Latest Posts by sleepymedic249 - Page 2
No lie, my boyfriend laughed at this for about 4 days straight
me
Shook my rug for the first time in 6 months releasing over a kilo of dust, three migrating albatrosses and the stampede from the Lion King
Jay Z: Your breasteses is my breakfast
Me:
Ted Allen: You have 30 seconds left, chefs.
Chef: I looked down at my dish and realized it needed a little more color, so I decide to make a quick purée out of lima beans and hot raspberry sauce, then brûlée the top with a blowtorch and add a few mint leaves to really give it some texture.
Me: *pterodactyl screech*
FINISH HIM
youth dystopian novel protagonist: i guess you could say there’s a darkness in me. i’m not normal. never have been barista at jamba juice: ma’am are you going to order anything
*Sees old people reading newspaper in public*
*Sees it's not the Daily Mail*
Me:
Bleurgh
You know when you’re so anxious/stressed you cant actually process things so you end up being a human pile of immobile emotional slop?