In The Dark, The Deer Mistook My Headlights For Stars

© pet_foolery

“The right belief is like a good cloak, I think. If it fits you well, it keeps you warm and safe. The wrong fit however, can suffocate.” ― Brandon Sanderson, The Final Empire

“But you can't kill me, Lord Tyrant. I represent that one thing you've never been able to kill, no matter how hard you try. I am hope.” ― Brandon Sanderson, The Final Empire

“Our belief is often strongest when it should be weakest. That is the nature of hope.” ― Brandon Sanderson, The Final Empire

I owe a lot to Brandon Sanderson. In the summer of 2020, I was three years deep into the worst reading-slump of my life, struggling with anxiety and depression thanks to a combination of university stress, the pandemic, a full time laboratory job, and living away from home in a strange dead city. My writing was struggling due to lack of time and input to fill up my creative well. I don't remember a lot of that spring, except that it felt like my head was constantly full of mist.

I had no idea how much my life would change when I picked up an audiobook of The Way of Kings to help pass the hours doing tedious sample prep. (Eternal thanks to @siarven for the recommendation and moral support for the past several years <3) Kaladin's ideals got me through that year, and the next, and the next, as I fell deeper into the cosmere.

I picked up the audiobook of The Final Empire this past summer, at another lab job, doing boring sample prep again, and immediately grew attached to Vin's character. I wish I had picked up this book in high school, because I relate to this awkward, intense teen altogether too much. Reading about her struggles was like reading about my slightly younger self, and I want to scoop her up in a hug. It also shocked me just how many of my OCs are incredibly similar to Vin, carrying paranoia, too much truama, great skill, and grander callings on their young shoulders.

Beyond that, The Final Empire is also just so much fun?? as much as post-apocalyptic hell-scapes can be fun, but Kelsier brings such an entertaining energy to the page, and his beacon of hope resonated with those deeper themes that have always been the source of my love for these series. The "learning to fly" scenes are always my favorite, since I've been a little kid I've always dreamed of taking off into the wild blue yonder and leaving my problems behind, and there's no small part of wish fulfillment in this costume bringing me a little closer to launching myself into the sky.

I hope this cosplay did justice to the love I have for these books and for Vin's character. I tried my best to catch most of the details - her single earring, the vials, glass knife, coin pouch, and I even got my hair cut after four years for the occasion. This project started over the summer by hand-sewing the shirt, which I completed as I finished the trilogy. I did not end up cutting the cloak into ribbons to create the iconic mistcloak silhouette, as I plan to reuse this cloak for other projects, but I've added strips to the outside to give some of that look whenever I'm moving or there's wind. These are just-finished pictures in my dorm, but I'll be going outside on the next misty day for a proper photo shoot.

Thank you to everyone who's followed this project and encouraged me along the way! It was a lot of work, and in the end, I'm glad to have a good cloak that fits rather well.

[ Day 252 ]

Let's have one more dance..

[Image: ‘Using Sex as self harm?]

While some survivors shy away from sex completely after the fact, other still are able to have healthy sex lives, there is another subset of the survivor+sex possibilities- those who use sex as a form of self harm.

How can you tell if you’re using sex as a self harm mechanism?

Does sex usually make you feel bad?

Do you seek out sex when you feel bad about yourself?*

*and not as in ‘my partner makes me feel loved when we have sex, so I go to them. kind of seek out.

Do you think that it’s all you’re worth?

Do you often find yourself dissociating during sex?

Do you often find yourself going into situations you feel are risky and then being upset with yourself afterwards?

If you answered yes to any of the above, you might be using sex as self harm.

What can you do if you’re using sex as self harm?

First, it’s important to remember that shaming yourself will not actually make you stop. Sometimes we beat up on ourselves over these things and call ourselves horrible names- and we justify it by saying 'it’ll make me stop’ or 'it’s what I deserve for doing this’.

It won’t make you stop, it may even drive you to doing it again. And you don’t deserve to be hurt anymore.

No longer using sex as a self harm mechanism comes in three to four parts.

What will you do when you do use sex as self harm?

Even once you’ve recognized that this is a behavior that you want to stop- most survivors will slip up a few times.

Create a self care plan. Figure out what you need to do to reduce the damage. Both in terms of during and after. Birth control and 'afterwards I will call my friend instead of beating myself up for this.' 

What will you do when you want to use sex as a self harm mechanism?

When you find yourself wanting to self harm- what will you do? How will you distract yourself?

A lot of people do the….'if I still want to do this in an hour I can re-examine the urge again.’ game. 'I’m going to watch an episode of HTGWM and then maybe’  'I’m going to go take a shower and brush my hair and do my makeup and then we’ll think about it again’ 'If I still want to do this tomorrow- then maybe.’

Have a plan of things you can do in the mean time. Have things that are both straight up distractions and ways to vent, express yourself, deal with the feelings that are driving here.

Maybe ways that you can be validated. Maybe 'instead of going to the bar or calling that boy I’m going to call my friend _____ and see if she’ll come over and we’ll lay on the couch and watch netflix' 

Whatever it is that you need to do to keep yourself from self harming.

Figuring out why you want to use sex as a self harm mechanism- and attacking that at the root.

Maybe it’s because you think that this is all you’re worth. If so- find other ways to validate your worth, if you can’t find worth in who you already are- ask someone else you trust to help you see it. maybe help you write a list. or figure out ways you can help build your sense of worth- volunteering, or by being a good friend, or whatever it is you think makes a person worth while.

Maybe it’s because you think this is what you deserve. If so- when you’re feeling okay I want you to write down that you don’t. that you don’t deserve to be touched when you don’t want to be. That you deserve better things. That trauma has not marked you for life as undeserving of intimacy. You deserve to come to it on your own terms though. You did not deserve what happened to you. and you do not 'deserve’ self harm, you deserve so much better.

Maybe it’s because you’re trying to process what happened. and if so- it’s a sign processing needs to happen about the trauma. Try to find healthier ways to process. Talk to a friend or a group or therapist. Read articles or watch poetry or whatever it is that you think is a healthy way to process what happened. make art, whatever it is you need to do.

Find ways to directly deal with the root of why you self harm.

and lastly- this is only if you /want/ to. Nobody is required to have sex ever again.

Find out ways to have a healthy sex life again. 

Maybe you’ll still need to do the waiting period at first- to make sure it isn’t a self harming urge. 'If I still want to have sex with you in a few days, maybe. but right now- I need to wait.’

Maybe you’ll need to have sex a certain way. Soft and slow. In a certain environment. With certain conditions.

Whatever it is that makes you feel safe and comfortable. The important thing is finding something that works for you.

—–

Remember, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are trying to heal the best way that you know possible, but I want you to know, that you don’t deserve to hurt and that there are other ways to go about things. that you have options.

and that you deserve better.

Take care of yourself today, okay?

Reblog to BITE prev

absolutely just plugging my own clan but

maybe boughkit from @tinyclan ?

Alright let’s do this again! Except a kit version! I wanted to at 1500 followers so let’s count this for that

Now that I have kits to draw I’m realizing I need some PRACTICE drawing those things, so give me some clangen kits to work with!

Petitions - UK Government and Parliament

Petition: Do not stop transgender people from receiving care in mainstream hospital wards

The previous government proposed changes to the NHS constitution which would mean transgender hospital patients in England may not be treate

Well fucks? Get to it!

Heard some important information on Twitter today, and thought I’d post it here for anyone who may not have heard it. This is actually a thing, devised by human rights organisation called Karma Nirvana.

Reblog to save a life?

Please, spread this for those who might need it right now

U.S. suicide hotline: call or text 988 (available 24 hours)

U.S. trans lifeline: (877) 565-8860 (when you call, you’ll speak to a trans/nonbinary peer operator. full anonymity and confidentiality)

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) – provides 24/7 confidential support and referrals for individuals and families facing mental health and substance use disorders, including panic attacks and anxiety.

LGBT National Help Center: (888) 843-4564

Trevor Project: Call (866) 488-7386, text START to 678-678, or chat online.

Take care of yourself and each other. Please stay safe ♡

Make the most of the next two months

Get all your vaccines

Travel while we have a functioning DOT

Read and buy books on feminism, anti-racism, pro-lgbt

Attend drag shows

Don't skip any of your classes

Read and buy history books

Find your out-of-state networks

Learn to carry cash

Get birth control solutions

Support the Biden/Harris administration

Postpone large purchases and save money

Be careful of what you say online, like un-ambiguous attacks against the incoming administration, especially in spaces that contain your full name or personal information

Feel free to add on.