Real

It's such a shame the Secret Soulmates thing is so often portrayed as Grian being selfish or vindictive for no reason because I think the actual events leading up to Grian's decision to seek out BigB are way more interesting than just "Grian's a selfish cheater". So like, because it's not covered much, I'm just going to detail the entire narrative from Grian's pov leading up to his decision to go to BigB.

For the first part of the first episode, Grian actually really seems to be romanticizing the idea of soulmates. Multiple times, he describes his search for his soulmate as "looking for love" and he hits everyone he meets with almost excited anticipation.

The moment Grian and BigB first look at each other is surprisingly romantic? I mean, it feels like what you'd expect from someone meeting their soulmate, from someone who just knows.

BigB and Scott finish testing if they're soulmates, and BigB is mid sentence when he turns around and look at Grian, and BigB just stops mid sentence and goes "Oh", which Grian echos (also when bigb looks at grian, grian holds his shield up for a good few seconds which just gives me the image of him hiding behind it and peering over the top which is uncharacteristically shy for grian but also really cute). "Are you ready?", BigB asks, and he waits for Grian to give him the go ahead before hitting him.

And..nothing. They aren't soulmates. BigB sounds disappointed. Grian sounds almost distraught, "I was so sure- I've never had such a broken heart in my life."

Shortly after Grian's soulmate takes significant damage. Everyone present rushes to give him food, though Grian would later credit BigB specifically with the very warm sentiment of having "saved" him.

And Grian's first meeting with Scar is..different.

Grian already doesn't seem to want to be Scar's soulmate, doesn't want to be teamed again, for one reason or another. And Scar..doesn't make it easier. Grian tries to talk to him, as the realization sets in, tries to say it, that they're soulmates. Grian does say it. But Scar isn't listening. Scar actively talks over Grian to brush Grian off, walking away while Grian is trying to grapple with the fact that they're soulmates.

Scar doesn't notice. Grian said it, mind you, in plain English- "Scar I think we're soulmates"- and Scar heard him, Scar responded to him, Scar just wasn't listening. Scar doesn't look for his soulmate, and he doesn't figure it out either for the rest of the episode. Grian tries to tell him twice more, and twice more Scar isn't listening. The first time, Grian calls after Scar twice as he's running off, "Scar I need to tell you something", but Scar doesn't turn around. The final time, Grian literally forces Scar to look at him and drops dripstone on their heads. Scar somehow still doesn't see him. Grian demands Scar look at him, actually look, this time, and finally, with great effort, he manages to get the point across.

One of Scar's first questions is "do we have to live together?", and Grian responds that it would be nice to, a sentiment Scar doesn't immediately echo. Grian pulls Scar along, back to the base Grian got working on by himself earlier.

At the start of the next episode, they have a disagreement. Scar brings home some pandas without consulting Grian, and Grian reacts very negatively, making a no pandas in the house rule and prompting Scar to help him with work instead. Grian specifically delegates the job of getting oak wood to Scar while Grian continues working on..everything else..himself. And after a bit of procrastinating from Scar, he does go to do his "chores" as Scar describes them.

Except that Scar doesn't actually.

Well, I mean, he does do the "chore" Grian gave him, but while he's out, he takes a break to think of a way to punish Grian, coming up with the idea of using powdered snow to hurt Grian as a punishment for Grian not letting the animals in the house and making Scar do a "chore". Grian doesn't technically know Scar did this on purpose, but with tick damage being a very distinctive type of damage that you usually would have to do on purpose to take as much as Scar did, I wouldn't be surprised if Grian figured it out.

It's at this point, that Grian decides to go to BigB. And it doesn't feel like he's just doing it for shallow reasons or to be mean, it fully checks out.

Because Grian's not happy with Scar at this point!

Partially because Scar himself doesn't seem interested in Grian at all, wouldn't listen to Grian to the point of talking over and brushing him off when Grian tried to tell him, and didn't want to live together after finding out. For Grian, who genuinely did seem to have a rather romantic view of soulmates at the start of the first episode, it probably kinda sucked to have his soulmate look past him like that. I can't fault Scar for not being particularly interested, but just because Scar didn't do anything technically wrong doesn't mean Grian's not allowed to be unhappy.

And then there's the other problem. The one I see surprisingly few fans talk about in regards to Scar and Grian. "Why does everyone else get a real partner except me?", Grian asked shortly before deciding to go to BigB. It's a sentiment we get from Grian multiple times. He says being Scar's partner is like babysitting, like having a toddler, Scar doesn't feel like a partner, he feels like a source of emotional labor who has no interest in lessening the burden for Grian. And. Yeah. Grian has good reason to feel like Scar makes him do all the labor in their relationship. I mean, Grian needed to get very pushy to even get Scar to agree to help build their shared base, Grian had to do the job of managing Scar on what specific task to do, Grian gave Scar a very small job comparative to the work Grian was doing around the house, and Scar still complained and found a way to punish Grian (the powdered snow) for "making" him do "chores" and not wanting animals in the house.

Which isn't to say Scar is bad or malicious or something, I love Scar, hell, I love Desert Duo, I think they work very well together in a lot of cases, but I think there is very much a labor imbalance- both in actual work and in emotional labor- here and it's understandably upsetting for Grian.

And in comparison, BigB looks..wonderful, to Grian?

BigB wanted him, for starters. They both felt it, the previous day. Scar kept looking through Grian, but BigB's eyes met Grian's and they both felt something. BigB seems considerate too. Grian feels like he has to pull teeth to get Scar to help him with the house (and then gets punished for it), meanwhile BigB is the one who "saved" Grian the previous day, jumping to give him food, not to mention the considerate gesture of BigB checking in to make sure Grian is ready before hitting him for the soulmate check. And, well, Grian clearly likes BigB.

Grian wasn't just going to someone else to be mean to Scar, and he didn't go for BigB just because he wanted someone, Grian was- validly!- unhappy with Scar (who didn't seem to want to be together much either) and actively liked BigB and thought he'd be a good partner.

Also, Grian very notably announces that he's defying destiny and asserts that he has a choice in who to be with, which adds a thematic layer of personal agency to the whole thing too. You get the impression Grian was mostly with Scar because he felt like he had to be, because the universe tied them together. But here Grian considers, for the first time, the thought that maybe it's okay to be with someone he wants, and who makes him happy, instead of resigning himself to be with the one he's 'supposed' to be with just because he's 'supposed' to.

(this idea of agency in who you love is relevant to double life as a whole, as i've made many posts about, but also is relevant to desert duo specifically. as much as i think they really cared about each other in third life, grian was also with scar because he was supposed to be for most of the season. being with scar had always, up to that point, been something grian was obligated to do, something grian didn't feel he had much choice in. so grian finally asserting here to the audience that he has a choice feels very relevant thematically.)

You should be able to say “don’t touch me” to anyone ever in any context and not have it be considered in the realm of surprising or insulting imho if we ever needed to normalize something it’s this

no ad is as powerful as a tumblr mutual who has a new hyperfixation 

Just make a new blog in no way affiliated with your main.

I have jokes I want to make but I know people irl on this site and I don’t want their concern so they’ll have to stay in the cupboard for now

like really bored sorry about the emojies

It’s fine lol

We Need to Talk About The Giver

In the past couple of years, I’ve seen a resurgence of discussion about The Hunger Games online, but I rarely, if ever, see anything about Lois Lowry’s The Giver.

If you’re in your 20s or 30s, you’ve very likely read it. For a little while it was a popular school assignment, until “concerns” about a scene describing a very chaste dream indicating the protagonist was developing sexual feelings for a girl in his class made it equally popular to ban from school reading lists. The stage play adaptation was good. The movie, despite its star-studded cast, was awful. (That might be why nobody talks about it.)

Lois Lowry published The Giver in 1993, when the popular thought was that avoiding ever talking about race, disability, gender, or sexuality was the way to mark progress. Discussions of these things were (and are) uncomfortable, and isn’t discomfort the same thing as pain? Isn’t making someone uncomfortable the same as hurting them? Isn’t hurting someone the same as doing something wrong?

In this way, “leveling the playing field” for marginalized people began to look like pretending everyone was the same. “Colorblind” ideologies, as well as euphemistic terms like “differently-abled”, grew in popularity as people found ways to avoid acknowledging the ways in which other people’s lives were different from, and sometimes more difficult than, their own. At best, it was an effort at politeness. At worst, it was intentional suppression. Often, it ended up being condescending and muddled either way. Afaik Lowry didn't really talk about the philosophy of the book in interviews, wanting it to stand on its own, but the book totally skewers that whole ideology in a way that's still relevant today.

The book's society, the Community, emphasizes "precision of language", which ends up meaning the total opposite. The society constantly uses euphemisms ("Release" for euthanasia and death, for example) and through "precision" has eradicated big concepts like love that are simple, but become complicated when intellectualized.

The Community insists on ritualized constant apologies with ritualized mandatory acceptance. These are, of course, meaningless apologies that result in equation of big/intentional harm with small mistakes. Consequences for infractions are frequently too great, from constant, ritualistic public apologies for lateness and other small mistakes to Release – death – for a pilot who flies too low.

The Community has no fictional stories, only dictionaries and books of facts directly related to everyday life in the Community. There are no arts or history classes in schools, and there is no Storyteller (possibly not in living memory). In fact, there's little or no education not directly relating to a person’s vocation after age 12. All these things make it easier for the Community to deny the reality of Release and make it very, very difficult to feel true empathy, if not impossible.

The Community has literal colorblindness – nobody except the Giver and the Receiver can see color in anything or anyone. All skin tones and hair colors look the same to most people, and most people look the same thanks to genetic engineering. The only physical variation Lowry ever describes is the “pale eyes” of the characters with “the Capacity to See Beyond”: the Giver, Jonas, Gabriel, and a child named Katharine who the Giver mentions as a potential replacement Receiver for after Jonas runs away.

Sexual feelings are intentionally medically suppressed. It is illegal to be naked in front of another person (unless the naked person is an infant or an elderly person who needs assistance with bathing) because nudity is believed to be inherently sexual. Marriage is exclusively man/woman, and purely for raising children, not sexual or romantic at all. Adults apply for spouses who are chosen for them, apply for children supplied by Birthmothers, raise 1 or 2 children to adulthood, then split up and live among the Childless Adults until they are too old to take care of themselves. While the gender binary doesn’t determine vocation (unless you’re a Birthmother), it’s still strictly enforced in the ways that coming-of-age ceremonies happen and the ways that family units are built. One man, one woman, one boy, one girl.

Birthmothers have “no honor” in their vocational assignment, even though they create other humans that allow the Community to continue to function. They are highly valued during their three childbearing years (it’s implied that these years come very early, possibly while the Birthmothers are still teenagers), but they are put into difficult manual labor jobs after a maximum of three births. Other members of the Community look down on both Birthmothers and Laborers as “unskilled”, unintelligent workers, even though their labor is essential.

And then we come to the eugenics. Birthmothers are chosen for their strong bodies. All human embryos are genetically engineered to eliminate all possible differences in skin tone, hair color, and ability. Old people are killed shortly after they are no longer able to work. Babies are killed for not meeting development milestones at the established times, or in cases of identical twins, because they have the lower birth weight. The Giver is not an anti-abortion novel, as it's frequently interpreted, but an excellent case for the idea that when we eliminate disability in chasing a “perfectly healthy” species, we eliminate disabled people.

The world of The Giver looks like adulthood looked in the bleakest stress dreams of my childhood. A vocational track is chosen for you, you’re not allowed to deviate from it, and you’re expected not to have outside interests or time for fun. Marriage is only for the purposes of having children. Sexual feelings are a natural phenomenon of adulthood, but one to be treated with medicine, like period cramps. However, marriage is still considered the only way to have an “exciting” life – a woman in the House of the Old complains that a Ceremony of Release (read: pre-funeral) she went to was boring because the dying person “never even had a family unit”. It makes sense. In a world where there is no fictional content to consume, no creative education, and no travel, life without marriage and kids is just… work. After a short childhood, mostly for the purposes of analyzing what kind of job you’ll be best at, you work until you become old and die.

The Community is not a capitalist society – nobody owns wealth, and Sameness has eliminated class as well as race. However, The Giver’s greatest horrors are pretty damn capitalist. Early on, Jonas’s mother warns him that his life will change dramatically after the Ceremony of Twelve: his friends and his play time will become less important to him as his vocational training ramps up. Adults are expected to work and make families (so that they can raise other adults who will be expected to work). Everybody is measured in terms of whether and how they’ll be useful workers. This is not to create wealth for an oligarchic few, but to create riskless, joyless stability for themselves and everyone else in the Community. The Community, and other Communities, were established after some great event in the past – while we don’t get into specifics, it’s implied that hunger and poverty were part of it. Sameness and the shallow, emotionless placidity that come with it are a reaction to a scarcity of resources from a long-ago catastrophe. It’s heavily implied in The Giver, and outright stated in later books, that other Communities have moved on from that reactionary thinking.

The Giver asserts that depth of feeling and empathy come from three places: ability to feel pain, experiencing real choice and the proportional consequences of those choices, and from stories (memories) of others’ experiences. The Community eliminates pain, choice, and story, totally eliminating depth of feeling from life in the name of exaggerated safety and comfort.

That said, The Giver doesn't shy away from the reality that living with traumatic memories is hard. The narrative insists that Rosemary, who applied for medical assisted suicide during her Receiver training, was not a coward. The Giver and the Community didn’t adequately prepare her for what she would experience as the Receiver of Memory. Jonas and the Giver only find their memories bearable through being able to relate to one another – once they know they’ve each experienced a memory of something similar, they’re able to discuss it on the same level with one another.

This is a story about purity culture. This is a story about eugenics. This is a story about what happens when we take avoidance of pain too far - and like all science fiction, it's a story of where our real society was then and where it is now.

Third Life if it had a divine domain system.

Part 1: Rules and domains.

Rules:

Each member is assigned at the start a domain with an origin-like mod, each domain comes with: Pros, Powers and Consequences for dying.

The domains were chosen using randomizer and put in a list...

The 3 lives system remains of course.

Domains:

BdoubleO - Light.

BigB - Weaving & Armor.

Cleo - Stagnation.

Etho - Darkness.

Impulse - Iron & Gold.

Grian - Memory & Knowledge.

Jimmy - Forests.

Joel - Ground.

Martyn - Justice & Punishment.

Ren - Pain & Sorrow.

Scar - Paths & Road.

Scott - Ice.

Skizz - Wither & Decay

Tango - Coal & Flame. (It was only coal but I added flame because It's Tango but it still fits with coal)

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Powers

BdoubleO - Permanent Night vision. Speed I and Regen I during the day. 20% chance of blinding an enemy when hitting them. 20% chance of setting zombies and skeletons on fire. Ability 1 causes a ray of light to hit the enemy and doing damage. Ability 2 gives him Speed 3 for a few seconds. Mobs don't target him when shifted.

BigB - +1000% durability for leather armor. Leather armor as powerful as diamond. Looting III against mobs who drop leather (Cows and Horses), wool (sheeps) and string (spiders). Not slowed down by webs. Ability 1 causes webs to spawn. Ability 2 allows him to generate string. Protection I when shifting.

Cleo - Permanent 50% Resistance but slower regeneration. Loses hunger more slowly. All items with durability have +30% durability. +30% potion effect duration. Ability 1 cause nearby mobs and players to get Slowness effect. Ability 2 stops time for 3 seconds. Slow falling when shifting.

Etho - Permanent Night vision. Speed I and Regen I during the night. 20% chance of blinding an enemy when hit. 20% chance of converting zombies and skeletons to his side (act like wolves). Ability 1 blinds 5 closest players for a few seconds. Ability 2 gives him Speed I and Invisibility. Shifting envelopes the surrounding area in darkness.

Impulse - x3 iron and gold drops. Strenght I when wearing full iron or gold armor. +50% durability to all iron and gold tools. Immune to Iron golems and piglins. Ability 1 allows him to launch gold swords at entities. Ability 2 creates iron cages around an area. Shifting highlights closeby iron and gold ore.

Grian - +200% exp gain. Entities health is shown on top of their head. Constant access to a minimap and sound subtitles. Passive level of Fortune I and Looting I. Ability 1 affects 5 nearest entities with glowing effect. Ability 2 puts spectator mode for a very short time and with a long recharge. Shifting makes 1 block wide walls invisible for the player.

Jimmy - Speed I and Regeneration I in forests and taigas. Passive vein miner for wood and leaves. Bonus stick and apple drops from leaves. +3 levels of thorns when using shield. Ability 1 summons a wall of logs and leaves. Ability 2 summons vines to trip and stun entities. Shifting around saplings cause them to grow immediately.

Joel - Strenght I when touching grass. Permanent Haste I. No fall damage when hitting grass or dirt. Resistance I when underground. Ability 1 causes an area to become like quicksand. Ability 2 allows the player to move trough the ground (like the phantom origin). Shifting causes a shockwave pushing entities away slightly.

Martyn - Permanent +1 level of thorns. x2 damage against entities who have hit him first. Durability loss for armor is shared with attacking entity. Badly damages nearby entities when killed. Ability 1 summons 6 wolves that will attack an attacker. Ability 2 stuns anything that attacks the player for a certain amount of time. Shifting adds an additional level of thorns.

Ren - Permanent Resistance I. Resistance to poison and wither effects. 20% chance of doing double damage. 20% chance of afflicting Slowness. Ability 1 causes nearby entities to have the Weakness I effect (a bit like blue diamond's powers). Ability 2 decreases a targets max health for a few seconds. Shifting stops for a moment nearby entities.

Scar - Permanent Speed I and Haste I. Strenght I, Regen I and Resistance I when on path blocks. +1 armor on boots. Passive +2 levels of feather falling. Ability 1 transforms nearby dirt to path block. Ability 2 gives Speed V and Jump Boost II for a few seconds. Shifting doesn't slow the player down.

Scott - Speed I and Regeneration I in cold biomes. Toggable Frost Walker II. 10% chance of freezing enemies in place. x2 damage against frozen enemies. Ability 1 creates ice spikes that damage enemies. Ability 2 freezes 1 target for a few seconds. Shifting gives Resistance II but leaves a trail of snow behind.

Skizz - Resistance to poison and wither effects. Killed enemies spawn a wither rose on death. 10% chance to inflict the wither effect on entities when attacking. 20% chance to remove 200 armor and weapon durability. Ability 1 gives withering effect to 1 target. Ability 2 causes nearby blocks to decay. x2 wither chance when shifted.

Tango - Regen II when on fire. Resistance to fire, magma and lava damage. Passive Flame and Fire Aspect. Fortune V when mining coal. Ability 1 turns a stack of coal into a diamond. Ability 2 trows fire hot coals at targets. Shifting speeds up cooking speed for nearby furnaces and campfires as well as fire tick speed.

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Consequences for Permadeath.

Permadeath influences the domains assigned negatively.

BdoubleO - Day goes from a 15 light level to a 7 light level.

BigB - -50% leather, wool and string drops.

Cleo - Faster hunger.

Etho - +50% mobs during the night.

Impulse - -50% iron and gold durability.

Grian - Peoples names go gray hiding their life count.

Jimmy - All leaf blocks disappear, Weakness I in forests or taiga biomes.

Joel - Grass turns into course dirt, Weakness I when touching course dirt.

Martyn - Mobs have Thorn I.

Ren - Reduced Regeneration.

Scar - Slowness I.

Scott - Snow and ice disappear, Weakness I when in cold biomes.

Skizz - Reduced max health.

Tango - -80% furnace speed, flint & steel stops working.

Next part

Lets talk about the not so pleasant parts of Autism

This post is not to say that aren't good things about being autistic or that every autistic will have my experience. Let's just not forget that this is a disability that needs to be taken seriously no matter the person. Any autistic person is welcome to add on the the list.

I'll start with my struggles:

Violent meltdowns

Public meltdowns

VERY poor hygiene the the point of needing teeth removed and hair loss

Constant loneliness and felling depressed from it

Co-occuring conditions like personality disorders, ptsd, depression, psychosis, etc

Mourning the childhood and friends you never had

Blatant bullying

Feeling like you will never make your family proud

Rejected by family, society, medical system, literally everyone

Being taken advantage of (including SA)

Constantly putting yourself in danger

EDs and malnourishment from dietary habits

Knowing that others are purposely leaving you out

Being called homeless and other names for stimming and wearing comfy attire

Sensory issues make you feel like your skin wants to remove itself

Sensory issues making you miss important or fun events

Knowing that you may never be independent

Being belittled

Self injurious stims and low self esteem from it

Embarrassment 101

No privacy

Constant painful state of confusion

Being mocked for how you communicate

Fear of being judged for alternative forms of communication

Needing assistance to just maintain a healthy shower schedule

Having to follow very specific routines to the point of possibly putting yourself in danger if you don't follow them

...and these are just some things. This is the not so pleasant part of what I go through on a daily basis as an autistic. This list can go on forever because autism comes in many "shapes and sizes". Any autistics of any level, if you want, please add on to this list to show that autistic isn't a quirk and can have some seriously hard to live with sides.

Oop more old art

Mean gills

Food for thought