Latest Posts by thechaoticgentleman - Page 4

I cannot fucking believe how much I'm losing my mind right now over soy sauce history. I'll tell all of you about it after I finish this essay because I need to un-distract myself enough to finish it but what the fuck? What the fuck is going on? I'm losing my fucking mind.

If you do happen to run across this post, my guiding tumblr voice, I hope you know that I know that you know who I am.

there's is a person on YouTube who's voice I know well. If I ever think something in their voice I know this a worthy post.

there's is a person on YouTube who's voice I know well. If I ever think something in their voice I know this a worthy post.

One thing I've learned about tumblr from my years of stalking you all in YouTube compilations and then actually being on here, is that nothing matters. Do the people care if you put stuff in your tags? No. Do they care if you don't put tags at all? No. Do they care if what you're talking about even makes sense??? No.

im sorry what did you say? cleaning my room? no no no you've got it confused. im a tired parent lovingly cleaning my young child's room after I have just put them aslseep.

You know what? I'm going to put commas and periods wherever I feel like a break or stop would be if I was saying this.

I will always remember that at one point, somewhere on the internet, there was a picture of my favorite substitute teacher gently holding a burger in the palm of his hand.

Me at me: "why am I always so tired I feel like I can't do anything, I'm so lazy."

Also me: I am in band -constantly- Monday and Thursday afternoon, Tues and Thursday mornings, I have school and homework and I procrastinate because my brain says fuck you. I'm in a semi functional household, I'm grieving the loss of a love one, I just got a new dog. I always push myself academically because if I got taught that if im not the best then I'm nothing.

You can be doing nothing sometimes, drink some tea, read a good book, paint a simple picture, write a dumb poem, make a bad joke. It's okay, I'm doing my best and I'm enough.

Some of the guys at my school are doing something I find very funny. They have taken over an area of the cafeteria at lunch, and they request a toll to sit there. The toll is to eventually buy some fries, which they call, "community fries." Any lose change someone donates means they get some community fries. I've so far donated 50¢ to the cause

the perception of academics as all out-of-touch rich white cis straight men is also absolutely not limited to this website (which plays into it both from a dark academia perspective and from a more anti-elitist/verging on anti-intellectual perspective). it is also 100% a thing on actual college campuses, even when physically face to face with professors who are people of color, women, lgbtq, disabled, and very much plugged in to the workings of the world. there is a profound difficulty in seeing that the people who teach us are in many ways like us. 

Me at the beginning of the school year: I fucking hate the guys they're so transphobic, I don't feel safe at school. Atleast the girls are nice..

Me now: screw the guys, the girls are assholes. You're not the fucking victim here you prick. Don't try to tell me to "Stop being so negative" I will break your fucking ankles. YOU SAID GAY BEST FRIEND LIKE IT WAS A GOOD THING??? unironically too, wtf. And I suppose Im sorry for being a little stingy when you asked if my pronouns were they/them, you almost gave me fucking anxiety attack over that. (Props to ya use they/them, that's super cool and prolly really sexy) I've been out for the past two to three years and you've only properly met me and been introduced to me after I came out, my pronouns have been he/him for a long while. And don't think about "how could I be homophobic if my uncle is trans"

I'm genuinely astonished you weren't paying attention enough to get transphobic and homophobic right. Also that's got the same energy as "how can I be racist? I have a black friend." Like what made you think that's an intelligent answer?

She's lucky for ta couple things. One, that I have restraint and have worked on my anger management since last year. And two, that I got too stressed to even bring it up to a teacher. The thought of having to explain how someone is being mean to me makes me feel like I'm going to cry, and I don't like that.

"it's not something I can tackle yet, I'm not strong enough, and that's okay. I don't need to be strong enough right now, I can take my time. I know I can't ignore it forever, I'll never heal that way. So I'll handle it when ready, when I can. I won't be doing alone anyways I'll have someone with me. And they'll help me."

It's funny when you can only do eight (8) modified push-ups, but what isn't funny is not being able to fluff a pillow a day later because your shoulder are that fucking sore

When someone else says they had a "main charcater moment" : I climbed to the top of this hill as the sun was setting and it was magical

Me: I got so distracted biking home that I fell into a pile of leaves and knocked off my bike chain and made my handle bars crooked :D

Me shopping at ten dollar store:

Sweet now I have everything I need to make the wings for a costume :D

Oh wait fuck I need fluffy feathers for the converts.. this black feather boa should work

-sees an witch hat with black feather on the rim fully knowing that it won't be enough feathers-

I must have it

I can't be the only one who just

A good song which I will rewind if it comes on and I miss half the build up because I wasn't paying attention and you have to deal with it pal.

And

What the fuck why are you playing this aloud this song makes me feel like I need to take a shower, turn it off.

Why is everyone more cool than me. this is so mean guys stop being cool. stop it's mean.

I was recovering from a meltdown with some tunes and candle light

I have now officially used tumblr (and YouTube comment sections) to build up my self confidence. I'm now half way between a cuck and a god, there is no better way to exist than now.

I love the fact that I’m using this cesspool of chaos and showers to build up my self confidence. 

Why do all my favorite posts I've made only have one note. I mean the one note is me because I'm a genius but tumblr, c'mon, they were throw away posts. They're, admittedly, also genius, but also not what I want people to like. Y'all wrong. Just fully incorrect. This is my professional opinion as the dictator of this blog and y'all are bad at this.

Doing some homework

Maybe I'm the over dramatic problem.

Where are the rushed diary entries, as you run with friends to a playground. Where is the harsh, impulsive attitude. When did it all become so soft? This is not at any fault of light, but at the fault of us for not properly documenting the dark. Early morning is not complete without the stinging cold air, tea is not without it's bitterness. When did we start writing only the delicate? You cannot comprehend love without the suddenness of it all, no matter how slow you can try to take it there is the unmistakable surprises love must give someone. Without the impulsivity, the dark, the sudden, everything becomes diluted. And much less true.

Pirate shit, fuck are they gonna do?

Me: why can I never find people who think like me or even similarly? Why do they always say some bullshit??

Also me: actually likes learning and school, anti capitalist who wants to build community, teacher pet, autistic, very queer, calls out people when to they say bigoted shit (and very bluntly), asks a lot of questions, intrups people in the middle of sentences to ask said questions, has a very crude and raunchy sense of humor,

There are two types of people:

The person who lends books to their friends books while looking them dead in the eyes and saying "If any harm comes to this tome, beloved and sacred to me, you will feel the wrath of the gods, and I will take it upon myself to harvest your soul"

The type of person to read their books in the rain, turn the lights down low and murmur the words on the pages softly in prayer, dog-ear and annotate the pages, and walk while reading which does not end well for any of the parties involved

I am both of those people.

I just adjusted and heard my bones crack, theyre not supposed to do that unless I tell them too.

any one else see an ad,

fully acknowledge that it is, infact, an ad,

scroll past the ad,

and then go, "but what if that wasn't an ad"

To which you proceed to scroll back up skim the ad and just

"IT WAS AN AD! :D"

Guys don't leave your doors open, Its zucchini season.

Sometimes I open up Google and get whiplash because I hadn't closed the incognito tab from last night