Please Reblog For A Larger Sample Size.

One thing that's likely not visible to all younger queers is that little kids shows have gotten radically queerer in the last 10 years.

I'm not just talking about Owl House, Kippo etc, much as I love them.

I mean like stuff for kindergardners.

Characters in Strawberry Shortcake and Superhero Girls and more have gay parents just unremarkably in the background. That was unthinkable 15 years ago.

But the thing that shocks me utterly is the casual inclusion of nonbinary characters.

Dee and Friends in Oz, Polly Pocket, Craig of the Creek...it seems like half the shows my daughter watches have nonbinary characters just seamlessly included. Not even a Very Special Episode. Just...here's the scarecrow in charge of scarecrow village who uses they/them pronouns that everyone just uses without comment.

I was almost 30 before I found the word nonbinary. For my kid to just grow up with this is astonishing.

Conservatives are so mad because it's INCREDIBLY hard to just put this kind of inclusion back away. Once something is normal, and clearly not causing anything bad to happen, it's hard to convince people to be scared of it.

Shamelessly poaching someone elses idea, social media poll but the options arent solely geared 2wards 15 year olds

Reblog 4 a bigger sample size dadada you know how it is w polls

Not what I expected coming from John Green

ignite your bones

After the fall of General Dreykov, and the remnants of the Red Room still at large, Natasha first year at SHIELD is anything but healing. Labeled a traitor and a turncoat, Natasha tries to find her footing in a strange new world.

Whumptober 2024: Day 24 - I never knew daylight could be so violent. (No light, no light)

Warnings: whump/angst/therapy

Word Count: 2k (gif not mine)

Summary: Olivia needs help; but then again so does Natasha.

Masterlist

Whumptober Masterlist.

.

Pain shoots through her abdomen and and she bows to it.

She doesn’t allow herself a cry of pain, only a huff of a breath and closes her eyes.

Her hand shakes as she empties the last of the tryptophan her heart sinking as she feels nauseousness rise and tremors shudder through her.

“Fuck,” she swears.

The night is going to be long.

She takes one of the last two tablets anyway knowing it’s only delaying the inevitable.

She sighs, laying down and trying to breathe through the pain.

Shield had the medications that she needed, but she didn’t quiet trust them.

Pain thrusts its way through her, making her clench her fists and forcing breath in and out consciously.

She decides in the moment to find Coulson or Fury. Shield is not safe but the two men would perhaps help.

She owed them, they owed her, and she’s sure she could call in a favour.

.

The seizure leaves her on the floor, her head pounding as she feels her consciousness return to her.

Wiping her mouth, she pushes herself up.

Hands still shaking, Olivia takes the last pill, hoping it makes her functional.

She knows she’s running out of time. She didn’t realise how close she was running out when she left.

Stupid, she berates herself.

Living in America had made her soft, dependant… Compliant.

If she was on her own, she’d have stocks, but instead, she’d just worked through the emergency medication knowing she’d have access to more.

Allowing herself a moment of self pity, she wonders just how to find the others, and slowly dresses herself.

The number she’d memorised for Fury may still work, and she contemplates if she’s able to make it to the closest pay phone.

The small apartment’s furniture helps her to move on shaking legs, and the walking stick she keeps in the closet feels like a good option.

Armed with a knife and sunglasses, she makes her way out to the harsh light of day.

Nauseous, she descends the stairs, tremors still wracking her body.

She can do this, she’s done much harder things.

One hundred steps, she tells herself.

When she reaches that, she counts 100 more.

At 345 she stops, breathing labored at the public pay phone.

“This better fucking work,” she mutters to herself, dialing the number.

Four rings in and she feels bile rise in her throat.

On the fifth, the phone picks up and she closes her eyes in relief.

“It’s bad,” she opens, “I need… what you owe me.”

Fury seems to understand.

“Safehouse six. I’ll organise for it to be sent there.”

He pauses.

“You owe me too. Don’t think I won’t collect.”

The phone hangs up and she groans, sinking to the floor, holding onto the walking stick and feeling another seizure coming on.

.

The knock at the door sets them all on edge.

Even though Fury calls to tell them that Olivia is coming, they all stand. Maria’s hand on her gun, Clint close to his bow and Natasha stands near the draw with the knives.

Coulson opens it, and finds Olivia standing there, just as Fury had said.

He opens the door wider, letting her in and showing the others that they have nothing to fear.

She enters, and Clint frowns.

“Are you… are you okay?”

The woman waves him off, and says something quietly to Coulson. He walks to the back room and returns alone.

“She needs some privacy and sleep,” he announces, much to all their confusion.

The shower starts running and Clint thinks of all the scenarios that could have had her looking so drawn and pale.

He turns back to the game of cards that he had been playing with Maria and swears as he loses again.

“I’m bored,” he complains.

Maria shares a look with him.

“How do we know Fury is okay?” she asks, much to Coulson’s annoyance.

“He’s okay,” he assures, “but if you want to go help, then fine, I can’t stop you.”

Maria grins at Clint.

“I’ll let you know how I go.”

“He’s gonna be angry,” Clint assumes, throwing the cards to the container.

“Nah; he’ll be appreciative. Who reads the lackies of Shield, better than me?”

Coulson sighs.

“I should go with you.”

He looks to the door that Olivia just moved through, and sits back down.

“Go. Call me in four hours and tell me what’s happening.” He looks at time.

“Four hours okay?”

Maria grabs the keys and a piece of pizza.

“Yeah yeah, I’ll call,” she smiles, pleased to have something to do.

The evening feels early, even though it’s 6pm, the sun moving to sleep. Maria reveals in the fresh air; and heads for shield.

.

Natasha lays on the couch. She’d opted to take first watch.

Olivia was still in the room, door closed having not come out since she went in.

Coulson in the other room, and Clint gently snoring on the other couch.

She doesn’t feel tired.

Probably, would be unable to sleep anyway.

If nightmares plagued her like they did in the cabin, she would have the whole house on edge.

At least the cell was soundproofed.

Here, she thinks she would wake up the whole apartment block.

Clint has eyed her when she’d offered to take first watch, and she had nodded assuringly.

Maria had called to say she was with Fury, he hadn’t sent her away much to Coulson’s surprise.

Coulson had decided he’d return in the morning, barring no incidents during the night.

Natasha was determined to just let them sleep.

She liked the darkness, and with others around, she was sure she wouldn’t be seeing anything… anyone.

Lost in her own thoughts, she catches movement on her left and stands to confront it.

“It’s me,” Olivia announces quietly.

Natasha sits up straighter.

The psychiatrist moves into the dimly lit room, and then to the kitchen finding water and taking a sip.

She downs two pills as Natasha watches on in interest.

“I’m defective,” she says, noticing Natasha watching her.

“They experimented with us, trialing… god knows what, to try and make us better soldiers. And they succeeded but at a cost.”

Olivia’s eyes rake over Natasha.

“Shield has drugs that help combat the symptoms. The Red Room would have just killed me.”

She feels scrutinized and wants to hear so much more of her experience of the Red Room.

It’s like piecing together bits of her own history, things she’s forgotten, things that have been wiped.

Part of the debrief had asked so many basic questions that she should know, but couldn’t retrieve it.

Experimented was right.

Natasha moves to seat at the bench to sit across from her.

Her face itches where the cut on her forehead is healing, and she suppresses the urge to touch it. Her whole body is itchy, uncomfortable and foreign.

Olivia looks to Clint, and deciding he’s asleep enough, starts to make coffee.

Natasha watches practices motions and refrains from talking.

She wants to ask her so much.

Waiting until Olivia sits, Natasha takes an offered coffee and they sip it together.

“Ask, if you need to,” she tells her, voice tired and resigned.

Natasha has so many, she thinks of the last couple of days. How impaired she had been to take care of herself, of Clint and how, if she was back in the red room, she would have been killed ten fold by now.

“How do you stop the nightmares? The flashbacks? How do I… I can’t sleep and then when I do… it bleeds into the day. I try.. But everything in me keeps remembering.”

Natasha holds back, the feelings and worries that have been plaguing her, she wishes she knew how to articulate them.

She feels like she’s going insane.

Wounds wide open and she can’t stop remembering.

Olivia looks at her, takes a slow sip of her drink.

“Your mind is an open wound, they’ve dug into in debrief and left it bleeding.”

Natasha nods.

It’s exactly what it is.

She feels like an exposed raw nerve.

Olivia sets down her coffee.

“We don’t have a lot of time together. Not what you need anyway.”

She sighs heavily, fatigue seeming to weigh her down, but the kindness and patience that she has always shown to Natasha remains.

“It’s not fair, that you have to deal with this. So the coping mechanisms I’m going to say to you I want you to use when and where possible. There are going to be a myriad of times, where they don’t work, but for a lot of the times it will.”

Natasha swallows, understanding what she’s saying.

“We haven’t the time so I need you to listen. To hear me. Okay?”

Olivia doesn’t even wait for her to respond.

“Being triggered, doesn’t apply to you because your nervous system is always going to be heightened, walking on eggshells, and when they crack, is likely going to be when you will feel it. With or without flashbacks, the emotions will come, and you won’t always understand it. When this happens I need you to note that it’s there, label it and stay with it, even for a moment.”

The urgency in her voice makes Natasha give undivided attention.

She doesn’t notice that Clint sits up, moves closer; but Olivia does.

“Emotions, they try and tell us something, things we aren’t subconsciously aware of, they sit in our body, in our chest, sometimes like a weight, sometimes like itch you can’t scratch. They can sit in our minds; numbing us to the world that’s happening around us. In small ways, in big ways too.”

Natasha feels her face grow hot.

Olivia’s words are true and she knows it.

“Work on finding where the emotion is in your body. Close your eyes, for a moment and extend your mind out. Learn Natasha, learn about emotions, their labels and how they feel. The Red Room didn’t care and the words you have for emotions mean nothing. You have to learn beyond happy and sad.”

Natasha swallows.

“Learn what happiness feels like, and remember it so you have something to compare it to. Learn anger, and how it’s different to hatred. Disappointment. Anxiety. Frustration. You know these in a sense, but your education on them is poor.”

Olivia stops, taking a breath and then a sip of her coffee, acknowledging Clint.

“Accept help from those that are willing but don’t trust blindly. You have your own thoughts and feelings and they matter too. Do you hear me?”

Olivia talks softer.

“They never taught you, because they never wanted you to know, how smart and powerful you are. The feelings and emotions and the rawness of it all won’t last forever. But when it comes do something with it. Do something with your hands like shooting a gun at the range, clean, shower, breathe. Anything that you can do that acknowledges the feelings but doesn’t erase them.”

She reaches across and grabs at Natasha’s hand, pulling her sleeve up to expose raw handcuffed chaffed wrists.

“Nights will be the hardest,” she acknowledges, “but they will get better.”

Natasha pulls away, embarrassed.

“Feel it,” encourages Olivia, “try not to hide from it.”

The silence in the room extends; but it doesn’t feel uncomfortable.

“What if I can’t?” Natasha whispers.

Olivia smiles.

“Then you can’t. And you try again next time. This is not pass or fail. This is not the stakes of the Red Room. You won’t die because you can’t do something; even though it might feel like it.”

Finishing her coffee, Olivia stands.

“I’m truly sorry, Natasha, for everything you’ve been through. I can see why you’ve made it this far. I believe our paths will cross again, but it might not be for a while.”

Natasha nods, biting down on her lip.

The one person that understood her and everything she had been through… disappointment and grief floods her.

She feels it.

Olivia touches her hand again.

“You’re not without support.”

She nods to Clint.

Coulson bustles in and looks at the two women and Clint.

Daylight streams through the windows and Natasha feels herself withdraw.

.

here again now

Warnings: violence/aftermath of torture/recovery

Word Count: 7.9k (gif not mine)

Summary: Natasha is captured, tortured and left with insomnia. (Part 3/4

(pls note that the fic starts below and finishes on ao3 - i know how annoying it is to start on one platform only to have it finish on another)

A/N: Buckle up for a long chapter <3 in which everyone worries, Natasha struggles and Clint tries to help. The outside forces that aim to break Natasha down are revealed and small things are set right.

Not re-read my mistakes are my own <3

.

He doesn’t want to say anything as he breathes heavily, the fight not even lasting a minute as she stops as quickly as she started.

Clint watches her as she stares at herself in the mirror.

The slow touch of her hair, the dead stare and then the panic.

It’s starts with her pulling at the whispers of hair that are left, hard enough for them to come out.

A clawing at her skull.

He pulls her back from the mirror and holds her, stopping the harm that’s coming in waves.

She’s crying as she feels him behind her, a stuttering in her words.

“I can’t sleep,” she starts, “I can’. I can’t. I can’t.”

The words come over and over.

Clint doesn’t know what to do.

She’s still covered in vomit, still needs a shower, still needs sleep.

In this state nothing can happen.

She’s not present, not enough to do anything.

So he waits, holds her and hopes it’s enough.

.

Natasha can’t catch her breath. Every time she tries, she seems to only breath in smaller amounts. Even as she feels Clint surround her, it becomes almost a chore to suck it in and remember to push it out.

“Sedate me,” she breathes.

And as she says the words, she feels it’s the only way out.

“Sedate me,” she repeats.

If they drug her, she’ll really know then, when she wakes; if she sees the woman’s face or, if she’s back here.

She can’t breathe anyway.

Even as she’s encouraged by Clint.

Was she not loud enough in her request?

“Sedate me!”

The words louder now, even as they fall on deaf ears.

She struggles against Clint, trying to get a breath, black spots in her vision.

“Se..da..” she moans, pushing against him, running out of air on the words.

Natasha knows he’s talking, saying something to her but she can’t hear him, there’s a piercing white noise that overrides it and she can’t even hear herself, even as she repeats the same words over and over again.

At least, she thinks she is.

In a last ditch effort, she reaches for Clint’s face.

“Help,” she whispers.

He nods, his eyes glassy.

Holding up a syringe, he appears to ask her consent one more time as she nods pitifully back at him.

She can’t hear his words but longs for the black nothingness of drugged sleep.

She doesn’t care what happens to her body.

She just needs to stop thinking, stop moving… stop being.

To be held in the abyss for as long as possible.

Natasha knows she can’t keep going, not like this, not being able to tell the difference between awake and hallucination.

Clint encircles her again, holds her in a body lock as there’s a pinch on her left arm.

She looks over to it, and already the needle has been removed.

Clint holds her tight, rocking her gently and counts, knowing the repetition soothes her.

Only Clint knows that.

She’s home.

There’s no doubt now.

She starts to count with him, the abyss surrounding her.

.

Tony stares at the screen.

The van is parked not far, he sends out two drones to get real-time footage, and then triangulates all cameras from the time it dropped Natasha to follow the Van.

He wants to tell Clint, maybe Bruce too.

Turning his attention, he sees Clint lead Natasha into the bathroom.

He can’t reconcile her shaved head, even as he watches their movement.

Shaking his head, he sets Jarvis to keep an ear if Clint needs help and leaves the room to find Bruce.

He doesn’t go far into the bowels of the tower before Jarvis stops the elevator.

“Sir, they’re fighting.”

He doesn’t need to ask who is, because it’s obvious.

Tony detours back, opens the door to the infirmary and smells vomit and cringes.

He must have missed it whilst he was concentrating on the van. Tony hovers outside the bathroom, hearing a Clint tell Natasha to stop.

He wants to go but his feet don’t move.

Voiced pleas that are inaudible but he can tell what they are by the cadence and fear behind them, the way that the response is nothing.

He hears Natasha’s calls to sedate her, and Clint trying to talk her down as he goes through the options of what’s going happen next.

Tony pushes the door ajar and looks inside.

Neither of the spies notice him, and Natasha’s distress is clear as she struggles against Clint, repeating the words to sedate her.

He closes the door and stares for a moment.

“Sir?”

Jarvis’s voice breaks through his thoughts.

He leaves the room quickly, finding Bruce with a syringe in his hand.

“Jarvis..” Bruce says, by way of explanation.

Tony nods.

“What happened? He said that Natasha needed propafol?”

Tony takes the syringe, offering no explanation and heading back into the room. He knocks on the bathroom this time and opens the door.

Clint looks up at him, he has Natasha in a hold and holds his hand out for the syringe.

Natasha’s eyes open and close.

Her breath stuttering.

“Help,” she whispers, reaching aimlessly for Clint.

Clint holds her head, uncaps the syringe and injects her. He rocks her slightly, counting with her.

Tony feels like a voyeur.

They both watch as her body fights it, then, she goes limp.

Clint looks exhausted, as he stares up at Tony.

None of them have slept, but Tony is used to it.

He also didn’t have to watch Natasha and be vigilant for her.

“What’s the time?” he asks, not moving.

Jarvis responds.

“It’s 6.16am.”

Clint nods.

“She threw up, I don’t know what happened next, but she started to fight me, then seemed to realise something was wrong when I didn’t fight back.”

Clint touches her arms, almost unwrapping himself from the hold position.

“She started pulling at her hair in the mirror,” he says the words monotonously, like telling a story.

“She said she couldn’t sleep, then asked me to sedate her.”

He seems to come to the realisation that he’s injected her with a drug that he doesn’t know.

“Propofol,” Bruce supplies, seeing Clint’s confusion.

Tony doesn’t even know when Bruce came up behind him.

If Clint is also surprised, he doesn’t show it.

He just nods slowly.

“How long do you think we have?” He asks, lifting Natasha.

Bruce shrugs.

“She shouldn’t have been given it in an injection like that. Jarvis just said it was an emergency and I didn’t think we wanted a reoccurring incident like last August; so it was this or nothing.. Someone will need to stay with her, just to monitor her breathing…”

Tony looks up and Jarvis responds in kind.

“I am monitoring her vitals,” the AI tells them, “she is stable.”

Bruce nods.

“How long do you want her drugged for?”

Clint carries her to the large arm chair, the one that reclines back and places her gently on it.

“As long as possible,” he says.

“We need to find out what’s happened, and then maybe we have a chance at helping her get over whatever this fear is.”

Bruce nods and leaves, Tony presumes to get more drugs, or maybe a way of sedating her further.

“She needs a shower, or to get her changed. I don’t know!”

His voice escalates.

Tony feels he’s never been in a situation where he’s had to be the one to make decisions for another. Perhaps another reason why he doesn’t want children, the responsibility weighs heavily of taking care of his friends.

“Okay,” he says, raising his hands.

“Let’s get her changed, we’ll do it together. Bruce will get her sleeping for a bit longer and you’re going to go to bed. I’m going to follow the leads of the van and we will work this out.”

Clint stares at him.

Tony feels he’s said too much.

“Go have a quick shower, and get the supplies for changing her, get her clothes and maybe some wipes.”

Clint still stares.

“Now.”

Tony says it as gently as he can, but the urgency in his voice makes his friend move.

Clint takes one last look at Natasha and leaves her with Tony.

.

Continued…

If you like the word “queer” reblog.

reblog to give somebody a fucking hug because we are all struggling to get through it. solidarity in this tough ass world.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Look buddy, i’m just trying to make it to Friday.

Spoiler alert: Some of these leftists are now doing this about Covid policy

I’m so god damn tired of not just leftists, but even left-leaning people holding absolutely unrealistic, all-but-impossible positions which have no acknowledgement of any nuance whatsoever and then calling anyone who tries to give a dose of reality a shill or a bootlicker. Honestly, it’s not even enlightened to hold some of these positions because you just reveal yourself to have no grasp of incredibly complex issues. If this sounds vague, it’s because it can apply to how people online react to many different issues.