Latest Posts by kingr321 - Page 2
omfg im laughing so hard i fell asleep on my keyboard last night and i just found this
I finally made the meme I've had in my head for over a year
I have a friend that works for a screen printing shop. They're gonna love this.
WELCOME TO THE FUNNIEST JOKES IN FILM TOURNAMENT!
Decided to make a tournament poll blog because everyone seems to be doing it uh I hope I'm doing this right
Basically what it says on the tin, let us, the great minds of Tumblr, decide once and for all the objectively greatest joke ever put into the art form of cinema. I am sure our decision will be universally agreed upon with no controversy whatsoever.
I am your host, S! (He/Him, don't mind They/Them either though) I will be your referee throughout this tournament as we encounter twists and turns, upsets, and close finishes galore!
(I hope at least, that's good for engagement)
THE RULES
Submit a film joke in the ask box
Include the films name, year of release, and a thorough explanation of the joke itself and why it is hysterical. A quip, some physical comedy, a running gag, anything goes as long as it's funny! If said joke involves significant spoilers it should be prefaced with a warning. Also while films in any language can be submitted do please write the submission itself in English. Also also please attach images or gifs if possible relating to the joke, it will save me a lot of time later. While I will be somewhat lenient, I reserve the right to delete any submission that does not meet the above requirements.
Tell your friends if they'd be interested so we can get a good number of votes!
Vote for each one you think is the funniest!
BANNED FILMS
Anything released after December 31st, 2019: to avoid recency bias
All the Potterverse films: because JK Rowling is a scumbag and trans rights
Films that have dated views on certain subjects like Casablanca are allowed but genuinely malicious films like Birth of A Nation are not; I will mostly exercise my own discretion here but may put some cases up to a poll
Please don't be the reason I add any more here
I'll start when I feel I have enough submissions
One more thing: be nice. Hyperbole can be funny but actually hateful comments will not be tolerated.
Have Fun!
>First, we’ve discovered that about a quarter of all the internet connection in or out of the house were ad related. In a few hours, that’s about 10,000 out of 40,000 processed.
>We also discovered that every link on Twitter was blocked. This was solved by whitelisting the https://t.co domain.
>Once out browsing the Web, everything is loading pretty much instantly. It turns out most of that Page Loading malarkey we’ve been accustomed to is related to sites running auctions to sell Ad space to show you before the page loads. All gone now.
>We then found that the Samsung TV (which I really like) is very fond of yapping all about itself to Samsung HQ. All stopped now. No sign of any breakages in its function, so I’m happy enough with that.
>The primary source of distress came from the habitual Lemmings player in the house, who found they could no longer watch ads to build up their in-app gold. A workaround is being considered for this.
>The next ambition is to advance the Ad blocking so that it seamlessly removed YouTube Ads. This is the subject of ongoing research, and tinkering continues. All in all, a very successful experiment.
>Certainly this exceeds my equivalent childhood project of disassembling and assembling our rotary dial telephone. A project whose only utility was finding out how to make the phone ring when nobody was calling.
>Update: All4 on the telly appears not to have any ads any more. Goodbye Arnold Clarke!
>Lemmings problem now solved.
>Can confirm, after small tests, that RTÉ Player ads are now gone and the player on the phone is now just delivering swift, ad free streams at first click.
>Some queries along the lines of “Are you not stealing the internet?” Firstly, this is my network, so I may set it up as I please (or, you know, my son can do it and I can give him a stupid thumbs up in response). But there is a wider question, based on the ads=internet model.
>I’m afraid I passed the You Wouldn’t Download A Car point back when I first installed ad-blocking plug-ins on a browser. But consider my chatty TV. Individual consumer choice is not the method of addressing pervasive commercial surveillance.
>Should I feel morally obliged not to mute the TV when the ads come on? No, this is a standing tension- a clash of interests. But I think my interest in my family not being under intrusive or covert surveillance at home is superior to the ad company’s wish to profile them.
>Aside: 24 hours of Pi Hole stats suggests that Samsung TVs are very chatty. 14,170 chats a day.
>YouTube blocking seems difficult, as the ads usually come from the same domain as the videos. Haven’t tried it, but all of the content can also be delivered from a no-cookies version of the YouTube domain, which doesn’t have the ads. I have asked my son to poke at that idea.
Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009, dir. Wes Anderson)
Barbie (written by Greta Gerwig, delivered by America Ferrera)
biggest mindfuck is the fact that it can be so so difficult to tell the difference between when it's time for "do it bored/scared/stupid but by jove just do it" and when it's time for "if it sucks hit the bricks"
So, I really love the selection of Tim Walz for VP and it’s taken me a moment to articulate why. I mean, obviously, Dem bonafides, he’s sharp, he’s funny, etc etc. But everyone in the Veepstakes fits that bill, Harris was spoiled for good choices.
But Walz offers something that the other men in contention don’t that I think will be incredibly useful in combating Trumpism.
He offers an example and an off ramp to the section of men who felt like they were Republicans by default, and so support Trump by default. There are a lot of Trump voters who are full on obsessive, but that’s not who we’re talking to. We’re talking to folks who grew up in Republican areas, or felt their hobbies didn’t line up with who a Democrat was, or didn’t feel represented by their image of a Democrat. You want to see it so you can be it, you know? Which is why Harris is so inspirational to a lot of segments of folks, but Walz is too.
He served in the military. He went to a state college. He’s your favorite teacher from your public high school. He’s your football coach who actually cared if you were passing your math class. He’s the guy you looked up to at school when your family sucked but this guy cared, and he helped you get out and make something of yourself.
He’s the neighbor who helps you jump your car. He’s your uncle who takes you hunting. He’s your Dad who loves teasing you at the Stare Fair. He’s you when he makes a mistake like his DUI and takes responsibility for it, and when he has the chance makes sure other can come back from similar mistakes. He’s you when you and your wife want so badly to be parents and IVF gives you the family you wanted. He’s you when he says ‘it had to be me’ and used his standing and power to protect vulnerable kids sponsoring the GSA at his school.
He gives the real life example to these men that they can be that football, fishing, hunting family man who wants to provide for his family, be that powerful, respected member of the community and use that power to feed kids in school. That it’s normal to enthusiastically work for a boss like Harris. That yeah those other guys are fucking weirdos, and you’re not a weirdo, are you?
That there’s a place in the Democratic Party for them. That they don’t have to default to being fucking weird.
I hope those guys see this example of masculinity and go… yeah, that’s me. That’s who I’m gonna be.
Now that Tim Walz is the VP nominee I just want to point out something that annoys me. A lot of news articles will say stuff like “democrat from minnesota” “member of the Democratic Party” “Minnesotas democrat party” and so on
so I just want to point out here in minnesota we don’t have a Democratic Party we have the DFL. And it was the farmer labor party first, DFL just sounds better and stuff
I feel like the farmer labor part is constantly ignored and I hate it
so to like the 3 people who will see this, thank you for listening to my rant. Now you know
The patron
The alien came to the library again, shortly before closing time, and quickly found a book.
"May this entity borrow The Complete History of Knitting?"
They always return the book they borrow after five minutes, but the ritual of checking it seems important to them.
"Of course. Did you bring your card?"
I looked them up, after the first time I saw them for real. They first registered with us over ninety years ago. The senior librarian who first told me about them said I shouldn't stare, or pry.
"Whatever else they are, they are a patron, and should be treated as such," she said. "If they seek knowledge, it is our duty to help them find it."
There isn't an ancient and secret code of librarians, but that is definitely a core part of it. If such a code existed.
I scan the card and the book. "There you go," I say and hand them over. "Please return it within two weeks."
They tilt their head. "This entity will honour your terms."
"Oh! That reminds me, we have updated the terms since your last visit." I hand them the pamphlet we got from the printers last week. "It's mostly about internet usage, but I'll need you to read them and agree."
They study the pamphlet.
"These are terms this entity can abide by." They pause. "Is there no requirement to keep your existence secret?"
"Of course not," I say, "we always welcome new patrons."
They stand silent, long enough for me to realise the implications of what I have just said.
"This entity had made an assumption, based on prior experiences on countless worlds, where knowledge is always closely guarded and costly to obtain" they say at last. "You will provide knowledge for free to all who seek it?"
In my mind, I weigh humanity's ignorance of those countless worlds of alien civilisations against the code.
"Yes," I say, "this is a library."
One thing the analysts back in 2012 were right about is that they’d stop calling it “Obamacare” the second it started working and lo and behold anytime it was actually threatened under Trump it became The ACA and now Leftists who were in Kindergarten when the ACA was passed think Democrats have added nothing to this country.
when gerard way sings "the broken, the beaten, and the damned" and when kermit the frog sings "the lovers, the dreamers, and me" they're talking about the same people btw
dear USAmericans,
VOTING WORKS!!!
French people showed up, French people voted, turnout was higher today than it has been since 1997, and we kicked the far right to 3rd place
a week ago, the far right was the biggest party in France, we were slated for a far right parliament, prime minister, and government
this week, we voted against them en masse and we won!
VOTING WORKS!
you're up next in November! it's very rare we get to say this, but this one time, take example on the French! show up and vote!
because VOTING WORKS!
Omnissiah, guide my hand,
As I inscribe the sacred code.
May your logic flow through me,
Perfect and pure, without error.
Ave Deus Mechanicus.
Sic Erit.
Literally red handed
HELP
🕶
for pride month 2024 we're gonna nuke 10 of your mutuals' blogs and 9 of them are run by transfems 😍
@bovineblogger
I went to see the transhumance last week and it was an experience! I've lived here for five years and I'd never been to this event despite it being advertised in the library & town hall every year because I thought, it's just cows crossing a town on their way to their summer pastures, it's not that interesting—but I didn't realise that people turned it into a whole party, as people tend to do. When I arrived in town I found that a nearby field had been (temporarily) turned into a car park to accommodate the many, many visitors who came to see the spectacle—and I was like, maybe I've been missing out on something.
The town was festooned with tassels and garlands (some of the cows were also festooned, with big pompons on their horns) (festoon is a really great English word.) When I arrived there was a thriving little market with several cheese stands, because of course people would take this opportunity to sell their cheeses. They also sold bread, fruit, and cow milk-based desserts including ice-cream, so you were covered if you wanted lunch. (Unless you're lactose intolerant. I'm sorry.)
There were also folk dancers, and a contest going on where you had to guess the weight of an absolutely massive bull (see above). (My guess was way off, he weighed 1 200 kg!) There was a stand with a guy selling beautiful, framed photos of his cows. In one photo a cow was whispering something in her friend's ear. Nearby some prize cows were waiting to be paraded around and one of them was wearing a halter with a little heart <3
(I was invited for apéritif at a neighbour's house a few months ago, he's a retired farmer and he had old Kodak photos of his cows from the 1980s and 90s all over his house. He remembered their names and personalities.)
There was also a stand selling a dizzying variety of cow bells, and I've been resisting the temptation to buy a cow bell for five years now because, well, it's such a cliché tourist thing to buy, but I will probably end up buying one someday. It's hard to resist their allure. I'm not sure which of my animals will have to deal with the humiliation of wearing a bell for a few hours and being photographed cosplaying as a cow against his will.
(Definitely Pirlouit.)
I was buying an ice-cream and asking the vendor if the cows were fashionably late when finally, the herds started arriving. One herd would cross the town, with onlookers clapping and cheering (including from their balconies), then people went back to buying cheese and watching the dancers or the brass band, and commenting on the prize cows strutting on the plaza, then another herd would arrive half an hour later and children would run ahead to warn everyone "They're coming!" (kids love being sentinels) and people would eagerly gather again to clap and cheer as they walked past, and it went on like this all day. You'd think you might get tired of eating ice-cream and clapping for cows but no, people were still enthusiastic when the last herd came.
Imagine being a local cow, and every year when your owners take you to your summer pastures in the mountain you cross a town where people are eating cow milk ice-cream and clapping for you gratefully as you walk past, and buying cow merch (like bells) and admiring an exhibit of framed photos of you and your friends, and watching cow supermodels walking the catwalk on the plaza, and just as you think you've reached maximum levels of appreciation you reach the entrance of town and there's a lifesized statue in your honour in the middle of the roundabout. These cows must have such solid self-esteem.
this is so fucking funny
Friendly reminder that LGBTQ+, Queer, and LGBT+ are the preferred terms for the community (x).
Friendly reminder that Queer is approved by 72.9% of the people, and the groups who don’t prefer it’s use as an umbrella term are straight people, exclusionists, transmeds, truscums, sex-negative people, and sex work critical people (x).
Friendly reminder that aros and aces are excluded only 9.2% / 8.1% of the time respectively while being included 78.9% / 81.2% of the time (x)
Friendly reminder that exclusionists are in the minority and aro/ace people are included in the LGBTQ+ community by the people within the community.
me as a writer: Oh no I can’t write that, somebody else already has
me as a reader: hell yes give me all the fics about this one scenario. The more the merrier