Yesterday was a long, painful day in a lot of ways. It was also a Wednesday, which means it was queer board game night at my local library. It was family night, which usually has less young adults even though everyone is welcome. I wasn't sure if *anyone* from my community would show up.
We live in a red southern state. I've been harrassed in this very town. I stood in front of my mirror for a long time debating whether I should wear conservative man passing clothes (camo shirt, trucker hat, work boots). I ended up wearing a bold neon pride shirt. Fuck 'em, right?
I left early and I was one of the first people to arrive. The host said they didn't think anyone would show up. While we caught up, a man in a MAGA hat shuffled into the lobby across from us with a big walking stick. I kept my eye on him and prepared myself to jump in front of the doorway and de-escalate a situation. He sat down, and went through his stuff, and as I looked I realized he was probably homeless—our library is a safe haven for all kinds, thankfully. He was a member of my community. He might be wearing that hat out of fear, just like I'd considered dressing conservatively earlier. Or he might be an active Trump supporter. Either way, he's a member of my community and he was obviously leaving us alone. I relaxed minutely.
And then...people started trickling in. Many were my friends. Some were new faces. Someone brought a big bowl of leftover halloween candy and the mood skyrocketed. I played monopoly with a 9-year old kid, a member of the military, and a witch. It was a blast. Honestly it was one of the busiest game nights I've been at in a while, and family days are usually almost empty.
Afterward a group of us wanted to keep hanging out so we went to taco bell and then a park to chat and laugh and show off pocket knives and carabiners. At the taco bell, though, I noticed a trio of youths come in with colorful hair and bodies full of that tight apprehension I'd been feeling all day. One of them saw me and lit up and gave that sweet, familiar "I love your shirt!" I hope it made people feel safer. Reminded them we're still here and we're not giving up an inch of ground. We're not alone. You're not alone, I promise.
It was a long day, and a good night.
tumblr bitch: liking creepypasta makes you a freak!
me: **growls really hard**
jeff: its ok theyre just jealous babe…
me: i know jeff, i know
slendy: **slaps my fat juicy ass**
me: NOT NOW SLENDY JEFF AND I ARE HAVING A MOMENT
slendy: youre so boring **murders a whole family**
me: **sighs**
police: **en route**
jeff: **the killer**
5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
10 years ago, I was watching my Potential and Opportunities dissolve and evaporate in an ocean of cheap gin and expensive whiskey.
But 5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
One of the exercises they had us perform was to imagine ourselves happy, 5 years in the future.
Many of us in that room had forgotten how to imagine nice things happening to them. A few snorted (well, I snorted), finding the notion that we’d even still be around in 5 years grimly humorous.
For about half of us, it was the last stop on the way down.
But I indulged the therapist. I was there, after all, because I did not want to die. So, I imagined myself, 5 years hence.
Happy.
It came to me all at once; an artistic remix on Norman Rockwell’s Freedom From Want, reframed with myself placing food at the table.
Sunday Dinner At My Place, I answered, when it came my turn to share my fantasy. I was asked what food I imagined eating.
It’s not the meal itself, I said, it’s the implications framed around it. Sunday Dinner At My Place means that I have a Place. It means that I have Family that will actually speak to me and friends who actually want to see me. It means money enough not just to feed myself but others too. It means having the time to spare to take the time preparing the meal.
A lot of nodding heads all around me. A struck chord. Many people with no Place, in that place. Nowhere that would lament their leaving.
5 years hence, as I lay down to sleep in my Home, with my Wife and my Son, surrounded by my Art and my Flowers, I reflect.
It was a long road. It was hard. We lost people. So many people. There were long days and long nights and hospital stays. Angry arguments with ghosts. I changed, in ways I never hoped for, or expected. Good ways, finally, for once. Slowly, against the backdrop of a world in chaos, I found my mind.
Sometimes, My Wife wondered aloud, what she did to deserve me. After some stumbling with my feelings, I eventually settled on an answer.
I’m a Rescue.
She gave me a Home.
And, so, I gave her a Family.
It seemed fair
This Sunday, my folks, which whom I have not had a shouting match in years, will come over for dinner. We will cook and eat together. My Friend became My Wife, and she took a piece of me and with it she made Our Son. There will be many hugs, and no violence. Good Things Happened.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t know what the future holds.
It could get good, even.
I’ve seen a lot of posts on my dash tonight about users who are threatening suicide, with other Tumblr members posting in effort to try to get ahold of them. I think you all should see this:
IF THERE IS EVER A TUMBLR USER WHO HAS POSTED A GOOD-BYE MESSAGE, SUICIDE NOTE, VIDEO, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, PLEASE FOLLOW THIS POST.
1. Scroll to the top of your dashboard.
2. See the circular question mark icon at the top? It’s the third one over from your home symbol. Click on that, and a screen similar to the one in the picture will come up.
3. Where you can type in questions, the box with the magnifying glass at the top, type in the word “suicide.”
4. Click on the first link that shows up. It should say, “Pass the URL of the blog on to us.”
5. Type in the user’s URL and tell Tumblr admin that the user is contemplating suicide and has posted a message indicating that they are going through with it or will be attempting. Hit send! Tumblr administration will perform a number of actions to contact the user and take the necessary steps to prevent the suicide.
TUMBLR: THIS COULD SAVE A USER’S LIFE. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE SUICIDE THREATS.
Reblog this to keep other users aware. Suicide isn’t a joke, and neither is someone’s life. If you didn’t know this, someone else may not, either. Pass it on.
✨ fragile ✨
Last month's picture, my oc Lucian. It started out as a quick sketch portrait for 2-3 hours.
Hot Topic BF x Hollister BF (they’re t4t and in love)
this still only has like 1k views even though it’s a fucking masterpiece, so i’m posting it here because I’ve watched it like 10 times, seriously go check it out—
Well fucks? Get to it!