Part One | Part Three
Pairing: Crosshair x fem!Reader / Crosshair x Jedi!Reader
Words: 7,387 / 23,314
Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! angst, hurt/comfort, themes of grief/death/mourning, that comes into play a lot in this part, reader is genuinely unfair to Cross here sorry, protective!Crosshair, everyone is bad at feelings, smut in part 3
Summary: Crosshair is back, and you're the only one who still can't seem to forgive him. When you finally have the lead you've been seeking since the extinction of the Jedi, you seize the opportunity to escape the constant turmoil his presence causes you. Of course, Crosshair has other plans.
A/N: Thank you again to everyone for your kind words and support on all my fics, it really means a lot to me! I loved writing the drama in this part, and it was hard to stop, so hopefully it doesn’t drag on too much. Enjoy!
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The moment you enter the cockpit, Crosshair stiffens, staring out of the viewport with wide eyes. The smoggy grey atmosphere of Bracca, pocked with smears of red rust and the glimmer of steel, stares back.
You can practically feel the tension radiating off of him, and you know he’s remembering what happened the last time the two of you were here.
You can see the conflict in his eyes, the way he clenches his jaw and curls his lip. You know he doesn't want to be here, doesn't want to set foot on this planet ever again, and you’re surprised at how guilty you feel. You thought a part of you would relish the pain he was feeling, would be glad to see him squirm.
But you aren’t.
"Are you alright?" you ask. You hadn't meant to, hadn't even realized you were thinking it until the words slip past your lips.
He looks at you, startled, as though he didn't think you'd notice.
"I'm fine," he snarls, and the bite in his words catches you off guard. You recoil, turning back to the control panel.
"We're landing in twenty," you mutter, and that's the end of the conversation.
The rest of the flight is silent, and it's not until the Marauder is descending into the atmosphere that he speaks again.
"What's the plan?" Crosshair asks, standing behind the copilot's chair. You can hear the creak of the leather as he grips the backrest, can feel his eyes on the top of your head.
"There is no plan," you say. You look back up at him, and there's a furrow between his brows. "We're not here for a job."
He blinks, clearly confused. "What?"
"We're landing, and we're meeting my contact." You turn back to the control panel, watching the ship descend through the viewport. “She’ll give us the coordinates, we’ll get what I came for, and then we’ll leave.”
“That easy, huh?” Crosshair scoffs.
“Were you expecting something more thrilling? A daring chase? A firefight?” you tease. He rolls his eyes. “I told you it was just an exchange. There won't be any trouble."
The Marauder touches down, the landing ramp dropping a moment later. You stand, stretching.
"Besides," you say, grabbing your bag, "you've had your fair share of trouble for one lifetime."
He watches you closely as you sling the bag over your shoulder, and when you look up, you catch him staring. You don't understand the intensity in his eyes, or the way his expression seems to shift, the frustration replaced with something softer. He averts his gaze, crossing his arms.
"If you say so," he grumbles, but there's a hint of a smile playing on his lips.
You smirk. "Don't worry, I'll protect you."
"I don't need protecting."
"Of course you don't, dear." You pat his shoulder as you pass, and he scowls.
He's still glaring when you glance over your shoulder, and you have to hold back a laugh. You don't miss the way the corners of his lips twitch upward as he follows behind, and for a moment, the tension lifts.
It's raining when you exit the ship, and the cold droplets soak through your jacket almost immediately. Crosshair tugs on his helmet as you step out of cover, and you ignore your flash of jealousy as you pull your hood up over your head.
You don't waste time, hurrying toward the abandoned building you're meeting your contact in. Puddles splash under your feet, soaking through your boots, and your clothes cling to your skin. Your hood is doing little to protect you, the water dripping from the edges and onto your face, and you try to focus on anything other than the chill that's settling into your bones.
Crosshair stays a few steps behind, keeping pace. He looms behind you like a shadow. His presence is both comforting and unnerving, and you find yourself constantly checking over your shoulder.
"I hate this place," Crosshair grumbles. The modulator on his helmet makes him sound even more irritated. "Stay close to me."
You turn to see his head on a swivel, his posture stiff, and his hand on the blaster at his side. You can’t help but scoff, and his head snaps towards you.
"What?” he growls.
"Nothing,” you mutter back. “Just nice to know some things haven’t changed.”
“Are you going to be like this the entire time?”
You can hear the annoyance in his tone, the barely concealed frustration, and it makes you smile.
"Probably," you reply, turning down a side street.
Crosshair makes an irritated noise. It only encourages you, putting a spring in your step in an otherwise miserable situation. Maybe it's a good thing he came after all. You can practically hear him grinding his teeth, and it's hard to contain your amusement.
"I don't get it," he mutters.
"Get what?"
"This. You." He gestures vaguely, the hand not on his weapon flapping in your direction. "You're being..."
"Nice?" you suggest, glancing over your shoulder.
"Fucking obnoxious."
You laugh, the sound echoing through the empty alley. Crosshair groans, and you can see his shoulders droop in exasperation. "That's my default setting. You should know that."
"Yeah, well," he says, his voice low and rough, "I forgot."
The admission hangs in the air, and you feel a rush of... something. It's not quite guilt, or sadness, but it's not happy, either. It's an uneasy combination, and you shove the feeling down.
"Maybe I've missed this," you tease. You slow your pace, falling into step beside him. "Maybe I've missed the sound of your voice."
"You're a liar," he replies, but you can hear the humor in his tone.
"What are you talking about?" You feign innocence, but there's a playful lilt to your voice that gives you away. "I'm an honest person."
"An honest pain in the ass."
You snicker. "Maybe I've missed having someone to bother."
"You've never had trouble finding a victim," he quips, and you nudge his arm with your elbow. He pushes back, and it's almost a joke, almost a friendly gesture, and for a moment, you forget why you're even here.
"True," you concede. "But nobody else puts up with me like you do."
His helmet tilts down, and you can feel his gaze on you. You look at him, and it's impossible to see his face, but you swear there's a hint of a smile.
"Yeah," he says, and the word is almost fond. "Lucky me."
"Shut up."
You bump his arm again, and he chuckles, the sound barely audible through the filter on his helmet. It's a tender moment, a brief glimpse of the old Crosshair, the one who would banter and bicker with you for hours, and the sound of his voice pulls you back to a different time. You miss it, more than you thought possible.
"We're here," you say, interrupting the moment. You push the door open, and it swings inward, revealing a stairwell. You glance back at him, motioning him forward. He falls into step behind you, all trace of amusement gone.
"Let's get this over with," he says.
You descend into the building, the stairs creaking beneath your feet. You can see feel the tension rolling off Crosshair in waves, and he reaches over his shoulder to draw his rifle.
"Calm down, would you?" you say, and he bristles.
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"You said it yourself," he mutters, scanning the shadows. "I've had my fair share of trouble for a lifetime."
"That's not what I—"
You're interrupted when you reach the bottom of the stairs, and a tan Abednedo steps from the shadows, a blaster pointed in your direction. She lowers the weapon when she sees you, and a small smile crosses her lips.
“Master Jedi. Pleasure to see you again," the Abednedo drawls, holstering her blaster.
"Saaba," you nod. You nudge Crosshair hard with your elbow, and he grunts before slowly lowering his rifle. You can see his fingers flex, as if he's not sure he should put it away, and you hope he listens.
Saaba gives him a once over, the tendrils that frame her mouth twitching. "Who's your friend?"
"This is Crosshair. Cross, this is my friend, Saaba," you explain.
"A pleasure," Crosshair says, his tone dry.
"I'll admit, I'm surprised to see you've brought company." She squints, her large goggles emphasizing how she sizes him up. “And a trooper, no less. I thought they were your enemies now."
Crosshair tenses, and you can feel his anger flare. You reach for him, touching his wrist. He looks at you, and even with his helmet on, you can tell he's glaring. You shake your head, and he sighs, relaxing a little under your touch.
You hadn't told her about Crosshair, or about the rest of the Batch. It hadn't seemed important, and you weren't sure how she'd react to knowing the man standing beside you had more than once tried to kill you.
"Things change," you say, your tone light. "He's one of the good guys now."
"Well," Saaba hums, "that's a relief. I'd hate to have to kill a friend of yours."
Crosshair shifts his weight, and he takes a step closer. "You could try."
"Easy," you say, giving his arm a squeeze before dropping your hand.
Saaba laughs. "Oh, I like this one."
"Me too," you agree, and you can't help but grin. Crosshair's helmet swivels towards you, and you can imagine the bewildered look on his face. You shrug.
"Anyway," you say, ignoring the way he's staring at you. "Let's get down to business."
"Of course." Saaba smiles. She reaches into her bag, pulling out a small data disk. "The coordinates you need. As promised."
"Thank you."
You reach for the data, but she doesn't let go, pulling you closer.
"Don't get caught." Her voice is low, and her expression is serious.
"You know me."
"Which is exactly why I'm telling you not to get caught," she says. “I told the Guild I was stripping the place for copper, and I need to report back soon, or they’ll send their own crew. But I can’t guarantee they won’t go poking around on their own.”
"Understood."
She lets go, and you step back, putting the disk in your bag. You grab a pouch, holding it out to her. "For your trouble."
She shakes her head, pushing the credits away. “I owed you one.”
You blink. “Are you sure?”
"Just don't let me regret it," she warns, but her tone is soft. You always liked Saaba, even if she could be a bit of a handful. But she was reliable, and she didn't ask questions.
"Never."
You turn, heading towards the stairs, and Crosshair follows. You don't look back, and Saaba doesn't stop you. Once you're back outside, the door swinging shut behind you, you let out a sigh.
"Well, that was easy," Crosshair drawls.
"Don't jinx it," you grumble. You shiver, tugging your soaked jacket tighter around yourself. The rain hasn't stopped, and you're beginning to realize you didn't think the weather through.
There's a rumble of thunder, and Crosshair looks up.
Great, you think, just great.
"You should have brought a coat."
"Shut up."
He laughs, a real, genuine laugh, and the sound warms you. You can't remember the last time you'd heard him laugh like that. It makes you smile, even if he is laughing at your expense.
"It's not over yet," you continue, ignoring the way your stomach flutters. "We still have to find what we're looking for, and get off planet."
"I thought you said it was going to be simple," he teases, his tone smug. It's so strange, to hear his voice sound like that again, and it feels... good.
You huff.
"It should be." You glance around the alley, noting how the rain had driven the locals inside. "It's just the retrieval that might be difficult."
He hums, and the two of you walk in silence. The rain hasn't let up, and by the time you reach the Marauder, your hair is plastered to your face. You push it aside, wringing out the water.
"Now, let's see where we're going," you say, climbing the landing ramp.
You settle in the pilot's seat, Crosshair leaning against the doorframe, and you pull the data disk from your bag. You slide the disk into the control panel, waiting as the computer loads the coordinates.
You frown, leaning forward.
“The coordinates are a few clicks south of here," you say, zooming in. “But we can’t take the Marauder there, the terrain is too rough. We'll have to go on foot.”
"On foot?" Crosshair repeats. "Through the scrapyards?"
You nod. He sighs.
"Great."
"You can stay here if you’re scared."
"I'm not scared."
"Well," you say, grabbing your bag and heading towards the exit, "I'm glad to hear it."
Crosshair grumbles, and when he passes you, he knocks his shoulder into yours. You laugh, shoving him back.
"Come on, you big baby. It's not so bad," you tease, closing the ramp behind the two of you.
He scoffs, and the sound is distorted by the rain and his helmet.
"I've got a bad feeling about this."
As soon as the Marauder disappears from view, the rain goes from bad to worse. The cold droplets sting your face as you trudge through the mud, and the wind whips at your clothing.
The scrapyard is a dangerous place. Thousands of broken starships litter the area, stacked on top of each other in tall piles. Some of them are old, rusted from years of exposure, while others are relatively new, their hulls dented from the harsh winds. Even though you’re cold and miserable, you’re grateful for Saaba's work. If you’d gone searching yourself, it would’ve taken you years to find what you were looking for.
As you climb over a particularly large piece of debris, you glance at Crosshair. The rain is pouring, and it's put both of you in a sour mood, your prior banter forgotten.
You can feel his eyes on you as he walks behind you, and it makes you nervous.
"I'm not gonna fall," you snap, reaching the top.
"Didn't say you were."
"Then stop looking at me like I'm about to."
"What am I supposed to look at?" he asks, his tone sharp.
You glance around. There's nothing but rain and rust, and the looming shadows of the ships stacked around you. It's an eerie sight, the remains of war and violence, and you feel a chill run down your spine.
"Anything else," you grumble. You slide down the other side, and he's quick to follow.
"How much farther is this thing?"
"I don't know. Not far," you say, but the truth is, you have no idea.
"You're a terrible liar."
"Shut up, Cross."
You push your hair from your face for the thousandth time, and you can’t decide if the rain or the wind is the worst. Both make your clothing cling to your skin, and you're pretty sure you're never going to feel warm again.
"Real mature," he mutters, and you can practically feel the eyeroll. “Are you going to tell me what we’re looking for, or am I going to have to guess?”
“Guessing could be fun,” you tease, trying to distract yourself. But his patience is wearing thin, and you know it as well as you know that yours is fraying too.
"I’m not in the mood for games," he growls back.
The taught threads of your sanity finally snap, and you stop in your tracks, your patience evaporating like the mist. Crosshair slams into you, and you stumble, barely managing to keep your footing.
"Would you watch where you're going?" he hisses, and you whirl around.
“You didn’t have to come, you know.”
The venom in your voice catches you both off guard. He falls onto his back foot, taking a step away from you. You don't let it stop you. Your anger rises, the floodgates open, and your emotions come pouring out.
“Why are you here, Crosshair?”
The question comes out harsher than you intended, and Crosshair recoils, his head jerking backwards. You can't see his face, but the tension in his frame is clear. You're not sure why you're asking, not sure if you even want an answer, but the words spill from your lips regardless.
He doesn't say anything.
You cross your arms, waiting. The wind howls, the rain hammering down around you, and his silence drags on. He stands there, the rain pinging off his armor, his shoulders hunched.
Finally, he speaks, and the words are strained.
“I told you. It’s my job to keep an eye on you."
You scoff. "Is that really all?"
"Yes," he says, taking a step closer. "Why else would I be here? Do you think I enjoy freezing my ass off, traipsing around in the mud?"
"No," you reply flatly. "But I don't believe you, either."
Crosshair sighs, and his helmet tilts skyward. "I don't know what you want me to say."
"Something true, for once," you say, stepping into his space. "Because if protecting me is your job, you're fucking awful at it."
He flinches, and the movement is so slight you almost miss it. You regret the words the moment they leave your mouth, but you can't help but double down. You've been holding it back, all this anger and hurt, and the dam breaks.
“I’ve been hurt dozens of times since you left, at least once by your hand." Your voice rises, and he's motionless, his entire body stiff.
Your hands shake, and you clench them into fists, the ache in your knuckles a welcome distraction. He's still staring at the ground, and your temper flares. Something within you snaps.
"You left, and you didn’t come back. And now, what, you show up here, with some bullshit excuse, and act like nothing ever happened?"
"I can't—"
"I don't care," you cut him off, and your voice is cold. "I don't care what you have to say. You had your chance. You should've stayed away."
Crosshair recoils as though he's been slapped, and for a moment, he doesn't move.
You're frozen, too, the weight of the words hanging in the air. You hadn't meant to say it, hadn't meant to say any of it, but you were tired.
Tired of his excuses, of his lies, and his refusal to acknowledge what had happened.
You were tired of hurting.
And in that moment, you didn't care if he knew it.
You can't see his face, but you don't need to. You can feel the tension rolling off him in waves, can feel his rage, and it mirrors your own.
You stand there, staring at each other, your anger a palpable thing, and a part of you is relieved. It's the first real emotion he's shown, the first real indication he's been anything other than indifferent, and you're glad. You wanted a reaction, and you got one.
The thought is quickly quashed when he speaks.
"Maybe I should've," he growls. The pain in his voice underneath the anger takes you by surprise. "Then I wouldn't have to deal with your fucking mess."
His words sting, more than they should, and you hate yourself for it. He's always been good at that, cutting deep with his words, and it's something you'd hoped would change.
You should've known better.
"Well, then," you begin, and your voice is quiet, a contrast to the anger simmering below the surface. "I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you."
You turn, and he grabs your arm, stopping you.
"Don't—"
"Don't what?" you ask, whirling around. You yank your arm from his grasp, and his hand drops.
He doesn't reply. You don't move, the rain pelting the ground around you, and the wind whipping at your clothing. Crosshair doesn't say anything, doesn't try to explain himself, and you can't stop the anger from boiling over again.
"Don't go? Don't leave? Why shouldn't I? Why do you care? It's not like you cared about me when—"
"You don't know what you're talking about," he interrupts sharply.
"No!" you shout. Lightning cracks in the distance, the flash illuminating the metal around you. "You're the one who doesn't know."
"You think I don't know what happened?" His tone is hard, his words clipped. "You think I haven't had to live with that? With knowing what I did to you?"
"Don't you dare." You jab a finger into his chest, and he takes a step back. His shoulders tense, and you can tell he's furious, but you can't stop.
"You don't get to act like that's some big burden you've been carrying around."
"I have!"
"So have I!"
Crosshair is silent, and you can tell he's taken aback by your admission. He shifts, his weight moving from foot to foot, and his hands clench and unclench at his sides. He doesn't say anything, his attention shifting from the ground, to the sky, and back again.
The wind blows, and you shiver. You tug your jacket tighter around yourself as the adrenaline starts to wear off. You don't speak, waiting for him to respond.
"I'm trying," he says after a beat, his tone sharp. "I'm trying, and I don't know what else you want from me."
"Not hard enough," you spit back.
"How the hell am I supposed to—"
"You're not," you interrupt. "Not anymore."
He goes still, his entire body rigid. For a moment, the rain is the only sound, battering against the scrap metal and his helmet. His fists clench, and he shakes his head. He lets out a long, slow breath, and the mist from his vocoder obscures your vision.
"I never thought you would forgive me." His voice is low, barely audible over the howling wind. "I just hoped you wouldn't hate me forever."
Your lips part, but no sound comes out. There's a lump in your throat, and you can't swallow. Your chest aches, and your fingers tingle, and it takes everything in you to remain upright.
"I don't hate you," you say, and your voice is a whisper. "But I wish I did."
The words are painful to admit, and you're not sure what's worse: saying them out loud, or knowing they're true.
His hand lifts, as though he's going to touch your face, and the movement is so gentle, so careful, that it makes you ache. Then, his hand drops, and his fingers curl into a fist, and he lets out a frustrated huff.
You can see his hand shake, a reminder that the Empire took something from him, too, and you feel a sudden surge of guilt. But you can’t bring yourself to apologize, can't force the words past your lips, and so you just stand there, watching him.
The silence stretches on, and you can feel the cold steep into your bones, and you’re tired of waiting for Crosshair, so you turn and start to walk away.
You barely take a step when he speaks, and his voice is pained.
“I’m sorry,” he says, barely audible in the wind.
You stop, your feet sinking into the mud, and your breath catches. The apology is so unexpected, so raw, you feel it in your chest.
You want to look at him, but you can't.
You're afraid that if you do, he'll see right through you, and you'll have to acknowledge that despite your best efforts, your anger has faded, replaced by something else.
So you don't look at him. Instead, you stare at the ground, at the way the mud oozes around your boots.
"I'm sorry," he repeats, and his voice cracks. "I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I didn't— I don't expect you to forgive me, but I'm sorry."
He takes a deep breath, and you can hear it, the way his lungs stutter. It catches on something inside of you, and your eyes burn.
"I don't want you to hate me," he says. The words are so soft, so quiet, that you almost miss them. "And I know I deserve it. But don't. Please."
"You should've thought about that before you shot me."
He's quiet, the only sound the rain and the wind, and it's obvious the words hit him hard. A part of you regrets it, regrets being so cruel, but another part, a darker part, wants to hurt him. Wants him to feel the pain you've felt since the day he left.
"I know," he says, and there's a note of resignation in his tone. "And I will regret it every day for the rest of my life."
You turn, and his helmet is pointed at the ground.
“I thought I was doing the right thing, that it was the only thing I could do. But I was wrong, and I made a mistake, and I have to live with that." His voice is low, his words heavy, and the sincerity in his voice catches you off guard. "If I could take it back, I would. In a heartbeat."
You blink, the tears burning the back of your eyes, and you fight the urge to turn away. You swallow hard, the pressure behind your eyes so intense that it hurts, before you ask, "Why are you telling me this?"
He lifts his head to meet your gaze. "Because you deserve to know."
"And what do you deserve?"
"Nothing."
It's immediate, so assured and without hesitation that you nearly stumble back.
"I deserve nothing," he continues, and his tone is so self-loathing, so full of hatred, that it makes your chest tighten.
Your mouth opens, but the words don’t come, and you can't think. You want to scream, want to shout, want to hit him, to comfort him, to apologize, and it's too much, and you don't know what to do.
His words hang between you, the gravity of the situation dawning on you.
He really believes it.
He truly thinks that he deserves nothing.
That he deserves no forgiveness, no mercy, no sympathy, no second chance.
And as much as you want to be angry, as much as you want to hate him, it hurts to see him like this. To see him so resigned, so accepting, that he's willing to take whatever punishment you deem fit.
Your anger fades, and you can feel the fight draining out of you. You let out a long sigh, and the tension in your frame eases. "Cross—"
"Don't." He raises a hand, cutting you off. "Just...don't."
Your mouth closes. The rain batters the metal around you, the wind whips your hair around your face, and it's impossible to keep the tears from spilling over. They mix with the rain, and you wipe them away.
He lowers his hand. "Come on. Let's keep moving."
Crosshair pushes past you, his shoulder bumping yours. He starts to walk, his strides long and purposeful, and the space where his armor touched your arm tingles.
You hesitate before you follow him, and the rest of the walk is spent in silence. Your boots sink into the mud, and the rain beats against your hood. By the time you reach the coordinates, you're shivering, and the rain has started to sleet.
Your feet slip on the icy ground, and you stumble. Crosshair catches your arm, steadying you. You look up, meeting his gaze through the visor of his helmet, and your heart twists in your chest.
"Thanks," you mumble, pulling away.
He says nothing, turning his attention back to the ruins. The star destroyer is huge, the metal hull jutting up from the mud. The bridge has long since broken away, but the main section remains intact. You make your way to the hull, searching for an entrance.
You can feel him watching you, and you wonder if he's thinking about what you said, if he regrets his words, and your stomach twists.
You shouldn't care, not after everything he's done, but the thought of him thinking he deserves nothing, nothing at all, makes you feel sick. You know he does, and it hurts, because there's a part of you that still cares about him.
A part of you that's always cared.
And no matter how many times he's hurt you, that won't change.
You've wanted nothing more than to put the past behind you, to forget the hurt and the pain and the loss. And here is Crosshair, finally willing to talk, to apologize, and all you've done is push him away.
And despite how angry you are, how hurt, you're tired of fighting. You're tired of running from the past, and tired of letting it define who you are.
You take a deep breath, and then another. It's not too late, you tell yourself.
"Here."
You find a service hatch, and you pull it open, slipping inside. The metal groans as your feet hit the ground, and you narrowly avoid a gap in the floor. The interior of the ship is dark, and the only light comes from the holes in the ceiling. Crosshair follows you, and his rifle scans the room.
"It's clear," he says, lowering the weapon.
"Good," you say, wiping the sleet from your jacket.
You start down the hallway, searching the rooms as you go. The ship is in disarray, the furniture overturned and the walls peppered with blaster fire.
There’s a scorched line carved into a wall, and you wince at the sight, your feet slowing to a stop to examine it. You don't have to touch it to know what happened here, and your eyes burn.
You turn, startled to find Crosshair directly behind you. He stares down at you, his posture stiff. "What is it?"
"I..." You're not sure how to respond. He must sense your hesitation, because his head tilts, and you can feel his eyes on you.
"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice surprisingly soft.
"I'm fine."
"No, you're not," he says, and his words take you by surprise.
You cross your arms, looking away. The hallway is dark, and the silence between you stretches on. You're not sure what you expected, but you didn't think he'd call you out. "Cross..."
"No," he repeats, stepping closer. "Don't. Talk to me."
You open your mouth, then close it.
"Talk to me," he says again, more firmly.
Shaking your head, you turn and start walking. He trails behind, the metal creaking beneath his boots, and the sound echoes around the corridor. The hallway splits, and you go right. The lights flicker, the wiring exposed, and the darkness seems to seep in from the edges of your vision.
"It's the burn marks," Crosshair says, after a moment, his voice low.
You stop.
"In the walls," he adds, when you don't respond. "That's why you stopped, isn't it?"
You turn, and he's standing there, his helmet tilted, his posture rigid. He says your name quietly. “What are we really here for?”
You sigh. There isn’t any fight left in you, not now, and you can’t bring yourself to lie.
“My Master’s body.”
Crosshair inhales sharply, and his shoulders tense. He doesn’t move, and the silence is stifling.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Would it have changed anything?"
He pauses, considering. "Maybe," he says, his voice low, "but I still would've helped you."
Your fingers twitch at your side. It's a struggle, but you keep your emotions in check. You're not sure if he's being honest, if he's telling the truth, and the uncertainty makes your stomach twist, tangling with the grief that threatens to swallow you whole.
"I couldn't..." You trail off, your throat tight.
You don't have the energy to lie, and your eyes burn. You want to say it, want to tell him how much it hurts, but the words are lodged in your throat. You're afraid, afraid that once you start, you won't be able to stop, and the fear keeps the truth from spilling out.
The moment stretches on, and his fingers brush your shoulder. It's a simple touch, one that's barely there, and it's so unexpected that it takes you by surprise.
He squeezes gently, and the contact is grounding, comforting, and it feels so good that it makes your chest ache.
"I'm sorry," he says, his voice is thick with emotion.
You turn, and his helmet is tilted downwards. You know he's looking at you, his eyes boring into you with a heaviness you can't decipher.
"I need to find him," you whisper. You hate how vulnerable you sound. His hand tightens on your shoulder, and you swallow. "I need to..."
"We'll find him," he says, and his tone leaves no room for argument.
"Thank you," you manage. The words sound strange coming from your mouth.
He nods, releasing your shoulder. You miss his touch, and you have the urge to reach for him, to take his hand, but you push it down.
"We'll find him," he repeats.
You nod, and the two of you continue down the corridor. The hallway opens up into a larger room, and you glance around, looking for a clue, a sign, anything. But the sleet has left the space dark, blocking the light from the windows.
"There's nothing here," you say, defeated.
"There has to be," Crosshair insists.
You turn to look at him, and his helmet is pointed in your direction. He's staring at you, the intensity of his gaze causing your skin to prickle.
"There's nothing," you repeat.
"We'll keep looking."
"There's nothing, Cross."
"We'll keep looking," he repeats, and the steel in his voice is enough to make you waver.
You shake your head, frustrated, but before you can speak, the ground lurches beneath your feet.
"What the—"
Crosshair's arm wraps around your waist, and he yanks you forward, his grip on your jacket so tight you're sure it's going to rip. The ship groans, and the ground lurches again, and this time, you can hear the sound of metal scraping against metal.
"Shit," you mutter, gripping his shoulders. "The ground, it's—"
"I know."
You look down, and the ground beneath you is shifting. You can see the cracks spreading, and the ship starts to tilt, and you realize the ground isn't the only thing that's changing.
"We need to move," you say.
Crosshair doesn't need to be told twice, and the two of you start toward the hallway. You're not fast enough, though, and the ground shifts violently, the force of the impact sending you flying.
You scream, and Crosshair curses. He lunges, wrapping an arm around your waist, and your body slams into his.
The two of you hit the ground hard, and the impact knocks the wind from your lungs. You roll, and your stomach drops as the ground disappears beneath you. Crosshair grunts, and his hand digs into your hip, holding onto you tightly. The ship tips, and you slide down the slick metal floor, heading straight for the gaping chasm.
You let out a panicked cry, and the world goes sideways as Crosshair grabs onto a railing. You can see the bottom of the ship, hundreds of feet below, and you have a fleeting moment of panic.
Your command of the Force is still shaky, and there's a good chance that the two of you will plummet to your deaths if you try to slow your descent. Your heart is in your throat, but then Crosshair pulls, his grip strong, and he hauls you over the edge.
Your boots scrape against the ground as he pulls you upwards, and you feel your feet catch on the edge. You gasp, relieved, your fingers digging into his shoulders.
He pulls the two of you onto the platform, and his arms wrap around you, crushing you against his chest.
"Are you hurt?" he pants, his chest heaving.
You shake your head, and you can feel the adrenaline pumping through your veins. You squeeze your eyes shut, clinging to him, and you realize he's trembling.
"I've got you," he says. "It's okay, I've got you."
Crosshair doesn't let go, and his breathing is ragged. Your hands curl around his shoulders, and you lean into him, the contact calming. You can feel his heartbeat, and the rhythm is quick, erratic. You stay like that for a long moment, neither of you moving.
You're not sure who moves first, but his arms relax, and you shift, pulling away. He releases you, his hands sliding to your waist. He's still shaking, and his helmet is tilted downward, his gaze focused on you.
"Are you okay?" you ask, and your voice is a little too high.
He nods. "I'm fine."
Your lips press into a thin line, and he must notice your disbelief, because he lets out a shaky laugh. "I will be," he amends.
You nod, and you can't seem to look away. He's still gripping your waist, and his gloves are slick with rain. You can feel his fingers digging into your skin, and despite the chill, the contact is grounding.
"You saved me," you say, your voice barely a whisper.
"Yeah."
You're not sure what to say. There's a part of you that wants to thank him, a part of you that wants to pull him close and wrap your arms around him and bury your face in his chest. It's a strange feeling, one that you haven't felt in a long time, and you struggle to push it down.
Instead, you say the only thing you can think of. "Thanks."
He shrugs, as though it's no big deal. "It's my job."
"No, it's not."
"Yes," Crosshair starts, his tone firm. You blink, and he's leaning down, his helmet inches from your face. Your heart pounds in your chest, and your fingers curl into his shoulders. His grip tightens on your waist, and you can feel his breath through his vocoder. "It is."
"I—"
"We can argue about this, or we can keep going."
"Right." You nod, pulling away. His grip lingers, and then his hands fall, and you feel cold without them. "I mean, you're right."
You can hear him exhale, and he pushes himself up, holding a hand out to you.
"I usually am," he says as he hauls you to your feet, and there's a hint of a smile in his voice.
"Asshole," you mutter, pushing past him.
"Brat," he says, following close behind.
You climb through a hole in the floor, and you're surprised to find the hallway intact. You walk cautiously, your senses alert, and your steps are slow. The hallway ends at a door, and the panel is cracked, but the lock still works.
The door slides open, revealing a small, dimly lit room. A window looks out onto the snow, and there's a bed, and a chair, and a desk. You look around, and a lump forms in your throat. The bed is made, the covers neatly tucked. A holoprojector sits on the desk, and a stack of books is piled in the corner.
"This was his quarters," you say.
Crosshair doesn't answer, and the quiet is unnerving. You cross the room, your heart hammering in your chest. You stand beside the bed, and your hands curl into fists. You can feel his presence behind you, but he doesn't speak.
"What do we do now?" you ask, your voice sounding far away to your ears.
"Look for clues," he says. "Anything that could point us to where his body is."
You nod, and the two of you search the room. You're not sure what to expect, and you're not even sure what you're looking for. You pick up a datapad on the bed, but the device is blank.
Crosshair is rummaging through the desk drawers, and you walk over to him. He's looking at an open drawer, head tilted. You peer around him, and your breath catches in your throat.
There's a few pieces of flimsi, and a stylus, and a data card. But what makes your heart skip a beat is the stone. It's small, no bigger than your palm, and the surface is smooth, black with a white streak bisecting it.
"I can't believe he kept it," you say, and your voice cracks.
"Kept what?" Crosshair asks, and you can hear the confusion in his voice.
"The stone. I gave it to him when I was a Padawan."
"Why?"
"I don't know," you admit. "I was always giving him gifts. I used to think they were the only way he'd know I cared about him."
Crosshair looks down at you, and his voice is softer than you've ever heard it. "I'm sure he knew."
"You think so?" you ask, and your eyes burn.
"Yeah."
You nod, trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to spill down your cheeks.
"It's just..." Your voice trails off, and you clear your throat, trying to dislodge the lump that's formed.
"It's okay," he says, his hand resting on your shoulder.
"No, it's not. He's dead, Cross, and I wasn't here. I was supposed to be here, but I wasn't."
"That's not your fault," he says, and his other hand lifts, resting on your opposite shoulder.
"I know, but..."
"You couldn't have done anything."
"But I—"
"Stop." His voice is firm, and his grip on your shoulders tightens.
"Cross..."
"Shut up and listen," he says, and his tone leaves no room for argument. "You did the best you could. You were fighting a war, you were doing what was right."
You nod, but the guilt is overwhelming. You force yourself to look up at him. His hands are still on your shoulders, and his helmet is tilted down, his gaze on you.
"It wasn't your fault," he repeats.
His thumbs press gently against the hollow of your collarbones, and his touch is soothing. You take a shaky breath, and his grip loosens, one hand sliding from your shoulder to your face. His thumb brushes across your cheek, catching a tear. You inhale sharply, and his fingers cup your jaw, and you lean into his touch.
"Thank you," you manage, your voice breaking.
"It's going to be okay," he says. "I promise."
"Cross—"
"I mean it," he says. Crosshair grabs your hand, and you let him manipulate your fingers until only your littlest one remains facing up. He curls his around yours, squeezing gently.
"Promise?"
He nods. "Promise."
Your lips twitch up, and he squeezes your finger again, his grip firm. His other hand cups the back of your head, his fingers threading through your hair, and he pulls you against his chest, holding you tight. You wrap your arms around his torso, burying your face in his chest plate.
You stay like that for a moment, closing your eyes as his fingers run through your hair. You sigh, leaning into him, and you can hear his breathing through his vocoder. His hands are warm, and he's solid, and he smells like leather, and blaster oil, and rain.
"We should keep looking," you say, but you don't want him to let go.
Crosshair hesitates, then nods, his grip on your hair loosening. His hand slides from the back of your head to your jaw, and he tilts your chin up, staring down at you.
"Okay?"
You nod, and his thumb strokes the apple of your cheek. His touch is so soft, and you can feel his gaze on you. He lingers, and you wonder if he's going to say something, but he doesn't. Instead, his fingers tighten on your face, and he leans down.
His forehead presses against yours, and his hands fall away. He exhales, and his breath fans across your lips before he pulls away.
The absence of his touch leaves you cold, and your chest aches, the space between your ribs feeling too tight. You blink, and Crosshair is gone, already walking across the room.
He starts rummaging through the closet, and you shake yourself, clearing your throat. You turn to the desk, and you pick up the stone. Your thumb runs over the surface, feeling its imperfections.
Suddenly, you gasp. A memory flashes through your mind, one that doesn't belong to you.
"What is it?" Crosshair asks, instantly alert.
"I know where he is."
Taglist: @covert1ntrovert @bruh-myguy-what @huntersnikeheadband @thebadbatchfan @absolfan @winchesters-girl @sukithebean @spicy-clones @arctrooper69 @qvnthesia
@summer-of-bad-batch week 12 prompt 'Nightmares'
Fandom: The Bad Batch Characters: Hunter, Crosshair Set in Season 3, just before they go back to Barton IV in The Return Word Count: ~2585 Read Here on AO3
Synopsis: Since his return from Tantiss, things between Hunter and Crosshair have been nothing but tense. But even in his anger, Hunter is unable to ignore how distressed Crosshair is when he is trapped in a nightmare.
Written by request for @theproblemwithstardust after I made a throwaway comment in "Forget I asked" about Hunter holding Crosshair through his nightmares. Specifically, the request was phrased as "well if it’s in the hair braiding universe, and before Crosshair left Pabu… what about when he first got back to the squad with Omega (after Tantiss) and was still sort of fighting with Hunter. Maybe between them all meeting up again and The Return? I bet Crosshair might have nightmares while he’s stressed about returning to Barton IV 🤔 (and Hunter wouldn’t let him suffer even if they’re fighting)"
Hunter was dragged from the edge of sleep by that ill-defined sense that told him something was amiss, even if he couldn’t put his finger on quite what.
Tech had always told him that his trouble-sense was nothing to do with his enhancement, and everything to do with his leadership skills. Sometimes he wondered if it wasn’t a bit of both.
Now, as he stretched his senses out through the sleeping ship, he was certain it was the manipulated genetics that were at play. He should be able to sense three sleeping bodies – Omega, Wrecker, Crosshair.
But he could hear erratic breathing. Feel the shudders of a trembling body vibrating through the stack of narrow racks to reach him.
Not Omega then.
Still, he cracked an eye open and glanced up at the curtained gunner’s mount just to reassure himself. The curtain was motionless, and he could sense nothing from beyond it that would cause him concern.
One of his brothers then.
There was a time when he’d known all their life-signs so intimately that it wouldn’t even have taken him this long to sense whose distress had woken him.
Momentarily derailed by regret, he covered his face with one hand, drawing in his own shuddering breath. Then, steeling himself, he pushed sleep from his mind and sat up.
He was in the middle rack. Wrecker’s breathing beneath him was deep and even, and when he peeked over the edge he could see his brother fast asleep in open-mouthed exhaustion.
That left Crosshair.
Hooking one hand under the rack above to steady himself, Hunter leaned out and peered up at the form on the bunk overhead. A thin grey blanket was wrapped around narrow shoulders which twitched and spasmed with whatever midnight haunting tormented his brother.
He wasn’t awake, that was for sure. Just a nightmare.
Hunter paused, half-way to retreating back to his own narrow berth.
Just a nightmare.
Something bitter caught in his chest, so sharp it almost choked him. He was angry at Crosshair. So angry.
Yet at the same time the knife of guilt twisted in his gut, unable to ignore his distress.
Not now he could do something about it.
Hunter squeezed his eyes shut, breathed hard through his nose as he banished the feeling that stung unbidden at the edge of his conscience. He wouldn’t feel bad. He wouldn’t.
They had been separated. So many light years and the Empire a gulf between them. He didn’t have to feel responsible for what Crosshair had been through at their hands.
Crosshair had chosen that for himself. Hunter had given him another option, and he hadn’t taken it.
Leaving him on that platform, skyline streaked with destruction as Kamino burned, had torn his heart in two.
But it had been Crosshair’s choice.
No chips. No control. Hunter knew that now, no matter how he’d wanted to believe otherwise at the time. Crosshair had looked at him with that bruised expression, hurt and bitterness and spite etched into the stern lines of his face, and he had turned his back on them. Refused to consider rejoining them, even when the Empire had bombed the city out from under them.
Hunter tried to summon that core of anger and hold onto it. But it was a slippery thing, the spiky edges of his hurt made slick with the sounds of Crosshair’s suffering.
Because suffering he was, trapped at the mercy of whatever memory or vision stalked his sleeping hours.
If he could just quiet the rest of his senses enough, Hunter would be able to feel the lightning-storm of firing synapses that danced in the sniper’s mind, neural pathways surely altered by torture and conditioning that he couldn’t even begin to conceive of.
Not his brother’s mind any more. Not as he’d known it before.
But still his brother who tossed and whimpered in his sleep like he had when they were cadets.
Hunter clenched his teeth so hard that the tendons in his temples ached. Then finally he made his choice and swung out of his bunk once more, carefully tucking his feet onto the lower rack without disturbing Wrecker so he could stand up with his elbows linked on Crosshair’s bunk.
“Hey. Cross.”
The nickname slipped out by accident. Some deep-rooted instinct had set it at the tip of his tongue without conscious thought, and it had slid out before he had time to click his teeth shut and bite back that instinct towards sympathy.
He didn’t feel sympathy for his brother, he reminded himself. Crosshair had suffered, but no more than they had in his absence. No more than Omega had, taken captive by the Empire and held against her will.
“Crosshair.” The name was a grunt, and this time it was accompanied by digging his knuckles between Crosshair’s shoulder blades. An open hand to his back felt too soothing, and Hunter wasn’t ready for that gesture yet.
Crosshair woke with a flinch, spinning towards the source of the perceived threat with his hands up defensively. He didn’t cry out; was dead silent except for a breathy gasp inhaled as he surfaced from his nightmare, and the ragged breathing that followed.
And his eyes. Hunter had been waiting for a scowl at being woken, that same dark, closed glare that Crosshair directed at him for every one of his waking hours.
No. Crosshair’s eyes were wide and frightened, tear-glaze glinting in the darkness. Hunter startled at the way it constricted his heart, gaze locked on the look of slack panic on Crosshair’s pale, narrow face.
Several blinks cleared the child-like panic from Crosshair’s face, and Hunter watched in real-time as the veil of discontent settled back into place, defences quickly rebuilt. Crosshair’s shoulders hunched protectively, open hands which had shielded him on instinct as he woke bunching to fists and folding across his chest.
“What is it?” he hissed, some of the displeasure of his words lost between panting breaths that he still hadn’t managed to regulate.
Hunter let his own frown fall into place to match Crosshair’s, wiping away any evidence of that intuitive concern he had felt to see his brother so distressed as he woke. He chewed on his answer a moment, then offered it gruffly into the silence between them.
“You were having a nightmare.” Then, as though that weren’t explanation enough, “Thought I’d wake you from it. You’re welcome.”
He couldn’t help the bitter sarcasm that leached into his voice. Crosshair had that effect on him, even when he was trying to be nice.
“I didn’t ask you to,” spat Crosshair, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Like he was looking for Hunter’s angle of attack.
“No, you didn’t,” agreed Hunter with a bite of anger in his words. “Because you were too busy whimpering like a tubie.”
It felt dangerous to be stood on the edge of the bunk like this, facing down Crosshair’s sharp tongue and acerbic mood. He couldn’t predict how his brother was going to react.
He’d done it often enough when they were cadets.
But they’d known how to trust each other back then.
Crosshair made no move to lash out at him. Nor did he roll away, turn his back to Hunter and ignore him. His gaze might bleed with distrust, but he didn’t look away from Hunter’s face.
Hunter waited for another agonising minute, both of them locked in mutual silence. Neither was ready to be the first one to break their rapport, however tense it may be.
He sighed and reached out again, this time lightly cuffing Crosshair’s shoulder.
“Move over.”
“What?” Crosshair’s question was acid even as he complied.
Hunter levered himself up onto the top bunk, shoving at Crosshair’s body until he sat, then settled himself alongside. On the top rack they didn’t have space to sit up fully, so he slouched until he didn’t have to bend his head to stop it hitting the roof of the Marauder and dangled his legs off the edge of the bunk.
A wordless snort of displeasure punctuated Crosshair’s own movements, but he copied Hunter until he too was slid down in the rack, arms folded across his body so he was hugging himself protectively.
“What’re the nightmares about?” Hunter asked, voice rough and low in the night.
A long, long pause before, “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does.”
“It doesn’t concern you.”
“If you’re back with us, it concerns me.”
Hunter wasn’t sure if he allowed the edge of command into his voice, of if it happened subconsciously. All he knew was that with Crosshair back, wrapping himself in the distance of being the Sergeant made things easier.
It wasn’t the right thing to say; there was no ‘right thing to say’ between them right now, time and distance and hurt an unscaleable wall between them. He felt the electric thrum of tension through Crosshair’s body.
“This really doesn’t.”
Hunter let it rest for a moment, before trying a more direct question.
“Is it about the planet we’re going to?”
From the way Crosshair immediately stiffened, the answer was yes. But Crosshair’s reply was, “It won’t affect the mission.”
Hunter wanted to curse. There were secrets hiding in the silences between Crosshair's words, and he would tear them out of him with teeth and nails if he had to.
Eventually.
For now, they needed Crosshair and what he knew about Tantiss. That meant he couldn’t risk starting a fight; the kind of argument that would lead to Crosshair walking out, refusing to help them.
And Crosshair needed him.
“You should sleep,” he said with a resigned sigh. “We need you rested for whatever we’re going to find at this Imperial base tomorrow.”
Crosshair merely sniffed, and didn’t move.
Hunter would have prompted again, but now he could feel a faint vibration through the bunk once more. He glanced down; noticed the shaking of Crosshair’s hand where it was tucked under his opposite elbow.
“Cross.” This time the soft-spoken nickname was deliberate. “Want me to stay up here a while?”
“No,” came the sullen response, although Crosshair made no move to pull away, or eject him from the bunk.
Hunter bristled, violence itching at his fingertips. He had consciously chosen to set aside his anger to wake Crosshair from his nightmares, only to be met with his brother’s difficult behaviour. What he wouldn’t give to be able to fight it out, like when they were cadets.
“Fine,” he muttered, his words a low growl. “I’m going to sleep.”
He pushed to the edge of the bunk, ready to slip back down into his own rack. Hesitated, then grunted back over his shoulder, “Wake me if you need me.”
Crosshair’s eyes gleamed in the darkness. He didn’t reply.
Hunter slipped silently back into the middle rack, settling on his side with his back to the rest of the Marauder. He tried to let go of the tension that coiled through him from confronting Crosshair, breathing deeply in an effort to trick his body into relaxing.
All it achieved was to enhance how aware he was of his surroundings, the faint scent of cortisol permeating the air. He had always been able to sense his brothers’ stress, but now it made him ache with inner conflict.
Again, Tech had called it his leadership instincts, but Hunter knew how the line between his enhancements and his role as squad leader blurred. Being able to pick up on the most subtle signs of distress had given him a preternatural ability to appear at his brothers’ sides before they even knew they needed him.
And it was hard, so hard, to lay there and ignore the distress he could feel radiating from Crosshair, sharpened now he was awake. Guilt licked at his conscience once more, wondering if it would have been better to let the sniper remain in the grip of his nightmares, if waking him only meant he would dwell on things.
He had tried to do the right thing. Except everything seemed to be backfiring on him since Crosshair returned.
He heard shifting above him, listened closely to Crosshair’s movements. There was no question that he was planning to lay awake until he was sure his brother had settled into a dreamless sleep.
A light touch brushed against the back of his shoulder. Hunter jumped, turning so quickly that his legs tangled in his blanket.
Crosshair’s arm dangled over the edge of the bunk, fingers pulled back into a loose cage as though he had flinched away after touching Hunter’s shoulder.
Hunter let out of the breath he’d been holding, settling onto his back. He watched the edge of the bunk for a moment, waiting to see if any more of Crosshair would appear. When none did, he raised his forearm up, elbow finding a resting place on the edge of the rack, and let their fingers brush.
A nervous twitch greeted him, Crosshair’s hand convulsing as though he was going to pull away entirely. Hunter held his hand still; held his breath. Waited, agonisingly, for his brother to make the next move.
Slowly, as if he didn’t trust the contact, Crosshair’s fingers threaded through Hunter’s – loosely at first, then as Hunter gave a faint squeeze, grabbing tightly enough to squash the bones of Hunter’s hand. Hunter merely rolled onto his side, bringing his other hand to cup his elbow and support his vertically held arm.
He didn’t say anything. Nor did Crosshair.
But the grip of his hand was vice-like, thumb tracing a deliberate track along the back of Hunter’s knuckles. Hunter could feel the unbidden tremor ripple through their joined hands.
Something aching and hollow opened up inside Hunter at that simple point of contact. Things were broken between them. Their bond, once so strong, torn asunder by betrayal and separation.
Pillowing his head on his upper arm, Hunter slid his hand up inside Crosshair’s wrist to grasp his forearm.
“I’m here, Cross.” It was mumbled half-into his own arm, voice thick with conflicting emotions. “’M here.”
Crosshair wasn’t okay. Hunter could hear it in his erratic breathing, in the racing of his heartbeat. He could feel in in the hand extended, seeking comfort.
And Hunter wasn’t okay either. He hadn’t been, for a long time, and had been doing a good job of squashing the uncertainty down to doggedly keep going, one day at a time.
He didn’t trust Crosshair enough to open himself up about any of that. Wasn’t sure if he’d ever trust Crosshair like that again.
But right now, in the dark and the quiet and with the tenuous bond of their joined hands, none of that mattered.
He hadn’t forgotten the betrayal.
He hadn’t forgotten the hurt.
But just for a moment, he could look past it and see that his brother needed him.
Hunter stroked his thumb across Crosshair’s pulse point, feeling the way Crosshair’s hand went tight around his own in response.
Holding hands wouldn’t stop the nightmares. But with every passing moment Crosshair’s breathing calmed a little more, slipping into a more regular pattern as sleep tugged at him once more.
An undercurrent of anger still hummed through Hunter’s veins. There was so much he wanted to shake out of Crosshair.
But that would wait, until tomorrow at least.
For now, he would lay here, his hand wrapped around his brother’s, and remember a time when Crosshair had been his world.
Lay there and achingly, yearningly, wonder if they would ever get back there.
My mom named one of the street cats she feeds Tommy, so I thought to myself, "what if..."
Pairings: none
Summary: Hate
Warnings: severe gore, jedi to sith, the evil force works how I want it too, death, sadism a little bit, fear
Word count: 954
★・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・★
Death.
He thought he had his cold grip around your soul, he thought it could be easy ripping you away from your family.
He was wrong.
He was not truly death,
You were.
And he had realized that a moment too late as you plunged your glowing blade through his ribs, twisted and then cut downwards. Your life came back to you with a rush of adrenaline, and you gasped for air while using your arms to push you upwards.
The man who had killed you, an inquisitor. He was slowly walking away, until he heard your gasp for air.
The masked man turned back to you as you slowly stumbled to your feet, the hilt of your dual lightsabers held tightly in your hands.
You were staring downwards, your hair falling across your face, blood dripping down your cheek as you just stood there. “Still not dead Jedi?” The Inquisitor asked, but you didn't respond. Instead you looked around you, seeing the unconscious yet alive bodies of your friends, your family…
“No.” You seethed, finally looking up at him as you ignited one blade after the other. At first your blades hummed soothingly, like a lullaby, and were glowing purple… But as you took a step towards the inquisitor, and tightened your grip on the hilts of your blades, that deep purple glow slowly turned red, starting from the base and making its way up to the top as it crackled with energy.
“You hurt my family… so you will suffer tenfold.” You snarled. The inquisitor snickered, but with a blink of an eye you were gone, no longer in front of him. His eyes went wide as he frantically looked around, hearing a whooshing sound pass him, followed by the crackling hum of your blades.
A scream then fell from his lips as one of your blades cut deep into his leg, he stumbled forward but didn’t fall. He turned to where the cut had come from, but again you weren't there.
The Inquisitor let out a furious cry, and spun around just as you struck him with your lightsabers. He had managed to block but only for a brief moment as you flicked your fingers. The force enveloped him as his hand slowly twisted backwards, yet despite his resistance to the push he dropped his own saber, and his head snapped backwards, a loud crack echoing through the forest you dueled in.
He let out another excruciating scream, but you weren’t done with him. You channeled the force, the darkness that clouded you and you sent the inquisitor flying into a tree. He nearly avoided being impaled by a low branch, but he was given no moment to recover as he was force pulled, then pushed again.
This time his back hit the sharp branch of the tree, and it started piercing his skin, the splinters catching in his muscle, making it even more painful as you stood in front of him, your two blades connected into one blade now as your right hand was extended forward, and you kept pushing him farther back against that branch.
Everything you did to him, you did with precision, making sure that every blow you dealt wouldn't kill him. And soon he was fully pressed against the tree, the branch fully impaled through his stomach as he cried.
“wha- what… are y- you?” The inquisitor choked out, blood filling his mouth and falling past his lips. You growled, and called on your darkness as you pulled him forward but not off the branch, pushing him back again. “I am revenge.” You answered, reaching through the branch, through its life as you made it crack, and expand from the inside.
The inquisitor wailed in pain, and began begging for his life as you stepped forward. You pointed the tip of your dual blade to his neck, pushing it against his skin, starting to burn the flesh of his neck away as he continued to plead.
“Y/n- what are you-” Hunter’s voice choked out, and you snapped your head towards him, reaching out your hand as you pushed him back, the force knocking him into the ground. You said nothing, and turned back to the inquisitor.
“Call your friends.” You hissed, pulling his commlink into your hands, turning it on and pointing it to his mouth. He choked out whatever garbled warnings he could muster before you crushed the device in your hands, and reached your hand towards him again, and this time you started to choke him, squeezing tighter and tighter as his face got redder and redder.
Until his head exploded. Literally. The pressure and the blood had gotten so clogged that it had exploded his brain, and that in turn cracked his skull, and then broke through the skin.
But you weren't done. You ripped off his armor plating, and tore away the fabric covering his chest, taking your saber as you carved a word against his chest, just a single word in a language you had grown to love.
You carved the mando’a word Skira into the inquisitor's skin. It meant vengeance, bloody vengeance.
And you would have it, you would destroy the empire for the harm they caused your family… and you would not stop until every inquisitor, every sith, every admiral under the emperor's watch was dead… or until you were.
You un-ignited your saber, and clipped it to your belt before you walked over to Hunter. He stared up at you, a form of fear written across his face. “Be not afraid.” You whispered, crouching down to him as he got a clearer look at your now yellow eyes.
“I will not let anyone hurt you, ever again.”
➺
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@moomoog017
Brontosaurus means thunder lizard you see
This is in my mind the first time either of them bring up marriage or weddings, Obi-Wan comes out of nowhere with it and Cody just rolls with it
reblog if you’re gay, shy or a fucking idiot
I didn't have Rampart screaming in all the varieties on my bingo list but here we go.
I just love anything tension filled when it comes to Crosshair... then it ends with the admission of feelings. The same formula and I will consume 1000 times
Hi there, I've never done a request before, so fun! 🤗 Could you do angst/fluff (enemies to lovers) with fem reader and Crosshair? "What are you staring at?" / "You, is that a problem?" I'd love for the fem reader to give Cross a dose of his snark, so maybe she's the one saying "You, is that a problem?" Some snark to fluff would be wonderful. Thank you for all you do! ❤️
Under the Moon 🌊
🫧 pairings: Crosshair x Female!Reader
word count: 2k
prompts:
• “What are you staring at?” / “You, is that a problem?”
Crosshair didn’t like new people so naturally, he didn’t like you. Or did he? He can bark but you show him that you can certainly bite back.
warnings: Safe for Work, Enemies to Lovers, Kissing, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Bickering, Sassy Moments, Light Angst, Scar/Burn Insecurities, Female Reader.
authors note: sorry for the wait, hope this is okay @megmegalodondon 🫧
The Marauder buzzed with activity, each member of the squad engrossed in their routines. The hum of machinery and quiet murmur of voices filled the air. You were content assisting Tech when a burning sensation prickled on the side of your face, like the intensity of a laser sight. You didn’t need to turn to know who was staring.
Since joining the team, Crosshair’s disdain had been clear. From the moment of his return, he made it obvious he didn’t like you. The others mentioned he wasn’t fond of people in general, and new members who acted like they knew everything were especially irritating to him. Unfortunately, that was you to a tee. Your confidence and cleverness only seemed to amplify his irritation.
As you worked at the main console running diagnostics, you felt Crosshair’s gaze drilling into you. Stealing a glance, you shot him a look of annoyance, but his face remained an impassive mask, eyes like cold steel.
You muttered under your breath, turning back to your task, but his presence was an undeniable distraction. Despite his abrasive attitude, you couldn't ignore his striking looks—though you'd never admit it aloud. His chiseled jaw, the intensity in his eyes, the way his hands worked methodically over his rifle — it was all infuriatingly attractive. Sadly his snarky attitude was less than desirable.
“Can you keep the static to a minimum?” Crosshair’s sharp voice cut through the silence, jolting you from your thoughts. His brows were furrowed in irritation, lips a thin line.
You rolled your eyes, fingers pausing on the controls. “It’s called doing my job, Crosshair. Maybe you should try it sometime.”
He set his rifle down with a clatter and stood, his tall frame casting a long shadow over you and his eyes bore into you. “My job is to keep us safe, and I can’t do that if I can’t concentrate.”
“Oh, please. Like your concentration is ever that perfect,” you retorted, standing to meet his gaze. “Or maybe you’re just looking for an excuse to complain.”
His brown eyes darkened, a dangerous glint in them. “I don’t need excuses to point out incompetence.” He stepped closer, the tension between you thick.
“Incompetence? You—” Your retort was cut short by Omega’s innocent voice from her corner, breaking the charged atmosphere.
“Why do you two always fight? It’s like you actually like each other or something.”
Wrecker, lounging on a crate nearby, let out a booming laugh. “Yeah, it’s like a schoolyard crush! You both just need to admit it!”
Your face flushed with embarrassment, heat rising to your cheeks. “What? No! That’s ridiculous,” you spluttered, glaring at the two of them. “Crosshair would be the last guy in all the galaxy I’d ever get with.”
Crosshair crossed his arms, a smug smirk playing on his lips. “Feeling’s mutual.”
Tech glanced up from his datapad, adding his two credits. “Statistically, opposites do attract. It’s not entirely out of the question.”
You and Crosshair turned on him in unison. “Shut up, Tech!”
He raised an eyebrow, unfazed. “Charming. But that just proves my point.”
Your embarrassment deepened as the rest of the squad chuckled. “I’m done with this,” you muttered, turning on your heel and storming away from the others.
Omega’s voice trailed after you, “We were just teasing!”
The next day, you were tasked with scouting a base for Rex, determining the best points for a future infiltration. The dense jungle surrounded you, the air thick with humidity, leaves glistening with moisture and you’re still in a sour mood from yesterday which is only to worsen. As you navigated through the underbrush, Hunter’s voice cut through your thoughts.
“You and Crosshair will go ahead together. Maybe sort out your differences while you’re at it.” Clearly, yesterday’s bickering had reached his ears, and this was your punishment. Crosshair merely grunted, a typical response, and began moving ahead without waiting for you. Reluctantly, you followed.
The jungle was alive with the chirps and calls of unseen creatures, the air heavy with the scent of damp earth and foliage. At the coordinates, Crosshair suggested a lookout point, but you were less than convinced. “You’re out of your mind if you think that’s a good vantage point,” you stated, shooting him a stern look.
He raised an eyebrow, his face a mask of annoyance. “And where would you suggest, General?” he drawled, sarcasm dripping from every word.
You pointed to a higher spot, frustration evident in your voice. “There, we’ll have a better view of the perimeter.”
Crosshair crossed his arms, a mocking smile on his face. “That’s weak. We’ll be seen.”
Your face flushed with annoyance because this wasn’t the first time he disagreed with you, it was almost every single time.
“Or maybe you can’t handle the climb and that’s why you’re opting for the lower point?” You challenge.
His smirk faded slightly, and he took a deliberate step closer, invading your space. With a fluid motion, he removed his helmet, locking his intense eyes on you. “You’re new here, Kitten. Maybe you should learn to trust my judgment.” His voice low and testing.
Your heart pounded, and you could feel the heat radiating from him. “Trust your judgment?” You scoff, doing your best to ignore the petname he just gave you. “You’re so arrogant!” you retorted whilst also trying to ignore how his proximity affected you.
Crosshair leaned in even closer, his breath brushing against your face. “Arrogant? Or just right?” His gaze flicked down to your lips, lingering. “You should watch that pretty mouth of yours.” The air between you crackled with tension, and for a brief, electrifying moment, it seemed like he wanted to kiss you. Or maybe you wanted to kiss him.
But did he just call you pretty? Was he mocking you? Either way, you find yourself in a sudden daze as you’re hypnotised by his eyes. The realisation hits you hard, leaving you momentarily speechless and strangely drawn to him despite your better judgment.
His breath is warm, scented but breathing deadly silent. If you closed your eyes, you probably wouldn’t even assume he was mere inches from you but he was and it was consuming.
Before either of you could react, a blaster shot rang out, shattering the moment. “Cover’s blown,” Crosshair snapped, his voice yanking you both back to reality. He sprang into action, and you followed, the adrenaline overtaking your argument.
Maybe, it was best to leave the arguing for after the mission.
Later that night, the squad had returned to Pabu, the mission a success despite the rocky start you and Crosshair had caused by not paying attention.
The others were inside the Marauder, their laughter and chatter a comforting presence. The warm, humid air wrapped around you as you stepped outside, needing space to clear your head, especially to think about what had happened earlier with a certain Sniper.
The tropical night was alive with sounds—creatures chirping, leaves rustling in the gentle breeze, and the distant call of birds. You wandered down to the beach, the soft, damp sand cool beneath your bare feet. The waves lapped rhythmically at the shore, and the moon hung low in the sky, casting a silver path over the water.
As you walked along the shore, you noticed a lone figure lying on the beach. At first you panicked thinking someone was injured but upon closer inspection, silhouetted against the moonlit horizon, it was Crosshair.
He lay on his back, arms folded behind his head, staring up at the vast expanse of the night sky. His usually stern features seemed softer in the moonlight, lost in thought.
For a moment, you considered turning back, but something compelled you to approach him. The sand crunched softly beneath you feet you drew closer, stopping a few feet away. You don’t say anything at first and then end up doing something unexpected—you lay down beside him, your eyes tracing the same stars he was watching. Did he do this often?
Supposedly all the time he spent in a cell made stargazing a rare luxury.
The usual tension between you seemed to vanish in the night air. Crosshair remained silent, his face expressionless as you both lay there, the silence stretching out, surprisingly comfortable.
After a few minutes, you turned your head slightly, your hair brushing against the sand as you watched him. His profile was illuminated by the moonlight dancing; casting sharp shadows and highlighting the lines of his face.
Just like you had noticed him staring at you the day before, he sighed. “What are you staring at?” he asked, his voice low and rough, like gravel.
“You. Is that a problem?” you replied, tone challenging.
He shifted slightly, his eyes flicking towards you before returning to the sky. “Are you looking at my scar?”
“No,” you replied with a small frown, not realising that might be a sensitive topic for him. You had heard about how he got it, but it wasn't something you consciously noticed.
“Good. Look away,” he grumbled, but there was no real anger in his voice. Instead of arguing, you did as he asked, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.
After a few minutes, Crosshair sighed once more. “Tech was right.”
You turned your head, confusion knitting your brows together. “About what?”
His gaze remained fixed on the moon, his profile bathed in its soft light. “Sometimes, opposites do attract.”
You were taken aback, eyes widening and quite unsure of how to respond. “Really?”
He nodded slowly, the movement almost missable. “I secretly admire how you take my comments on the chin and aren’t afraid to speak your mind. It’s... admirable.” His voice was awkward, as if admitting his feelings was a foreign concept. His usual mask of indifference slipped slightly, revealing a hint of vulnerability.
Surprise washed over you. All this time, you had thought Crosshair hated you. His constant criticism, the way he always seemed to challenge you—it had all felt like disdain. But now, you realized it was his strange way of showing respect, of acknowledging your strength.
“You could’ve gone about it a different way, y’know?”
“I know.” He responds stiffly.
You smile softly. “That’s a strange way to apologise to me as well.” You jest.
There’s a very faint chuckle that parts his lips as he says, “don’t push it.”
A heartfelt silence settled between you, the sound of the waves the only interruption. But, you still had one thing on your mind.
Breaking the silence, you asked, “Earlier, during the mission... what do you think went wrong?”
Crosshair's expression hardened slightly, his eyes narrowing. “We were distracted. We weren’t focused.”
You bit your lip, gathering your courage. “I thought... for a moment, I thought you were going to kiss me. Would you have?”
Crosshair fell silent, his expression unreadable in the dim light.
Oh no. Why did you have to open your mouth?
Embarrassment flushed through you, and you began to sit up, ready to leave. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”
Before you could finish, his hand reached out, gently stopping you. He said nothing, his gaze intense and unreadable as he held onto your arm.
Slowly, he sat forward and tilted your face towards his, his touch surprisingly gentle. Without a word, he leaned in and kissed you, a brief but electrifying connection that left you breathless, your heart trying to leap out of your chest.
The kiss was soft, tentative, as if he was testing the waters. He pulled back before you could even comprehend what was happening, his eyes searching yours, and for once, there was no hostility, only a vulnerable sincerity.
“How’s that for an apology?” he murmured, his voice barely more than a whisper, his breath warm against your lips.
You lick your lower lip, having to suppress a dreamy sigh as you could taste him on your tongue. “Surprising.” You say softly, completely smitten all of a sudden.
He smirks, eyes scanning your face. “I’ve never seen you so bashful,”
“Yes, well, kissing someone who you thought was your enemy tends to have that effect.”
He chuckles, lifting his hand and tucking some hair that was dancing in the soft breeze behind your ear. “How about another one?”
You grin, leaning in close. “I won’t say no to that.”
Masterlist is pinned ♥️
Tags: @tech-aficionado @grizabellasolo @therealnekomari @tech-depression-inventory @brynhildrmimi @the-bad-batch-baroness
@greaser-wolf @kaminocasey @marvel-starwars-nerd @ladytano420 @lulalovez @green-alm0nd
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@ezras-left-thumb @the-rain-on-kamino @lamiliani @imalovernotahater @sithstrings @whore4rex @imperialclaw801 @temple-elder @mysticalgalaxysalad @yunggoblin @photogirl894
I have a request! Works been rough lately, can I get a fem reader/Crosshair with “let me distract you” when he visits her during a tough shift? Love your work, thank you!
-dumfanting
The Perfect Distraction*** 🌊
🫧 Pairings: Crosshair X Female!Reader
word count: 2.6k
Prompts:
• “Let me distract you.”
Plot: When work is non-stop, you feel yourself overwhelmed and in need of a break. Luckily for you, your other half came at the right time.
Authors note: sorry that work has been tough lately @dumfanting 🩵 hopefully things have gotten better. If not, here’s some soft Crosshair to make your day better. (Sorry for the wait)
warnings: NSFW, 18+ only. Explicit Sexual Content and Language. Female Reader, Work Stress, Light Angst, Established Relationship, Massage, Soft Smut, Vaginal Sex, Cunnilingus, Aftercare, Comfort, Kissing, Neck Kissing and Sucking.
A neon sign by the door flickers, glowing with a dim "OPEN" that buzzes faintly in the background. It’s barely holding on, much like you are at this point.
Your shop that you owned for a few years is - to be blunt - a mess. A current maze of half-disassembled speeders and crates of mismatched parts, with wires and hydro spanners scattered across every available surface. The usual hum of machinery sounded through the space, barely masking your own frustrated grunts as you try to wrangle yet another malfunctioning power converter back into shape. But no matter how hard you work, it feels like the pile of jobs only grows larger, while your supply of critical parts dwindles.
Then, you hear the familiar irritating buzz of the door, followed by heavy footsteps. You grit your teeth, already bracing yourself for what’s coming.
A burly customer storms in, his face flushed with anger. “This is ridiculous!” he snaps. “You said my speeder would be ready days ago! What kind of operation are you running here? I’ve been waiting long enough!” He throws his arms up in frustration, knocking over a pile of circuit boards in the process.
You open your mouth to respond, trying to keep your tone steady despite the stress bubbling under the surface. “Look, I’ve got a shortage of parts. I’m doing everything I can—”
He cuts you off, voice rising. “I don’t want excuses! You’re supposed to be a mechanic, not some scrap peddler! If you can’t get it done, I’ll take it somewhere that can.”
Before you can get another word in, a cold, measured voice slices through the tension. “I think you’ve said enough.”
The customer whips around to see Crosshair leaning against the wall, twirling a familiar toothpick between his lips. But there’s nothing casual about the deadly look in his eyes. He straightens up, moving to stand between you and the customer, his hand resting near his blaster as if daring the guy to push his luck. “Back off and leave the lady alone,” he snarls, tone voice dipped with venom as he flicks the pick at the customer's chest.
Their bravado is quick to vanish. He stammers, trying to recover some of his bluster, but it’s clear he’s rattled. “I—I just want my speeder fixed…” He takes a step back, bumping into a tool cart and nearly knocking it over in his haste to retreat.
“Then take it somewhere else,” Crosshair replies coolly, his eyes never leaving the man. The customer mutters something under his breath and stumbles out of the shop.
For a moment, all you can do is exhale, letting the tension drain from your shoulders. You shoot Crosshair a look—half-irritation, half-gratitude. “Well, there goes another job. Not that I’m upset about it,” you mutter, rubbing your temple. “But still, I don’t need to be losing more credits.”
Crosshair simply shrugs, clearly unconcerned. “Credits won’t matter much if you’re burnt out.”
You huff, feeling the exhaustion catch up to you. “Burnt out is putting it lightly. It’s been one thing after another all day. Parts shortages, broken motivators, customers demanding miracles. I’m running myself crazy, and no one seems to care that I can’t fix what I don’t have.” Your voice wavers slightly as the frustration spills over. “I’m one person, Crosshair. I can’t keep this up.”
He listens quietly, his sharp gaze softening as he takes in the stress etched on your face. Without a word, he steps over to the door and flips the neon “OPEN” sign to “CLOSED.”
When he turns back to you, he’s closer now, his tone gentler. “What can I do?”
You look up at him, feeling a lump in your throat at the kindness in his voice. Before you can answer, he pulls you into his arms, wrapping you in a secure embrace. You really needed this.
The warmth of him, combined with the rare tenderness in the way he holds you, makes your chest tighten with relief. You let yourself sink into him, closing your eyes as you take in the steady rhythm of his breathing. For a moment, the clutter of the shop and the never-ending to-do list fades into the background.
“Just this,” you whisper, feeling the weight of the day lift ever so slightly. “This is enough.”
Crosshair’s hand moves in slow circles on your back, offering a silent comfort that says more than words could. His eyes then move toward your cluttered office tucked in the back of the shop. “Why don’t we head to your office? You could use a break.”
You nod, feeling a wave of fatigue wash over you. The office is far from tidy—tools, spare parts, and datapads are scattered all over—but there’s a worn couch in the corner that’s always offered a bit of comfort when you need a breather. Crosshair leads the way, and you follow.
You sigh heavily as you begin pacing in your cluttered office, not being able to help but continue venting your frustrations. “It’s like everything’s falling apart at once. Staff keep canceling their shifts, leaving me to pick up the slack. I’m drowning in work with no one to help, and my orders for parts are delayed again! I can’t catch a break, and I’m starting to think I’ll never dig myself out of this mess.”
Crosshair moves towards the couch, slouching back in his usual relaxed manner and his sharp eyes follow your every move. He doesn’t interrupt, just lets you get it all out. When you finally pause to catch your breath, he speaks, his voice calm and steady. “Come here.”
You look at him, still frazzled, but the calm assurance in his tone pulls you toward him. You sit beside him, and he wastes no time, guiding you against his chest as he wraps his arm around you. You lean your head back against his shoulder, trying to let go of the day’s weight.
Crosshair’s fingers trail lightly along your arm, his presence grounding you. He leans in close, his breath warm against your ear as he murmurs, “Let me distract you.”
You hum softly in response, your lips curling into a faint smile at the suggestion. “You think you can really take my mind off all this?” you ask. Oh you definitely know he can.
Instead of answering, he starts massaging your shoulders, his touch firm and soothing. His skilled hands work out the tension, moving slowly, melting away the stress you’ve been carrying. As his fingers glide over your muscles, your body begins to relax, the tension easing with every pass. His thumbs press into the knots with just the right amount of pressure, and you let out a quiet, contented sigh.
“See?” he murmurs against your neck, “You’re already feeling better.”
His hands continue their path down your back, trailing lower before slipping back up along your sides. His touch is tender, coaxing you into a calm state that contrasts with his usual intensity. Crosshair is rarely gentle, but right now, it’s exactly what you need.
The atmosphere shifts, the tension turning into something else entirely. He pauses, and you feel his lips brush the shell of your ear as he whispers, “Is this how you wanted to be distracted?”
The teasing lilt in his voice makes you bite your lip, your pulse quickening. “Maybe… but I think you know what I really need,” you reply, your voice breathy as your desire begins to build.
Crosshair chuckles, clearly pleased with your response. His hands drift lower, sliding over your hips and down your thighs before slipping back up. You feel his fingers hook into the waistband of your pants, tugging them down just enough to grant him access. Your breath hitches as his hand dips beneath the fabric of your dampened panties, his fingers brushing against your already slick folds.
“Is this what you had in mind?” he asks, his voice a low rumble against your ear as he begins to tease you, his touch feather-light and maddeningly slow.
A quiet whimper escapes you as his fingers trace gentle circles over your clit, his touch skilled and precise. “Crosshair…” you breathe, a plea hidden in your tone.
He smirks against your neck, enjoying the way you’re beginning to unravel in his arms. “I thought you needed a distraction,” he murmurs, sliding a finger inside you, teasingly slow. He works you with agonising precision, each movement calculated to draw out your need.
You arch against him, gasping softly as his fingers press deeper, his thumb maintaining a steady rhythm against your clit. “This what you wanted?” he taunts, slowly adding a finger inside you, curling them just right and hitting that perfect spot.
Your body answers for you, a shuddering moan escaping your lips as you grip his arm, your hips moving in time with his touch. The stress, the tension, everything melts away under his skilled hands, leaving only the building pleasure that threatens to tip you over the edge.
Crosshair’s free hand wraps around your waist, holding you steady as he continues to work you with an almost unbearable precision. “Let it go,” he murmurs against your neck, his voice velvet and commanding all at once.
And you do, falling apart in his arms. The pleasure crashes over you in waves as his fingers carry you through your release. He doesn’t stop until you’re trembling, spent and breathless against him.
For a moment, the world narrows down to just the sound of your breathing and the warmth of his arms around you. Eventually, Crosshair withdraws his hand, holding you close as you come down from the high, pressing a tender kiss to your temple.
“Feeling better?” he asks, his voice smug but laced with genuine concern.
You manage a tired, satisfied smile, still basking in the afterglow. “A little, yeah,” you whisper, sinking deeper into his embrace.
“Only a little?” He asks with a raised brow. He shifts positions, taking your waist and gently lifting and then laying you flat across the couch, crawling over the top of you. “That’s not good enough, is it?” His breath is warm against your skin, his eyes darting from your eyes to your lips.
You find yourself grinning, completely obsessed with your boyfriend. “I suppose it isn’t,” you gasp the second the words leave your lips, his mouth on yours with a tender, slow and sensual kiss.
“Let’s fix that,” Crosshair’s lips press a final kiss to your neck before he slides lower, his gaze never leaving yours as he settles between your legs. You’re already breathless, anticipation tingling through your veins. His movements are deliberate but unhurried, as if savoring the effect he has on you.
He hooks a finger around the side of your panties, pulling them aside with a casual ease that sends a shiver up your spine. His eyes darken as he takes in the sight of you, his usual sharp demeanor softened by the affection in his gaze.
“Relax,” he murmurs, his voice a low rasp as he leans in closer. The word is both a command and a promise. Then, without breaking eye contact, he dips his head, his lips brushing your inner thigh before his mouth finds exactly where you need him.
His touch is slow, precise, completely different from his usual rough and demanding approach. The contrast sends waves of pleasure through you, and you can’t help but melt into the couch, your body responding eagerly to his attention. He takes his time, his tongue moving in smooth, deliberate strokes that drive you wild while keeping you tethered.
You gasp softly, arching into his touch, your fingers tangling in his hair as he continues to work you with a patience that’s almost agonising. “So, beautiful.” He moans into your clit.
He seems completely focused on drawing out every bit of tension, coaxing your pleasure higher and higher with each careful movement. Every kiss, every flick of his tongue is calculated, designed to make you feel like you’re the center of his world.
Unable to resist the pull, you reach for the hem of your top and tug it off, tossing it aside. Crosshair doesn’t miss a beat—his hands are quick to slide up your torso, fingers grazing your sensitive skin as he cups your breasts. His thumbs brush over your nipples, sending electric sparks of pleasure through you as his mouth continues its unhurried rhythm below.
You moan his name, your voice laced with both need and admiration. He hums against you in response, the vibration adding another layer of sensation that has you clutching the couch cushions, completely lost in the pleasure he’s giving you.
After what feels like an eternity of bliss, he finally shifts, moving back up your body with slow, languid kisses, each one lingering as if he’s savoring your taste. He presses his lips to yours, letting you taste yourself on his tongue before he whispers against your mouth, “I told you, I’m not done yet.”
Your breath hitches as he pulls back just enough to reach down and free himself. He takes his time, positioning himself between your legs, his hands sliding up your thighs to hold you steady as he aligns himself with you. But before he moves, he locks eyes with you, his gaze filled with an intensity that makes your heart race.
“I’m going to take all that tension away,” he promises, his voice rough with desire, but there’s a softness there too—a genuine care that makes you feel cherished, not just desired. “Just let me take care of you.”
As he slowly enters you, every inch deliberate and controlled, you feel the world narrow down to just this moment—the warmth of his body, the steady rhythm of his breathing, and the way he fills you completely. His movements are slow but powerful, every thrust purposeful, designed to make you feel every bit of him. It’s intimate, soothing, and completely overwhelming in the best way.
He keeps whispering soft praises, his voice a rough murmur in your ear. “That’s it… just like that… you’re doing so good for me.” His hands roam your body, caressing your skin as if he’s grounding you in the here and now, making sure you stay connected and completely focused on him.
His pace is steady, as if he has all the time in the galaxy to show you exactly how much he cares. The dirty talk flows naturally, his words laced with affection. “You’re perfect like this… so beautiful when you let go.”
The way he moves, the way he speaks—it’s all meant to draw you further into this shared moment, making you forget about the stress and exhaustion from earlier. The tension in your muscles, the weight on your mind, all dissolve under the weight of his attention.
As the pleasure builds, you can feel yourself falling apart in the best way, and he’s right there with you, guiding you through it with whispered reassurances and gentle touches. When you finally reach your peak, he’s watching you with a look that’s both possessive and full of awe, like he’s proud of how you’ve given yourself over to him completely.
“C—Crosshair…mmm, I’m goin’ to cum.” You rasp, your back arching into him as stars begin to blur your vision.
He doesn’t stop until you do. Letting you ride out your orgasm on his cock until you’re fully sated. He reaches his own high, panting your name softly before he pulls out and spurts his velvet white seed all over your stomach and breasts.
As your body relaxes and becomes loose in his embrace, he leans over you and places a tender kiss to your lips as he holds you close, letting you bask in the aftermath.
When you finally catch your breath, he gives you that familiar smirk, his voice filled with smug satisfaction. “Now… how’s that for taking the tension away?”
You can’t help but laugh softly, feeling lighter than you have in days. “More than enough,” you whisper, still wrapped in his arms, grateful for the way he always knows exactly how to care for you.
That is the distraction you definitely needed today.
Tags: @littlefeatherr @kaitou2417 @eyecandyeoz @jesseeka @theroguesully @ladykatakuri @arctrooper69 @padawancat97 @staycalmandhugaclone @ko-neko-san @echos-girlfriend @fiveshelmet @dangraccoon @plushymiku-blog @pb-jellybeans @nunanuggets @sleepycreativewriter @erellenora @zippingstars87 @ezras-left-thumb @the-rain-on-kamino @lamiliani @imalovernotahater @sithstrings @lulalovez
@tentakelspektakel @tech-aficionado @grizabellasolo @therealnekomari @tech-depression-inventory @brynhildrmimi @greaser-wolf @kaminocasey @marvel-starwars-nerd @ladytano420 @ladyzirkonia @thesith @raevulsix @cw80831 @knightprincess @crosshairlovebot @whore4rex @imperialclaw801 @temple-elder r @mysticalgalaxysalad @yunggoblin @photogirl894
the cross fic made me realize there's not enough tech angsty fanfics
how about a groveling tech trying to get femreader back like they were an item before order 66 tech broke things off, they reunite with the batch later but reader became a very sad person after all that time
an i lied because i thought you deserved better so i pushed you away situation ?
sorry if it's a long ask 😅 first timer here
I like your writing 💕
No worries! I love a detailed prompt.
Writing angst for Tech was harder than I thought it would be tbh. I think his direct communication style and self confidence make it especially difficult, so I took a slight detour here that I feel is more true to his character.
Pairing: Tech x fem!Reader
Words: 5,630
Tags/Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, allusions to torture, PTSD
Summary: Pushing you away was the logical decision. It was the right choice. But Tech never expected it to hurt so much, nor did he expect to reunite with you months after the rise of the Empire, broken and haunted by your time spent in Imperial custody. Now, he's determined to make things right.
Being in the same room as you is exceedingly difficult in a way Tech didn’t expect.
It’s been weeks since you returned, appearing like a vision from the Force to them, alive, and he still can’t quite believe it. His hands shake slightly when you look at him, his mouth goes dry. He still wants to reach out to you, hold you tight and never let you go, and it is agony to resist, to stand by your side and not be able to touch you.
You were the one who asked for space, time to readjust to being around them again. And he has respected that, despite the desperate, possessive urge to pull you back, to keep you close so you never leave his side again.
It makes it hard to concentrate. Hard to be of any use at all, really.
Tech knows this isn't healthy, the way his mind and body and emotions are behaving, but he is finding it difficult to control. He has a lot of feelings that he isn’t sure what to do with, a lot of emotions that he doesn't understand. Tech isn't one for emotional outbursts, for being ruled by his heart and not his mind. He is rational, logical, always thinking of the most efficient solution to a problem, the most practical way of doing things.
It’s what lead him to break it off with you, after all. He couldn’t afford to have his head in the clouds when so much is on the line, couldn't afford to be distracted by thoughts of you when they could be used against him.
But then you were gone, and Tech was left alone with only the cold reality of his own decisions.
He thought he had made the right choice. Thought he had been logical and sensible, thought it would hurt you less in the long run, if he pulled away. But Tech doesn't feel very sensible now, and it doesn't seem very logical that the best way to protect you would be to push you away.
You have been hurt more than enough. And even if you don't want him in your life anymore, even if you want nothing to do with him, he will never forgive himself for not trying to help.
The fact is, Tech isn’t sure what you want, but he is determined to make amends, to help in any way that he can. It might hurt, might cause him to feel pain at the distance between you, but he is willing to accept that, to live with it if that is what you need.
What he isn’t willing to live with is seeing you unhappy. And you are unhappy.
Your eyes are dark, hollow. Your face is drawn and gaunt, cheeks too thin, and when he sees you, your shoulders are slumped as though under an impossible weight. You barely eat, you barely sleep. Tech watches as you push food around your plate and drink only water. He notices how you keep to yourself, avoid talking and laughing and joking like you used to, and he hates that you have changed so much, that the Empire has taken that joy from you.
And that, more than anything, is what hurts him the most. The Empire took your light, the thing that makes you, you. They ripped your spark away and left a shell behind, and he is struggling to reconcile that with the bright and lively woman he knew, the woman who had such a profound effect on him.
"On all of us," Echo points out one night, as the rest of them watch you sitting alone.
Echo has become increasingly vocal about his feelings, something Tech is glad for. It gives him a chance to understand better, to gain perspective, and Echo has been the one to notice what Tech can't admit, the thing he isn't willing to think about, the thing that hurts the most.
You're suffering, and you're pushing them away.
At first, it seemed reasonable. You were gone a long time, and they hadn’t seen you. It made sense that you needed space.
But time has passed, and you're still not yourself.
Tech thinks back to your first night, how you flinched away from his touch, and realises how foolish he has been. He sees now how much he was hurting you, how much damage his words and actions were causing, and his heart breaks a little more.
It was never about protecting you. Not really.
Tech wanted you. He wanted you for so long, and when he finally had you, he was terrified of losing you. So, he pulled away. He cut ties, and told himself it was for the best.
Except now he has no ties to cut, no bonds left to sever. You're here, but not, and his chest aches as he watches you.
This isn't the way it should be.
Tech should be holding you, and you should be smiling. He should be telling you how much he loves you, how happy he is to have you back. He should be making sure you're comfortable and safe, ensuring that you have everything you need, everything you deserve.
Instead, he stands in the corner of the room, watching silently as his brothers try to coax you into eating, or drinking, or just saying something. Omega is the only one who is successful, who manages to make you smile.
Tech can't understand it. He tries his hardest, he does his best, and you always turn away.
And the more he tries, the more he feels the ache inside him grow, the more his feelings change, twisting and turning and growing, and he can't keep track of what's happening to him. All he knows is that the idea of losing you is the worst thing he can imagine, and the idea of being without you is becoming unbearable.
He doesn't know how much more he can take.
You've been avoiding him.
No, not avoiding. You've been staying away.
Or maybe, you've been ignoring him.
“She's not talking to me,” Tech admits one evening.
He's curled up in the corner of the cockpit, legs pulled up, head buried in his arms. The rest of the Batch have dispersed, going off to their own bunks to rest or to tinker or to read. Tech is usually the last to retire, but not tonight.
Tonight, his shoulders are slumped and his goggles are pushed up onto his head. He's been scrubbing at his face with the heels of his palms for the past few minutes, trying to work through the thoughts and emotions swirling in his mind.
You're not talking to him.
And yes, maybe it's because you're not talking to any of them, but it still feels personal.
You're not talking, not laughing, not doing anything, really. You’re just there, a shadow of your former self, a ghost.
Tech misses the woman who used to laugh and tease him, the one who could always bring a smile to his face and a blush to his cheeks. The woman who was a whirlwind of color and life, the one who lit up his world and made him see things differently. Who kissed him so deeply and passionately that it felt like his entire world was reduced down to the feel of her lips. He misses her warmth, her kindness, the way she touched him, looked at him.
He misses the way he felt around her.
He misses you.
Tech doesn't know what to do. He can't stop thinking about you, can't stop thinking about what he's done, what he could have done.
What he should have done.
Maybe if he'd tried harder. Maybe if he hadn't given up, hadn't let go. Maybe if he had listened to Hunter, had heard Echo. Maybe if he'd told you the truth, he could have stopped this.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
He sighs, rubbing at his face. He feels miserable, and it's his own damn fault. He's the one who ended things, who pushed you away. And he can't blame you for that, not when it was him who decided that you weren't worth it.
That isn't to say that he didn't care. Of course, he cared. He cares now. So much it hurts.
You are the person he was in love with, the only one. But it didn't seem fair to ask you to share his life, his world, when he couldn't promise that it would always be safe, that it would always be stable. He couldn't give you a future, couldn't provide for you the way a proper partner should, the way you deserve.
He could give you the present, but he couldn't offer you anything else.
And yet, as Tech sits here, head in his hands, he can't help but think that he should have at least tried. If he'd told you how he felt, maybe things would have turned out differently.
“I only ever wanted you,” you had told him once, and Tech can't believe how stupid he was to let you slip through his fingers.
Tech isn't used to feeling helpless. He's used to knowing exactly what he's doing, to being in control. But when it comes to you, it's as if he's floundering. He doesn't know what to do, doesn't know how to act, doesn't know what you want.
He’s tried everything, he's done everything he can, and still, you push him away.
You don't want his comfort. You don't want his love.
He doesn't understand it. You've always seemed happy around him, like his presence brings you some peace. But now, whenever he gets close, you move away. When he tries to talk, you turn your back. When he offers help, you shut him down.
Tech isn't sure why you won't accept his assistance, or why you won't talk to him. It doesn't make sense.
He can't understand, can't rationalize. And he's never felt so lost.
Tech groans, burying his face in his arms. He's being ridiculous, he knows, but he can't help the way he feels.
He misses you.
Tech misses the way your hand fits perfectly in his. He misses the smell of your hair, the softness of your skin, the sweetness of your lips. He misses the way your smile makes him feel like his heart is full, like he can take on the world, like he can conquer anything.
Tech misses the way your body feels against his. The way your fingers feel on his skin. The way your breath catches when he touches you, the way your heartbeat picks up, the way your pupils dilate.
Tech misses the way you made him feel alive.
Tech knows that he isn't worthy of your affection. He knows that he doesn't deserve your love. He's not a good man, not a good partner, not a good friend. He's not the kind of person who should have someone like you, and yet, somehow, you chose him.
But not anymore.
“I only ever wanted you.”
You said those words to him before, and they haunt him. You told him you didn't care about the risks, the dangers, the fact that he couldn't give you the future you deserve. All you cared about was him.
And he threw it away.
Tech isn't sure how long he sits there, wallowing in his misery. He doesn't move, doesn't speak. He just sits, and broods.
“Maybe she just needs time,” Echo says, though his voice sounds doubtful.
Tech shakes his head before pressing the heel of his palm into his forehead.
“She has made it clear that she doesn't wish to speak to me, or see me, or have anything to do with me."
The words sting as he speaks them. His throat is tight, and he swallows hard, trying to hold back the emotion.
"I doubt a little more time will change her mind."
There's a long silence.
Echo leans against the wall beside Tech, his arms folded. He's watching Tech carefully, his gaze piercing. Tech feels uncomfortable, and shifts, ducking his head. He doesn't like being scrutinized, doesn't like being vulnerable. He prefers to keep his emotions in check, his feelings close to his chest.
But he's finding it hard to hide them now, and his pain is obvious, even to himself.
“But she does,” Echo says finally.
Tech glances up, frowning. "Elaborate."
"She does want you," Echo clarifies, his voice gentle. "She loves you. She wouldn't have come back if she didn't.”
Tech doesn't want to admit it, but Echo has a point. If you didn't want anything to do with him, then you wouldn't have bothered to find him. You would have left, disappeared again, and never come back.
You wouldn't have risked your life for him.
Tech isn't sure if that makes him feel better, or worse.
Because it means that you do care, but it also means that you might be willing to sacrifice yourself, and Tech can't have that. He can't let you throw away your life, not for him.
Tech groans, burying his face in his hands. He's being selfish, and he knows it. You're the one who was captured, the one who suffered, the one who nearly died. And yet, all he can think about is how much it hurts.
He's been thinking about how much it hurts him. He hasn't been thinking about what you need.
"What should I do?" Tech asks, his voice small and defeated.
"Apologize," Echo replies simply.
"I have tried," Tech protests, lifting his head. "I have apologized countless times, and she does not want to listen. She doesn't want to speak to me."
"No," Echo corrects. "You've apologized for the wrong things."
"Wrong things?" Tech echoes, frowning.
"Yes, the wrong things," Echo repeats.
Tech isn't sure what Echo means by that, but his brother looks confident, sure of himself. Tech wants to believe him, but he doesn't know how. He's spent so long trying to convince himself that he did the right thing, that he did the only thing, that he can't help but doubt.
"How do I fix it?" he asks, voice quiet.
"That, I can't tell you," Echo replies. "But Tech, the first step is admitting that you were wrong."
Tech nods, letting his shoulders sag. He doesn't feel particularly good about the situation, but he's willing to try. It's not easy, admitting he was wrong. He's so used to being right, to having the answer, to knowing what's best. But when it comes to you, he has never felt so lost.
Tech thinks of the pain in your eyes, the way you flinched from him, the way you turned away.
He has to do better. He has to be better.
He has to earn your forgiveness.
"I was wrong," Tech says, his voice steady and sure. "And I'm going to make it right."
You're standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by medical supplies and overturned cots. Your face is pale, eyes wide and fearful, and Tech isn't sure what to do.
The voice of his brothers and Omega inside his head tell him you need space, but they also remind him that you need someone to look after you. That you need help. That you can't be alone.
Tech hesitates. He isn't used to this, the uncertainty, the not knowing what's best. He's never been particularly good at reading people, and even worse at knowing what they need.
He has never been more unsure than he is now.
He wants to help. He wants to take care of you, to make you feel safe, to give you what you need. But he's terrified of getting it wrong. Especially when you're standing in front of him looking like a startled animal.
You're shaking, and your breathing is fast and shallow. Your eyes are darting around the room, as if searching for something. Tech isn't sure what it is, or if it even exists. You look terrified, and Tech knows you have reason to be. The last time you were in a place like this, the Empire was holding you captive, and he can't blame you for feeling uncomfortable.
Tech has to suppress a shudder as he remembers the footage, the recordings they managed to get from the base. The screams, the cries. They haunted his dreams, and Tech can't even imagine what they did to you.
Tech wants nothing more than to run to you, to take you in his arms and promise that he will protect you. But he can't, not without permission.
Not when he isn't sure you'd even want him to.
So, instead, he stands there, watching. He keeps his distance, gives you the space you need. He's trying his best, but it isn't easy.
She just needs time, he tries to remind himself, but Tech isn't so sure.
He isn't sure if time is enough. He isn't sure if anything will ever be enough.
He watches as you stand there, your hands clenched into fists, your eyes still scanning the room. He watches as your breathing speeds up, your chest rising and falling rapidly. He watches as the panic spreads over your face, your lips pressed together, jaw tight.
You look scared, vulnerable, and Tech's heart breaks a little more.
“Cyare,” he calls out, as quiet and soothing as he can manage. You stiffen, and Tech curses himself for causing you discomfort.
He should have stayed quiet.
But then you turn, and your eyes meet his, and something inside him seems to settle.
You look so sad, so lost, and he can't help it. He walks over to you, careful and slow, making sure not to startle you. When he reaches you, he holds out his hand, palm up. He wants you to know that he is there for you, that he will not hurt you.
He will never hurt you again.
He waits, holding his breath. He's afraid that if he moves, if he speaks, you will run. So, he stands, motionless, watching as you stare at his hand.
Slowly, slowly, you reach out, your fingertips brushing his. The touch is gentle, tentative, and Tech is afraid to breathe.
Then, your hand closes around his, and he exhales.
Tech knows he's taking a risk, touching you, but he can't resist. He can't stand the thought of leaving you alone, the thought of not being able to help. He pulls you close, wrapping his arms around you. He doesn't know what else to do. He wants to hold you, to keep you safe.
He never wants to let you go.
You're shaking, your breath coming in shallow gasps. You're trembling, and Tech knows that this is a big step, that you're taking a chance. So, he holds you, and he waits.
Your body is tense, and Tech is worried that he's overstepped, that he's pushed you too far. But then, slowly, you relax. Your arms wrap around him, your head resting on his shoulder, and he can't help but sigh in relief.
The others are nearby, finishing a sweep of the facility. He should be helping, but he doesn't want to leave your side. Not when you're finally letting him be close to you.
So, he holds you, and he strokes your hair. He whispers quiet reassurances in your ear, tells you that everything will be alright, that he's got you, that you're safe.
He's not sure if you believe him, but he has to try.
He can't lose you again.
Tech is trying.
He's trying his best, but he feels like he's failing.
Every day, every hour, every minute, his mind is filled with thoughts of you.
He thinks about how you're doing, whether or not you're eating, sleeping. He thinks about the nightmares you have, the way your body shakes as you wake, pale and trembling, gasping for air.
He thinks about how his brothers can't seem to calm you, how only Omega is successful, her soft voice and gentle touch somehow bringing you some measure of peace.
Tech can't help but feel that it should be him. It should be him comforting you, not Omega. It should be him easing your pain, not his little sister.
It should be him.
He isn't sure why he can't seem to do anything right. After they left the facility, after you finally started letting him hold you, Tech thought things would get easier.
But they haven't.
You still seem so distant, so far away. You still refuse to eat, to sleep, to talk. And Tech isn't sure how much longer he can handle this.
He's frustrated. Frustrated at himself, at the Empire, at the galaxy. Most of all, he's frustrated at you. Not that he would ever admit it aloud.
You've been through a lot. More than anyone should have to go through. Tech understands that. But he can't help but feel that maybe, just maybe, if you'd been willing to accept his help earlier, things would have been different.
Tech doesn't mean it, not really. He doesn't think that it's your fault. He's just tired, and angry, and frustrated.
And, if he's being honest, he's a little jealous.
You trust Omega. You open up to her. But you won't even talk to him.
It hurts.
Tech has spent the past few weeks trying to make things right, to show you that he’s changed. But you seem unwilling to let him in, to let him help.
It's infuriating.
Tech knows he shouldn't feel this way, but he can't help it. You were his girlfriend, his partner, his lover. And now, you won't even look at him.
He's trying, but he feels like he's getting nowhere. He wants to help, wants to be there for you. But he can't do anything if you won't let him.
“I’m not sure if this is a good idea,” Omega says, her voice uncertain. Her feet swing over the edge of the bunk across from him, and her brow furrows. “Won’t she be mad?”
Tech sighs, running a hand over his face. He knows that Omega is worried, but he can't sit around any longer. He has to do something.
"She is already upset. I'm not sure anything else could make things worse."
Tech tries to sound convincing, but the truth is, he isn't sure what the consequences will be. He isn't sure what will happen, isn't sure if this is a good idea. But he has to try.
“If you’re sure,” Omega replies slowly.
Tech nods, trying his best to look confident.
"I'm sure."
He isn't.
"Okay."
Omega pulls out her datapad and types the message. Tech watches as she hits send, then lets out a shaky breath. She slides off the edge of the bunk and hurries down the ramp, leaving him alone.
Tech waits, his nerves growing with each passing second.
You are going to hate him for this, he's sure.
But he has to do it. He has to try.
"Tech?"
Your voice is quiet, uncertain. You're standing in the doorway, arms wrapped around yourself, and Tech feels his chest ache at the sight.
You're here.
You're actually here.
"Hello," he says quietly.
“Where’s Omega?” you ask, your voice sharp. You step forward, and the light catches your face. Tech can see the bags under your eyes, the paleness of your skin. You look tired, worn down, and he hates it.
Tech winces. "She's not here."
"Where is she?"
You sound panicked, and Tech doesn't blame you. The last thing he wants is to make you more stressed. But he needs to talk to you, and this is the only way.
"She is fine," Tech says, trying to sound reassuring. "I asked her to leave."
You narrow your eyes, taking another step toward him. You're still clutching your arms, as if you're trying to hold yourself together. Tech wants to reach out, to take your hands, but he knows you'll pull away.
“What do you want, Tech?” Your voice is harsh, but Tech doesn't mind. You're speaking to him, which is more than he's gotten out of you in days.
"I, ah, I wanted to talk," Tech replies, his tone hesitant.
"About what?"
Tech swallows, his throat suddenly dry. "About us."
You frown, folding your arms across your chest. "There is no 'us', Tech. There hasn't been for a long time. You made sure of that."
Your words are sharp, cutting, and Tech can't help but flinch. He deserves them, he knows. But it doesn't make the sting any less. He takes a deep breath, trying to find the words.
"I'm sorry," he says, his voice barely above a whisper. "I was wrong. I shouldn't have ended things."
You stare at him, eyes wide. Tech isn't sure if you're surprised, or just angry. He can't read you, not anymore. He isn't sure if he ever could. He's always felt a little bit of awe, a little bit of fear when it came to you. And now, more than ever, he feels completely lost.
"So why did you?" you ask, your voice tight.
Tech sighs, adjusting his goggles nervously. He's not sure how to answer that. He isn't sure if he even has an answer.
"I was... afraid," he admits, his voice low.
"Afraid of what?"
Tech shrugs, looking away. "Everything. The future, the war, losing you."
You don’t say anything, and Tech takes a deep breath, forcing himself to continue.
“I ran an exhaustive cost benefit analysis, and I had determined that the risks far outweighed the benefits. I could not continue our relationship knowing that I would most likely hurt you. In my mind, I needed to end things before they went any further. Before you were able to become attached.”
"I was already attached," you whisper, your voice cracking. "I was already in love with you."
Tech's heart stutters.
"You were?" he asks, his voice quiet.
You nod, biting your lip. Tech feels his stomach twist, a mixture of guilt and hope rising in him. You were in love with him. You are in love with him. And he has hurt you more than he ever thought possible.
"I was a coward," Tech says quietly. "I knew if we had gone any further, and I were to hurt you, it would have caused me immense emotional pain. And, in the process, I would have risked my ability to perform at optimal efficiency, and that would have resulted in harm to the rest of the squad."
Tech looks up, meeting your gaze. "I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't want to put the squad at risk. But in the end, I failed at both."
You frown, and Tech can tell that you're trying to understand.
"So, let me get this straight," you begin, your voice strained. "You broke up with me, because you thought it was the best option for everyone involved."
Tech nods, his expression pained.
“That’s not for you to decide, Tech. I can make my own decisions. And, I decided to be with you. But instead, you made the decision for both of us, and you didn't even bother to ask my opinion."
“I knew that if I had discussed it with you, you would have tried to convince me otherwise,” Tech explains, his voice soft. “And I wasn't certain I would be able to resist your arguments."
You shake your head, an incredulous look on your face. "So, basically, you dumped me because you couldn't trust yourself to make a logical decision?"
Tech's shoulders slump, and he nods, his head bowed.
"That is correct. It is also…” He looks at his hands, his expression pained. “For all of my unique modifications, I am still a clone. I am still expendable. But you, you are not. You are more important. You are special." He hesitates, swallowing hard. "You are irreplaceable."
Tech can see tears gathering in your eyes, and he feels a fresh wave of guilt wash over him. He never meant to hurt you, but it seems he has managed to do just that. And now, he doesn't know how to fix it.
"Tech, no." You shake your head. "You're not expendable. None of you are."
"That may be the case," Tech concedes. “But at the time I could not see a future in which the two of us could have a happy life together. Not with the way things were, not with the risk we faced. So, I chose the safest option."
"But we could have figured it out, Tech. We could have found a way."
Tech shakes his head, his expression weary.
"I was not willing to take the risk. I was not willing to gamble with your safety, with your happiness. It was a decision I had to make. For all of our sakes."
You are quiet for a moment, your expression thoughtful. Tech can see the pain in your eyes, the hurt and betrayal, and he wishes he could take it all away. He wishes he could erase his mistakes, undo his actions.
"You made the wrong choice," you say at last, your voice low.
"Yes, I did," Tech admits, his voice quiet. "I was wrong. About a great many things."
He looks up, his gaze meeting yours.
"But I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to prove to you that I'm serious, that I want to fix things."
"Why?"
"Because I love you," Tech says, his voice breaking.
Your eyes widen, and you suck in a breath. Tech can see the surprise in your expression, the shock. He knows you didn't expect him to say it, to admit it. But it's the truth. And Tech can't hide it any longer. He can't pretend.
He has to be honest. Even if it means losing you.
"I love you," he repeats, his voice stronger this time. "I always have. I've never stopped. I didn't think I was capable of loving anyone, not like this. But, you changed that." He pauses, swallowing hard. "I don't want to lose you, cyare. Not again. Not ever."
"Tech."
You say his name softly, your voice cracking. Tech can see the tears welling in your eyes, and his chest aches. He wants to take you in his arms, wants to kiss away the pain, but he knows he can't. He knows he has to let you decide. He has to let you choose.
You step forward, and his breath hitches in his chest. You're so close, so near, and Tech wants nothing more than to hold you. But he doesn't. He stays where he is, waiting.
You reach out, your hand cupping his cheek, and Tech leans into the touch, savoring the warmth of your skin. You're looking at him, your eyes searching his, and Tech hopes that you can see the truth in them, the sincerity. He hopes that you can feel how much he loves you, how much he needs you.
"I'm sorry," he murmurs, his voice breaking.
You nod, and he can see the tears streaming down your cheeks. Tech wants to wipe them away, but he doesn't move. He stays where he is, watching you, waiting. You're still staring at him, and Tech feels a flicker of hope bloom in his chest.
"I'm sorry, too," you whisper, your voice raw. "I'm sorry I shut you out. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry for everything."
You pause, biting your lip. "I love you, Tech. I never stopped. And, I don't want to lose you, either."
Tech's heart swells, and he can't stop the tears that come, or the smile that spreads across his face. You're looking at him with such tenderness, with such love, that he can't help but reach for you, pulling you close, wrapping his arms around you, holding you tight. You melt into his embrace, your arms winding around his waist, your face buried in his chest.
Tech can feel your tears, wet against his skin, and he runs a hand through your hair, trying to soothe you. You cling to him, your grip almost desperate, and Tech feels his heart break a little more.
You've been through so much, endured so much pain, and he was part of it. He was responsible for it. And he doesn't know how to make it better. He doesn't know how to take away the hurt, the betrayal, the fear. All he can do is hold you, and promise to never let you go.
"Cyare," he breathes, his voice choked with emotion. "You will never lose me. I am yours. Always."
And then, you lift your head, and his eyes meet yours, and Tech can't stop the surge of emotion that rushes through him. You're so beautiful, so perfect, and he can't believe how lucky he is.
You're the best thing that has ever happened to him, the only thing that has ever made him feel alive. And now, here you are, in his arms, telling him you love him. It's everything he's ever wanted, everything he's dreamed of. And it's real. You're real. You're here. And you're his.
"I love you," Tech whispers, and then he leans in, capturing your lips with his.
The kiss is soft, gentle, filled with everything he's feeling, everything he can't say. And when you pull away, Tech's heart skips a beat, and he wonders how he ever thought he could live without you.
"I love you," you whisper back, and Tech can't stop the smile that spreads across his face, the tears that sting his eyes. He holds you tight, and the world seems to fade away, leaving just the two of you.
He's never letting you go again.
Another immaculate oneshot and deeply emotional read. Poor babies! Personally, I believe they all would have such difficult time initially adjusting to a life of peace and freedom, but they are resilient as we know. Adjusting to change is just their speciality.
I love that you acknowledged the trauma of Reader and the others. Sometimes people just kinda skip that, like it is difficult to write. I definitely understand that, but it was nice to see.
Tech and Reader 🥺. What a beautiful scene between them. Hunter is so supportive, and that's just so in character for him. He'd make you feel so safe. 🥰
ALSO ITS HAPPENING!!! Everyone so excited ❤️
Can't wait for your next update 🥰
A Bad Batch Post S3 Oneshot
Gif by @barissoffee
Hunter x femaleJedi!reader
Summary: Shaking the effects of Tantiss is easier said than done
Warnings: Literally one use of (Y/N), swearing, hints of Tech/Phee, references to past pain and torture, angst, hurt/comfort, nightmares and trouble sleeping, descriptions of illness (headaches), reader is hard on herself, suggestive dialogue, light PDA (kissing, teasing touches), mentions of food, me making up what everyone is up to on Pabu, fluff and happy ending
Masterlist for S1, S2 and S3
Word Count: 7.2K
Rating: 18+
Author's note: Okay, not gonna lie, I struggled with this one. It was a last minute idea as I was rewatching and writing the final few episodes of season 3 but it worked and felt a lot better in my head and when it came to writing, my brain was not my friend lol. I hope it's still enjoyable! The next oneshot is the story I've had planned for months so that should be a smoother process haha
It had been a few weeks since you’d all taken up official residence in Pabu.
Shep’s offer of setting up homes for you all stayed true.
You and Hunter had been put in a hut perfectly designed for the two of you that was a short walk away from the water and there was even a spare room for Omega who alternated between sleeping in your home and the home Tech, Crosshair and Wrecker all shared.
The three other clones may have been grouped together but there was plenty of room, and not a lot of time was spent indoors anyway.
Wrecker had taken to fishing like, well, like a fish to water.
Crosshair did a bit of everything, helping out with tasks of whoever needed assistance but he mainly he kept up with practicing shooting with his left hand. He wanted the practice, and he genuinely enjoyed it. He didn’t miss being a soldier anymore but that didn’t mean he had to renege on his skills.
Tech spent much of his time with Phee or assisting Shep in rebuilding parts of Pabu that still needed it and upgrading equipment.
Omega often kept close company with Lyana and the other young reg clones or she went off with Tech to plan out a potential search for lost or salvageable pieces of the Marauder- the two of them had dreams of rebuilding new a ship with as many pieces of their old home as possible. It was yet to be undertaken but the vision was there.
The task of reuniting the children from Tantiss with their families had been successful but with that final mission complete, you and Hunter were also in the same boat as Crosshair and still yet to find your official niche on island. For now, you both were just relishing in the peace and each other’s company.
One thing you had managed to achieve was finding a way to finally get in touch with Lyra again, who- despite being filled in on everything that had happened since you parted ways on Christophsis- still managed to scold you for the lack of communication. But after hearing you all were alive and settled, she’d sent you all packages of more suitable island clothes with promises to visit soon.
Everything was coming together and so you were feeling one with the island life.
However, life here was not without its challenges.
The impact and aftermath of Tantiss remained a constant shadow that would still find ways to rear its ugly head. Something you and Hunter in particular found yourselves dealing with.
--
“I figured we could have the party in the next couple of weeks right here in the colonnade and, I don’t know, you could slip away or…” Shep trailed off as he saw the way Hunter’s brow furrowed in pain.
“Uh huh.” Hunter agreed distantly. He didn’t want to ignore Shep, especially when he was doing him the favour, but fuck had the sun always been this bright? The blinding pain behind his eyes and throbbing in his skull was getting harder to dismiss.
You were a casual observer and listener to the conversation between the young reg clones and the adult clones that had remained on the island- Deke, Stak and Mox had no shortage of questions for them. But you sensed a rising discomfort and then you caught the way Hunter kept pinching the bridge of his nose and squinting to get away from the glare of the warm sun. “Excuse me.” You politely removed yourself from the conversation and hurriedly walked over to where Shep and Hunter were conversing. “Shep, I’m sorry to interrupt but do you mind if I steal him away for a moment?”
“Not at all.” Shep bid the two of you farewell with a smile.
You lightly rested a hand on his upper arm. “Hunter? Another flare up?” You figured, keeping your worried voice quiet.
Hunter just about managed a nod and said through gritted teeth, “But I can wait it out. Shep-”
He would attempt to come up with an excuse every time and every time you wouldn’t even entertain it. “Come on.” You carefully wrapped an arm around him and guided him back home.
--
You opened the door and carried on through to the bedroom. You gently prompted him to sit on the bed as you knelt down and took his shoes off before you shut the bedroom window to cancel out the noise outside and closed the blinds to keep the sunlight out. You kept your voice low and monotone as you instructed him, “Lie down.”
Hunter did as you said and rested on his back.
The routine was second nature to you. He hadn’t had headaches like this for a while but since Tantiss and because of what he’d suffered there, they’d become more frequent. His senses hadn’t quite readjusted back to what they used to be.
You moved silently throughout the house as you went to the freezer and came back with the cold compress you stored specifically for these moments and placed it over his eyes. “I’ll just be in the living room if you need anything. Try to sleep.” You whispered caringly before you lightly squeezed his hand and made to leave. However, you had barely stepped away from the bed when Hunter’s hand caught your wrist.
“Stay.” He requested through a wince.
“I don’t want to overwhelm you.” You cautioned quietly. You had remained a couple times before, but it had never been a certainty that he wanted you to stay when he was going through this. You always waited for him to give the okay.
“You can’t.” He murmured. He needed you here to ground him in a way the usual methods could never do.
You removed your own shoes and supported his back as you sat him up and slotted yourself behind him.
Hunter rested his head against your chest.
You readjusted the compress slightly once you were both in a comfortable position. “This okay?” You asked as you softly massaged each of his temples.
Hunter let out a tranquil sigh and he could already feel the discomfort receding. You always knew just what it was he needed from you in these moments. “Perfect.”
--
Hunter wasn’t the only one still feeling the lingering toil of Tantiss. Your screams of terror and the way you thrashed next to him woke him up. He called your name and shook your arm to wake you up. “Hey, hey. Easy, easy. It’s alright.” He assured you as he saw your eyes widen in fear.
You shot awake and hastily sat up, your breathing hard and uneven.
“You’re okay. I’m here.” Hunter whispered soothingly as he sat up alongside you.
You closed your eyes and let his voice be the only thing you focused on.
“You’re alright. It was a bad dream.”
Right yes, a bad dream.
“Hold on.” Hunter pressed his lips to your clothed shoulder before he got out of bed and ran a cloth under some cold water.
You worked on getting your breathing back under control. You ran a hand over your face and felt the beads of sweat dripping down your temples and down your neck and back. Your sleep top was sticking to you uncomfortably. But you forced yourself to concentrate on anything that didn’t remind you of the nightmare you’d just escaped. You took in your secure and familiar surroundings of your bedroom to calm yourself down. You weren’t back there. You were on Pabu with Hunter. You were safe here.
Hunter slid back in bed beside you. “Arms up.” He prompted delicately. When you did that, he carefully removed your sweat soaked top and tossed it to the side of the bed– he’d deal with it in the morning- and placed the cool cloth to the back of your neck and spine before he tenderly dabbed at your temples. He then put a replacement top back over your head and continued to press the flannel around your forehead and neck.
“I’m sorry.” You rasped as you hid your face in your palms in embarrassment. You hated this. He would already have tough days and you couldn’t even offer him any relief in the evenings. The two of you had gotten into a rather unfortunate ritual where you would comfort him during the day and then the roles would switch as soon as night fell.
“You’ve nothing to be sorry for.” Hunter reassured you lovingly. He placed the cloth on the bedside table and rubbed his hand up and down your back to ease away the lingering tension and to help settle you back down. “Same one?” He guessed.
You nodded but kept your face hidden from him. “I’m just standing there. I’m watching him hurt you over and over again and I’m not doing anything to stop it.” You said, your voice cracking with each word. “Then he goes to the rest of you- to Omega. I’m completely frozen and all I can do is watch you all writhe in pain. I keep fighting to move but nothing happens. I’m just so useless and I stand by and let it happen. You’re crying out for help, and I just stand there.” You whispered with plenty of self-loathing behind your words.
Hunter shushed you consolingly. “But that’s not what happened. It’s just the nightmare talking.”
“Is it? Because it feels an awful lot like that’s what I did.” You said with self-directed disgust.
““You didn’t do nothing. You didn’t give up. You did what you thought you needed to do to get us out of there alive.” Hunter reminded you.
“Imprisoned.” You corrected.
“Alive.” Hunter countered.
You knew there was no sense in arguing with him over it. “I should be over this by now. I coped after Christophsis. I don’t know why this is sticking with me so much.” You said critically instead.
Hunter was all too familiar with this line of argument. As soon as you admitted to the nightmare and the fear it brought, you started looking for ways to berate yourself for feeling the way you were. “You couldn’t process Christophsis on your own time. You were in a position where you were forced to carry on. And I don’t think going through and being impacted by torture has a time requirement.”
You finally half-turned to face him. “Do you really believe that?”
The doubt in your voice made his throat constrict and chest tighten. “I know it.”
“But dealing with this is annoying.” You mumbled self-consciously and you averted your gaze once more.
“Do you get annoyed when you’ve needed to help me?”
You lifted your eyes back to him. “No, of course not.”
“Exactly. You help me through those episodes. Why do you think I’d treat you any differently?” He rubbed his thumb along your cheekbone. “You still need to give yourself the same treatment you give other people.” He said caringly.
You leaned your head against Hunter’s shoulder and just gave a series of reluctant but agreeable noises to signal your acceptance of his statement.
“You’re talking to me though. That counts for something.” Hunter praised, angling his head so he could kiss your forehead.
“Yeah, I’m a work in progress.” You managed to say with some light-heartedness before your voice went solemn again. “Just don’t give up on me… please.”
“Never.” Hunter promised with steadfast seriousness.
Your eyes flickered shut and you snuggled closer to him as he ran his hand up and down your arm in soft, delicate patterns.
“Want to sleeping try again?” He suggested after he felt your breathing and pulse settle back down.
You gulped but agreed to give sleep another go. “Okay.” You laid back down readjusted the covers you had kicked off in your sleep-panicked state. You breathed deeply as you closed your eyes and willed yourself to at least get a couple uninterrupted hours. But the darker part of your nightmare, the part you couldn’t vocalise, lingered with you and you didn’t know how to get past it.
Hunter wrapped his arm around your side and pulled your back tight to his chest, but despite all you opened up about, he knew you were holding something back. It was the same every night and he knew sleep would continue to elude you.
--
This new day was nearly over. Dusk had come and gone but the concept of night and sleep filled you with a deep anxiety. You needed to clear your head before you even thought about winding down for the night. “I’m going for a walk; I’ll be back soon.” You said, giving Hunter a chaste kiss to his lips before you exited your home.
Hunter gave you a slight smile as you parted from him, and he could only watch you leave. He had never felt so helpless.
He knew he couldn’t quite help you in the way you needed but there might be someone else who could.
--
“Hey there, Hunter.” Phee greeted cheerily as she opened the door to greet the clone.
“I’m not interrupting anything am I?” Hunter asked apologetically.
Phee rolled her eyes, “Pfftt no way. He’s been at this for hours, if you can get his attention onto something else, be my guest.” She led him through to the living room.
Tech grunted his greeting as he sought out the tool that he needed for the task he was completing for Shep. The island had a healer- Dalia, but she mainly operated out of her home because, until recently, that suited just fine. But when the attack on Pabu occurred, Shep and Dalia had found themselves ill-prepared for accommodating the seriousness of the injuries that followed so Tech was assisting in expanding and updating her equipment and resources. AZ was already a big help with that, but more was needing done. It was a longer but important project that Tech was taking very seriously.
“Sorry about the mess.” Phee said with an annoyed yet affectionate stare in Tech’s direction, but she was not surprised when the clone did not appear to even register that she’d spoken. She had stopped trying to get Tech to tidy as he went about altering this latest piece of machinery since he’d insistently claimed there was an order to the chaos around him. The entire area in which he was working was covered with random tools and intricate pieces of machinery. Phee struggled to see how this all equalled a system since all she saw was an array random pieces of metal taking up her living room floor. It didn’t truly bother her though; it was just another quirk she was fond off. Her appreciation for his intelligence and passion outweighed a little untidiness.
“Don’t worry, it’s something I’m very used to.” Hunter said lightly as he carefully stepped over some discarded screws.
“Sit down.” Phee encouraged, gesturing to a spare chair as she took a seat on the couch across from where Tech was working in the middle of the floor. But when Hunter made no move to do so, Phee properly looked at him and she noticed the distant and slightly nervous expression Hunter donned. “Everything alright?”
“I need your help, Tech.” Hunter said in answer.
Tech spoke for the first time since Hunter arrived as he found the spanner he needed, “I’m not yet finished with this. Once I’m done-”
“I don’t need you to fix anything, Tech. It’s about (Y/N). She’s struggling right now and-”
“Well, we know that she has a habit of taking things on by herself. A habit both of you have shared for quite a while.” Tech said plainly, not taking his eyes off the medical equipment he was fixing up. “I wouldn’t take her refusal or dismissals personally.”
Hunter bit back his frustrated huff. He knew attempting to get his brother’s focus when he was so absorbed by a project was always going to be challenging. He went to speak again but Phee beat him to it.
Enough was enough. Phee firmly nudged Tech’s good thigh with her boot, “Would you stop playing around with that and actually pay attention to what he has to say?”
Tech snapped out of his intense concentration. “Right, yes. Sorry, Hunter.” He started officially packing up. Once he was done, he gave his brother his full attention and it was then that he saw the genuine worry on Hunter’s face which told him it was more important than any mechanical repair. “What’s going on with her?”
“She keeps having nightmares from her capture on Tantiss. I can’t remember the last time she slept through the night.” Hunter took a ragged breath. “And it’s not like she’s keeping them to herself and that’s why they’re so bad. She’s doing everything we’ve worked on. She talks to me; she lets me in and help her, but I know there’s something else she’s keeping hidden. And it’s because she knows I can’t offer her the right words, or she wants to protect me from whatever it is she’s not telling me. I’m stuck and she’s not getting any better and I can’t offer her anything more than what I’m currently doing.”
“So, how exactly can I help?” Tech asked, rather puzzled as to why his brother had come to him with this dilemma. He wasn’t exactly known for providing helpful assistance for this type of issue. It wasn’t that he never wanted to, it just always didn’t come easily to him and usually you and Hunter would always be able to work through it yourselves.
Hunter began tentatively, “Y-your experiences were- were similar. I’d thought about Crosshair but what he went through was a bit different and from what you’ve told us, it sounds closer to what she’s been through. I hate to ask it of you but-”
“Where is she?” Tech asked, getting to his feet.
“If you’re not comfortable doing this I understand. It’s a lot to talk about and-”
“Hunter, just tell me where she is.” Tech interrupted with a firm reassurance to show that he truly didn’t mind.
“Down by the shore.” Hunter told him through a grateful sigh.
Tech nodded and got ready to leave for the beach.
--
You breathed in the fresh and clean sea air, a gentle breeze wafted through your hair. The moonlight cast the water and sand in a luminous white glow. It offered you a peace you were yet to find in your own mind. The faint but demanding whines of the hound you’d acquired on your walk down had you smiling to yourself as you focused on the sounds of the waves lapping on the shore.
Tech saw you seated on the sand, Batcher waiting for you to throw a stick for her. “Did you know that gravity and the gravitational pull of the moon creates a phenomenon called tidal force, which is what causes the ocean tides to change?”
“I mean… I knew it was something like that.” You straightened your shoulders and managed a tight smile in his direction. “Hey, Tech.” You hoped you didn’t sound as exhausted as you felt.
Tech picked up on the heaviness in your voice despite your attempts to conceal it. “Also, did you know that water absorbs the red light of the colour spectrum, leaving the blue for us to see.” He added as he threw the stick for the hound.
You hummed out your acceptance of the fact as a reply whilst Batcher returned the stick but- after greeting Tech- decided she’d had enough and curled up beside you. “You didn’t come here to share ocean facts, Tech.” You said after a moment. “What’s going on?”
“You’re right. I have another purpose in joining you.” Tech admitted as he sat down on your other side.
“Which is?” You asked leadingly.
“Hunter asked me to. He’s worried about you.” He gave you a chance to speak but you offered nothing, so he carried on, “From what I hear, you’re having difficulty sleeping due to nightmares. They are based around your confinement on Tantiss?”
You cleared your throat to buy yourself some time before you answered, “Yeah.” You brought your knees to your chest.
“Can you tell me more? Whatever you’re comfortable sharing is fine.”
You breathed deeply and peered up at the starry night sky. “Well, you know about Christophsis.”
Tech nodded. That was something he’d been told about on the shuttle back.
“Tantiss… Tantiss was different. I took beatings but they were a treat compared to that fucking droid. Hemlock did a much better job of getting the most out of that damn serum. It got harder and harder to fight it. He knew exactly what buttons to push.”
“I’m afraid I had a helping hand in that.” Tech said sheepishly.
You placed your hand on his shoulder. “I don’t blame you, Tech. Not at all.” You reassured him earnestly.
“Regardless, his methods would’ve been that effective because I told him what would work.”
You patted his shoulder to indicate that you really didn’t hold any of that period against him before you removed it and placed it back across your bent legs. You surprisingly found that you kept wanting to talk so you carried on, “I’d never be able to ignore him, he’d always be able to get in my head so, instead, I’d would look for things to take me out of it.”
“A reasonable response.” Tech agreed. The times when he’d resisted, he’d acted similarly.
You felt irritation rise in you. You’d been weak, how could he not see that? “He told me you were alive, and I used it as a way to keep pushing back against him. Omega didn’t doubt it and she only heard him say it once.”
Hunter had warned him about this before he’d left. He expected you to say things designed to make him reprimand you instead of sympathising with you. The part of ‘no emotion’ element of the Jedi Code was deeply engrained in you. Despite your affinity for handling attachment and genuine love for them, when it came to your own emotions, you had gotten a bit too good at supressing or dismissing them. “Years fighting in a war has a way of creating a certain cynicism- or realism- depending on your point of view. It helps with survival and enduring each battle. I may have gotten out of it but even I have to admit that the odds were slim. I called out the plan. I knew what I was doing, I didn’t expect to live, and I didn’t expect you all to assume that I had.” Tech easily explained away the argument. “I’m grateful for Omega’s optimism and hope- it is a wonderful quality of hers and it got me out of there and brought me back to you all-, but I never expected you to believe I lived.”
You couldn’t accept the fact that the people around you were okay with how you’d acted. Every night was a painful reminder of how you’d failed them. “What I don’t understand is why Tantiss is still affecting me in this way. I got over Christophsis just fine.”
“No, you didn’t process Christophsis. You were thrown into mission after mission and were left with no choice but to keep going. It is highly plausible that Hemlock’s own similar torture was harder to get through because it was a reminder of a traumatic time that you’d already experienced but not healed from. Plus, I don’t believe feeling the effects of torture has a time requirement.”
You sighed heavily, “You’re the second person to tell me all that.”
“Does that not tell you something?” Tech prodded but he did it gently.
“I guess.” You said through a weary sigh as you ran your hands through the sand to distract yourself. “I handed myself over to Hemlock though. I gave up.”
“The guilt you’re experiencing over agreeing to Hemlock’s terms is natural. You-”
“It wasn’t guilt. Not wholly.” You said, your voice so quiet it barely registered over the rhythmic lull of the waves.
Tech glanced at you in surprise, but you were keeping your head down, stroking Batcher’s snout- the dog seemed to sense your distress and had nuzzled closer to you. He allowed the silence to grow as he patiently awaited further explanation from you.
You swallowed thickly as you went to speak again. “I was relieved.” You admitted, it was the first time you’d ever said the words out loud, and you instantly wished you could take them back. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you awaited the disappointed and shameful remarks from Tech.
“What were you relieved about?” Tech asked calmly.
That hadn’t been the response you were expecting. “Um-” You searched for the words to answer him. “When I was-” You broke off and started again and you found yourself being more honest than you’d anticipated. “When I was in that training room watching Hunter be tortured and I heard Hemlock say that he was going to do the same conditioning to Crosshair again and to Wrecker too… I gave him what he wanted. Throughout my time there, he wanted me to join him and that’s what I was prepared to do. But as I said it, there was a sense of relief. Finally, I could stop fighting him. The torture he put me through would end. And in the dream- nightmare- I keep having, as much as I hate what’s happening, part of why I can’t move to help any of you is because I’m just relived it isn’t me.” You visibly tensed as you finished speaking. Saying that last part out loud caused you physical pain and your stomach churned nervously as you waited for judgement. There had been a reason you couldn’t share this with Hunter. It sounded so selfish, so pathetic.
“I understand that.”
You angled your head to face him. It was your turn to wait for him to talk.
Tech took a grounding breath before he elaborated, “In my time imprisoned there, Hemlock wanted to know all he could about you all. He knew there would be a time where he’d have to face you all again. I didn’t quite experience the same beatings you took; it was always psychological. But whenever I showed willing to give him information, all I felt in that moment was a profound relief that the torment and pain would end. Granted, that swiftly became guilt as soon as he left but I couldn’t deny the respite those few minutes of me telling him about you all gave me. Now, did you only feel relief at it being over? Or was it relief that you could join him and do his bidding?”
You thought back to that time and realised what he was getting at. “No, it was because I knew if I gave him what he wanted, then at least they wouldn’t have to go through any more agony. At the time, imprisonment felt like the better option than becoming one of his operatives and experiencing that level of hurt.”
“Precisely. Your sleep is being haunted by the worst outcome. It’s praying on the flash of relief you felt and twisting it into something more than what it was. If you accept what happened and stop fighting it, it loses its power. You didn’t do anything wrong, you acted how you needed to. The only person that has the power to blame you is yourself. No one here does, sometimes it just helps to hear it out loud once in a while and it’s true. You resisted him for as long as you physically could. Those circumstances would’ve cracked anyone.”
You looked at him thoughtfully. “Is that how you did it?” You asked quietly.
“Well, I didn’t. Not always.” Tech reminded you, assuming you were referring to how he resisted Hemlock’s torment.
“No.” You released another deep sigh. “You seem to have settled here. You’re coping with it, and you were there for a long time.”
“I was in hell on Tantiss but not so much anymore. Being reunited with you all has really helped. Though I think if I had to watch any of them get hurt the way you had to, it would be different.” As he spoke, Tech realised why Hunter had come to him for this. He was sharing this part of him with you because he knew you were the only one that would truly get it. There was no worry of judgement, no worries of saying something too jarring. You would understand him just as he understood you. “I’ve accepted what happened to me and how I reacted to it but you’re the only one that knows those particular details of my experience. Phee and my brothers do not. Family helps with some of the burden but until you’ve had the unfortunate time of living it, their support can only do so much. We need each other it would seem.” Tech said with a kind look in your direction.
You widened your eyes at his openness. You were incredibly touched by that, and you didn’t take the lightly. “Thank you, Tech.”
“You asked a question, I merely answered.”
You shot him a look, “That’s not the only thing I’m thanking you for.” After speaking to him and fully unburdening yourself to someone who could only understand where you were coming from without the worry of saying the wrong thing or being too much, you felt like a weight had been lifted off your chest. You weren’t plagued by all the horrible and conflicting feelings that had followed you since Tantiss. You could breathe. You were free. You gently squeezed his hand as you said, “Thank you for what you’ve done tonight. For all of it.”
Tech shrugged off the thanks but smiled at you all the same. “We’re family, it’s what we do.”
--
You walked through the door to your home and took your shoes off.
Hunter walked out of the bedroom as he heard you come through the door. “Hey, how was your walk?”
You didn’t answer immediately. Instead, you just drank him in. You took in the way he leaned against the doorway, the book he was reading dangling from his hand. The way the soft linens of his sleep clothes framed his body. The way he’d still kept and worn the necklace you’d given him all that time ago. And the way he was looking at you with such deep care and affection, it made your heart clench and emotions clog up in your throat- you didn’t trust yourself to speak.
Hunter took your silence for upset. “I had to tell him. I thought-” But he didn’t get to finish his sentence as you strode towards him and embraced him.
You hugged him tightly. “Thank you.” You whispered.
Dropping his book and wrapping his arms around you instantly, Hunter rested his cheek on top of your head. He didn’t need or expect you to share the details of the conversation with Tech, he’d realised that you needed a different kind of comfort and that was okay. All that mattered to him was that it helped you.
You let the warmth of his soothing hold flow through your body, and you kept your voice hushed as you said, “I want you to know that it’s not that I didn’t want to tell you it all.”
“I know.” Hunter replied softly as he caringly caressed your back. He would not break away until you wanted to.
You pressed your face into the crook of his shoulder. Even though he had sent Tech your way, you didn’t want him to feel like he’d let you down or anything along that vein. “You did everything right. I needed you there… I still need you there. I can’t get through it without you but…” The words to describe just what it was Tech gifted you got lost and you frantically searched for them so he would know why you hadn’t just come to him with it.
The last thing Hunter needed or wanted was you feeling like you had to reassure him on the issue. “Sweetheart, all I wanted was for this to get easier for you. I know that there are emotions and parts of that experience on Tantiss that I will never fully understand- as much as that kills me, I wish none of it had happened to you or Tech in the first place but that doesn’t change the fact that it did. You needed more than a shoulder to lean on, and if Tech gave you that, then that’s all that matters to me. I won’t stop being there, whatever it is you need, I’m here.”
The wave of emotion came rushing back and tears threatened to spill from your eyes, and you found yourself pressing yourself tighter to him still so there were absolutely no gaps between you. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”
“I love you, giving up is never an option.” Hunter murmured as he kissed the crown of your head.
“I love you too.” You croaked as you fought through the lump in your throat.
You stayed like that for a couple more minutes before you finally pulled away.
Hunter wiped away a few stray tears that had escaped your eyes. “Fancy an early night?”
“Yeah.” You said through a deep exhale as the exhaustion you’d been fighting with came crashing into you. “That sounds good.”
--
3 weeks later.
“How’s your pain? Anymore headaches?” You asked Hunter as the two of you wandered arm in arm through the main square. You had been keeping a watchful eye in the time that had passed but he hadn’t had any bad episodes of late.
“Everything feels back to normal.” Hunter replied. “And you? How are you sleeping these days?” From what he could tell, you were sleeping through the night but that didn’t necessarily mean they weren’t still there.
“No nightmares at all.” You said with a relieved sigh. The weight of what you’d endured was no longer keeping you down. It had no control over you anymore. You’d thrown yourself back into mediating again and that also seemed to help a lot.
You both walked in easy silence, smiling at the clones from Tantiss who had stayed and at the merchants shouting out enticing deals and offerings from their stalls as you passed by.
“Although, there’s one thing I need…”
You glanced at him expectantly.
“Can you try it now? I should be fine.”
You hadn’t done it since settling down here in case it was too much. “You’re sure?” You double checked.
Hunter nodded. It was the final step to the normality that he craved.
You both paused and headed over to the side walkway of the colonnade that offered shelter from the open area. You reached out into his familiar Force signature, the connection you formed with it giving you an extra sense of security and warmth. How does this feel?
Hunter closed his eyes and breathed out a serene sigh as he heard your voice in his head, but it felt like everything finally clicked back into place. Then, he felt the gentle press of your lips against his. He reacted automatically and placed his hands on your waist as he returned the embrace.
“What was that for?” He whispered against your lips as you parted.
“It’s part of the check up process.” You murmured before you took half a step back to look at him properly, but you kept your arms looped around his neck so that he was still close to you.
Hunter gave you a fond smile. “Ah, of course.” He sweetly stroked his thumb along your jawline.
You shut your eyes and leaned into his touch.
“Are you happy?” Hunter asked after a few beats of silence.
You dropped your arms and looked at him in surprise. “Yes, of course I am!” You looked at him, worry furrowing across your brow. “What brought that on?”
Hunter awkwardly ran a hand through his hair. “I know things haven’t been easy since we arrived here. It didn’t get off to the peaceful start that I’d hoped for. I just want to make sure it’s still what you want and that you’re definitely feeling better.”
You were caught off guard by the emotions that caught in your throat. What did you do to deserve such a man? “I am very content and happy here; Hunter.” You took a hold of each of his hands. “I’m very content and happy being here with you.” You let out a faint, slightly embarrassed laugh, “I am very much in love with you, you silly man. Every day that I wake up beside you, every day that I get to come home to you and every day I just get to be around you is a day that reminds me that how lucky I am.” You removed your hands and lightly followed the lines of his face tattoo. “Are you happy?”
“Completely.” Hunter murmured as his eyes fluttered shut as he fell completely complaint under your touch.
“Good. Settling down here is what exactly what I want, things just weren’t settling down as quickly as I would’ve liked but it’s different now. We’re both doing much better, it’s a good thing.” You kissed his cheek and delicately brushed your fingers through the shorter strands of hair at the front of his head. I love you, that’s never changed, and it never will. Does that about cover everything?
“Almost.” Hunter said huskily as his own love for you overcame him.
Before you could question what he meant, he tugged you in tight to him and kissed you passionately. You felt him cradle the hinge of your jaw, silently asking permission to deepen the kiss and you granted him access without a second thought. You tangled your fingers in his hair and pressed yourself close to him. You allowed yourself a few minutes to just get lost in the pleasure he was giving you, but you remembered where you were and with a groan, you withdrew from his embrace.
It hurt you to pull away and from the way Hunter just insistently pushed you back against the stone column and carried on kissing and raking his teeth along your neck, he wasn’t impressed with stopping either. “We- we came here for groceries.” You hummed distractedly as you found yourself titling your head to give him easier access.
“So, we’ll get them tomorrow.” Hunter responded simply as he kissed behind your ear and brushed his fingers under your shirt and along the soft skin of your stomach.
“We have- have no f- food and-” You attempted to protest but now his mouth was doing wonderful things along your pulse point that was making you feel very lightheaded.
“That’s fine. What I’m in the mood for, only you can give me.” Hunter teasingly dipped his fingers just under the waistband of your leggings.
You forced yourself to get a grip before you were too far gone. “Get off.” You playfully shoved at his chest with an exasperated shake of your head.
Hunter inclined his head in surrender, “How about you shop, and I meet you at home?” He offered as he stopped his teasing and removed himself from you.
“Is this your bizarre way of just wanting to get out of a chore?” You joked, crossing your arms and feigning irritation.
“No, I just think that if I stay, we’re going to wind up getting done for public indecency and it would be entirely my fault.”
Despite his admission, you still saw a faint but lustful glint in his eyes and you knew he was envisioning precisely what would happen if the two of you remained by this column. And you knew both of you would decide it was worth the risk. You gulped as you hastily said before you lost control of yourself, “I’ll see you at home.”
Hunter released a low chuckle before he kissed you softly once more, the promise of what was to come still lingered behind the action despite his best attempts to keep it brief.
You took a few hesitant steps away him and then gathered yourself and went about your task- your walk brisker than before.
--
Hunter watched you before he moved out from the shelter of the pillar. He spotted Omega sitting with Lyana by the Maya tree. He called over to her.
“What’s up?” Omega asked breezily as she jogged over to him.
“Can you round up the boys and meet me at home? I’ll get Echo on comms.”
“How come?” Omega asked curiously.
“There’s a mission I’m gonna need all your help with. But it needs to just be the five of us.” He indicated to where you were making a purchase. “Think you can get Lyana to delay her return?”
“A mission? Then why can’t-” An excited gasp left her as she saw the silent but confirming look that Hunter gave her. They’d all been eagerly waiting for this. “Yes! I’m on it!” She sprinted off back to Lyana, chaotically relaying the instructions before she ran go find the others.
Hunter laughed to himself as he saw her enthusiastic departure before he hustled off back home and readied the comm channel for Echo. It didn’t take long for the clone to answer.
“You better be calling for the reason I hope you’re calling for.” Echo said by way of greeting.
“Think you can help me out?” Hunter replied with a validatory nod at the holoimage of Echo and he saw the way Echo’s shoulders lifted as he realised it was finally going to happen. Hunter had talked to them all about it in the days after arriving on Pabu and it had been met with an enthusiastic yet somehow still teasing response. It reminded him of how he felt back before the two of you officially got together, with the others just waiting for it to happen. He’d wanted to do it sooner, but your circumstances changed, and so he wanted to wait until both of you were recovered. And, whilst they’d all accepted his decision to hold off, they had been impatient for this day for both genuine well-being purposes but also because they wanted it for the two of you- his family were very supportive and insistent on him doing this. With things faring better, he felt comfortable doing it now. “I don’t want to take you away from anything urgent or-”
“Name it!” Echo said with a pleased smile.
Before he could get into what he needed Echo to do, he heard the door open. Hunter half-turned to see the crowd of eager and motivated faces made up of Omega and his brothers.
All of them gathered round him and Echo’s hologram.
Hunter took a deep inhale and exhale. In a strange way, this was going to be one of the most important yet daunting missions he’d undertaken. “Alright, we don’t have long before she gets home. Here’s what I need…”
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