I Know Im A Day Late Im Just Ill. Im A Sick Little Man Dont Put Me Down More

save that butch!

decided to contribute to the bill AUs by also hitting them with the yuri beam

( “Bill Pines” AU by @honeqq and “Handyman Bill” AU by @/LosanPostle and @/waty_mot on twt )

So, I have no idea if anyone has already figured this out but I have just spent an unreasonable amount of time translating this part of the Soul Contract...just because

and like...

You are now twenty-one grams lighter

THIS CONTRACT IS LEGAL AND BINDING. WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO USE YOUR LIKENESS, FACE, VOICE AND SMELL TOWN PLUCK IN WHATEVER NEFARIOUS MANNER IS DEEMED NECESSARY.

SANS SOUL, YOUR SOULMATE WILL NOT RECOGNIZE YOU AND WILL WALK RIGHT PAST YOU ON A COLD AUTUMN DAY. NEVER MAKING EYE CONTACT. NOT EVEN PROCESSING THAT YOU HAVE EYES AT ALL. NO AMOUNT OF INTERACTION WILL MOVE THEM TO A PLACE WHERE THEY CAN REMEMBER, IN FEELING, THE THOUSANDS OF LIFETIMES YOU HAVE ALREADY SPENT TOGETHER. EACH TIME CHOOSING THOUSANDS FORM WOULD KEEP YOU CLOSEST LIKE OTTERS HOLDING HANDS IN A TUMULTUOUS RIVER. YOU WERE BIRDS. YOU WERE TREES WITH ROOTS ENTANGLED, DRINKING IN THE SUNLIGHT TOGETHER.

WHEREVER WE GO NEXT, WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE, I WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU…THATS DONE, BUDDY. CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE CHOSEN BILL INSTEAD!

MCDONALDS RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT A GIANT YELLOW M ON YOUR TORSO AND FOREHEAD AND SEND YOU WALKING THROUGH A CROWDED TIMES SQUARE WHILE YOU SCREAM "THE FRIES! THE FRIES! THEY DON´T DEGRADE IN NATURE!!! IT´S AN IMMORTAL FOOD!!! THEY WILL BE IN THE LANDFILLS LONG PAST OUR DEATHS!" GOOD GOD! THE THINGS S I´VE SEEN!

ME? WHO AM I? OH I´M BILL´S PREVIOUS LAWYER! HE PUT MY SOUL INTO A QUILL PEN SO I CAN WRITE HIM LEGAL DOCUMENTS UNTIL THE SUN SNUFFS OUT LIKE A CANDLE IN THIS SICK UNIVERSE! I USED TO BE SO HOT! I WAS SO FINE! NOW I´M FINE PRINT!

SPEAKING OF WHICH, BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO PUT YOUR SOUL INTO AN INANIMATE OBJECT, A STRANGE CREATURE, A CONCEPT, A SENTENCE, A TASTEFUL BUT RUSTIC MASON JAR WITH WILDFLOWERS IN IT.

IF AT ANY POINT YOU WANT TO HAVE VISITATION RIGHTS WITH YOUR SOUL, YOU WILL BE SWIFTLY DENIED. UNLESS YOU HAD A COOL DAY PLANNED FOR THE BOTH OF YOU, THEN BILL MIGHT WANT TO COME ALONG.

BY SIGNING THIS DOCUMENT YOU FORFEIT ANY RIGHT TO EATING SOUL FOOD. IT WILL TURN TO ASH IN YOUR MOUTH, A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR A FOOL WHO SQUANDERED THE ONLY TRUE GIFT LIFE OWES YOU.

BILL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DRESS YOUR SOUL HOWEVER HE DEEMS NECESSARY, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR SOUL WAS A NERD BEFORE ACQUISTION. SOULMAKOVERRR!

YOUR SOUL MAY BECOME FRACTURED AND PLACED INTO DIFFERENT OBJECTS. THIS HAS NO PURPOSE AND WILL NOT RESURRECT YOU IF YOU DIE.

SIGNEE HAS FORFEITED ALL RIGHTS TO ANY AFTERLIFE. INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: HEAVEN, HELL, PURGATORY, BIG CORNER, FLOW STATE, THE DREAM HOUSE, THE REINCARNATION PROCESSING CENTER, AXOLOTL´S TANK AND CONSEQUENCES HOLE.

SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER BOARD THE SOUL TRAIN AND IS ADVISED TO DISCARD ALL BELLBOTTOMS.

SIGNEE CAN NO LONGER HAVE A PUPPY AS A BEST FRIEND, THEY CAN SENSE WHAT IS GONE. BATS ARE INDIFFERENT.

SIGNEE MAY EXPERIENCE OCCASIONAL DEMON POSSESSIONS FROM HORCULUS THE RED, PLABOS THE MERCILESS, MORBUS SON OF MORTEM, PLAGA THE OOAING AND OTHER SUCH COMMON DEMONS ROAMING EARTH SEARCHING FOR WEAKENED, EMPTY VESSELS!

TIPS FOR RIPPING YOUR SOUL OUT AT HOME: WATCHING YOUTUBE COMMENTARY CHANNELS, ATTENDING AN EXTENDED FAMILY EVENT WITH AN OPEN BAR, USING GENERATIVE AI AND ASSERTING THAT YOU ARE CREATIVE, TURNING A BLIND EYE TO HUMAN SUFFERING, AMASSING MORE WEALTH THAN NEEDED, PURCHASING A BLUE CHECKMARK...

I had fun with this and yeah...rip to anyone who signed (me included, I would have loved to visit axolotl´s tank...)

wlws your billford

OFFICIAL Gianna Floyd Fund (George Floyd's child) organized by Tiffany Lee

**UPDATE MESSAGE** 6/3/2020 - Please note that THIS is the only legal Gi… Tiffany Lee needs your support for OFFICIAL Gianna Floyd Fund (George Floyd's child)

if you can, share or donate to the official fund for george floyd’s 6 year old daughter. it was organized by the family’s legal team and shared by his best friend, so it’s legitimate. the least we can do is make sure his baby is set for life.

Nobody gives two shits about an ENTIRE COUNTRY being hit by two cyclones consecutively. It’s displaced over 160,000 people and destroyed over 30,000 homes.

Yet no one cries.

No billionaires or other countries have talked about donating or helping the country out.

Please help by donating to charities and fundraisers dedicated to helping provide humanitarian aid to Mozambique!

https://support.savethechildren.org/site/Donation2?df_id=3241&mfc_pref=T&3241.donation=form1&cid=Social_Network:Twitter:Emer_Mozambique:Scus_Lp_Post2:031919&hootPostID=23abdd2d4250de3d6b684c68a4fb250b

Save the Children

Cyclone Idai and Cyclone Kenneth Children's Relief Fund - Save the Children

I just donated to Save the Children to transform children's lives and the future we share. Join me.

https://www.allhandsandhearts.org/programs/mozambique-tropical-cyclone-relief/

All Hands and Hearts - Smart Response

Mozambique Relief - Tropical Cyclone Response

Program Summary  Disaster Profile On March 15, 2019, Tropical Cyclone Idai slammed into central Mozambique as a category 3 storm. After

https://www.msf.org/msf-response-wake-devastating-cyclone-idai-mozambique-malawi-zimbabwe

Médecins Sans Frontières (MSF) International

MSF response in wake of devastating Cyclone Idai | Mozambique | Malawi | Zimbabwe | Médecins Sans Frontières (MSF) International

Cyclone Idai has ravaged parts of Mozambique, Malawi and Zimbabwe, causing widespread flooding and damage. Our teams are responding to the m

ROCKY HORROR TITLE!?!!!!

IT UPDATED RAHHHHHHHHH

Rip Bill you would have loved the Rainforest Cafe

XKCD’s excellent presentation on historical global temperature and anthropogenic global warming. 

[After setting your car on fire] “Listen, your car’s temperature has changed before.”