Latest Posts by hi-imkaiya - Page 4

thinking about how my mom once had a mental breakdown, and proceeded to say i didn't love her, that i held no compassion for her, that i was controlling, possessive, and abusive towards her, that i was ungrateful, and that we were not family... over me not getting her a coke.

This is pain on another level. Trying to recover from this takes a long while since its unlearning the pain and relearning that it was them all along and not you the whole time!

Eren: FLOCH! REPORT! WHAT'S ON MY TO DO LIST?

Floch: Break Mikasa's heart and break Armin's face, sir.

Eren: Alright, let's go! Let me flex first really quick—

What makes the relationship between Eren and Mikasa even more tragic (for those who like their relationship) is that Mikasa was raised on the mentality, "This ugly yet beautiful world." You can't have things that are good without the bad, and bad without the good. The duality.

it’s been set from the start— 7 chapters in and eremika embody that ‘cruel yet so beautiful’ concept with their relationship. star crossed? star crossed.

Why did Ymir choose Mikasa?

"Okay, maybe im just dumb and didnt get something but couldn't ymir see the end result of EM's suffering via paths, so she already knew the lesson mikasa learnt anyway?? bc it means that this all was just completely unnecessary and eren could live... is it really a plot hole or did i not understand something?"

I've received a question and would like to answer it in a separate post rather than an ask. I have been keeping this draft since ch.137, but never really could post it, because I didn't think that my points will be concrete enough. But thanks to ch.138 and 139, I finally can touch this topic again!

So...starting with Ymir. We all know that she was a slave in king Fritz’s tribe. Someday she freed pigs and the king “freed” her, but hunters ended up chasing her in the forest. She was hurt and somehow fell into a pound inside of the tree then our infamous hallucigenia attached to her spine, and she became the first titan shifter. After king discovered her power, he used her to enlarger his tribe and eventually, the tribe became an empire. King Fritz let her have his kids and continued to exploit her.

At the very end she died in pain, because she wanted to protect the king. This moment for some people was confusing, but we all supposed that it was out of plain obedience. Nothing more and nothing less.

Before, in ch.137 Zeke said that Ymir has been obeying Karl Fritz for 2000 years, but what was the reason? Zeke said that Ymir wanted to feel connected, because she was attached to the world she left behind. But...Zeke couldn't understand her. He spent a lot of time in paths trying to find the reason why she is so obedient, but still couldn't find the exact reason besides the attachment. He also mentioned that Eren could understand her, while he didn't.

As Eren said in ch.139 during his talk with Armin...Ymir was in "love" with the king. He'd burned her hometown, killed her parents, cut off her tongue, let her wander in the forest, exploited her powers, let her breed children and at the end let her daughters eat their mother's flesh...But she still "loved" him and that's why paths were created. Ymir didn't want to die nor live. She wanted to feel and see love, and be a part of it, but she couldn't get it when she was alive.

Then...how did Ymir still love him? It was the Stockholm syndrome. She simply felt attached to Karl Fritz, because he gave her a relatively better life. Yes, the king still saw her as a slave. She wasn't his wife or at least a person he cared about. He didn't see her as someone equal to him. She was just a weapon, breeding machine and slave, but definitely not his love.

Ymir knew that her "love" was wrong, but she couldn't escape it, because she trapped herself in the endless cycle of hatred and agony that didn't even start because of her, but because of the person she "loved". Eventually, her titan powers were passed down from generation to generation and she got nothing to do, but to obey the king's blood. She wanted to escape. She wanted someone to free her.

So...Why did he choose Mikasa for that role? As many people pointed out, Mikasa and Ymir have some similarities. Both had powers, they stayed loyal and were selfless, but...Mikasa had what Ymir didn't. Free will, freedom and love.

Mikasa stayed loyal to Eren not because she obeyed him and he forced her to do so, but simply because she loved him and it was her choice. Ymir chose Mikasa, because she is the freest person. Mikasa is an Ackerman, the bloodline that rebelled against king's ideology, and the descendant of Hizuru's shogun's clan, which had nothing to do with Ymir herself. Everything Mikasa did was purely out of her conscience and the right to choose. In this case, Eren was the one who has served as the pathway for Mikasa to free Ymir.

Ymir could see Eren and Mikasa, and I think she and Eren himself were the ones who told child Eren where Mikasa is back when she got kidnapped. Because, otherwise, Ymir wouldn't be freed and the cycle would continue to exist. But she couldn't fully free herself, because hallucigenia still existed and as we saw in ch.138, it has had mind on its own and probably needed a "host" to exist, which was Ymir and her subjects. It desperately wanted to live, but of course, since Ymir was its main "host" and got freed, it also stopped to exist.

Aside from this, Ymir wanted to witness the most unconditional love that could exist. Both Eren and Mikasa did a very noble act of sacrificing their love for the sake of change and I think this is what Ymir wanted to see.

Yes, from Ymir's side, it was very selfish and to be honest, I was also a bit disappointed to see her vanishing like this, but I guess, that was the fault from my side, because Ymir has never actively participated in the whole process of rumbling. All what she did was observing and guiding Armin and Mikasa to her. After all...everything she wanted was a selfish wish to be free and see love. It was never about repaying the debt or helping someone. Probably...that's why she needed these three selfless people to free her.

glimpse of us "cause sometimes when i look in her eyes that's where I find a glimpse of us" but its mikasa looking into jeans eyes at their wedding and imagining he was eren for a second

Reblog and put in the tags your “pre-name”, as in what your parents used to want to name you, but eventually decided against it and went with your current name, and the reason why they changed it.

Hello! I’m sending this to various accounts: At ch132, it seems that Hange wasn’t planning to say goodbye to Levi, why do you think Hange would do that and how do you think Levi would react if Hange actually would’ve gone without saying goodbye? Do you think Hange underestimate their bond or was a way to protect both of them? Also, do you think the final plane was a wink to Hange or was a way to portrait their fallen comrades? If you took the time to answer this question, thank you very much <3

Hello!!

Thanks for the ask! Let's dig into your heartbreaking questions... And sorry not sorry it sort of became a whole meta (why I am like this haha)

1. It seems Hange wasn't planning to say goodbye to Levi, why do you think Hange would do that?

Goodbyes of beloved ones are always heartbreaking in AOT. But some are just too much of a wreck to face them without feeling like nearly falling apart...

We know Hanji almost always wore their feelings on their sleeves, revealed much through their eye(s). I think Hanji was feeling too much at that moment already, while at the same time having to shut their emotions down so they could keep their resolution to walk to their death unwavering. Thus, having to say farewell forever to Levi - the one who became almost a despite-this-hell-surely-you-will-be-there-tomorrow presence at her side throughout those long 10 years, and that they had risked their life to save as well as to whom she had "secretly" asked to run away with just 03 nights ago - damn... This certainly leaves someone shaking.

However, I don't think Hanji was planning on leaving without saying goodbye to Levi. Like, I surely can't imagine the words and intonation of the "See you" that Hanji used with the kids coming out of their mouth when they were dealing with Levi - that wouldn't work with them both because their relationship was very different! And also, rather than giving any comfort or feeling of proper closure, even the "See you guys later" left the kids at a loss...

More painful than this, though, is that (imo) the group were caught off guard seeing Hanji leaving, but they also saw that Levi was on their path. And then they seem to look even more shocked when Levi lets Hanji go because it's like they all expected that Levi would somehow produce some kind of miracle that would hold Hanji back...

Back to Levihan, tho, while Hanji couldn't bring themself up to say See ya to Levi, just the fact that while they were parting, Hanji asked Armin to take care of Levi shows that he was already in their mind. And, knowing each other for so long, I think Hanji knew there was no escape from facing Levi during her last moments alive...

Then, it's only in the wisp of seconds between the kids and the point where Levi stops and waits for them that Hanji figures what they both need to hear in order for them to keep her determination, and they both be somehow somewhat spared of further pain. (Unfortunately, Yams only drew Hanji's back when they turned around and saw Levi waiting for them. I wanted to see their reaction too...)

It will forever break me that Hanji cuts Levi's unspoken protests so sharp and so ready using "You understand" as their first words to stop him. Whenever I read these words, it's like time stops, and I can't help but remember Hanji's discourse in chapter 84. Mixing them up, it's like Hanji is saying, "You understand, don't you? Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day. [And now] It's my turn." But as if this wasn't heartbreaking enough already, Yams goes and adds, "I want to look as cool as I possibly can right now. So just let me go."

This just doesn't only disarm all the confrontation and arguments Hanji knows Levi was preparing to put up, but it also makes it clear that this goodbye, this parting, has such a power to hurt Hanji that they had better not even try anything anymore. And.God.This.Hurts.

Yams, why were you like this?!

2. How would Levi react if they hadn't said goodbye?

You see, imo, one of the worst things in life is losing someone without the chance of saying goodbye to them. Death is an occurrence so abrupt already! Can you imagine the immense amount of pain, hurt, and regret of you simply losing the person you've trusted with your own life for 10 years, and who knows you deeper and longer than anyone else and reciprocates the feelings, without you at least saying or expressing anything for this person in their last minutes alive??

There would be such heavy regrets in the survivor's heart...

So it's actually bittersweet to think Hanji wasn't planning on approaching Levi to say goodbye: I tried to imagine Levi just watching Hanji just waving at him from afar (like Annie to Armin) or maybe pretending he wasn't there, and I swear I can't help but laugh with a pain in my heart because no matter the situation, in my head, Levi would have never accepted that arrangement - neither from his part nor Hanji's!

Levi's pretty terrible at accepting things (especially death and defeat) passively. Which, thank Ymir, I think Yams thought as well. He made Levi - who during most of the chapter could hardly walk or stand up straight without help - muster the strength to walk those painful meters and "ambush" Hanji. Levi saw Hanji had walked from the hangar to where everyone was at the pier, and he nearly walked all the way up there too...

And man, just like Hanji had this wisp of a moment to think of a way to halt Levi's attempt of stopping her, Levi as well has just this wisps of a moment to find something to halt Hanji's deadly walk. It hurts deeply that Levi is probably aware there is nothing he can offer or do that Hanji would accept (because the only other option available would be him going in Hanji's place to fight the Colossals) but still, he attempts to try to stop Hanji.

I can't wait to see this whole sequence in the anime...!

3. Was it underestimating their bond or a way to protect them both?

By now, with this and all the other metas also answering this question, I think it's the second in our opinions! But to whoever has doubts about Hanji and Levi's bond, just reference tell them to reread chapter 132 without bias.

To sincere readers, it's impossible to look at all these panels and conclude that what they had together (romantic or not) was something ordinary...

4. Also, do you think the final plane was a wink to Hange or was a way to portrait their fallen comrades?

To me, the plane is Hange Zoë all the way to the depths of AOT angst! Especially because Onyankopon my hero is precisely looking at Levi, and Levi is making sure to have changed his hairstyle so evidently in a way that his bangs are completely out of the way of his scarred forehead and blind eye - the proofs that the fact he (and the others) could be there alive now was because Hans saved his (and their) life first...

By fulfilling his vow and helping to save humanity as his life mission, Levi was able to face all his dead comrades with heart at ease - like, letting them go because they would finally find some kind of peace. However, toward the personal 2nd chance in life he was given by Hanji when she saved him in the forest, and the 3rd chance at the plane's departure, there was nothing Levi could do about that now that Hanji was dead. Not that they would see it as "I need to pay you back", tho - but like, I wish I hadn't lost you at all, and that you were here with me.

Hence, there is nothing to do but acknowledge that despite "Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day" and that you still have to "keep moving forward", our personal responses to tragedy should be marked because "only after these events are memorialized can we move forward". And while our lives will never be the same after this, marking this occurrence with a memorial frees us to embrace the future...

...because only the living can remember the dead.

And like Mika said in chapter 07, "If I die now I won't even be able to remember you".

ACKERMAN PARALLELS

When Mikasa saw the bird it immediately reminded her of Eren, the bird wrapped the scarf around her, meaning Eren kept his promise that he will wrapped that scarf around Mikasa, even if it's the last time. And this is also the last scene in the final chapter we see Mikasa. On Levi Ackerman's last scene, he looked up and saw a plane, what if whenever he sees a plane it reminds him of Hange Zoë? Plus both ackermans have scars on their faces, so every time they look at the mirror it reminds them of Eren and Hange. The bird reminded Mikasa of Eren, and the scarf symbolizes their love for each other, the scarf is their red string of fate, always connecting them even beyond time, life and death. The plane reminded Levi of Hange and their sacrifice, Hange's first line on A Choice With No regrets manga " I was watching you.." and Levi's last line to Hange on ch 132 " Keep watching us" implies that they both looking after each other. Every time he looks up in the sky it will always remind him of Hange, for he knows Hange is always watching over him. Levi and Hange's string of fate is their matching scars, symbolizing that they are each other's half, they understand each other very well even if they are polar opposites, their matching scars connects them like they are each others' missing piece, their bond transcending even life and death. Also Eren wanted to live with Mikasa but he couldn't, and Hange also wanted to live Levi but they can't, they had to choose their responsibilities over their feelings, duty first before love.

Both Ackermans have scars on their faces, Mikasa's scar to remind her of Eren and Levi's scar to remind him of how Hange took care of him.

Both have something that could remind them of their love ones, for Mikasa, she has the scarf Eren gave her. For Levi and Hange, they had their matching scars and missing eyes, and Levi's wounds were tended by Hange.

The lyrics of Call Your Name fits them running away and wanting to live in peace.

The 🕊️ bird symbolizes Eren watching over Mikasa.

The✈️ plane symbolizes Hange watching over Levi.

Mikasa is Eren's freedom, and Eren is Mikasa's home.

Levi is Hange's safe place and Hange is Levi's life

(Zöe = means "life", and you can spell "live" in Levi; Levi and Hange, "Live and Life")

" You are my safe place with you I found my home.." -this line fits Mikasa to Eren so much

" You are my safe sky with you I am at peace" - from Safe Skies Archer by 4reuminct (wattpad), this line fits Levi to Hange so much

glimpse of us "cause sometimes when i look in her eyes that's where I find a glimpse of us" but its mikasa looking into jeans eyes at their wedding and imagining he was eren for a second

SPOILER ATTACK ON TITAN MANGA CHAPTER 112!

This is so fucking sad..

𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆/𝒓𝒆𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒈 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒅/𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒅

someone please drop sum english to bulgarian learning sources!

im in dire need....

reblog with a pic of cas. ignore for hatred and darkness

adding to my tbr!

Young Adult Contemporary Recommendations

What is it? YA Contemporary novels are what is often described as “Realistic Fiction.” Except for young adults—that is, teens. These feature a world, that for all intents and purposes, is our own and usually takes place in the present, but occasionally jumps back a decade or two (but not much more than that.)

This list is best if you just want those feel good, mindless reads that just leave you feeling good inside. There’s not gonna be any literary masterpieces here but I read purely for enjoyment. I would consider most of these books I liked to read on the toilet, to put it simply, and honestly I’ll probably just have a whole library in the bathroom of my future house. 

**personal favorites

Sarah Dessen Novels** (simple, light, and easy to read coming-of-age love stories / I have a whole separate post dedicated to her)

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before** Trilogy by Jenny Han: Fake dating is one of my all time favorite tropes in fanfiction/dramas and this is the YA book that does it the best because it takes inspiration from KDramas. The movies are good in bringing the story to life, but I really just feel like the books are better. I don’t really care for Jenny Han’s other books that much but TATB is just such a staple in YA contemporary. Also bonus points for Asian representation. (It was actually just supposed to be a duology but she spoiled us with a third book)

My Life Next Door** by Huntley Fitzpatrick: This that slow burn, friends to lovers, fuzzy feelings type of book. It’s got Sarah Dessen vibes and that’s always a plus in my book. I really liked how mature the characters were in this and like not frustrating (rare in teenage stories). It was funny, characters were developed beyond the main love story, and was just totally feel good. It’s YA contemporary at its best. It gets kinda dramatic towards the end similar to how a fluffy KDrama likes to throw in a random plot twist for dramatic tension at the end but that’s okay. I’m down for it.

Little Blue Envelopes Duology** by Maureen Johnson: Okay so you either like both books, like one book way more than the other, or dislike both. For me while I liked both, I enjoyed the second book (The Last Little Blue Envelope) WAY MORE. If you read it, y’all will probably figure out why but these are just fun travel around Europe books. It’s like a big old scavenger hunt across Europe and somehow that just makes it all better. I never reread the first book, but I’ve read the second book multiple times. 

Ruby Oliver Series (4 Books) by E. Lockhart: This is one of those series that gets better as the series goes on, so even if you’re not totally into The Boyfriend List, it’s pretty worth it to keep going if you’re looking for something funny and filled with A LOT of boys. Ruby is flawed, interesting, has anxiety and frequent panic attacks, was abandoned by all her friends and cheated on by her boyfriend and you can’t help but feel bad for her but also cringe internally at all her trials. The therapy sessions are hilarious, the footnotes are great, and overall just a good time. I did read this in high school though so my tastes might have changed but I just remember really liking these enough to buy the whole series (Also all the books are super short and easy to get through)

We Were Liars by E. Lockhart: Opposite of all the feel good, fun books on this list is We Were Liars. The plot twist is A1 and even though I didn’t personally connect with any of the characters, it was fascinating to read. It’s on the more serious side but is so well done and I find myself recommending this book to people when I don’t wanna share with them that I have the literary taste of a high schooler.

Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins: I read this in middle school and I think it partly inspired me to take French in high school. It was just such a sweet romance and you can’t really be mad at this book because it’s so wholesome and genuine. It’s just a book that makes you love love and also really makes you wanna go to boarding school in Paris. There’s two companion novels (Lola and the Boy Next Door, Isla and the Happily Ever After) but they don’t really hold a candle to the original. 

Save the Date by Morgan Matson: Okay if you ask me what I specifically remember from this book, I can’t tell you a damn thing. That might be because I read most of it sitting in a Barnes and Noble but I remember having a good time with it. I’m also biased because I love weddings and the chaos of them and this book just captures it. I heard her other book Since You’ve Been Gone is better, but I’ve just never gotten around to it. 

Someone Else’s Life by Katie Dale: I was that kid in school that spent a lot of time in the library scoping the shelves for good YA and I picked this one up at random and it pleasantly surprised me. The plot twist was hella juicy and it was basically a Makjang KDrama (overly dramatic plot points). Like this shit was wild and like I don’t even know if it was actually good or if my high school self just got sucked into the craziness of it all. I’m putting it on the list anyways.

Flat Out Love by Jessica Park: This is another contemporary that has a big plot twist reveal towards the end. It’s one of those books that makes you fall in love with love but it also doesn’t miss out on the angst. It incorporates emails, social media, and texting without being cringe and I just remember it being a good book.

Perfect You and Something Maybe** by Elizabeth Scott: I have no strong reasoning for recommending these books outside of that I really really liked them when I read them back in the day. They were on the short side so I was always rereading them. I think it’s a trend with my contemporary recs in that I randomly found them at the public library and devoured them. I ended up loving them enough to actually buy them. I think what made them stand out was that they were funny and simple and just the right amount of spice to keep you enticed. 

Somewhere Only We Know by Maureen Goo: KPop Star meets a cute tabloid reporter (WHO IS ALSO ASIAN) and sparks fly. Objectively, this should not be good. Subjectively, I greatly enjoyed it. 

Kasie West Books: I don’t really know how she does it but this lady churns out books like a madman. Most of them are not great, and they’re really just a minor step above Wattpad but I figured I’d give her a shoutout just for the sheer number of mindless reads she puts out. If you gotta read her, the books I would suggest are On the Fence, The Distance Between Us, and P.S. I Like You.

To Read List:

Parachutes by Kelly Yang

please check it out!

by your side|  jj maybank x fem! reader

A/N: Hi! this is my first imagine and the first time i’ve ever written for any character. i have not edited this. this does include talk about SA and the trauma that comes with it. i am a survivor of SA. and im proud of all you angels, of all you survivors and fighters<3

warning/tw: swearing(i think), depression, SA

no smut, mostly angst with a little bit of fluff:)

summary:

Y/N struggles with the aftermath SA, and JJ is there to comfort her.

​

2.1k+ word count

_____________________________________________________________

The cries that echoed throughout Y/N’s bathroom as she sobered up were heart breaking. The young girl perched over the toilet puking her stomach’s contents out. The H/C haired girl’s face had become red and swollen from all the crying. Anxiety started to creep in as she thought about how she was going to hide the marks that littered her body. She was supposed to go surfing tomorrow, she was supposed to be okay, none of this should’ve happened. It’s okay, nothing happened, right? You’re just overreacting- were the thoughts that swirled through her head. She was in deep denial. She cleaned herself up as she stood looking at herself in the mirror, bruises were turning purple, and there were red hand marks that were imprinted right above her hips. The steam clouded the bathroom as she stood under the warm water, yet she didn’t feel clean, she felt dirtier than ever, she felt violated even when she was alone. Slowly she stopped crying and soon all she felt was numbness.

The next she woke up and continued on her routine as she usually would. Her mom was working the nightshift at the hospital and wouldn’t be home for a couple of more hours. She had 4 new texts from her friends and 5 missed calls. 

12:37am    Kie: Hey, where’d you go? 

1:02am     Kie: Well we’re heading back to the chateau… see you tomorrow for surfing(;

9:06am    Kie: Hey, you up? Where’d you disappear too last night?

9:26am   Kie: You’re not answering your calls. Did something happen last night???

You turned off your phone to do-not disturb mode after that. They can wait, you thought. You didn’t feel like faking being okay today. You spent the next few days zoning out, your sleeping was inconsistent, you had been going out of sleep. Your throat constantly felt dry, and your eyes had an itching sensation in the corners. Your face was puffy, and bags were starting to show under your eyes. You had turned off your phone a day and a half ago. You were currently sitting slouched on the couch, wearing an oversized grey hoodie that you had stolen from your brother before he headed off to college, a bowl of, now, luke-warm ramen was placed in your hands. You hadn’t moved from this position in over 40 minutes, just staring at the wall. You weren’t even thinking about anything, just complete numbness had taken over you.

A knock to the door had pulled you out of your rattled state. “One minute!” You yelled. You quickly changed into some jeans and put on a long sleeved floral blouse. You put your hair into a bun as you swiftly moved to get the door. You swung the door open, and were greeted with worried faces from the pogues. “Hi,” you quickly said while plastering a fake smile on. It was awkward silence for a bit. You shuffled to the side to let them in. “Where have you been?” spoke up Kie, a sense of irritation hinted in her voice. The rest of the group had sat themselves on the couch. “My mom got sick.. and I had to take care of her for a few days” You said avoiding eye contact with all of them. “Bullshit!” bursted JJ. “What?” you asked faintly, your voice nearly a whisper, yet an octave higher than usual. “We checked…” continued JJ. You looked at the others, a bit confused as to what JJ was talking about. “We went to the hospital to ask your mom where you had been.” Pope explained, while eyeing you. All their eyes were on you. You felt your throat tighten under their gazes. You cleared your throat before speaking, “ Ok, I’m sorry… I haven’t been in the mood for hanging out, y’know I just needed a little me time” You replied. “You could’ve just texted us that! Instead of us being worried sick about you!” Yelled JJ. You subtly flinched at his yelling. “I’m sorry…” you said quietly. “That’s it a sorry and a lame excuse? That’s all we get.” Boomed JJ while looking at you. You avoided eye contact. A couple of seconds later you heard footsteps start and then fade away. You glanced at where JJ had stood just a few seconds prior, and made eye contact with the other pogues, as you tried to find a way to tell them the truth… But nothing came out, you opened and closed your mouth, then opened and shut it again. Slowly they filtered out, until it was just you and Kie. You glanced at Kie only to be met with an upset stair. She left a few seconds later.The next week was hard, it was hard to get out of bed, and you were starting to feel lonely. Your mom hadn’t noticed as she was too busy with work. Of course you wanted to see the pogues again, but would they forgive you for lying to them, they all left upset last time you saw them. You decided you’d send Kie a text. 

You: Hey, sorry for what happened last week. We good?                        

 Kie: Yeah. You: Where y’all @? 

Kie: John B’s. You coming boating?

You: Yea. meet you guys down there in a few?

Kie: yup

You put on an oversized t-shirt and some shorts. You felt disgusted with yourself about what had happened the night of the party. The hand marks were gone but you could still feel his hands all over you, and the bruises had mellowed out but some still sat on the inner corner of your thighs and on your butt. Just act normal, and no flinching was your mantra. You met them by the boat. “Hey” you called out. You smiled, hoping they’d forget what happened last week. Pope and John B waved at you, while JJ and Kie merely glanced at you. Your smile faltered a bit at the sign of some resentment towards you. You hopped in the boat sitting yourself next to Pope, as John B started the HMS Pogue up. It felt refreshing to feel the sunshine on your skin again, and to hear the waves lapping over one another. You closed your eyes and basked in the sun, enjoying the moment and clearing your mind from your worries. “Hey Y/N, are you gonna jump in?” asked Kie, she was already in her swimsuit and ready to jump into the water. “ I’m okay” you responded, flashing her a smile. She eyed you suspiciously. You felt the others’ eyes on you. You leaned towards Kie and whispered, “It’s that time of the month.” You made up an excuse. You could tell she didn’t quite believe you. Kie jumped in while JJ opened a beer and proceeded to pass it to you, you shook your head. He eyed you suspiciously. You turned to Pope to start up a conversation. You and Pope had been talking for a bit, when Kie climbed back onto the boat. And you guys were off again. You headed toward the chateau.You laid in the hammock, closed eyes, oblivious to your surroundings. You didn’t hear JJ walking towards you until he had tapped you on the shoulder, causing you to jump. Your vision was blurry for a bit, and you were freaking out. You calmed down once you saw who it was clearly. It was JJ. Just JJ. He eyed you, concern written on his face. “Y/N… I was just coming to check on you.” “Oh I’m fine, just enjoying the sun…” You responded. You were starting to feel uncomfortable. “Umm… can you let the others know that I’m heading back?” You asked.“Uh… yeah.” JJ answered. “Ok, thanks” You replied, before walking towards the direction of your house. “Hey Y/N!” Hollered JJ. “Yeah?” You responded, turning around to face him. “You do know you can be honest with us, what’s been going on with you lately?” He said looking at you. “Nothing, just needed a little me time, like I said.” You flashed a smile at him reassuringly. “Ok, well… see you tomorrow.” “Sya” And with that you turned around.You saw them the next day, things were still off with you being there. But things got back to normal within a week. You went to the keggers, but never drank since you wanted to be sober. If anyone questioned you, you played it off claiming that you had already drank or saying you had to make sure everyone was okay. But soon you started showing up to less and less keggers, you found faking that you were fine to be exhausting. Everyone started to see that you were not fine, but they waited for you to tell them since they were your friends. But you kept it inside, and soon you started to feel sickened by yourself, wondering why you were so dramatic, nothing happened, you’re just being dramatic. You couldn’t handle yourself, you felt sick and worthless. You were still in denial. The marks had disappeared by now, but you still felt as if they were there, as if everything happened last night. You currently were at home drinking yourself away, hard liquor in hand. You hadn’t spoken to the pogues since the kegger, which had been two days ago. The door burst open but you barely even turned your head. “What the fuck Y/N?!” Yelled JJ at the sight of you drinking. It was obvious that you had drunk more than half of the bottle by now. “Y/N where have you been? We couldn’t reach you again!” Said Kie. Oh they were furious, but most of all worried. You looked up at them, your face was puffy from crying. Your eyes were bloodshot too. You didn’t speak. “Y/N/N…” Tears started to well around your eyes at the worried voice of the blonde boy. “What happened? Why are you crying” Said JJ crouching to your level where you sat at the counter. You were on the verge of a breakdown again. “Hey, hey, don’t cry, please don’t cry…” Begged JJ. “I…” You croaked out. But you couldn’t, you were scared and for what you didn’t know. That was the hardest part… telling someone. “I was drunk and…” you paused trying to find it in yourself to tell them, “and well…I wasn’t fully myself.” You glanced at Kie. You could see the wheels starting to turn in her head. And there it was the look you hated seeing… pity. You averted your eyes from her stare. Tears started to pour down even more. You stared at your lap, not wanting to see the pity on their faces. “Y/N, I am so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?” “I don’t know…” You replied to Kie. JJ looked at Kie looking for an explanation, but all she did was give him an I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you type of stare. “Hey JJ, can you give us a second?” Pleaded Kie. “Uh… yeah” he said unsurely. JJ exited the room, and Kie made sure he wasn’t near. “Listen, I know it’s hard, and I’m really sorry… I had no idea Y/N.” “It’s okay” you responded quietly. “But…” Kie continued grabbing your hands and rubbing circles on them, “you need to tell him, I promise it’ll help.” You nodded. “M’kay… I will.”“Hey JJ, you can come in now.” Signalled Kie. You glanced at Kie, and whispered her goodbye. When you looked back JJ was standing in front of you a few feet away. “So are you gonna tell me?” Pushed JJ. “Yeah…” You said quietly before pausing “JJ?” You glanced up at him. “Yeah?” “I… I was raped” you barely croaked out. The feeling of your throat contracting signalled that you were having a panic attack, your breathing becoming shallow. JJ moved near you to help calm you down, you flinched back. He looked hurt. “Ok, breathe, breathe, everythings okay… I’m right here,” JJ said helping, “I’m right here, everythings okay.” You were starting to calm down, your breathing returning back to normal. “J…” He wrapped his arms around you. “Hey, it wasn’t your fault,” he pulled back, grabbing the sides of your face between his hands. “It wasn’t your fault, I promise.” He said still maintaining eye contact. You stayed silent. “I’m so sorry that this happened Y/N.” You leaned on him, exhausted from the past months. “We love you Y/N L/N, and I promise we’ll always be there for you.” Your head fell into the nook between his neck and shoulder. And with that JJ pressed a kiss against your forehead. The pogues would always be there for you. And JJ would always stand by your side.

Colin Firth can have my heart no literally

Finales for shows with a supernatural aspect all feel the same these days *sigh*

not now babe i'm trying to watch dean winchester wake up

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actually humiliating how much i care about dean winchester.

fuck it’s august??? what’s next? 2022???? can’t do this anymore

holding hands with someone is one of the simplest and greatest things on earth. nothing else really matters honestly

When the person you talk to about your problems is actually one of your problems 🙃

Playing the Wii with my cousins is something else I swear

ppl love to hear themselves talk. and it’s so fucking annoying. being the quiet kid gives a whole other perspective. y’all just keep on repeating yourselves

/vent

^^

I believe it. I find it weird that people associate hello kitty so much with that traumacore shit, it all makes sense

the floor is Sam Wilson

no thoughts, just this dress