Nicoledavisss - Wistful Thinking

I don’t feel strong anymore I feel like falling to my knees. Things aren’t the way they were before, They’re not the way they’re supposed to be.

Atarah L. Poling (via observando)

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‘The Raven’ was almost ‘The Parrot’. When Edgar Allen Poe first conceived of the poem, he wanted a 'melancholy’ feel and planned to use 'nevermore’ as a refrain. Deciding that a talking, non- reasoning animal would be the best way to repeat the word, Poe first thought of a parrot - until he realized ravens are 'equally capable of speech, and infinitely more in keeping with the intended tone.’ Source Source 2

I couldn't have asked for a better friend.

Even after all we've been through, you're still right here by my side. Being my light that guides me in the right direction. I'm so thankful for everything that you've done and still continues to do for me. I couldn't thank you enough for all of it. I talked to you about this already, and it's all true. If I never met you, I may not still be alive anymore. You've saved my life. You've been there to hold me above the water and make sure that I don't drown. You are truly the best part of my life. You've made my life better in so many ways. Thank you so much for saving me. I love you.

I am so relieved that you are out of the hospital and the recovery is going well! Take all the time you need to heal up handsome, you deserve it <3 markiplier

Late Night Thoughts 4/1/18

I feel angry and sad at the same time tonight. I want to scream, yell, shout, punch something, and cry all at the same time. I feel this way a lot lately and I don’t know what to do to make it better. Medication does nothing to help. The only thing that I’ve noticed makes any sort of difference is marijuana. Mary Jane is the only one who can make me feel better, but it’s only when I’m high that I feel better. When the high wears off, I feel miserable again. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can smoke all the time, but I refuse to get behind the wheel when I’ve been smoking. What do I do when I have to go to work? How do I make this feeling of defeat go away? Do I just need to cry it out? Will that make me feel better? I thought that being alone was the problem, but I’ll be honest, I’d rather be alone than be with someone that can’t make me happy, or doesn’t understand what I’m going through. I think I just need someone who will understand and won’t judge me. I pretend to be happy but deep down, I’m hurting. I don’t wanna feel this way anymore. I just want to feel happiness all the time. But how? I thought that suicide was the way to go when I was younger, but I realized that taking your own life isn’t right. It may take my pain away, but I would never want to put that pain on those I love, even if it is just family. I just don’t know what to do or where to turn to. I try to talk it out with friends and family but it’s like they just don’t understand what I’m going through. I’ve thought about speaking with a therapist, but I don’t know how much they can help. I just want to feel better already. I’ve spent the last 17 years trying to fight this. It’s only gotten worse and I’m exhausted. I’m done fighting, and I’m done feeling like no one understands.