he/him | 18+ (another) autistic compsci major artist / writer sometimes. ttrpg enjoyer. musician who can't write songs.
104 posts
Latest Posts by twodollarcherricola - Page 2
this scene made me so violently ill that I literally threw up and ended up sobbing to my partner for hours. it's so impressively done. Nora was sick for this. I love it so much. I've never seen this articulated so well.
Either i missed the posts talking about this scene or we moved on way too fast from it. Like what the FUCK Nora????? The broken sentences? Jean's desperate thoughts in between lines? Thinking he asked for what he got even though he couldn't say no???? The confession that he wasn't allowed to say no bursting out of Jean without meaning to, because inside of him he knows, he knows he didn't deserve what happened to him. All these years keeping these feelings inside of him and now he can't keep them buried any longer
tgr spoilers
Andrew got surgery?? Andrew let doctors- people he’s never met and could hurt him- perform SURGERY on him?? where anyone could do one thing wrong on purpose and he could be gone??
i’m convinced Neil was in the room when he was having surgery (not in the surgery room but watching) also maybe Andrew knew that if he was gone who would protect the rest of the monsters
anyway i really hope Neil and Andrew are okay from what the Ravens did to them
I think some of the things in AFTG don't make sense to a lot of people who aren't also abuse victims, and it means that a lot of fandom posts are just... wrong?
Like, I really don’t think Jeremy going to the press about his family's abuse would help him. He's financially dependent on them; his ability to go to USC and not be in prison hinge on his family's support. They're classic abusers in that they've tied him down.
Just like Andrew couldn't just tell his foster parents about the abuse; the ones who knew didn't care anyway.
There's a perfect example of this in Kevin leaving the Nest and making things worse on Jean. Riko's rage towards Kevin was just turned onto Jean. The abuse didn't end; it was just redirected. And Kevin was still traumatized and constantly in danger. He couldn't go anywhere near the Nest safely. He couldn't talk about what happened publicly without facing retaliation.
All of this is true for Jeremy, too. Financial and emotional abuse is still dangerous; he can't just suddenly leave. He can't just stay at Laila's place and try to hide; that kind of reset is both horrifying and extremely dangerous for most victims.
I feel like people who aren't victims just miss half the context of AFTG. I wouldn't wish that depth of understanding on anyone because this series hurts me intensely. But I do wish I could explain it to people better.
I really really really need to say that Neil didn't send a hit on Grayson because Jean said he hated him or because Jean got in a fight with him.
Neil sent out that hit because Jean compared Grayson to Drake.
He wouldn't have done it otherwise. He did it because he knows what Drake did to Andrew, and he knew that Jean knows what Drake did to Andrew, and he knew that Jean wouldn't compare anyone to Drake unless he meant it.
He did what he canonically would've done to Drake had Aaron not been faster.
Jean: Uh, I hate this guy
Neil, popping out of nowhere: Do you want me to kill him? I can kill him. Ask me to kill him.
so, so deeply stuck on Andrew and Jean outside during the interview.
Andrew immediately understanding what the "history" between Jean and Grayson was
Jean promising that Grayson didn't hurt Neil because that wouldn't have been appropriate for him, and Andrew countering by asking why he implied it'd be appropriate for someone else
Andrew's "Enlighten me" to Jean's "You of all people shouldn't have to ask"
Andrew understanding the neck bandage immediately, just as Jean understood the armbands
Andrew asking if Neil killed Grayson and being completely unsurprised when Jean gave him the answer, because he already knows where Neil stands on that matter
It hurt so bad. But it was probably one of my favorite scenes in all of TGR.
That silent mutual understanding, where neither of them wanted to talk about what happened but they knew the other understood, even if they didn't like each other
Catharsis in the most brutal way. Burns on the way down but feels good anyway
I want more Andrew & Jean scenes NOW
TGR SPOILERS
Jean looks dead into Andrew's eyes and tells him that he won't be fast enough to save Neil the next time someone takes a swing because of his smoking.
How cruel it must have felt to be on his knees just 3 WEEKS later - collarbone shattered watching while Neil was curled in on himself at the end of a racquet from another Raven and Andrew too slow to stop it ?!
Anyway the next time we see him with a cigarette he's crushing it in his fist.
....all this speculation about who might throw a punch to protect Jean and here comes James Rhemann with a steel chair
"this book had no jerejean!" they were both constantly losing their minds jealous whenever the other looked at someone else for a few seconds bsffr
YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO PEOPLE!!!!!! YOU BRING JOY INTO THEIR LIVES!!!!!!!!!! YOU MAKE THEM HAPPY JUST BY EXISTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU POSITIVELY EVEN WHEN YOURE NOT WITH THEM!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What if Jean initiates jerejean first kiss except Jeremy pulls back and says “Jean, I want to. You know I want to. But- ” WHAT THEN
I am sorry in advance to my handful of followers for the person I am about to become when The Golden Raven drops
apparently I got this badge for doing a survey or something. I did no survey but it's a little cat with a wizard hat and it says I do magic so like I'm not gonna say no
while I'm aftg posting I wanna say some Jean angst
Jean was so horrified by Neil's monologue of insults to Riko because he knew what'd happen to him if Riko was genuinely hurt or upset by it
Jean knew Riko wouldn't take that shit, and I'm not sure if he was scared for Neil or for himself, but regardless, he knew the fallout would get somebody hurt, and he was horrified of that
the Neil rant is discussed a lot, but. Jean's terror afterward now that we know what happened between him and Riko is. agonizing.
I want to write a whole Riko analysis about how he's obviously a massive piece of shit but is also a genuinely nuanced character who spent his entire life in fight mode. I could talk about this for ages. I hate Riko as much as everyone else but goddamn TSC contextualizes every little first trilogy Ravens scene into developing a whole new meaning
I'M REALLY GLAD SOMEONE FINALLY SAID THIS because. Ok. Let me yap for a second.
Mentions of NSFW will be in this post! Nothing explicit, but do consider yourself warned!
I need to emphasize that the "yes or no" lines are very tightly connected to the "tell me no" scene! Neil wasn't mentally stable enough to say yes, and Andrew told him to say no, and he didn't. That didn't make it a yes; it meant Neil was idling too much to care enough to say no. See the line right after that:
"I won't be like them. I won't let you be me."
I used to (~2021) see this line mentioned often around AFTG spaces but haven't as much recently. It's also a line that tears me to shreds every time I read it because holy shit. As I see it, Andrew is referring to Drake – and maybe others? – as the "them" and himself as... a victim. He doesn't say it outright, and I doubt he ever would, but it's as close as he can get to saying, "I'm not going to push this because I refuse to break your boundaries like mine were broken before."
Now, besides how painful that line is. Andrew asks permission before he initiates something new if Neil hasn't given an explicit sign that it's okay. The "yes or no" isn't for every touch, nor should it be. They established already what can and can't be touched, and they don't need to ask again. They also established that they're both capable of shutting it down if they need to (see: Andrew throwing Neil off during their first kiss when he realized it went too far).
There are three instances of a "yes or no" between Andrew and Neil in The King's Men:
1. Their second kiss, in chapter ten – Neil asks Andrew where he's allowed to touch him, and Andrew says he's still waiting for a yes or no that he actually believes. Neil says yes, and they kiss.
2. Their third kiss and first time going past that, in chapter eleven – besides it being their first time doing anything sexual, this was also the first time Andrew fully initiated it. Neil approached him in chapter ten; here, Andrew flicked a can tab at him and then asked.
3. When Andrew gave Neil a blowjob, in chapter fifteen – again, asking when it's a new thing. This scene is also important because Neil responds with "it's always 'yes' with you," and Andrew instantly shuts him down.
The "it's always 'yes' with you" line is also super important because of how quickly Andrew shuts it down. He knows it's not always yes, and he refuses to tie Neil to an "always" that would essentially take away his ability to revoke consent. Even if Neil trusts him enough to be willing to let him go further, there are still times he would say no, and Andrew knows it.
But they don't ask for every touch. By the end of TKM, they don't ask for kissing, biting, or undressing. They ask when it's new territory, when a boundary is being pushed at or questioned.
It's worth noting also that Andrew also didn't ask permission to touch himself while around Neil, even though that was technically new. I assume this is because it was Andrew on himself without directly involving Neil, therefore not really forcing him into anything. There was also already a firm "yes" in that scene, and they tend to take a "yes" as continous until that specific encounter ends or someone says no. (Hence, the "yes" to a kiss continuing to a handjob in TKM chapter 11.)
There are far more examples of them touching, kissing, etc. without asking, but every time they ask, it's Andrew asking for something new.
(Also, Neil asks permission to touch Andrew, but he never asks that specific "yes or no" phrase that is so overused; that's all Andrew.)
can i be so real with y'all
i understand that "yes or no" is like a huge andreil thing in fics, but i get so tired of them asking yes or no every other sentence. i think they say it like twice in the book like most of the time they do touch each other without explicitly asking
anyway
obviously write what you want this isn't meant as criticism i just think it's overused
I'll say I'm not super into any fandom at the moment and then remember that I not only applied to two colleges partially because of All For the Game but I will be visiting one of the schools the day after the new book comes out
The raven king, chapter ten
"How interesting," they say.
(and they say it a lot)
(i'm not kidding. the entirety of the first two books is just both of them saying how interesting the other is. it's suffocating.)
Another medicated Andrew! And black haired Neil!
The two first books hold such bangers, and clearly not enough people ramble about them. I'm a sucker for the relationship they have afterwards obviously, but even before that they're hilarious. Many underrated scenes that could be worth drawing.
Also I underestimated how Neil dress and presents himself - like: he wears oversized, worn out and faded, preferably light-colored clothes; messy curlyish hair with bangs; sports hoodies; JORTS-
... He's got a banger style actually.
I drew Elendira in one of Lady Gaga’s outfits from the Abracadabra music video because she deserves it. Also it felt very on brand for her.
Here’s a closeup
1000 notes and I’ll draw Livio in the white outfit
Reblog to hug prev poster (they need a hug)
JEREJEAN IS REALLY COMING HOME.
"sadistic freak" and "pervert" very easily two of the best traits a character with healing powers can exhibit
Quick what are you doing RIGHT now (besides scrolling Tumblr)
one of the most important things about dissociative identity disorder and generally being a system that i wish people would understand is that it truly isn’t as cut and dry as it may seem for member count.
you’ll see people who say they have “six alters” and then immediately assume it’s six fully fleshed out equal individuals with no confusion or fuzziness regarding identity. that’s simply not true in a majority of cases, as i have seen.
most systems still VERY much deal with confusion regarding potential splits, go through dissociative episodes where they’re unsure of who they are, sometimes feel no attachment towards any identities, feel like they might have split and then suddenly that person is gone, unsure if alters they haven’t heard from often have gone dormant, not sure how to react when alters do come out of dormancy, etc.
it’s not a fun feeling and it’s genuinely unfair in certain situations to force systems to list every single alter to you with full certainty, as if it will never change. because it will. for so many different reasons, systems will grow, they will shrink, they will fuse, they will develop. you can’t expect the person with the dissociative disorder and lack of core identity to be able to keep up a perfected list of forever, it’s simply impossible. you may have alters who stick with you, but that doesn’t mean changes won’t happen.
and systems who may be reading this — please don’t feel bad. you are not a hassle, you are not a headache, and you are not an inconvenience for simply coping with something like this. it’s out of your control and the only thing you can do is continue to cope to find ways to help yourself retrain from these reactions. please don’t allow yourself to be harmed by others who don’t understand what you are going through. there are people who will accept and love you for who you are, all of you.
past, present, and future.
Trigun Character Cheat Sheet Masterpost 🤞
(Cause I kept making updates to them and it just makes more sense to have them all in one place)
[Last updated: 9/11/24]
All cheat sheets can also be found here: bit.ly/trigunresources
Additional resources under the cut!
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Guide to TriMax Vash’s various outfits by nimpnawakproduction
TriStamp Vash’s arm guide by stepherscorner
TriStamp Vash's wing (compiled by revenantghost)
Tri98 Vash Studio Reference sheets (Reddit)
Tri98 Model Sheets (compiled by amethystsoda)
"The Totally Bitching 'Cross Punisher' Diagram" (angelfire.com)
Trigun Gun model sheets (mrbagel.tripod.com)
Prop Making for Trigun Stampede: Punisher (youtube)
Wolfwood's Motorcycle (comp)
If there’s other characters or items you’d like to see a cheat sheet for you’re welcome to drop a line in my inbox! I can’t guarantee when or if I’ll get to it but I’ll take it into consideration!
(Most likely I’ll get to it when I’m procrastinating on something else, which is often so ✌️ not guaranteed but v likely to happen lol. (Shameless plug but I’ll be more inclined to get to it if you buy me a coffee nudge nudge wink wink))
NEW WOLFWOOD SCULPT REVEAL
The Vash sculpture was around 200 dollars at it's release so I expect this wolfwood to be similar in price. Maybe more considering the punisher will take a lot of plastic and his base is wider.
Corn Snake aka Red Rat Snake (Pantherophis guttatus), family Colubridae, GA, USA
photograph via: UGA Coastal Ecology Lab
On May 19 Sgt. Michael Kunovich deemed him suspicious while outside the Super 8 motel parking lot. Aguilar Mendez was sitting down eating but started to walk away when the officer approached in his patrol vehicle. Kunovich began to question him, but Aguilar Mendez couldn't understand him or communicate well and repeated that he was sorry. That's when Kunovich decided to search him, and Aguilar Mendez resisted. Two other deputies arrived to assist in taking the 5-foot-4, 115-pound teen to the ground as Kunovich repeatedly stunned him with his taser, all seen on body-worn camera video. Aguilar Mendez can be heard screaming for his family and is seen trying to gain control of the taser as the officers note in the video. Toward the end of the 6-minute scuffle, the deputies saw that their handcuffed suspect had a small folding knife and disarmed him. Kunovich collapsed a short time later in medical distress and died at the hospital, the Sheriff's Office said. Aguilar Mendez, who came here from Guatemala, was staying with other farmworkers at the hotel. He is being detained without bail, which is the subject of another hearing as yet to be decided. (source)
I'm going to need you all to start spreading awareness about this case and sign the petition. I'm a 5'4 woman and I weigh more than him. He's only 18, indigenous and doesn't understand English nor Spanish really. I can't imagine how confused and scared he was. Tased 6 times and apologizing repeatedly and calling out for his family... he is not responsible for the police officer's death. The fact he's been held for 8 months without bail is disgusting.
Virgilio looks so small, sad and defeated in all of the images I've seen of him.
"Kill me, Vash. There's nowhere else for me to go."
Oh train blog. What are we to do now.
Live, like we always have, and always will