Nicoledavisss - Wistful Thinking

Sleepless nights

This is it

today is the day. the day I move away from the shit hole I live in. No more getting disrespected and treated like a pile of shit. No more being everyone’s mule and driving everyone around like I’m their taxi. I’m so happy that I’m leaving, so happy to be rid of the negativity in my life. I don’t even care if they get mad. I’m gone. I can’t wait to get home after my shift tonight and pack my things and be gone. I can already feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. Things can only get better from here <3

<3

I want...

I want your Monday morning sleep soaked eyes, dream drenched voice, lazy bones. "Five more minutes please babe."

I want your Tuesday afternoon coffee break, glasses off, laughter on. "Just hold me for a while, it's been a hard day."

I want your Wednesday evening fingers through hair, teeth nibbling nails, neck craning, eyes glazing. "This paperwork never ends."

I want your Thursday night drinks for two, bones unbind, muscles let loose, flats, slacks. "Just me and you."

I want your finally Friday stretch soul smile, sun sipping light from the glaciers in your eyes, fingers unfurl, hand extends. "C'mon babe, let's go wild."

I want your weekend. Your movie marathon Saturday, reading by the fireplace, kissing in the blankets. Want your Sunday morning orange juice and pancakes, white sheets, tender skin, hair like the fourth of July. "Let's not get out of bed today."

I want your ordinary and your stress, rest, release. I want your bad day and that terrible night. I want you drunk in my arms, forgetting the place but never my name. I want your lazy and your lonely and your fist full of fight. I want you every day, in every way, for the rest of my life <3

I do, I do. You never cease to amaze me. When I'm with you, I can't see anyone else. Damn boy, you make my heart flutter.

October 11, 2016

I haven’t been on here in a while and I’m not particularly certain why. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, so many things to say that I’ve just kept bottled inside. I guess I’ll start off with you. The one person I always think about when I know I shouldn’t. I think about you WAY too often for my own good, and honestly I think that’s where most of my bottled feelings come from. For some reason, I still miss you. Why? I don’t know, I can’t answer that. I think it was just something about you that makes me feel this way. And honestly, I’m getting a little tired of it. Yes, I love you. I always will; but for my own good, I’ve finally grown the strength to let go. Forget about you, like you did to me almost 3 years ago. I’ve needed to do this for a long time, I don’t deserve to hurt like this anymore, when clearly you aren’t hurting. As for your now ex, I hope she was worth the heartache she’s probably putting you through right now since you two just broke up not even 2 months ago and she’s already dating someone new. I wouldn’t have been there for you, through everything. I would’ve made you happy no matter what it took, you know that. But still, you chose to leave me. Leave me alone to suffer in silence. Well; I’m done. I tried to contact you so I could again, understand why you felt it was a good idea to leave the one person who would love you for eternity. But, it’s too late now. I’ll find someone better than you, someone who will actually love me more than you seemed to. You will always hold a special place in my heart but I can no longer sit back and hurt because of you. Thank you for all the memories you gave me, but this is me finally letting go. Have a great life. Goodbye. 

To the one person I regret ever moving in with; I’m done being your punching bag. I’ve known you longer than any other person in that house and you treat me the worst and I’m not standing for it anymore. And if you think that I’m paying half the rent when there’s 3 people in that house; you’ve lost your damn mind. After everything I’ve done for you, put up with for you. You still find it okay to treat me poorly. No, enough is enough. I’m done cleaning up after you and that thing you have living in MY house. And when you invited people to come stay with us FOR FREE without even asking me about it; thanks for fucking asking. That was very rude and disrespectful of you. When I make a small mess; you throw a fucking fit. But when there’s dog shit and dog piss everywhere and your ogre made a mess in the kitchen as it so regularly does, it’s never an issue. Whatever. I can’t wait to leave because I can’t live in a house with a giant child and an ogre. If that’s how you want to live; I don’t want any part of it. You’ve ruined our friendship, and I never want to speak with you after how you treated me. And as far as the ogre hitting you again, you probably deserved it. The way you treat people makes me sick. Making other people pay your bills because you wanna be lazy and not work. You don’t even act like a friend unless it’s convenient for you or someone is paying for your stuff. I hope karma catches up with you soon; because you are the definition of a piece of shit. I felt sorry for you when you asked me to come live with you because you had no one to help you; now, I regret EVER moving in with you. I am NEVER living with someone like you ever again. You’re disrespectful, rude, nasty and an all around shitty person.

To all of the people who think it’s okay to treat me as a punching bag; fuck you. I’m not someone you can just throw around and make fun of because you think it’s funny. It’s not. That’s all I have to say on that matter; I’ve just had enough. I need a vacation away from people in general. That’s gonna be hard to do... But the sooner I can, the better because I’ve got so many bottled up emotions and feelings that I need to just be alone with my thoughts somewhere I feel tranquil and my home is not that place. Not at all. Maybe I’ll drive somewhere and find a nice secluded spot to be alone with my thoughts. I’ll have to do some looking around but I’ll find somewhere. As far as moving, I’m moving alone. I cannot live with someone else, let alone multiple people; they just aggravate me too much. One day soon that’ll happen. As soon as I can save up the money to move, I’m gone from that hell hole I call home at the moment...

Dream come true

This is like a dream come true. Here I am sitting next to you and you have a new girlfriend. And she has no idea that I'm staying the night with you. I know there's still something there for me and this proves it right here. This and the fact that since you started dating her, we've talked so much more. I still see that little sparkle on your eye when you look at me and you can't tell me that it's because of her. You just started dating. I get the feeling that you're missing me in that way. And I feel this way because I don't think you'd have me stay the night with you if you didn't. No one would do that if they had a girlfriend. No one. I just want you to admit it to me is all. That's all I ask for. Tell me that you miss me and that you still love me because I see it. I know you told me that you wanted to experience what it's like to be with someone else and you are but I feel like it's making you miss me. Just admit it already.