Tsippi - Probably Trans But Who Cares.

my fav XB v. Mumbo case bits

"Objection!" "On what basis?" "On the objection basis!" "Sustained."

"I will object, this outfit reminds me of Angus Young and I like that." "QUIET, FORMER CONVICT OF THE COURT!"

"This maaaaaannnnn... has no dexterity. I don't even know how he made it to this court."

"I'm thinking of pulling a curveball. We're installing....... a jury."

"As co-owner of-" [LOUD YAWN] "Don't listen to him. Don't listen to him. You're doing great 😊🥰😍"

"I'm so confused, I don't understand the law."

"OBJECTION!!! He was mean :("

"Yeah, back in your jail cell. I mean your chair >:)"

"......Am I able to represent myself?"

"Maybe he's more dexteritous than we thought."

"Here in AMERICA.... Mr Beans......"

"ITS CALLED MINECRAFT WE'RE ALL MINERS YOU FOOL"

"Scar, if I was to single out Cub, do you think that would go well for me?" "........I CALL CUB TO THE STAND!!!"

[All court proceedings stop for Bdubs to do a magic trick]

"I have a bit of tinnitus, so if we could get a doctor working on that...."

"Can't prosecute success 😏"

"He literally owns a mine, so maybe mention that, Scar?" "....He has a character that mimes things??" "NO-"

"That's not how sound works!" "OBJECTION!" "I'm objecting on physics!"

"Please step forward onto the punishment carpet." [PIT OPENS]

"As I was saying... uhm... uhgggghh, what was I saying before they all died and stuff..."

"Obviously I'm super successful regardless of the noise and everyone else being poor is just a skill issue. Right, cooooollllll, I think that was it."

"Do you have your law license?" "I do not, your honor." "Okay, then what are you talking for????"

"If this case is lost from our side..... all hope is lost.... because it's lost anyways."

"Here's my verdict... and my punishment, btw......" "Ohh well. Punishment probably implies what the verdict may well be."

[LOUD GIDDY GIGGLES] "Are you celebrating???? Don't celebrate!" "Oh, no sir, I was just crying."

"Mumbo, I sentence you to be the server's butler for two weeks. In hopes that you will learn manners."

"Docm77, you will be sentenced to TWENY FOUR HOURS AGAIN!!!! IN THE SKYBLOCK"

aromantic and interested in shipping in much the same way people are interested in superheroes. like man wouldnt it be cool if dating was real. id love to imagine what i would do if dating was real. here's my tierlist of the best kinds of dating. number 4 may surprise you.

the house i grew up in was a little bit of a fixer upper. for the first 19 years, my dad just sort of slowly fixed it, but pretty early on in college, he came into a large amount of cash and decided to just do the whole thing at once. so he rented a different house for like, 2 months that was just a block down from us, and then got a bunch of contractors to fix original house ASAP. it was kind of crazy, but it compressed many years of work into like, three months.

the sitting in a new house for three months was actually pretty fun. and i shouldnt really complain at all (staying at home while in college is a sweet deal)

but.

but. my parents are fairly hard of hearing, and their bedroom in the old house was in the furthest possible annex from everyone else. wheras in the rental it was just in the middle of the house. so without going into details, i was extremely aware that my parents were having sex like, eight times a day. my dad had just retired and i guess they were celebrating, which is great i guess, having parents that really like each other is way better than the alternative, but also, it did make me envy their deafness. i kept headphones on for so long that year i got literal ear calluses.

at the same time, the house my buddy from the shoe incident grew up in flooded. turbo flooded. they burst like, two pipes at once and the damage was so severe they had to redo all the flooring and all the drywall. his family actually had homeowners insurance, which is either incredible or suspicious for a family that used the drained pool in their backyard to store rusty scrap metal. so insurance was handling the work, but in the meantime, they were crammed into a very small hotel room space. we did the math on it then, it averaged about 80 square feet a person.

so one day i got home, and i was chilling, and then six rolled around, and apparently six o'clock was sex o'clock because my parents decided to flex their cardio. i grabbed my headphones and prayed that god would do for me what he did for beethoven, but that failed to work, and then seven rolled around and my parents were still at it, which again, very impressive, but was pushing me to swap out judas for mozart in those prayers. there's a definitive point where you stop praying to be deaf and instead pray that god could take you to a nice field and pop you like a gore-balloon.

i was about five minutes away from that point when my friend called me and basically said i have been stuck in a 500 square foot space with 6 people and i didn't have many marbles to start but what few i had are gone. please. if we are friends, if we were ever friends, take me out of here just for a moment.

and i was still pretty mad at him, but i had pity on the poor guy. also helped that i was desperate to leave the house. so i drove the chickenshitmobile to the hotel and i picked him up, and then we did our normal hangout activity, which was go to food city and buy produce. his normal house was, on a good day, nasty, and his backyard was, as i stated before, mostly used to store mosquito larvae and rusty metal, so what we'd always done before was just walk to the grocery store a half block away and leer at vegetables.

so we did that and it was like old times again. they had some radishes that were expired, so i could buy like, literally an entire grocery bag of them for about $5. so i did. i really like radishes. he got a coconut because he liked fruit and beating things with hammers.

which probably would've been great except we didn't have a hammer, so instead we spent about 30 minutes stomping itike it owed us money. when it finally cracked we cheered like we just got the winning touchball at the superdome and then he ate some of the flesh, and i ate some of the radishes, and we admired the black, starless sky of the city before i took him back to his hotel room.

and then we got pulled over.

i forgot to turn my lights on because the street all around the food city was ludicrously well lit. so it went from being pretty bright, to pretty bright and flashy, then i pulled into a parking lot and a cop came to ask us for IDs which is where everything went to shit:

i’d forgotten my license at home. 

the cop was was actually kind of chill about it - he said he could get by with just an address. except i did not know my address. i hadn't memorized the new one yet. so i told the cop, my house is getting remodeled, i don't know my address right now. and then he went to my friend, and my friend said the exact same thing. house getting remodeled, staying somewhere else, no address, sowwwwwwy.

now the cop genuinely didn't know what to do. he went back to his car, and i was stressed that i was about to get into HUGE trouble so i started eating the radishes and my buddy started eating more of his coconut, and we actually managed to eat like a quarter of both before the cop came back. we ate enough produce that he could smell something weird in the air, and he asked what the smell was, and i said radishes, and my buddy said coconut, and the cop said which, and then we produced a large bag of droopy radishes and an absolutely brutalized coconut, and the cop was just like

so my buddy tried explaining how he was sharing a 500 square foot apartment with 6 people and wanted a fruit he could fight with power tools, and i tried explaining how i'd actually tried buying my parents like, board games and puzzles and stuff but nothing worked - the only thing my parents seemed to like doing right now was each other, and we both went on long enough and pathetically enough that the cop eventually went:

ok. stop.

and we stopped.

and he said do you know why i pulled you over?

and i said, because of my headlights, and my friend (who is hispanic) and the cop both looked at me like like i was the dumbest person in the entire world. and then the cop said no. that's why i'm allowed to pull you over. i checked your car because this neighborhood has a terrible sex trafficking problem, and i pull over every car i can to make sure no one is buying or selling sex. and you two are obviously doing neither. now i could give you, like, four tickets right now, but that would do nothing to make this area safer, so just turn your lights on, go home, drive safe, and try to be less stupid in the future.

and i said okay but i was thinking, you know, damn, this is just how i live man, i don't have a hidden third gear i can shift into. people can't just get smarter because it would be convenient. it's always convenient to be smart. i am literally trying my best.

but i didn't say anything because i was, slowly, learning how to filter what i said. instead i nodded and the cop left then i dropped my buddy off, and the last thing he said was said he owed me for responding to his SOS. I said he owed me for a lot of things, and he agreed that was true. then i drove home with my lights on, 5 under the speed limit, and arrived to a peaceful quiet home. I could’ve wept with relief but instead I went to bed.

the relief was short lived. i was woken up at 6 am by my parents. i swore, and then i prayed, and when i did not explode, i swore again. then i got up to make breakfast before my first class.

Sometimes my mutuals post and reblog things that I don’t really understand, but I like them anyway because it’s my mutuals who posted the things and anything that my mutuals do is automatically awesome.

My hypothetical Life Series team lineup.

I don’t care that some of these are repeats some things that aren’t broken don’t need to be changed.

Just ate an entire spoonful of Nutella. Feeling good.

Omg I didn’t realise this but OHMYGOD THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

you know what i love about this 3 idiots?

that no matter what u ship one of them is always the adopted son.

you ship kubosai? kaido is the shy-weird but with overprotective parents kid

ship saikai? aren is the problematic kid that got the killer instinct for saiki but the sweetness for kaido

ship kubokai? saiki is the quiet and "shy" boy that is obligated to be wherever his parents are

I know we all make jokes and memes about it, like ‘lol, Trump said we are the gender we were at conception, we’re all female now. 🤪’

but like

that doesn’t…scare you?

This is your administration. This is the knowledge that your government has….and they get high-school biology wrong. This law had to have been cross-read by several people before it was passed.

This is your government.

A bunch of rich fascists who don’t know basic science.

Sorry dude, but we're going to win these games🔥

The trauma bit, not the onion bit.