any way possible--even if that means disregarding the typical rules of boxing. The only constant in this debacle was Glass Joe, tallying up more losses to his extensive record, but all this did was fuel his already prominent popularity, extending his reputation from France to Europe as a whole, then to the entire rest of the world.

He's become this popular solely due to his longevity as a member of the WVBA and because of his perpetual "underdog" status. His fans go wild over his good-naturedness in losing, and of all the Punch-Out!! boxers to have ever been featured in matches, he has the record for the boxer with the most fanmail received.

When he's not putting on a show for his countless fans, he's treating himself to a relatively humble life free of extravagance. Despite frequently going on record in interviews saying otherwise, Joey prefers a quieter life, though he has no issue with posing in casual clothes for a photo or signing autographs. He's a very friendly and pleasant man and transparent to boot, hardly corrupted by fame and fortune despite how ironclad and lucrative his contract with the WVBA may be.

Even in adulthood he has little interest in competitive sports outside of his boxing career. He exercises via walking and jogging most of all, though he will try anything if he feels like it, from tennis to canoeing, as long as it's in a casual setting. He detests competition entirely, which is why he's so comfortable being the entry-level boxer for the WVBA's Punch-Out!! series, and why he's so unbothered about losing.

Still, his life is not all sunshine and roses. His biggest insecurity is his weight--no matter his diet or routine he has great difficulty putting on any muscle or fat, and although some prefer this build, Joe finds himself a little disappointed if he catches himself in the mirror shirtless. Nonetheless, he has no real qualms about himself, and is generally a rather happy person, though somewhat of a hypochondriac at times--any sickness, to him, is in need of immediate attention, and he frequently visits the doctor over even the most minor of health scares.

In terms of his personal life, when it comes to his gender and sexuality, Joe has little about himself to say. Though he has played up his desire for adoration by women in interviews, Joe tends to be rather pleasantly self-satisfied, and overall does not see romance as a requirement for a happy life. Still, he is not opposed, though he would likely find it difficult to settle into a family-type setting with long-term commitments--he enjoys the way his job allows him to be fickle, and would need much convincing to give that up. Much the same, he does not pay much attention to matters of gender, either, whether it be of his own or of others'--he could see himself enjoying the intimate presence of any person regardless of their identity, and he is unbothered by deviations from his birth-assigned labels. It would not be rare, for example, for one to find him lounging around at home in a casual dress, should he feel in the mood for it.

Overall, Joe is a simple man with simple needs, not lavish nor complicated. He has his secrets, but they are not ones to be pried out with titanium crowbars--he would tell them to anyone close enough to him, and the matter of close friendship with Joe is simple, with few curveballs or deceptions. He is a pleasant man and lives a pleasant life--in a vacuum, of course. Faced with other challenges, he may react differently--but that is to be seen to!

the "obsessive sans fangirl" to "non-sharing self shipper" pipeline is so real

-⁉️‼️

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I wanted to come up with an explanation for Glass Joe’s blonder hair color in previous PO games! So I decided that his hair bleaches in the sun, like mine does 😭

I can also totally see him being the type of person to burn easily…

I don't need to have a developed imagination when I can just link everything I do back to Glass Joe. Ride the Cyclone soundtrack? Damn, that's Joe. Stromae? Damn, that's Joe. Any other fictional man I remotely like? He has a quality that Joe has. I live a simple life you see.

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hi guys. great weather huh