Nicoledavisss - Wistful Thinking

I do, I do. You never cease to amaze me. When I'm with you, I can't see anyone else. Damn boy, you make my heart flutter.

After all we’ve been through, you made it look so easy to just walk away from me.

Fuck, this hurts. // R.R. (via missinyouiskillingme)

Late Night Thoughts 4/1/18

I feel angry and sad at the same time tonight. I want to scream, yell, shout, punch something, and cry all at the same time. I feel this way a lot lately and I don’t know what to do to make it better. Medication does nothing to help. The only thing that I’ve noticed makes any sort of difference is marijuana. Mary Jane is the only one who can make me feel better, but it’s only when I’m high that I feel better. When the high wears off, I feel miserable again. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can smoke all the time, but I refuse to get behind the wheel when I’ve been smoking. What do I do when I have to go to work? How do I make this feeling of defeat go away? Do I just need to cry it out? Will that make me feel better? I thought that being alone was the problem, but I’ll be honest, I’d rather be alone than be with someone that can’t make me happy, or doesn’t understand what I’m going through. I think I just need someone who will understand and won’t judge me. I pretend to be happy but deep down, I’m hurting. I don’t wanna feel this way anymore. I just want to feel happiness all the time. But how? I thought that suicide was the way to go when I was younger, but I realized that taking your own life isn’t right. It may take my pain away, but I would never want to put that pain on those I love, even if it is just family. I just don’t know what to do or where to turn to. I try to talk it out with friends and family but it’s like they just don’t understand what I’m going through. I’ve thought about speaking with a therapist, but I don’t know how much they can help. I just want to feel better already. I’ve spent the last 17 years trying to fight this. It’s only gotten worse and I’m exhausted. I’m done fighting, and I’m done feeling like no one understands.

I don’t feel strong anymore I feel like falling to my knees. Things aren’t the way they were before, They’re not the way they’re supposed to be.

Atarah L. Poling (via observando)

I am so relieved that you are out of the hospital and the recovery is going well! Take all the time you need to heal up handsome, you deserve it <3 markiplier

May 31, 2014

I'm sitting here next to you in bed and you're sleeping. You're so adorable when you're asleep. You look so peaceful and happy. I wish you'd look that way all the time. I hate seeing you so upset now. I wish I could help you, I really do. But it seems like I can't. You mean everything to me, I really hope you know that. Even though you can't read this, maybe one day you can. And you'll see how I feel.

I want...

I want your Monday morning sleep soaked eyes, dream drenched voice, lazy bones. "Five more minutes please babe."

I want your Tuesday afternoon coffee break, glasses off, laughter on. "Just hold me for a while, it's been a hard day."

I want your Wednesday evening fingers through hair, teeth nibbling nails, neck craning, eyes glazing. "This paperwork never ends."

I want your Thursday night drinks for two, bones unbind, muscles let loose, flats, slacks. "Just me and you."

I want your finally Friday stretch soul smile, sun sipping light from the glaciers in your eyes, fingers unfurl, hand extends. "C'mon babe, let's go wild."

I want your weekend. Your movie marathon Saturday, reading by the fireplace, kissing in the blankets. Want your Sunday morning orange juice and pancakes, white sheets, tender skin, hair like the fourth of July. "Let's not get out of bed today."

I want your ordinary and your stress, rest, release. I want your bad day and that terrible night. I want you drunk in my arms, forgetting the place but never my name. I want your lazy and your lonely and your fist full of fight. I want you every day, in every way, for the rest of my life <3