Latest Posts by peachesandrain - Page 2

what an amazing day for women’s football, Wales and Poland qualifying for their first major international tournament. I can’t wait to see how they do

Three points & top of the group we love to see it 💙

UP THE CHELS!!!! UNBEATEN RECORD STILL GOING, LETS FUCKING GOOOO GIRLS 💙💙💙

maddie and chimney are this 🤏🏻 close to shoving buck and eddie into a closet and lock them into it until they admit their feelings, I CAN FEEL THAT

Behind every gay person there is a gayer more evil gay person. Sometimes even two.

THEY’RE HAVING A BABY?!?! THIS IS SO CUTE IM CRYING I LOVE THEM AHHHHHH

Like Oliver “if you don’t make him bisexual I will” stark getting called biphobic is the most ridiculous claim fr

Oliver “you don’t need to announce your departure” stark

Oliver “ no no he’s always been bisexual” stark

Literally be so fucking fr

humans crave to be understood.

me most of all.

I feel as if no one will ever truly get me. maybe that’s how it’s meant to be.

maybe I distance myself too much from people and don’t make it easy to let them in.

maybe I’m meant to spend a lifetime alone begging people to just get me, to please, just look at me and not see someone who’s strange and weird but someone who has a system built against them and struggles to fit in.

I wear a mask everywhere I go to protect myself, not literally (at least not as often anymore). sometimes it physically manifests itself as an accessory, like sunglasses or a hat. I’ll never be caught without one. It’s my way of hiding from the world, letting people see me, but not truly all of me. not really.

I don’t think the people around me understand how much I change myself to fit in, how truly good I am at squeezing myself into boxes and attempting to be ‘normal’, or at least what society deems as such. I don’t think anyone will get me, understand me, know the scars on my soul and the ridges in my heart. the grief that never seems to leave, but comes in waves. the tears that are always present, or the thoughts that plague my mind.

maybe some people aren’t meant to be understood. maybe I’m one of them.

watching my siblings grow up is a bittersweet feeling. I hope they know much I love them. how much I do for them, how much I’ve sacrificed for them.

there’s some things I’ll never tell them I’ve suffered through, done to myself, to get through the day just to see the smile on their faces.

I hope they know they are loved.

that’s all I want for them, for them to be loved.

is that too much to ask?

I leave a part of me everywhere I go. I think most people do, unconsciously. A part of themselves gets left behind and proves to people for decades to come, that they lived. they were there once just like them. existing in the same spaces as them, hundreds of years apart.

I leave a part of me in South Africa every time I part. A country that means so much to me, that my mother grew up in and left behind for a better life. A country I rarely get the chance to go back to, and so cherish every moment with my loved ones when I do. I cry every time I leave, it’s like a part of me is ripped away and left in the country for me to pick back up when I return. every return back is bittersweet. I hold a lot of anger towards my dad for keeping me and my siblings away for so long. I was a child, I deserved to know and see that part of myself too.

I left a part of me in Ecuador a year ago. A country that grew to provide me an escape from the turbulence in my life that surrounded me at the time. It gave me a place to discover myself, to see the world and meet new people, to get away from it all and think. It gave me time to heal most of all. It was a sanctuary. one I didn’t know I need at that point in my life. one I miss every day.

I’ve been to countless countries in my lifetime, every place gives me something I never knew I needed till I got there. every place provides me with a new experience and outlook on life. and while I doubt I’m alone in this feeling, I feel as if words will never be able to convey how much it means to me.

I’m lucky enough to have travelled far, seen different cultures and met people from different walks of life. they will stick with me forever.

the last few weeks I’ve been waiting for a call that’s never coming. for my phone screen to light up with a message that the logical part of me knows is never going to arrive.

I’ve spent 2 years grieving and coming to terms with my grandmother’s death. as every occasion passes, I’ve struggled with the fact that I’ll never hear her voice again.

my grandfather, bless him, was like a cat with 9 lives. he probably should’ve died in a freak accident 20 years ago, but he always made it through. I always thought out of the two of them, he’d be the first to go, as dark as it sounds logically, it seemed like the way it would be. he was riddled with health problems and his luck for escaping death surely had to catch up to him, so although it seems vulgar to think that he’d be the first to go, logistically it made sense. but he wasn’t.

he survived so much, that a part of me thought he’d always be there, because he always made it through. two years since my grans death, and he made sure that we knew how much they both loved us. he called every occasion and sent messages to check up on us, making up for two people. he was good like that, a bit of a hippie and believed in the funniest things, but he was fun to talk to. I miss our chats.

two days after his death, in the midst of a panic attack, I hastily scrolled through my phone, desperate to find anything with their voices, just to know that I could hear them. that I had this part of them I could keep. I didn’t even finish the voice notes when I eventually found them later that day. I screamed and I cried and I sobbed ugly begging for it to be some sort of sick prank from the universe. I don’t think I’ll ever come to terms with it. To think of them in the past tense is something I’ve yet to grasp.

grief has been embedded in my soul since I was born, and it’s never left.

I want them back. It’s not fair. I don’t deserve to know pain this deep and grief this vast at such a young age.

It keeps me up most nights how I never got to say goodbye. did they know I loved them? did they know how much they meant to me? I hope they do, they did. I don’t think I’ll ever know peace or the comfort they gave me.

she makes me laugh when I feel as if I’ll never see the sun again

tommy calling buck ‘evan’ during their entire relationship and the first, and only time, he calls him buck is after he breaks up with him. eddie calling buck ‘evan’ only once and it was when he gave buck his goddamn son. the only time tommy called him buck was before leaving and the only time eddie called him evan was when he gave buck proof of him and chris staying. of them wanting buck. of them keeping buck. id say “which could meaning nothing!” but it actually means everything.

The fact that Buck and Eddie can just sit in comfortable silence and be at peace with each other

I fear I might not recover from that episode. “I’m your first but I won’t be your last”?!?!?

BUCKTOMMY BONES?!! (We fucking cheered)

MADNEY PREGNANT

THE LAST SCENE WITH BUCK AND EDDIE?!?

we’re so fucking back baby

the orange man is on my television screen and i do not like it.

he gives me the heeby jeebies big time

whenever people are like ‘who’s your favourite character in 911’, it’s like … babe. i don’t fuckin know. depends who i’m looking at at the time. the position of the sun. the wind chill. the precipitation prediction. i love them all. i love them all way too much.

911onabc: Welcome back, Cap. #911onABC

We’ll be kicking off the final leg of The Eras Tour this week, which is hard to comprehend. This tour has been the most wondrous experience and I knew I wanted to commemorate the memories we made together in a special way. Well, two ways actually. Excited to announce that The Official Eras Tour Book, filled with my own personal reflections, never-before-seen behind the scenes photos, all the magical memories you guys brought every single night AND …. The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology on vinyl and CD will all be available for the first time ever only at Target starting Nov 29th. 🤍

International info coming soon!

THE WSL IS BACK!!!!! So happy to be at the Chelsea match tonight 😌💙💙

knowing that we’ve grown as people, and gone our separate ways, but being burdened by the knowledge that I once knew everything about them. going through life and seeing the little of things that remind me of them, and feeling that sharp feeling of nostalgia of what once was.

it reminds me that there was a time where I knew all of them, it saddens me that I no longer do. I hope they’re happy.

it’s a weird feeling having to deconstruct the walls I’ve piled so high to protect myself. there’s so little people in this world who know me truly and wholly, and part of that is my own doing, though a decision I’ve been making unconsciously without realising it till my teens.

sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever know the true me, maybe I don’t even know her yet.

realising I’m going to be utterly alone in a city and have to make new friends and get to know more people. knowing that I have very few friends who reach out first, and eventually they will forget me as they move on with their lives, but I’ll be burdened forever for remembering every detail about them.

totally ideal things to think about to fuel a crisis at 2am

one day I won’t feel guilty for things I can’t control

Is it too much to ask for that someone understands me

they scare me, they know what’s happening. I NEED to know 😭

You're laughing? Oliver Stark and Ryan Guzman could be filming the Buddie confession scene right now, and you're laughing?

PLEASE DEAR GOD GET HIS ASS

Prayer circle for Gerrard to have a deadly bee allergy.

🐝 🐝 🐝

🐝 🙏🏻 🐝

🐝 🐝

🐝

✨🕯️ 911 on ABC, please give us Ravi main this season 🕯️✨

Watch we find out Buck is allergic to bees or some shit, I’ll fucking screech please leave him alone 😭

"kill them with kindness" WRONG 500 BEES 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

JESSIE PLEASE COME HOME THE KIDS MISS YOU, IM NOT EVEN KIDDING PLEASE