Latest Posts by thedearladydisdain - Page 2

this post sucks ass lol how tf do people keep saying this shit and having it get 10k+ notes

there’s a connection between the numbing sprays for your feet so you can wear high heels and the anal desensitizing lube so you can have anal sex for your boyfriend and the suppressants for your gag reflex so you can deepthroat that same boyfriend. can’t quite make it though

people on here are like "i shave my entire body twice a week because of sensory issues... anyway the new 100% polyester fishnets i bought from shein are sooo cute! i think this outfit will be better when i bleach my scalp and put on some liquid foundation though" and everyone is like yeah makes sense i'll do that too

“The world taught woman nothing skillful and then said her work was valueless. It permitted her no opinions and then said she did not know how to think. It forbade her to speak in public, and said the sex had no orators. It denied her the schools, and said the sex had no genius. It robbed her of every vestige of responsibility, and then called her weak. It taught her that every pleasure must come as a favor from men, and when to gain it she decked herself in paint and fine feathers, as she had been taught to do, it called her vain.”

-Carrie Chapman Catt, 1902

i want to shake many young women and say you can grow in private. and what i mean by that is that you don’t have to publicly self-flagellate when you don’t know something or when you say something a little insensitive or whatever else. you don’t have to report your Bad Thoughts and Ignorance to the crowd who waits to judge you. you do not have to pay penance. you do not have to issue public statements. nothing more is gained from burying yourself in shame than you could gain by thinking “oh i don’t know about this” and looking it up real quick, or thinking “hm, that wasn’t how i want to behave, i’ll do different next time” and then moving on with your life. no need to choke yourself with it.

About how men rape women with “consent”

This post is not mine, but one radfem woman from our community. She works as a sexologist and shared her experience in her work. If you too are a sexologist, or even better, have some statistics on this topic, please share your experiences or links. ---------------------------------------------------------- "When I first started working, I discovered that many men had never experienced the need to refuse intimacy with a regular partner. That is, a man in counseling complains that his partner often refuses him, he attributes her refusals to personal dislike and faded feelings, and when he tries to turn the situation around and remember when he himself had to refuse her, he does not understand what we are talking about. Because he has never had to - he responds to the initiative of his partner every time and considers it a sign of love and attraction on his part.

I heard this very often, I couldn't catch the lie and at the same time I couldn't interpret it. They are not robots, after all, to be available 24/7 at all hours of the day and night?

One day a client in a session literally opened my eyes with one phrase.

She said: “I CAN SEE WHEN HE'S NOT UP TO IT.”

That's the secret. The notorious emotional service. Subsequently, and many other women have confirmed this in a targeted survey: when the desire for intimacy arises, a woman assesses her partner's condition BEFORE taking the initiative. If she sees that her partner is tired, sick, in a bad mood, or preoccupied with something, she does not consider it appropriate to offer sex. I have also heard from many women that in a situation when she can not clearly assess the state of the partner, she prefers to flirt, as if casually get naked, as if accidentally do something that usually arouses the partner. If there is no reaction to this, the woman usually refuses to take the initiative and solves her problems on her own, without forcing the partner to conflict and feel guilty.

Men don't want their partners all the time - it's just that no one gets in their underwear when it's inappropriate. No one forces them to think about sex when they don't want to think about it.

Men themselves don't usually check against anything but their own erections.

They don't care when to offer sex to a woman(the following is a real and far from complete list):

Who is asleep (well, seriously, I don't know any woman who would ever think of waking up a sleeping partner to satisfy her sexually);

who's back from her 24-hour shift;

who just finished cooking a holiday dinner for ten people;

who has a high fever;

who's been vomiting all day;

who is eight months pregnant with a complicated pregnancy;

who has undergone a termination of pregnancy that day;

who is in the terminal stages of cancer;

who's just had a pet die;

returning from the funeral of a beloved grandmother;

waiting for a call from the NICU where their (mutual!) child is (“Let's get a little loose while we wait”) - and so on and so forth.

It may seem like it's a matter of cognitive distortion, that they just don't get it….. But they do. I asked one of them once: does he really think that a person in such a state can want sex? Yes, it is clear that they don't want to, he replied, but I'm just in case - maybe it will work out. I asked him how he would react if it didn't work out, and he admitted that he would be hurt and angry. And that's another “secret” - why it does burn out. Because refusal will inevitably lead to conflict, and a woman often does not have the strength not only for sex, but also for an argument. When he offered sex, she basically can not get out of the situation without damage - either to be raped, or to deal with his tantrums and offenses. And unfortunately, sometimes the first one turns out to be the lesser harm."

Pamela Anderson choosing to wear no makeup (not “natural” makeup, not a “no-makeup makeup” look, but actually no makeup on her skin) to events and letting her wrinkles and age spots be clearly visible is actually groundbreaking and anyone who paints it as not a big deal, or worse, as somehow an attack on some other group, is a moron

No guys you don’t understand the removal of uterus havers’ rights is a warm up for Real People Who We Actually Care About losing *their* rights. This is why it’s vital that we act now before the damage that’s done actually starts to matter. Also don’t forget that baby incubators are NOT a cohesive oppressed class with anything in common with one another that can be described with one simple word and if you suggest otherwise you’re no better than the people who are restricting the autonomy of birthing bodies!!

saw this very [ben affleck depressed smoking image] comment and thought why does blue job / pink job sound like an established concept so I looked it up.....

what's next?? having a bank account is a blue job 💙🏦☺️ not being legally recognised as a person in your own right is a pink job 🩷🥰💅

What really gets to me though is that they’re using ‘men/man’ as the default. It puts men on a pedestal and makes anyone else (WOMEN) out to be lesser ie ‘non-men’.

If this happened in any other context people would rightly be furious.

If we started describing people of colour as ‘non-whites’ there would be an outcry and rightly so, because it 1) frames whiteness as the default and therefore superior, and 2) it would be a huge step back in terms of social progress.

People of colour fought long and hard to be recognised as equal citizens, and so to call them ‘non-whites’ and make them othered would be an insult to the progress made.

Equally women have fought long and hard to be recognised as equal citizens, white women have only had the right to vote for about a century, women of colour have had that right for even less time. So to now start referring to women as ‘non-men’ (ie not the default. and therefore lesser) is a frankly massive insult to the generations of women who fought long and hard for women to be seen as equal entities.

So let’s not mince words; Lesbians are WOMEN who love WOMEN, end of discussion.

If you can't find what's wrong with this definition your are homophobic and sexist. This loser used the word male/men 4 times and female/women 0 to describe BEING A LESBIAN.

prostitution is work just like child labour is work. something being "work" does not make it okay, you little capitalists.

Question: Who established gay rights? People: I think it was the educated, smart, diligent, passionate gay men and lesbians who are on historical record organizing massive events, lobbying, creating massively impactful self funded activist campaigns, writing etc. TRAs: WRONG! It was coked out and drunk tranvestite prostitutes. You owe everything to them. Sure there's no historical record of them like, doing anything but we have gay rights because of them. Ohhh okayy.

People giving JKR shit for Cho Chang will never not be annoying to me as an actual Chinese person. The thing about Chinese is that there is no perfect way to transliterate it into English, as the two languages are just too different from each other. And while there are more common romanization systems than others, ultimately it's up to the discretion of the individual person for how they want to transliterate Chinese into English. In the Chinese editions of HP, Cho's name is 张秋, which would most commonly be romanized as Zhang Qiu (East Asian names are written surname first, given name second). However, it's completely reasonable to assume that Cho's parents simply decided to romanize her name differently because they personally felt that Cho gets the pronunciation across better than Qiu. I've known plenty of Chinese people, and also people whose languages do not use the Latin alphabet in general, who spell their names in English differently from how the more standard transliterations would spell it, just because of their personal preference. If anything it's no different than Catherine vs. Katherine, so trying to use Cho as a gotcha against JKR is not only annoying and nit-picky, it's also just ignorant. Which I suppose goes for a lot of the criticism against her.

wow this is a great insight, thanks anon

Lady M by Maria Kreyn at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, London

Nothing is more unattractive to me than feigned helplessness, I see people on here say "I was never taught X" and I just think... learn now then.

jk rowling: congratulations idiots, you set the bar so low for women's rights that donald "grab em by the pussy" trump had no problem clearing it

everybody: wow i can't believe she's celebrating his achievements, she's a literal white nationalist

full research:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/03/08/trans-identification-skew-crime-statistics/

My ultimate pet peeve is women sexualising themselves being defended as “she’s embracing her sexuality”.  It could not be more removed from her sexuality.  Her sexuality is what she finds attractive.  Making yourself more attractive to men is embracing MEN’S sexuality.

"oh i wasn't socialized male, i was a closet trans girl" then i wasn't socialized female bc i saw myself as a whole human with complex thoughts and emotions 🙄 fuckin socialized brainless is what you were

best advice you’d give a girl?

Fight tooth and nail for your boundaries

everything beautiful in this world is vagina shaped… orchids and lillies and oysters and strawberries and figs and kiwis and vaginas <3 <3 <3

Celibacy is so powerful. Liberal feminism doesn't want you to know this because it's men pulling the strings behind the curtain, but it's so powerful.

Having EXTREMELY high standards and being a perfectionist when it comes to partners is one of the most self empowering things you can do. Our bodily autonomy is threatened on a daily basis, you can take control back by not allowing anyone who is not up to your extreme standards to touch you.

if you take sex away as a determinate to womanhood or manhood, you’re only left with gender norms to define these categories by, which is regressive and alienating to many if not most people

If you define womanhood and manhood on sex alone, every individual is free to behave and look how they wish without it standing in contrast to their status as a man or woman, which how you deconstruct gender stereotypes

empowerment does not and should not mean “what makes me feel good.” empowerment is what gives you power, i.e. knowledge, autonomy, liberation. gaining knowledge doesn’t always make you feel good, it can be the most exhausting, terrifying, distressing thing you’ll experience.

Solving violence against trans people seems to include the same solutions as solving violence against most other people: housing, safe spaces to go in uncertain times, gun regulations.

This weekend I was told a story which, although I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, because holy shit is it ever obvious, is kind of blowing my mind.

A friend of a friend won a free consultation with Clinton Kelly of What Not To Wear, and she was very excited, because she has a plus-size body, and wanted some tips on how to make the most of her wardrobe in a fashion culture which deliberately puts her body at a disadvantage.

Her first question for him was this: how do celebrities make a plain white t-shirt and a pair of weekend jeans look chic?  She always assumed it was because so many celebrities have, by nature or by design, very slender frames, and because they can afford very expensive clothing.  But when she watched What Not To Wear, she noticed that women of all sizes ended up in cute clothes that really fit their bodies and looked great.  She had tried to apply some guidelines from the show into her own wardrobe, but with only mixed success.  So - what gives?

His answer was that everything you will ever see on a celebrity’s body, including their outfits when they’re out and about and they just get caught by a paparazzo, has been tailored, and the same goes for everything on What Not To Wear.  Jeans, blazers, dresses - everything right down to plain t-shirts and camisoles.  He pointed out that historically, up until the last few generations, the vast majority of people either made their own clothing or had their clothing made by tailors and seamstresses.  You had your clothing made to accommodate the measurements of your individual body, and then you moved the fuck on.  Nothing on the show or in People magazine is off the rack and unaltered.  He said that what they do is ignore the actual size numbers on the tags, find something that fits an individual’s widest place, and then have it completely altered to fit.  That’s how celebrities have jeans that magically fit them all over, and the rest of us chumps can’t ever find a pair that doesn’t gape here or ride up or slouch down or have about four yards of extra fabric here and there.

I knew that having dresses and blazers altered was probably something they were doing, but to me, having alterations done generally means having my jeans hemmed and then simply living with the fact that I will always be adjusting my clothing while I’m wearing it because I have curves from here to ya-ya, some things don’t fit right, and the world is just unfair that way.  I didn’t think that having everything tailored was something that people did. 

It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t know this.  But no one ever told me.  I was told about bikini season and dieting and targeting your “problem areas” and avoiding horizontal stripes.  No one told me that Jennifer Aniston is out there wearing a bigger size of Ralph Lauren t-shirt and having it altered to fit her.

I sat there after I was told this story, and I really thought about how hard I have worked not to care about the number or the letter on the tag of my clothes, how hard I have tried to just love my body the way it is, and where I’ve succeeded and failed.  I thought about all the times I’ve stood in a fitting room and stared up at the lights and bit my lip so hard it bled, just to keep myself from crying about how nothing fits the way it’s supposed to.  No one told me that it wasn’t supposed to.  I guess I just didn’t know.  I was too busy thinking that I was the one that didn’t fit.

I thought about that, and about all the other girls and women out there whose proportions are “wrong,” who can’t find a good pair of work trousers, who can’t fill a sweater, who feel excluded and freakish and sad and frustrated because they have to go up a size, when really the size doesn’t mean anything and it never, ever did, and this is just another bullshit thing thrown in your path to make you feel shitty about yourself.

I thought about all of that, and then I thought that in elementary school, there should be a class for girls where they sit you down and tell you this stuff before you waste years of your life feeling like someone put you together wrong.

So, I have to take that and sit with it for a while.  But in the meantime, I thought perhaps I should post this, because maybe my friend, her friend, and I are the only clueless people who did not realise this, but maybe we’re not.  Maybe some of you have tried to embrace the arbitrary size you are, but still couldn’t find a cute pair of jeans, and didn’t know why.

I’ve been celibate now for just over 2 years, at first unintentionally whilst I was getting over a break up, and then intentionally because I had no interest in casual sex and haven’t been in a relationship since my ex, haven’t met anyone I even want to go on a date with, and with the state of dating/het relationships as it is I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever have sex again…. If I’ll ever be able to trust another man well enough to want intimacy like that with him.

No, I don't have a "praise kink." No, I don't like "gentle doms." I want you to treat me like a thinking, feeling, breathing person instead of a punching bag with a bonus fleshlight. The male desire to treat women as subhuman, especially in bed, is mortifying. I hate that we've had to "pornify" our language to be understood by an entire class with porn addiction.

How did it become normal to choke, hit, and degrade our partners?