Remembering Hell.

Remembering hell.

Some days I miss it. How could I not? My relationship with heroin was more intense and intimate than any relationship I’ve ever had. I didn’t know what love was until heroin. I miss the routine. I miss rolling up to the ATM and withdrawing a large cash amount and then calling the DD and then driving somewhere in the ghetto. That drive was so fucking relaxing. I miss the overwhelming excitement of seeing him pull up and getting the bag in my hand. I miss driving home with everything being right in the world. I miss seeing my own blood fill up the syringe.

But there’s a lot of things I don’t miss. I don’t miss waking up shaking and sweating like a melting ice cube every morning. I don’t miss going to the ATM and having my bank account be 0.00 and then having to pull some wild shit to obtain money. I don’t miss not wanting to work because I’m sick as hell but needing to work because I desperately need money. I don’t miss the DD not answering and then losing my shit. I don’t miss sitting in my car for an hour waiting for him to show up. I don’t miss having to drive to super inconvenient places because he was too lazy to come closer and not having gas money bc if I spent any money on gas then I wouldn’t have money to get the dope. I don’t miss repeatedly stabbing myself with needles because all my veins are collapsed. I don’t miss hiding in the bathroom to repeatedly stab myself with needles while my mom was on the other side. I don’t miss thinking I hit a vein and then it slipping and missing the shot and my arm getting bubbles in it and not getting high and being pissed as fuck. I don’t miss getting shitty dope and not being able to cook it down well enough and not really getting high and getting super ripped off. I don’t miss the dope falling out of the spoon because I’m shaking too much and then being livid about it. I don’t miss being broke ALL the fucking time and taking $4 of quarters to the bank to cash because the DD doesn’t want quarters and $4 is sometimes the difference whether you get your bag or not. I don’t miss having to literally Uber to the ghetto and my Uber driver judging me hardcore and then getting stranded because the gas station I’m at is too ghetto for there to be a nearby Uber. I don’t miss having to constantly lie to my friends and family every single day. I don’t miss having to sleep on the deck because my mom won’t let me in the house. I don’t miss having to shoot up in the bathroom of home depot. I don’t miss resorting to biking to the ghetto in the blazing heat.

That life was the least sustainable of any life a person could possibly have. Some of the best days of my life I had with heroin, but I couldn’t have had those days without the worst days of my life. When my disease reminds me of the good days I have to remind myself that for every good day there was 10 bad days. This wasn’t fun. This was the closest thing to a living hell I could ever imagine.

Who is Riverside County Jane Doe?

March 20, 2021

*This case is not to be confused with another case under the same name of two women who were found in a burned building in 1969*

On February 10, 1997 the body of a woman was found in the hills behind the Desert Crossing Shopping Centre in Palm Desert, California. The woman was found by a construction crew and looked as though she had been living in the area for several days before her death as authorities found what appeared to be the woman’s day camp located up the hillside from her body.

Her estimated age was between 35-50 years old, she was a white female, 5′6 inches tall and around 145 pounds. She had brown shoulder length hair with some grey mixed and hazel eyes. She had no distinctive physical features. Her face had expensive Clinique makeup on and was recognizable upon being found so the sketch done of her is probably quite accurate. It had appeared that the woman was only deceased for 1 day prior to being found and likely died on February 9, 1997.

Clothing and accessories found on her or near her are as follows. A white sleeveless shirt, a white and tan shirt, a tan jacket, blue denim pants, a tan bra, tan underwear, oversized plastic frame bifocal eye-glasses, tan shoes and a yellow metal wedding band on her left ring finger suggesting she was either married or had been married at some point in her life. She was also wearing a clear amber pendant around her neck.

Another interesting aspect of this case was that they found an unfinished letter that was written in English and Scottish Gaelic that read, “Dear love of my heart…” and “A ghraidh mo chridhe” translated to “O love of my heart.” This could mean it is possible that the woman could speak English and Gaelic and perhaps was not a US citizen or from somewhere other than the US.

A hallmark birthday card was found but the sender’s name had been torn off. Bus passes and cash were also found along with a prescription bottle with the label torn off. Whoever this woman was it soon started to become clear to authorities that either she did not want to be identified or someone else involved did not want her to be identified.

Authorities found a photograph of a beach but it looked like the person in the photo had been cut out of it.

The woman also appeared to have extensive dental work done including crowns and root canal work so it is assumed that she had taken great care of herself and her physical appearance at one point in her life.

An autopsy was done on the woman which revealed that she had died from heart disease, a very natural death meaning no foul play was involved. She was found with some cuts on her face and legs and authorities believe these were due to her rolling down the hill perhaps after she had died, which makes sense why she was found where she was found in relation to the location her camp was found.

It appears that this woman was not murdered, she had died from a disease, however that stills leaves so many questions unanswered. Besides her identity being unknown, why was she living in a set up camp in the hills near this shopping centre? Was she homeless? Did she run away? The wedding band on her finger makes it obvious that she was once important to someone, how could there not be anyone out there looking for her?

To me it doesn’t make sense that this woman was homeless because she was found very well taken care of and was wearing expensive makeup at the time of her death. It seems as though she was at least living middle-class if not an upper-class lifestyle at some point. It seems to be that this woman perhaps was running away from something or perhaps knew she was going to die from heart disease and wanted to die on her own terms and remain unfound/unidentified.

In my own opinion I think she most likely was running away from something, perhaps even an abusive relationship and was trying to figure out what to do. It is possible that she suddenly died from heart disease, though that seems too much of a coincidence.

The prescription bottle with the name torn off suggests that she may have been aware of her disease and was taking medication for it, but why did she leave no clues to her identity? It is obvious that her identity was purposely made to be a mystery but still 24 years later we don’t know why.

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ubba01

4 years ago