Jason Is That One Unemployed Sibling Who Texts You Weird Shit At 3:27 Pm On A Tuesday.

Jason goes full cat 2

Alright, but you're gonna keep the secret, right?

during occasions where Batman is really needed and Dick and Bruce are both unavailable for some reason, they have to call up Jason because he's the only other one of the bats that will properly fill out the suit. Bruce hates these occasions. Not because he doesn't want Jason to be Batman, but because Jason uses these opportunities to fuck with Batman's reputation as. much. as. possible.

while in the suit, he referred to 'himself' as the JLA's sugar daddy on live TV, and Bruce is still having to deal with it to this day. one time Bruce threatened Jason that he couldn't have guns on him while Batman, and Jason proceeded to leave his guns at the cave only to show up to the fight brandishing multiple giant water guns which he shot at police officers and nobody else. he flexes his arms and does 'sexy superheroine' poses every time he spots a camera aimed at him, even if he's in the middle of fighting somebody. he acts like he's best friends with the Flash. every. time.

Bruce wants to die inside. Dick quite honestly finds it fuckin hysterical, and he keeps trying to get into accidents whenever HE'S supposed to be Batman so that Jason has to do it instead.

Bruce tries to bribe Jason with money. Jason accepts the money. Jason does not stop. Bruce does not get his money back.

Talia: “your father is of high intelligence”

Bruce: [reading an instruction manual to the tv remote] “Damian, how do I turn the volume down?”

Talia: “he’s a fierce and resilient fighter”

Batman: [getting his ass beat by a grandma swinging her handbag] “ma’am! I am not— ma’am!”

Talia: “even your grandfather was impressed with his detective skills”

Bruce: [staring at Jason who’s covered in blood]

Jason: “I got hit by a car and had a major nose bleed”

Bruce: [shrugs] “glad you’re ok now”

Talia: “always 10 steps ahead”

Bruce: “wait I forgot to add sugar” [looks at the cake he just baked]

Talia: “he understands there’s a time and place for emotions, he won’t let it compromise him”

Bruce: [sobbing through a Disney movie]

Talia: “broken bones, gun shots, debilitating injuries, he pushes through”

Bruce: [holding a hand to his back as he walks]

Dick: “did you slip a disc again?”

Bruce: [grunts]

Talia: “he’s graceful with everything he does”

Bruce: [snorts wine out his nose at a gala]

Talia: “he has strong morals. He cannot and will not go against them”

Batman: [standing over a man that Red Hood just unalived]

Red Hood: “I’m sorry?”

Batman: “are you really, Jay?”

Talia: “your father is well respected, Damian. He’s defeated your grandfather on many occasions, he’s not an average man”

Bruce: [drinking tea]

Jason: [walking by] “fuck you, bitch”

Talia: “you’re father is a strict and disciplined man, he will not tolerate childish behavior, do you understand?”

Damian: “I understand mother, but what if I’m not what he expects? What if I’m not…”

Talia: [strokes Damian’s cheek] “don’t you worry. You’re perfect”

Bruce: “dammit Damian, who’s cat is this?”

Damian: “he’s ours now”

Bruce: “absolutely not, I told you no more animals Damian”

Damian: “but baba…” [wipes his eyes]

Bruce: “He can stay only for the night…”

How is Steve Rogers like the biggest rebel and the baddest bitch who fucks the system continuously but also the most righteous and honourable man who ever lived hOW

Stucky & bed sharing. Especially when it's randomly casual. Like oh not enough beds? No prob we can share. Or fuck that was an exhausting mission I need a nap shove over. Just. My heart bursts.

This goes along well with that trope of “we’re totally a couple but we don’t know we’re a couple” that I absolutely fucking love tbh.

They share all the beds. All of them. They sleep together, nap together - in fact, I daresay they don’t get in a good sleep unless they’re together. 

And they know all of each other’s worst sleeping habits.

If Steve sleeps on Bucky’s left side, he kicks during the night. Steve is the worst cover hog of all time but he makes up for it by also being a human octopus. 

Bucky cannot even begin to tell you how many mornings he’s woken up trapped by the limbs of Steven Grant Rogers. No matter how they fall asleep, no matter if they’re not even touching when they fall asleep, when he wakes up, Steve is plastered right to him.

His life is so hard.

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Bestie, I am begging for more insight into your little blurb with Bruce watching SladeJay! (But also, genuinely no pressure--please delete if uninterested in expanding, no worries.)

Like, obviously he's jealous and wants Jason calling HIM Daddy, but I need to know what happens after; how Bruce handles having this knowledge. Does he make it known he saw/heard them? Does he try to get Jason to call him Dad/Daddy "out of nowhere"? Does something escalate things between them, and Jason calls Bruce Daddy on his own? Would saying it not feel the same when Jason's with Slade after? Does Bruce try acting like Jason's Daddy? Asdjfkl !!

Don't mind me, just obsessing over this.

Anon thank you so much for the ask!! I, too, am obsessed over this xD. Please be aware that this got loooong, and I'm sorry but it also got angstier than I had predicted (angst midas touch attacks again.)

First of all, I think he wouldn't make it known that he saw them.

Right in the moment, Bruce is too occupied commiting every detail of Jason's body, and how he moves, and his voice to memory. He doesn't even realize that he's staring at the scene, he just... Does it. He stumbles upon them by accident. Then he has to stay quiet so they don't see him. Then he has to find a way to leave without they noticing him. Then he hears Jason saying that goddamn word. Then he needs to see the rest... And so on.

Then, immediately after, he doesn't say anything because Bruce would be deeply ashamed and guilty of his initial reaction. That's his... Jason. And seeing him having sex with Slade should be a concern (because of who Slade is) AND NOT A TURN ON!!!

Whatever happened, he did once adopt Jason, and he did want him as his son. There's a lot of self loathing and regret involved there. His wanting Jason in any other way is a consequence of how things aren't what they were supposed to be. It's a reminder of his failure. If he hadn't failed, he would never be looking at Jason like that (and yeah, that might or might not be true, but it's something Bruce believes in a 100%. He needs to believe that).

To reveal that he saw them could potentially expose his own reaction to what he saw.

Afterwards, after he's thought about it all, after he's more or less accepted the clashing of his guilt and self-loathing against the desire... Well, then he doesn't say anything because it might give Jason the idea that he's jealous, and Bruce knows that Jason will double down on whatever's going on with Slade to spite him, and Bruce wants Jason AWAY from Slade. Also, the clandestine knowledge is a weapon he can use to get what he wants.

He's also a bit worried, because wasn't Jason interested in redemption? 🤨 Fucking Slade Wilson doesn't really seem like taking steps in that direction. Doesn't Jason see that there's a much better option available? One that will take him to proper redemption 🥺 how dare Jason throw that away? AND HOW DARE WILSON just take what's Bruce's like that??? He must know that Bruce would not accept that!

Bruce can't really fault Slade, though.

The next steps depend on whether or not Jason and Bruce had a sort of decent relationship prior to the Sladejay reveal. Either way, I think Jason sees Bruce as his, well, it's difficult to put into words all the good and bad things Bruce is and represents for him, but the point is that Bruce is, for better or for worse, the most important person in his life, and he would give many concessions to have him in his life.

So, Jason is completely weirded out and suspicious when he starts to get invitations to spend time with Bruce. To patrol together. To go to the Manor. But he also can't help but soak the attention that Bruce is giving him. He hasn't even cleared out his suspicions that there's something (vigilantism related) going on, but he's weak for having Bruce willingly spending time with him. Just the two of them, even. It's even getting in the way of his booty calls with Slade, but hey, Jason rearranges his schedule.

Meanwhile, Bruce is... Moderately happy. He can't get enough of when Jason cracks a joke, or when he doesn't tense for a fight in his presence. When they patrol together, it's all less bittersweet than he would have expected. And all of that is Good! Sometimes he almost thinks he could be happy with what he has... Actually, not really. The desire and lust for Jason didn't go away in the meantime... In fact, they only got worse. He's sure that Jason doesn't want him that way, but he has some hope that he's wrong...

He does get Jason to try and call him "dad", but much to Bruce's absolute ruin, Jason replies with a "you're not my dad". And Bruce's just completely lost, because that was one of the things that was still holding him back. To know that Jason doesn't consider him his father, eases his conscience (but also hurts because it's a reminder that the boy Jason once never got out of that grave).

Now, on Jason's side... We can go two main ways: 1) he's sooooo unwell about Bruce too, but never thought he had a chance (because he kills(ed), because Bruce once adopted him, and good god, he's already messed up, he doesn't need to add wanting to fuck the guy who was once his sort of father in the mix); or 2) he doesn't see Bruce that way, but he's still unwell about Bruce (just not romantically/sexually), and so he would sleep with Bruce just to maintain the closeness they developed.

The thing is, they do inevitably end up in bed either way, and it's good like Bruce imagined it would be, to have Jason like that (he's always known he has Jason in every other way, and sleeping with him feel just like a natural progression), but Jason doesn't call Daddy in their first time. Which is fine. Bruce is not complaining, and definitely not obsessing over that.

The second time, it doesn't happen either. So, the third time, Bruce decides to call Jason "Son" while he's fucking him. Jason might have said that Bruce isn't his dad, but he once tried to be, and Jason still wants his approval, so Bruce is sure that there's some wires crossed in Jason's head, and he can use that.

Well, Jason does call him "daddy" then, and it's much much more than Bruce could have expected, because not only does he call him that, but contradicting his previous words, he then actually calls Bruce "dad". Not "daddy" and neither of them can pretend that he didn't mean it. Bruce has one of the strongest orgasms to Jason gasping "dad, dad, dad, please" in his ear.

And Bruce has denied Jason many things in the past, but this is something he can give him. Always.

"Would saying it not feel the same when Jason's with Slade after?"

Yeah, it wouldn't feel the same. With Slade, it was hot and just little bit fucked up. With Bruce it's much more... Ah... Meaningful in a sad sort of way. It's the, hm, only moment Jason ever feels loved by Bruce (regardless if Jason was already romantically/sexually interest in Bruce, or if he's just going by the "if I can't be a good son, I'll be a good fuck 👍" sort of way), and that's what does it for him.

tl;dr: son issues meet daddy issues, and Bruce explores Jason's daddy kink (or is it dad kink?) to resolve (?) his son issues.

Jason and Dick falling back into being brothers after Jason gets resurrected except both of them keep forgetting that although Dick is still older, Jason is now very much not a small little Robin anymore.

Dick, pointing to an ugly old guy on TV: that’s you

Jason, gesturing to a pug: that’s you

Dick: *flicks the side of Jason’s head*

Jason: do that again and i’ll smash your face in

Dick: bring it on, little wing!

Jason: *jokily shoves Dick off the couch*

Dick: *flies two feet and smashes through a glass table*

Tim and Damian watch Dick try and sneak up on Jason from behind to shove him in the pool but Jason doesn’t even budge, and they see Dick’s eyes widen in regret before he gets judo-flipped into the water. Jason tries to jump in after but forgets how big he is and manages to both land directly on Dick’s flailing body and cause a wave big enough to drench Alfred standing at the other edge. Damian turns dead eyes onto Tim,

Damian: promise me we’ll never be that immature.

Tim: we can learn from their stupidity

Alfred, dripping onto the tiles, Jason and Dick struggling in the background: please see that you do.

funniest 'Jason Todd comes back as red hood and starts talking to the bats without telling that he is, in fact, Jason Todd' trope is where Red Hood starts becoming minorly friendly with the bats and lets slip that Jason Todd is indeed still alive, but not that he is him.

now this can result in multiple outcomes, however i think the funniest possible version is the version where while Dick is bemoaning about the loss of his little brother and how great Jason is and how he wants to talk to him again, and without a second of hesitation Red Hood just nods his head and goes 'oh yeah, hottest robin by far, too. sexy as shit, that guy is.'

this results in the entire bat family fully believing that Jason Todd was somehow revived and taken to the LOA where he met and fell in love with this murderous assassin known as Red Hood, and the two are currently in a relationship.

Jason, petty and pissed at his family, decides: holy shit that's funny. and he goes along with it, meaning there are multiple occasions where we get interactions such as

Batman, brooding on a rooftop: the second Robin... he has always had such a big heart.

Red Hood, cartwheeling in the background: big dick too, godDAMN

Batman: i am begging you to stop.

---

Nightwing: you're DATING my little brother? AND YOU WONT LET US TALK TO HIM?

Red Hood, full of shit: he's too busy visiting venues for our wedding next autumn. and before you ask, no, you're not invited.

Nightwing:

Batman: you mean to tell me, you're marrying my son, and you won't allow us to be at the wedding?

Red Hood: Jason's decision.

Batman:

Red Hood: Green Arrow's walking him down the isle

Batman: ok thats it-

---

Red Robin: so is your fiance happy about all this crime lord murder stuff?!

Red Hood: my future trophy husband understands that if he's going to be able to sit and look pretty for me, then I need to bring home some serious cash, now stop interrupting my work.

Red Robin:

Red Hood:

Red Hood: for real tho, Jason's so hot-

Red Robin: STOP IT

bonus scene:

Dick: Damian, did you know about this?

Damian, hasn't been paying attention: know about what?

Dick: Jason's engaged to Red Hood!

Damian:

Damian, knows full well Jason is full of shit because he grew up with the guy in the league:

Damian: hes what now

Jason in the background: *violently gesturing death threats*

Damian:

Damian: yes. i'll be travelling home in the fall to be the flower boy. I believe Todd has already picked out my suit.

Dick:

that christmas, Bruce Wayne receives a card with an obviously photoshopped Red Hood that's got his arm around Jason's shoulders, who also has a photoshopped wedding dress on. Damian is stood in front of them, a 'just married' banner in his hands, looking very much like he was paid to be there.

Dick never forgives Jason for making him think that Alfred was invited to the wedding and he wasn't.

completed series-

Do you hate yourself? (hotch centric)

Why do you hate yourself?

Who do you think hates you?

No one hates you except for you

Not everyone hates him

You should hate yourself (Alternative ending)

Chasing Cars (hotch x male oc)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

College AU (hotch centric with side couples)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Epilogue

Winning a Battle, Losing the War (hotch centric)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Alternative Ending

work in progress-

His Feelings for Him (hotch x morgan)

Part one, Part two

the warnings and summaries are in each fic.