thecureforanxiety

Latest Posts by thecureforanxiety

you can start anytime.

you can brush your teeth in the middle of the day. you can wash the dishes at 2am. you can do things outside the normal times assigned by society.

depression tips™

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over. 

put on clean, comfortable clothes. 

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink. 

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.

cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.

gentle reminder you can rise up from everything. you can recreate yourself. nothing is permanent. you are not stuck. you have choices. you can think new thoughts. you can learn something new. you can create new habits. all that matters is that you decide today and never look back.

things that people treat like moral traits when they're not:

hygiene

punctuality

appearance

language

being good at these don't make you a good person, and being bad at these don't make you a bad person.

you can be dirty, messy, late, fat, and you can write with spelling mistakes every two words, and none of this makes you a bad person.

we need to stop treating this as moral failings.

𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲

take yourself seriously. every inch of you. every dream of yours. every damn thing.

this isn’t just a pep talk; it’s a full-on life shift. if you’re not taking yourself seriously, no one else will either. i’m actually kinda irritated how us women in general don’t value ourselves enough cause bitch it’s a privilege to have a woman in your life like please, we have the power to create a life inside our bodies so best believe we also have the power to change our entire lives. it’s you versus you, babe, and it’s time to step into the main character role you’ve been putting off. here’s how you shift the vibe:

1. start by loving yourself to the fullest

every single inch of you deserves to be loved and respected by you. you want someone to love you? you want people to respect you? start by loving and respecting yourself first. how you treat yourself sets the tone for how others treat you. the mirror won’t smile unless you do. seriously like what’s stopping you from loving, cherishing and prioritising yourself? it’s your body, mind and soul ITS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE UTMOST CARE OF IT.

take your body seriously. work out, not because society says so, but because your body carries you through this world. strengthen it, nourish it, adore it.

do workout, stretching and yoga to strengthen your body. eat good quality food, healthy food to nourish your body and speak words of affirmation to adore that work of art aka your body. cause why the fuck not? go to a dermatologist, gynaecologist, dentist etc get your check ups done become the most hottest version of yourself. this will keep you strong and healthy ensuring a healthy and fulfilling long life while achieving your body, beauty and physical goals would be just an added benefit (the best possible benefit is your body will thank you when you’re old cause all this workout, yoga regular check ups led you to age like a fine wine without any health concerns)

take your appearance seriously. it’s not about vanity it’s about self-expression and confidence. dress like you care, because you should care. look in the mirror and know you’re that bitch.

do yourself a favour and stop following trends and start becoming more you, pro tip start wearing clothes and makeup according to your venus, rising or mid heaven to suit you better, take your skin care, body care, hair care seriously too. take your time to understand your style, your self care routine. understand your body type, face shape and get clothes that suit you, understand your skin and get skin care that suit you and your skin concerns, understand your hair type and develop a great hair care routine too. do you colour analysis and understand which colour palette suit you the best. START TAKING YOUR APPEARANCE SERIOUSLY.

do your colour analysis done for free with the help of chat gpt

understand your body shape and proportions to dress accordingly

figure out your face shape and get your haircut, eyebrows, eyelashes done accordingly (even getting the best shades or reading glasses)

understand your hair porosity and hair type (even your scalp type) and your hair issues to buy hair products accordingly

understand your skin type and issues you’re facing to buy skin care products accordingly

understand you body too, sometimes you face is oily type but body is dry (like me) so different products

experiment and see what suits you over time (another reason to start using journal, check if certain products are actually showing results if not replace) even certain workouts

2. take your goals seriously

whatever you want to achieve, treat it like your life’s purpose, because it is. no one else will believe in your dreams until you do. stop waiting for validation from the outside.

take your career seriously. what are you doing every day to move the needle forward? no more procrastinating or making excuses. schedule your time. commit to your craft.

become the best at everything you do, dedicate time to becoming better everyday single day. become addicted to getting better becoming the top 1% develop a mindset of getting better everyday single day. keep developing your crafts your passion and practice daily

take your learning seriously. every book, every lesson, every skill it’s building the future version of you. treat your studies, hobbies, and passions like they’re sacred, because they are.

one thing that i’m doing these days is taking my learning seriously, be it academic and school stuff but also watching youtube videos on manifestation and learning better my top recommendation for understanding manifestation better is this channel called nero knowledge. now the thing all of his videos are long videos surpassing 30 mins average easily but that’s one way up putting it i’m trying to get my attention i’ve lost to short term 1-2 mins content back (and you should do it too) learn new skills, cooking, baking, new language, or whatever seriously why? cause this will help you get better as a human and as a player in the game of life. no skill is a waste or not that great like someone told “cooking is not that great of a skill” but guess what it is. you can use this skill to feed yourself but also this is such a flex skill it’s a patriarchal world unfortunately and just because we as women hate it doesn’t mean the patriarchy will go away. knowing how to cook is a survival skill which is important for both the genders but for some weird reason when women do it it’s “hot” and “ domestic” so let’s just use this skill to use and throw men and society in general. similarly drawing is a skill that you can use to show off too. skills is not just about learning language or coding etc

3. curate your reality like it’s your personal museum

your life is your masterpiece. everything you consume; what you eat, what you watch, what you listen to, who you hang around is shaping your reality. be intentional about it.

• what are you watching? is it inspiring you or draining you? binge less nonsense and more content that pushes you to grow.

again, if you haven’t made your mindmovie, please make it. ask chatgpt to make you a beautiful story where you have everything you desire and read it every single day. listen to subliminals. watch long form educational content like nero knowledge. be very intentional with whatever put in your brain. i’m not even kidding. your brain will shape your reality, so be very intentional. with whatever things you say to it, movies you watch, songs you listen to. everything. also be very intentional with your friends and people you surround yourself with because they can also influence you a lot. you are the average of five people you spend your most time with so be very fucking intentional.

• what are you eating? fuel your body like you care about living long enough to see your dreams come true.

as i mentioned earlier, eat your food intentionally and eat your food. if you’re planning to lose weight, eat food accordingly, if you’re planning to gain weight, eat food accordingly. (make a meal plan and get a nutritionist too if needed) if you’re like me who wants to become a singer, stop eating ice cream and stuff that will affect your throat. eat your food like your medicine or you have to eat medicine as your food. be intentional with your food as well. don’t eat unhygienic food either eat home-cooked food. and if you’re eating outside, make sure that the food is hygienic and the ingredients are also good quality being very mindful with whatever the heck you are putting in your body my love. 

• who are you around? energy is contagious, babe. surround yourself with people who make you want to level up, not stay stagnant.

i’m not saying, cut off all your friends. but i’m saying that distance yourself at least with people who are not ready to grow. people who are way too comfortable in their own comfort zone. and people who are not ready to see anyone else grow. people who constantly put other people down. and people who try to undermine you. be friends with people who want to grow. if you are at a certain level get friends who are also at your level, but are willing to change. or get friends how are at higher level than you who can help you grow too. and is that means you have to cut ties with your old friends it’s okay

4. respect yourself enough to show up

it’s not about perfection; it’s about consistency. every single day is a new chance to prove to yourself that you’re worth the effort.

• wake up earlier. give yourself time to breathe and plan before the world starts pulling you in every direction.

half of the game is literally to show up every single day. most of us fail to do so. consistency is what matters the most. so show up every single day respect yourself. don’t disrespect yourself by showing that “oh i am just a lazy bitch.” no, you’re not. respect yourself enough to show up every single day. for example you respect your professor and that is why no matter how drained you are, you will still show up to the class or at least hand in the work on time because you know that professor have the power to deduct or increase your marks just like that in your life, the professor is all your goals and in order to please this professor (goals) you need to show up every fucking day so that the professor aka your goals, give you the results that you want 

• set boundaries. protect your peace. say no to what drains you, and hell yes to what fuels you.

respect yourself enough to set boundaries and protect your peace, no matter what. this is actually the very first step of levelling up and i have mentioned this in the first steps. have enough courage to say no to things, people and circumstances that are not aligned with who you wanna be and the goals you have. for example, if a friend asks you that or do you wanna drink? say no. especially if you’re like me, and you wanna become a singer, alcohol damage your vocal chords, and i cannot take that risk. start saying no to plans that do not align with your goals and the person you are trying to become. it’s a way of showing respect to the person you’re trying to be. again if your show respect to the person you’re tryna become or the reality your chasing you will not have it, your actions and beliefs should be in alignment with the reality you seek

• prioritize self-care like it’s non-negotiable. rest, hydrate, and treat yourself kindly.

again i’ve mentioned this earlier too in the first steps so please read that, no matter how much you train and hustle you need to give yourself enough time to recover even athletes do this after intense training, they do spend some time recovering so that they muscles and overall stamina get used to everything. if you’re only working like a robot and you refuse to give yourself time to rest, it’s not gonna work. moreover, it’s not healthy. give yourself time to rest. hydrate and do self-care. treat yourself, kindly. as i mentioned in my become your own mother blog. you have to become a mother to your own self, who says. “i want you to work hard, because you deserve a better life” but also a mother who says “you should rest and take some moment to relax because you’ve worked hard and you deserve it” it’s all about balance. even in my game of life blog, i mention fun and recreation category, because having fun and treating yourself kindly, relaxing all these things matter too. because you just can’t keep on working and not have fun and relax in your life. that’s not how i want you to live this life. i want you to hustle hard and the party even harder.

5. start dating yourself

no, seriously. treat yourself like the love of your life.

• take yourself on solo dates. dress up, and go somewhere that makes you happy.

ask yourself, when you’re in love with someone what do you do? you try to become better to get their attention (my sister aka me changed her entire music taste to get validation from this guy, yeah i know embarrassing) but seriously you take care of the way you dress, what you post on social media, your words etc. so now put that same “im obsessed with you” energy towards yourself. workout get a better physique FOR YOU, better your conversation skills FOR YOU, score good marks FOR YOU, become rich FOR YOU.

• journal your thoughts and dreams like you’re getting to know someone deeply because you are.

start journaling, shadow working etc to understand yourself better cause that’s exactly what you’d do if you’re the love of your life, understanding yourself your flaws, your dark side, your patterns, your attachment style etc why? cause you love yourself. do scrap book journaling to honour your life. paste photos of your achievements etc (i’ll make a post about my journals too) but y’all got the idea. start journaling you thoughts and feelings, you don’t need a “how was your day?” text to write about your day in your journal

• spoil yourself. don’t wait for someone else to buy you flowers or treat you to nice things. do it for yourself.

stop letting life happen to you, go live your life yourself, go audition alone, go start a business alone do things alone and be okay with that, if you do have a friend who is in this journey of growth with you together that’s great but please don’t wait for a man or a friend to start living your life be okay with doing with on your own and as well as in a group

6. heal for the little you inside

your inner child is still here, waiting for you to show her the love and care she deserved

just read become your own mother. i have explained this topic in detail. but seriously, one way to honour yourself is to honour your inner child too

7. your energy will mirror back to you

the way you treat yourself is the way the world will treat you.

• if you neglect yourself, people will neglect you.

it starts with you, babe. how you show up for yourself sets the standard for how others show up for you. if you don’t take your boundaries seriously no one else will. if you’re not putting effort in showing up for yourself no one else will, that is why one way to manifest your dream life (your dream reality) is by wearing what your alter ego (your higher self would wear) i have written about alter ego in first steps and the game of life so read it if you’re new here

• if you don’t respect yourself, people will disrespect you.

as awful it may sound, but you have to earn your respect. why do you think your professors will take you seriously? if you don’t score good marks it’s not like they will treat you like a piece of shit, but they won’t take your opinion seriously because you haven’t improved yourself enough for that yet i’m not even kidding. if you really wanna be heard, you have to do something that is remarkable. i know it’s a hard to swallow and it might feel like what the heck?. everyone should deserve respect equally. and that’s true. i agree with you. i personally would never look down on someone just because he or she haven’t done something remarkable, or they aren’t as rich or pretty. i would never do that, but that is not the same case with how society thinks if you wanna step up, you have to do things and show the world that: yes, i am capable. for that, you have to respect yourself enough to take the first step in order to achieve greatness. and then people would respect you more because the energy you’re putting will mirror back to you.

• if you don’t take your dreams seriously, no one else will.

i mean, seriously, just start taking your dreams, seriously. no one else will take your life, your dream, your looks, your income, seriously, if you don’t. it’s not like other people owe you success. you have to do that. you have to become your own knight in the shining armour. and change your life completely. because if you’re not taking your dream, seriously, why will anyone? you have to take initiative. you have put yourself up there. and get that bag. 

8. stop waiting for permission

you don’t need someone to tell you it’s okay to go after your dreams. you don’t need a cheerleader to remind you that you’re worthy. you have to affirm it to yourself, every single day: “i am capable. i am worthy. i am doing this.”

• stop hesitating. the perfect moment will never come. just start.

for example, i want to become a singer. but that doesn’t mean that i will wait for a label to notice me and change my life upside down. no, i will start making covers. i will start practising my craft, i will email managers and people in that field to notice me because it’s on me. i have to do that. i’ll have to do the research and look up for any audition. and by the time, i am gifted with a perfect moment or opportunity i will be ready to snatch that opportunity because i kept on levelling up my skills, so when the opportunity comes, i will be more than qualified for it. 

• don’t wait for external validation. be your own biggest hype squad.

there are gonna be days. no one is gonna hype you up, and you have to do that. actually, you have to do that every single day. if you wake up early and get your morning routine done give yourself a pat on the back every. single. day. tell yourself, “i’m so proud of myself.” you studied for three hours? give yourself a pat on the back. like come on, if no one else gonna appreciate you, you can! you can appreciate yourself every. single. day. and yes, every single day, i’m not exaggerating. i want you to keep on hyping yourself up every fucking day. and i’ll keep hyping you up too because i love y’all

9. get 1-2% better every day

you don’t need to overhaul your entire life overnight. just focus on being a tiny bit better than you were yesterday.

• drank one more glass of water? better.

• walked an extra block? better.

• studied for an hour extra? better.

those small wins add up, babe. before you know it, you’ll look back and barely recognize the person you used to be. it’s me vs me

10. make yourself proud

this is your life. your story. your masterpiece. stop living like you’re a side character and start owning the spotlight.

• take yourself seriously because you’re worth it.

i think i have explained this quite a number of times throughout the blog. but I’ll say it again. take yourself seriously. take your thoughts seriously. take your mental health seriously. take your body seriously. take your mind seriously, your spiritual beliefs seriously, your presence seriously, your ideas seriously every single thing i mean it every single thing seriously and get rid of anything that is trying to come between you and your goals (your dream life)

• work for your inner child, your future self, and the person you’re becoming.

be intentional with everything you do, the people you hang out with if the same people have hurt you or you’re inner child get rid of them. if these people will affect your future and your future self, basically, the person you’re trying to become get rid of them. similarly, if a thing or particular circumstance is affecting you, please get rid of those things. be intentional with how you talk to yourself and the things you listen, to the videos you watch, the food you eat, the songs you listen to, all of them should align with the person you’re trying to become. start aligning yourself in the same frequency as your dream self i.e your future self by wearing clothes that she might wear, by talking and watching videos that she might watch and basically embody her habits, believes and mindset. while doing all this, keep working on your shadow self (do shadow work) and healing your inner child simultaneously. (healing is a daily practice)

• every single thing you do for yourself now is setting the foundation for the empire you’re building.

also, the same thing be intentional with whatever you’re doing. if you wanna become a millionaire, your habit should look like one. if you are trying to become a good person, a loving person, your habits should look like one. If you’re trying to become a singer, your habits should look like one. It’s all in what we do daily and our habits literally.

if you want to join me on this journey of becoming my higher self. please comment, like, reblog, and follow let's embrace the glow of together.

bitch this is all you’re gonna get. this life, this face, this body. you better not ‘maybe in another universe’ your way out of everything. sit your ass down and face this. go make tea and have a picnic and read a goddamn book. kiss your loved ones, send that damn text, and hug your siblings. this is all you’re gonna get.

It's the simple things in life. I want to live.

in the meantime: study, journal, read more books, sit in silence, listen to music, take walks, take the stairs, do more things alone, do more things with friends, take notice of the small wonders of the world, create a sacred space in your mind

Life is right now. While you’re waiting for your dream job, your future spouse, your goal weight, a new home, a change in appearance. Life is happening while you are working on mastering a skill, being in the unknown, not knowing which way to go, feeling stuck. Most of life happens in the waiting. Not in the achievements or successes which are nothing but milestones. Don’t wish the time you have away waiting for something that lives in the future. Look around. What does today offer that you might not want to miss?

sorry for being weird and evasive. i was raised to believe that having wants and needs was a moral failing

Start

How to be a good person regardless of your BPD:

1- Evaluate why you’re feeling abandonment anxiety as it comes. Is it reminding you of a past time you were abandoned? Don’t place blame on anyone. Ask for validation if you need to, have a conversation. But do not place blame. It may just be *perceived* abandonment. (Often, it is.)

2- Don’t always trust your gut feelings, they have been damaged from the trauma and can’t always make accurate predictions. Make a pro-con list, what will come if you act on impulse? Make good decisions. You may be splitting right now and regret this later.

3- Make a list of your dreams, values, and goals. They may change slightly day to day, but you will have a reference point so you can evaluate how they’ve shifted. You can find an explanation as to why those views have changed, so others don’t start to see you as “two-faced.” (Which they will, if you don’t explain.)

4- Separate yourself from situations that are leading you to emotional extremes. I know that it’s not satisfying, I know you think you’re right. You may be. But in the heat of the moment, you might be undergoing a loss of contact with reality. Go somewhere else; a friends’ house, your bedroom, take a shower, go on a walk. Actually say “I cannot continue this conversation right now.” to the other party. Do not stay in the same situation. It will improve nothing.

5- Don’t do anything risky. It will not help you. It will only make things worse. Gambling and spending sprees will just make you go broke. Reckless driving will kill someone innocent. Unsafe sex could result in an STD. Drug abuse will likely end up as an addiction. Try to find a guided meditation instead. I know it’s not satisfying, but it’s better than ruining your life and endangering others.

6- If you’re feeling particularly moody, explain that you’ve been feeling grumpy that day when conversations start. It’s not fair to the other party for you to snap at them when they’re just trying to talk.

7- Please reach out for help if you feel the need to self-harm or commit suicide. But do not reach out for help from someone who you’ve hurt, it will ruin that relationship/any chance of recovering it. It may cause them to lash out, depending on what they have going on. It’s seen as manipulative by the other party, regardless of intent. There are people who manipulate others with threats of suicide, don’t be that person. If it’s at a point where you’re seriously considering acting, call your local emergency services (I know hospitalization is oftentimes scary in and of itself, but as long as you’re respectful to the staff- you won’t stay longer than 2-3 weeks. You can find support there, I promise. If you get a bill, it will eventually fall off of your record.)

Most of this is what you were supposed to learn in childhood. But we just didn’t, for whatever reason. Maybe our parents didn’t know it themselves. Maybe we were alone most of the time.

Either way, you can still learn. You can absolutely teach an old dog new tricks.

I know this disorder feels like it’s taking your life over, but I promise that it’s not.

You can turn things around. You can still have healthy relationships. It all just depends on how you learn to manage it.

I love you guys, stay safe and stay sane. 💖

wishing you a productive monday🌱

When people join self-improvement or even hobbyist communities, there are some absolutely critical skills of fundamental skepticism they need when going in. I think most people who get into these communities aren't aware of these.

And just, as a fundamental few:

Does this person stand to gain financially from the thing they're trying to sell you on?

Is the business model of this whole community one of artificial competitiveness? Is there a pressure around never lapsing, or never straying from the model being sold to you?

Are the claims made in this community becoming bolder and bolder deviations from standard information?

These are absolutely rife in fitness, nutrition, and financial-advice communities and they often receive very little scrutiny except among those who already "got out." Because from the outside, seeing someone get into fitness is a good thing, good for them, glad to see it, look at that dedication, happy for them. Same on the other categories, and probably numerous others I haven't seen.

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Does this person stand to gain financially from the thing they're trying to sell you on?

If the answer is yes, that does NOT mean "immediately abort", it means keep that in mind when you're interacting with their content.

This nutrition influencer has given you some great recipes for free, and now they're promoting a "really fantastic" brand that they have an affiliate link with? Their motivation isn't to be your friend and helpfully clue you in on a great product. It's to make money off you.

You really like this fitness influencer's work outs, but she gets MORE interaction and MORE viewers the skinnier she gets? She CLAIMS she's been losing weight naturally with healthy eating and exercise, and she's still full of energy, and You Can Too. This is not your friend. This is not someone who knows you. This is someone under large financial and social pressure to do everything she can to put out her best appearance and her happiest appearance, and your attention and belief in the appearance is where the money and clout come from. You really need to remember this in the same way you remember to look both ways before crossing the street. You can cross a street and you can follow a fitness account, but protect yourself when doing it.

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Is the business model of this whole community one of artificial competitiveness? Is there a pressure around never lapsing, or never straying from the model being sold to you?

Communities stay strong if they retain people. There are a lot of fine and positive ways to retain people, but it's often easier to retain people by instilling them with a sense that they must be here. They should feel bad if they lapse or if their attention drifts. What they were before was inadequate. Everyone outside this community is inadequate. Do you want to go back to inadequate?

Is that financial subreddit that taught you valuable lessons about 401k's, index funds, and budgeting also quietly pressuring you to always do more? Are the top posts from extremist examples of people living in destitution so they can show the most extreme screenshot, and curate the envy of everyone else who ought to be ashamed of not doing as well as them?

Is that fitness community that got you into jogging also putting you in the mind that the truest and best people exercise 7 days a week? Never miss a metric? Never compromise on their dedication?

Is that person who "cut out all sugar and feels amazing" informing you that you should never have another cupcake in your life? And if you DO it's because you're BAD and DON'T WORRY, you'll get RIGHT back on the horse after. Shame will motivate you to come right back, and stay with the community, and never leave.

As long as you stay, the community grows. As long as you stay, the ad sponsors and the endorsed products and the influencers can benefit more and more. And sometimes, there's perhaps not even a malicious force behind it. It can happen from evolutionary pressures. The communities that survive are the ones that retain people. A community that trips accidentally into a model of pressuring people to stay is one which retains people and thrives.

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Are the claims made in this community becoming bolder and bolder deviations from standard information?

You joined because you wanted to learn to cook for yourself. And this community has been helpful! You know how to make some delicious things. You've tried vegetables you've never tried before. And maybe you needed some convincing that brussel sprouts can be yummy, but what do you know, turns out you like them roasted.

But what else is being said? What things are being said with more and more frequency? Is it that "humans don't actually need any sugar, and it's a poison being sold to us?" Is it that "seed oils are toxic for you"? Is it that "pasteurization is bad"? Is the raw fruitarian convincing you that cavemen lived exclusively off fruit and you can too?

They'll have sources sometimes. Check them. Are they cherry-picked? Are they from an insular echo-chamber? Why isn't the mainstream literature aware of this? And if the answer has anything to do with "because mainstream wants to TRICK YOU and you're actually BAD for ASKING" then don't engage. Disregard. Take the recipes if you must but apply your skeptical filter to all the parts that are snake oil.

Sometimes it's that another community is only a stone's throw away. That person with a great financial portfolio has only good things to say about crypto, and what they're saying is making sense (average person [not smart] [poor] [bad money skills] laughs at crypto, but you're smarter. you're on the in-track). That amazing bodybuilder is pulling the hottest dates, and he says it's about male-confidence, and he says there are good support guides on becoming a respectable masculine man, and all you need to do is reclaim your masculinity in a society that wants to steal it from you.

In any place like this, come up for air. Come up for air FREQUENTLY. Talk to regular people and engage in academic literature outside this circle. Conspiracy thinking wins if you draw all your information from the entity trying to sell you on the conspiracy.

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And I hope this is clear but my message is not "never join a community." My message is know danger when you see it. Recognize when you're being used or pressured. Don't fall for conspiracy thinking. Protect yourself. You can use a gas stove to cook meals but don't touch the flame and don't burn your house down. You can cross the street but recognize the signs of a car coming down the street.

And I'm making this point because so many people just don't know. ...Because getting into fitness is "good" and "self-improvement"! So is nutrition. So if financial responsibility. People walk into it and the extremism can make them feel accomplished, and admired, and like they're a part of something, and maybe even like a proper self-punishment for their own inadequacies. And people on the outside won't save you because "Wow! He spends 3 hours at the gym every day! I wish I was that dedicated." is a common attitude, and will push you deeper into what has its claws in you.

Everything I'm saying is not because I'm so much smarter and so much holier-than-thou for knowing this when others don't--I'm saying this because I was in it. I fell for it. Not all the examples above, of course. But I recognize the machine in them. It is highly appealing to run farther and fast longer and overload your class schedule when you don't feel good enough and want to prove something, and so many communities will sell you on the idea this IS an accomplishment. Then once you do, you have to do it forever. Or else you'll go back to not being good enough. And since fitness is "good", and weight-loss and good grades, no one can save you but you.

The answer was not to give up on the hobbies I was doing. I cook for myself most nights. I run and bike as regular parts of my routine. I like new recipes and I like half-marathons. But these are just positive additions to my life and they do not define my worth. If I miss a work-out it's whatever. If I order take-out it's whatever. I fundamentally do not care about the influencer with the washboard abs, and if I try a work-out from her, I have no loyalty to it. If the new recipe I try mentions "clean eating" I'll roll my eyes and just figure out if the recipe seems good. If the recipe is botching itself to avoid certain scare-words I will simply find something else.

There is absolutely a reasonable place for challenging yourself and trying things outside your comfort zone. The internet is full of resources to do so much more than you currently know how to do. And if that community is an oven, recognize it's an oven. Wear oven mitts. If it's actively on fire, leave. You're the only one protecting you. Stay safe.

~ all images from pinterest ~

A reminder for anyone who may need this: Feel that emotion. Let it flow through you, through your body, through your soul. Give it space. It may not be comfortable, especially at first. It may feel like burning sludge ripping through the pipes your soul. It may feel like the blackened roots of an unknowable mold penetrating into the deepest recesses of your chest. It may even feel like the most blinding light, so intense that if you let it free your very being will be washed away in its brightness. But I promise you, you will feel the better for it. To be human is to feel. Anxiety, fear, rage, dread, grief. They all have their places, and we experience them for a reason. Give them space, lest they take that space by force. It will pass, and you will be okay.

You will be okay.

i think a lot of people would benefit from internalizing the reality that just because u had a negative emotion doesnt always mean someone else did something wrong

we can be hurt without someone else being to blame for being the epicenter of that hurt. just because something makes us upset or hurts us, doesnt mean the other person made a mistake or should have done something differently or needs to apologize

negative emotions are an inevitable part of life and sometimes they were always going to happen no matter what because of the situation and there was no way to avoid them and thats okay. sometimes there's nothing to be done to fix a negative emotion or prevent it from happening. sometimes people we love and care about are going to hurt us and thats okay. its a part of being human. we will inevitably do the same to them. but just because we were hurt doesnt mean they did something wrong.

and we can take the time and space to be upset about that privately without involving them in our emotions at all. because even when our emotions are triggered by someone else, that doesnt mean they have to answer for them

the world is not divided into victims and perpetrators and sometimes people hurt us when they do the right thing. sometimes everyone can do everything right and we can still get hurt and be upset. that doesnt make them bad people and it doesnt give us the right to blame them for it or hold them responsible

sweet daily rituals for a calm life 🕊️

+ morning coffee or tea ritual: start your day with a carefully prepared cup of coffee or tea, and if you can, enjoy it slowly somewhere cosy, with a book or soft music in the background.

+ journalling ritual: whether it's morning pages or an end-of-day debrief, consider free-flow journalling to unclog your thoughts, face any problems, and deal with your emotions.

+ skincare ritual: develop a luxurious skincare routine, slowing down to pay real attention and care to your body. consider adding in lymphatic massage, too.

+ mindful cooking: allow cooking to be a meditative process, taking time to choose fresh, seasonal ingredients, explore new recipes, and enjoy the hands-on experience of being in the kitchen. set the table with care, even for simple meals, using beautiful dishes and linens.

+ midday break: decompress and take a quiet break in the middle of the day, perhaps with a short walk through a nearby park or a few minutes of journaling. pause and reflect on how you are feeling and how you want to feel for the rest of the day.

+ afternoon tea or snack: enjoy a piece of dark chocolate, some fresh fruit, delicious cheese, or a small pastry, served on a delicate tray or vintage plate, for a moment of indulgence.

+ evening wind-down: in the evening, unwind with a bath or hot shower, surrounded by soft candlelight and soothing music, followed by changing into comfortable, elegant loungewear or pyjamas. this could be a time for reading, listening to music, spending time with your partner, or enjoying a classic film.

+ home care: pay daily attention to your living space and cultivate a serene and inviting atmosphere by tidying up, clearing away clutter, arranging fresh flowers, and lighting a candle or two.

+ gratitude practice: take a few moments for reflection and gratitude, appreciating the small, beautiful moments that made your day special.

we were meant to live slowly!!!! we were meant to savor moments and feel unabashedly lazy and frolic and smell the flowers and laugh with our entire hearts and love with our entire souls!!!!! don’t ever feel guilty for resting!!!!!! don’t ever feel guilty for slowing down!!!!!! enjoying life shouldn’t be something you’re ashamed of

any amount of love given will never be love wasted any amount of love given will never be love wasted any amount of love given will never be love wasted

RECLAIMING DISCIPLINE CAN LOOK LIKE:

• keeping small + manageable promises to yourself daily

• healing your attention span (ex: reading books, watching movies without scrolling, letting yourself be bored)

• moving from "I'll try" to "I will"

• reframing pain + difficulty as often where the growth happens

• showing up as the person you want to be

• making mindful & nourishing choices VS choices that result in instant gratification

Recovery is a conscious choice. Life might feel really hopeless. It might even feel like everything is falling apart. Sometimes you have to take really small steps. Celebrate the tiniest victories, like taking a shower or leaving your apartment. You don't have to wait for the circumstances to be perfect to start changing your life for the better.

ten habits to adopt for a beautiful life 💭

+ curated shopping: rather than over-consume in fast fashion and trends, buy fewer, high-quality items. frequent vintage shops, boutiques, or markets where you can find unique, timeless pieces.

+ focus on wellness and exercise: consider activities that are beneficial for the body and calming for the mind, such as yoga, pilates, or long walks in nature. choose activities that allow you to connect with your surroundings and maintain balance.

+ mindful eating: prioritise healthy, whole foods and cooking meals from scratch. organic produce, artisanal products, and perhaps even locally sourced ingredients could be staples in your kitchen. eating is a mindful practice, enjoyed at a leisurely pace.

+ cultural engagement: regularly visit museums, art galleries, and theatres, or participate in cultural events that inspire and enrich their creative spirit. value learning and exposure to the arts as a way to keep life vibrant and intellectually stimulating.

+ reading and continuous learning: develop a well-curated collection of books, including classic literature, philosophy, and art, and dedicate time regularly to reading and reflecting on what you've learned.

+ minimalist technology approach: stay up-to-date with necessary technology, but maintain a minimalist approach to its use. limit screen time, avoid social media distractions, and instead prioritise face-to-face interactions or hands-on activities.

+ intentional socialising: carefully cultivate your social life, with a focus on deep, meaningful connections rather than frequent, casual interactions. you likely enjoy hosting intimate gatherings at home, where you can experience conversation, ambiance, and connection.

how to begin your rebranding journey (self-rebrand tips)

1. start following accounts (like mine🫶) that helps you with your rebrand. whoever you want to become, how you want to live, use social media as a way to constantly be reminded to upgrade yourself. subscribe to youtubers who live how you want to live and those who will help you with what you need help with. you use social media everyday so you might as well use it for a purpose rather than endless scrolling. change it up, it’s okay

2. this kind of goes hand-in-hand with number 1, but change your mental environment. you are the content that you consume. you are the music you listen to, you are the tv shows you watch, you are the social media you follow— all this media is being recorded in your mind. your subconscious mind perceives it as real. think about it: people who listen to sad music are generally always pretty sad. people who watch crime documentaries are usually scared and on high alert 24/7. it’s okay to enjoy your favorite music, tv shows, movies, books, etc., but be careful of how much of it you’re consuming. change it up, it’s okay

3. change your physical environment. redecorate, move, clean, organize, go outside more, do everything you need to do to change your physical environment. this can be as simple as letting in fresh air and sunlight rather than keeping the blinds closed and being in the horrible fake yellow light and air conditioning (unless it’s extreme heat or cold outside.. obviously). maybe try eating out at that restaurant instead of having it delivered. always look to change your environment and surroundings. change it up, it’s okay

4. i suggest doing the steve harvey 300 things list. if you don’t know what it is, you write down 300 things you want for yourself and for your life. read it every morning and every night. pray over it. meditate over it. and work on some of those things. it’s not enough to just read and pray, you have to do the work. feel free to look it up on youtube

5. start working on your goals today. do something. anything. maybe you can only handle one goal at a time. that’s okay. maybe you can work on multiple goals at once, that’s okay too. it’s not a race. do something right after reading this, it’s okay

helpful things to remember:

it's not going to happen overnight, relax

you must enjoy the process and not try to focus so much on just the end result

you're going to have good days and bad days. again, relax

stop ignoring yourself. fix your posture, get a fresh haircut, drink water, take care of your skin, eat food that gives you energy, declutter your space, take time to rest, workout, do mindful meditation, fix your sleep schedule. when you feel/look good, you do good. invest in yourself, put the effort you deserve.

so. bad news. we have to keep going tomorrow. good news is that I’ll keep going with you

you can't just switch off years of unhealthy behaviors, negative thought patterns, and counterproductive emotions. but u can recognize them and be like 'i'm not engaging. this isn't the end of the world. i'm box breathing. i'm not giving those thoughts attention; i'm acknowledging them and letting them go. i'm going to take a break when i can.' don't be hard on yourself if it doesn't work or you do something that feels like you've set yourself back. that doesn't help, either, lol

Anyway, you are going to get hotter, richer, smarter, healthier etc because you love yourself sooooo much!!! I love that for you!!