Lyssrambles - I Was Born A Ramblin' Girl

I want...

I want to rail. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to yell out horrible things about him and make him feel as useless and broken as I do.

I want his arms around me. I want him to stroke my hair and tell me it will be okay. I want to believe it will be okay. I want to be safe. And secure.

But no one hears my wants as they fall directly into the blackness which was once my heart.

Time again to box it all up. Put it away. Pretend I don’t feel. Time to lose myself in mundanity. Hide from passion. Give up on hope.

#need something to grab onto #to ground me #feeling lost #hold my hand #before i float away

I wonder if you wonder what I wonder

I'd like to have compassion for him but I can't I've already given him too much of my heart.

You spin me around

like we're pinning the tail on the donkey

Yesterday this, tomorrow that

contradictions and half-truths

Until I'm dizzy and can barely walk straight

and you end up with a tail on your forehead

I don't know that I've ever heard a more apt turn of phrase than "consumed by depression"

It swallows me whole without remorse and I wonder if this is the time I am truly consumed

do you remember or am i delusional the more i wonder whether your feelings were real the more i question my feelings and my entire reality i believed so hard for so long in something which was gone in an instant

but was it really there at all

I pray one day you will drunk text me So you can finally find the freedom to express all those things you’ve locked up deep down