Mitsuba Is In A Toaster!!!

mitsukou in c118 !

The painful love

Nene's dream is to be loved by someone, because she was always mistreated by boys…. she gave up her life, "her marriage" to save her best friend, and she will give up all of that if she is by Hanako's side , these are all just details, it's not about marriage, it's about her loving him.

He's a ghost, he can't get married, he can't have children, he can't grow old with her, he can't even leave school, she won't be able to introduce him to her parents, she won't be able to meet his family, no one can see him . All Nene has is the great love she feels for him, and what wins over Hanako most is her desire to stay.

One of the forms of love, regardless of whether it is friendship or romance, is for someone to "stay" for you. Someone chooses to be by your side, even with your story, your past, your hurts and flaws. Nene stood by him, even when no one else did, and this contrasts greatly with his relationship with Tsukasa.

Tsukasa wants to leave, yes, to save Hanako, but Hanako doesn't want to be saved, he wants to be forgiven, he wants to be loved, he wants the people he loves to stay. So, when Nene went after him on the far shore, even though he scolded her, he couldn't hold back any longer. Because she did all that because she wanted to be with him, when not even the person he loves most, Tsukasa, had decided to leave.

She is the only person who wants to stay by his side without thinking twice, no matter what she has to do, she will be there. Even now, even going back in time, she still remembers him, remembers the desire she had to see him in the audience watching her in the play.

It's ironic, because Nene wanted a handsome boy for everyone to see, she wanted to use the boys as a trophy, not to show off, but to show the boys who were mean to her that someone can love her, even with this "flaw." "superficial and futile.

But in the end she fell in love with a ghost, the ordinary boy who is not popular, who no one can see. That was something I loved about the construction of the story, how Aidairo didn't give Nene what she wanted, but what she needed.

To be loved by the boy who finds her "flaw" attractive, to be loved by the boy who protects her, who listens to her, who is there for her. Being loved by the imperfect boy who has his own story and who makes mistakes, who is not the prettiest guy in the class, but who truly loves, no matter how much he tries to hide it, no matter how mysterious he is.

He is afraid that she will find out about him, because he doesn't want her to leave, almost like a silent request "please don't go.." Hanako is a boy who seems to have been abandoned a lot, maybe it only happened to Tsukasa, but even Let it just be him, Tsukasa is the love of his life, not in a romantic way, but he is the person he loves most, and he is gone.

The love between these two is tragic, but true, seeing how the two complement each other, even with the "flaws" and mistakes they make. It's an intense, true love, a continuous struggle between being together or separated by destiny.

Yes, destiny, it is he who is manipulating everything, their destiny is not to be together, but they are fighting against it, even if they have to break the world.

And, I hope, they break the world together with Tsukasa. Because he loves Amane, because he didn't want to leave him, but he had to, it was the only option, because he loves Amane so much that he wants him to live and be happy, even without him.

But for Amane, there is no happiness without Tsukasa, and now, there is no happiness without Nene either.

More coloring!

I miss them so much y'all

Sure! Hanako have too much to work with, since he is the main character, so I’ll focus on the thing I love the most about him: His inexperience when it comes to caring about others.

Hanako put up thick walls between himself and his peers, rarely connecting to others, be they humans or supernaturals.

Helping students and keeping them safe is his duty, his punishment to atone, not something he personally wants, his own personal view is far more ‘cold’, Amane’s empathy was destroyed after he became a supernatural, beaten down after sixty years of being dead.

What he tells Kou here is true.

He has shown time and time again, people’s life isn’t particularly important to him,  he’ll exchange one life for another without guilt for the person he doomed because of personal preference, and had destroyed yorishiros since the start of the manga, knowing of the danger of doing so, for his own gains.

Before the manga story starts, Hanako is alone.

He plays with the other mysteries but he doesn’t consider anyone his friend. He keeps a distance even from Tsuchigamori, unaware Amane’s moon rock is his old teacher’s yorishiro and seemingly not talking to him much, only looking for Tsuchigomori when he needs him for something.

He is apathetic to practically everything, drowning in his own misery: Tsukasa is the only one that can break him out of his apathetic state, and he terrifies Hanako. Even though he is the titular character, we never see Hanako’s boundary because he doesn’t want to face his yorishiro, finding it much easier to hide and spend his afterlife in the bathroom instead.

Tsukasa was important to Amane, and while he is important to Hanako as well, Tsukasa is rarely perceived as his brother, his presence is mostly treated as the personification of Hanako’s guilt. Hanako hasn’t tried to understand Tsukasa’s feelings or expressed worry about his well-being: out of all his comflicting emotions, his priority is usually to look away.

Hanako has spent his afterlife in this limbo of running away and not connecting with anyone, but eventually, he met two people he got very attached to: Kou and Nene.

He loves them a lot, much more than he loves himself.

He will try his very best to face Tsukasa, the embodiment of the trauma he has been running away from, to keep them safe.

Most of the time, Hanako fails: he is too terrified to act, he panics.

He can’t help when Tsukasa is his oponent.

Even outside his past, there are still things Hanako can’t help with.

The guilt and panic and pain of having no use for someone he wants to help hurt, but Hanako doesn’t run away from this pain.

He tries to help anyways, to reach out as best he can.

And Kou’s trouble linger in his mind, when the kid gets depressed again, Hanako try to help him again.

He want Kou to feel better.

He may have said “He is kind of like you, isn’t he, No.2?” but he doesn’t care about Yako or her attachment to Misaki, his attention is on Kou the second he finish his request: interested in his reaction, not her feelings.

He is selfish though, he cares about their feelings, but he mostly listens to his own, which is most obvious to see with Nene.

In the clock keepers arc he mentioned he kept Nene’s lifespan secret because he wants her to live her best life in blissful ignorance, but he doesn’t make her the priority, he makes himself: He is aware she hates toilet duty, no one enjoys being forced to waste their evenings cleaning a bathroom, but he likes it.

He rarely enjoys things, so he can’t let go of it. He can’t sacrifice this hint of joy for the sake of Nene living “her best life”.

He adores spending time with her, and since he has very little self-worth, he is convinced she would never spend time with him by her own volition, he needs to use the cleaning duty to keep her close.

Is why he gets so happy when she calls him a friend.

This love, this care, is something Hanako really wants from her.

But is also something Hanako doesn’t think he deserves.

He can get frustrated by how much they love him, by how distorted their view is, as if he is a ‘good ghost’. He loves their kindness but he feel greedy for it, he loves their optimist but he is constantly looking down at them for it.

He loves them but he hates himself. So he sabotage himself.

He tells Kou and Nene point blank his bad traits “I am dead already. I don’t care if someone dies or not.” “I killed someone and you shouldn’t excuse it” “I am selfish, I care about you Nene, and not your best friend.” are things he only tell Nene and Kou, as if he was screaming. “I am not a good ghost!” even if he will never  tell them “Leave me alone, stop visiting me.”

Hanako is constantly fighting between clinging to what he loves, regardless of how much his behavior hurt them, and telling himself he should want them away from him.

Both of his attempts to save Nene involved being away from her, either trapping her in picture-perfect until she forgot about him, or exchanging Aoi’s lifespan with Nene’s, saving her but making it so he can’t see her again, and she would eventually forget about him.

The more Hanako’s love for Nene grow the bigger the lengths he is willing to go for her, even if at it core, his love remains selfish, he knew Nene wouldn’t be happy with his solutions, but he doesn’t care, cause she will live, and she will live by his own hands.

He acts like doesn’t know why he does this a lot of times:

And to some degree, he truly doesn’t know.

Hanako has many mental blocks when it comes to admitting vulnerability, even to himself. He looks anguished when he confesses to Nene that he wants her to live.

Hanako never had a wish, not outside his “wish” to atone, which he constantly refears to as punishment, not something he personally want, just something he deserves.

 Even as Amane he had given up on his wish.

So wishing for Nene to live is a very new feeling.

This wish makes him go against his duties as No.7 and his quest to ‘repent’, but he can’t even care because he really wants her to live. And is not like going against “god’s will” is what trouble him, since he destroys yorishiros the second he got the chance.

He just want her to not die that much. He can no longer deny he is smitten with her.

We can see this all consuming care with Kou too, even if it is more subtle it’s still very present, and just as impactful in his afterlife.

Nene is someone he loves but very rarely rely on, she is his special someone, he’ll go above and beyond to do what he believe is best for her, ask anyone and even if they disapprove of his actions, they can’t deny he cling to her, always ready to rescue her.

His view on Kou is different, he is someone he ask to fight and help. Is not that he doesn’t trust Nene, not exactly, but he had the “I’ll keep you in the dark mentality” from the second they met, while he never planed to treasure Kou, he just saw enough potential, or use, in this exorcist kid to occasionally rely on him.

Hanako plans for Kou only involved a vague “he can exorcise me later” idea, but he ends up genuinely caring about Kou after he stand up for him agaist Teru in the young exorcist arc. 

It’s no longer just “this boy is so funny! I can both make fun of him and use him”, now Kou is his friend.

Just compare how he treats Kou when he is in Yako’s boundary, and in Hell of Mirrors.

He has gotten the habit to be more honest with Kou, he is always counting on him on little things when they are together, and it hurts so bad when Kou fail, because Hanako trusts him, and he hasn’t trusted someone in such a personal way in 60 years.

Hanako is more comfortable hating himself them his friends, so he usually doesn’t let his dissapointment in Kou linger. Focusing most of his negative thoughts on himself.

Kou isn’t infallible, but he is the one Hanako trusts the most. Hanako used to trust Kou almost blindly, holding on to the feeling, but once he was let down, he gets so hurt, he resents the feeling.

He is a contradictory character. It feels like he hate Kou at times and is frustrated by Nene, but he can’t stop caring about them. He only got attached to two people, he can try, and he will, but he can’t pretend they aren’t important to him.].

We know Hanako lingered in Mei’s fake world because his deepest wish is to be human with Nene. So even though it is a big red flag for Nene to see “Amane” in her class, the supernatural couldn’t resist playing pretend.

Just for a bit, just for a taste of a normal life with her.

He is consistently selfish and irrational when it comes to Nene. He can’t let go.

His view on Kou is less frenzy but he can’t be discarded either, the kid is the other half of his reason to want to be alive after years of just accepting his death.

He have made up his mind about not going anywhere, he still refuse to follow the crew to Mei’s exit, to the moon, but he wants Kou and Nene to always come to him.

Cause even thought Yashiro was his focus, and Mitsuba took most of Kou’s time, Hanako does make it very clear he want Kou there. He even try to knock Kou out like he did with Nene the second he notices Mitsuba failed to distract him.

He risked Kou being in this world, indulged Mitsuba in his dream to be human and live a normal school life by the side of friends, which is a wish Hanako has shown to actively disapprove of in hell of mirrors (and is the very same wish that Hanako have expressed to have in this arc), because Kou is part of it.

His motives for wanting to trap Kou until he lose his memories are unclear but his anger towards Kou for giving him hope after years of nothing only to realize he can’t back up his promises to make Nene live is all over picture perfect.

And Hanako is a coward, he get angry kou want to stop him, discount his anger on Mitsuba, doesn’t explain anything, take Nene, and leave Kou confused.

Hanako only loses his patience and tell how he feels when Kou is in his way, and Hanako needs to beat him if he wants Nene to stay.

The one thing that he’ll always prioritize above all else is Nene after all.

There is a certain determination to only focus on Nene after picture-perfect, not take Kou as seriously.

And what kills me is that Hanako’s attempts to distance himself are very half-hearted.

It fails.

No matter how real his anger and dissapointment, his care is just as real, if not more so. He is still eager to play fight with Kou and spend time with him. Their overall trio dynamic isn’t affected.

Is always “Nene” and “Kou” and “everyone else”. Even when Kou isn’t in the scene, Hanako thinks of him.

There is this idea Kou is important, an implied “If I can’t save Nene, Kou will be the one to save her”, even with all the reasons and proof he has that Kou can’t do something as big as alter her fate, part of him still believe Kou can do it. Is a part of him that is illogical and Hanako hates it, and doesn’t want to deal with it.

So he focus on Nene’s lifespan, he became obsessed with it.

He has always been possessive of Nene. In any chapter they are together he is touchy and flirty and so openly attached to her, it’s insane!

He knows he is in love.

He also knows he is the ghost of a dead killed and feels like Nene deserves better than what he has to offer, but he can’t let her go.

Even when he is determined to grant her wish, to make a ‘no turn back’ decision, his determination crumbles the second they are face to face, his logic dies and he is just… Happy to see her again.

Even if he knows his plans failed, even if he knows she will die, he just… like seeing her.

His love is openly selfish and doomed to not last, which is something he understands and doesn’t know how to deal with, but just like he can’t force himself to truly hate Kou and stop believing in him, he also can’t force himself to stop loving Nene and desperately trying to find ways to make her live.

He is a mess.

I love Hanako’s reaction to young Nene. Him being directly told I love you makes him emotional as he’s not really been told that in his life, besides from Tsukasa.

mentally i'm still here

HOLYMOLY

WELCOME BACK ALBEDO

Speed running this art, my happiness cannot be contain. I'm giddy rn

i think of m1tsuba/sousuke and mit2uba/no.3 the same way kou thinks of them. like, yeah, theyre different people. but, also, what... what do you mean theyre different people...??