Modern Au

a villain who commits crimes because they want to impress the hero and get their attention but they don’t know how to flirt like a regular person

Mystical Woodland Animal Art Prints by RivuletPaperShop

x / x / x / x / x x / x / x / x / x

I need all of them!!!!

woo i am such a fan of dramatic plants. just prissy fucking plantlife, be it unreasonable or implacable or ostentatious. plants, man

Our apologies

Just a gentle PSA from Blobby ❤️

okay so, I have a Story about a customer we had tonight

so this guy in a fancy denim cowboy shirt (a jirt, if you will) came in during our dinner rush and ordered two burritos. the girl (T) doing the hot station (beans and rice and meat) was like "okie dokie, what do you want on them?"

this guy goes "I want Everything on the burritos, except the corn, jalapeños, and cheese."

T pauses to check

"You want Everything?"

"Yes, all the meats, and then all the vegetables."

"So you want... the steak, and the chicken, and the white meat chicken, and the ground beef, and the pulled pork, and the tofu?"

"What's tofu?"

"A soybean protein, comes in spongy blocks."

"You had me at protein, put it on!"

T turns to me. "Can we... can we do that?"

I slap on my manager tone of voice. "Sir, each extra scoop is going to be about $2.09-2.59 each, is that okay?"

he reassures us that is fine. I okay the Frankenburrito

T starts making his burritos. with each extra scoop the mound of food gets larger and larger. she is sweating bullets by the time she slides the first burrito to the cold table

so tonight was the first night J the new boy had been working cold. he has zero experience rolling burritos previous to the last two hours

he looks at this thing and goes "Do i.... have to?" o_o

absolutely not

I step up to the table and start piling on lettuce and cheese and pico de gallo and guac and onions and cucumbers and olives and cilantro

when I am done I look down at this thing, I look up at this man, and i sigh

Sir, I don't mean to question your life choices, but can I put this in a bowl? there is no way I can roll this.

"No it's fine," he insists. "Just use another tortilla to like, extend them out, and then roll it up."

....

Sir.

"You can do this, it'll be fine!"

so i get another 12" tortilla

like kinda overlap them?

and then sorta?? roll one into the other so it is a literal Tube of Meat

the ends did not fold in there was no Containing this thing

I grabbed another foil wrapper so I could roll this thing into two of them and kinda smash the ends in

I squinted at the customer

"It's great, it's fine!" he says, cheerfully

T hands me the Second Burrito

I do it ALL OVER AGAIN

and then take these two giant lumps to the cashier

the cashier, A, is looking over in horror

"[Kiry], how do I even ring those up???"

it's okay, I've got this

the man requests no chips, so I pack each burrito (which for some scale is about the size of a small puppy each) sideways in a paper bag and put them in a plastic bag for carry out

I ring him up, adding scoop after scoop

$47.20 y'all, for two burritos

A is about to die

"$47.20????"

"that is what you get when you get fuckin Noah's Ark over here!!" I say

I may have been having a stroke by that point

the man laughs and hands over his card np

"Are you okay?" he asks me

I am terrific

"Are you mad at me?"

Sir, this is the most delighted I have been in days. I am going to go on the internet and tell Everyone I Know this story

he is ecstatic. he takes his burritos, wishes us a great night, and leaves

I am unsure what kind of eldrich being is currently unhinging his jaw to devour these burritos since he was wearing a gaiter the whole time, but i wish him well

Kids come first Au

Princess Peach addition

Peach is not a bad person she's just tired of being kidnapped. I mean would you like it if someone you barely know broke into your house, hurt the people you care about, kidnapped you just to ask you to marry them, and when you say no gets all mad about it and keeps you there so you can "think about it". So no Peach isn't a bad person she's just tired. She's tired of having to rebuild her castle and other parts of her kingdom. She's tired of having to escape her capture and make the long trip back home with little to no supplies.

While hoping her father and people are doing well in her absence. Not to mention the fact that this has been happening almost every month since the day she turned 18.(Shes 23 at the start of this Au)

Anything Madame Zeroni

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

y’all if this is true

https://www.thedailybeast.com/state-department-to-lgbt-married-couples-your-out-of-wedlock-kids-arent-citizens