vanillalavendarskies

Latest Posts by vanillalavendarskies

Are any of you doing the Chole Ting workout? I saw it on YouTube and I’m trynna lose this weight so 🥺

Yes, this is an eating disorder blog. If you wanna know more about me, message me :)

Why are so many of us with eds queer?? Like is it just me noticing this??? ilysm gay anas 🥺💝

Y’all if this wasn’t the most motivation I’ve ever had-

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6Buo4fKBY1I

Some of my favorite thinspo 🥺❤️

That soda won’t make your skin nicer.

That pizza won’t give you a thigh gap.

Those pastries won’t get rid of your double chin.

That burger won’t stop your belly from jiggling.

Those fries won’t even satisfy you.

With all this in mind, seeing there is no benefit, why even think about eating this crap? Because it tastes good? Honey. You already know what these all taste like. Is it really worth stalling, or even giving up your progress?

Make the right choice. You will be rewarded.

My reasons to be skinny (kind of a long read)

- thin thighs, thin thighs, thin thighs! I used to LOVE looking down at how skinny my thighs were. I felt so beautiful. Although I can admit my thighs aren’t HUGE, they’re too big for my liking, and I don’t think I’ll ever be happy with them until they’re skinny.

- calves and ankles. I haven’t seen many thinspo blogs talking about this, so maybe it’s abnormal; but calves are almost as important to me as thighs. I think it’s so cute when girls have small, dainty, thin calves and ankles and they look so good in tall boots (especially chunky goth boots).

- collarbones. Collarbones are so pretty. Girls, boys, and anyone alike always look beautiful with protruding collarbones. It makes you look structured, like art. I will have such defined collar bones when I’m skinny. I will look like art.

- Thin arms and small wrists. Similar to my beliefs about collarbones, I love how beautiful thin wrists and arms look. You can see the beautifully crafted bone structure beneath the skin, and it just reminds you of how pretty humans are.

- flat stomach. I’ve been unhappy with my stomach for quite a while. I want to be able to be happy with my reflection without sucking in the fat.

- envy of skinny goth girls. Most goth girls are very skinny, and I desperately want to be like that. I don’t know how to describe it very well, but I just love that look of looking pale and effortlessly skinny, just being yourself and being happy.

- piggy back rides, being carried, sitting on laps, etc. I want to be the friend that everyone picks up because they’re so light. I want to have fun and do things I wouldn’t normally do, and enjoy my teenage years.

- I want to stop focusing on eating so much. I want to just eat a tiny amount because it’s all my stomach will allow- and I won’t be eating trashy foods because I don’t crave them anymore.

- The girl I hate is very skinny. I’ll be skinnier and prettier than her. It’ll be so unbelievably satisfying to know I weigh less than her.

- People will worry about me. This seems odd, but it’s what I want. I want people to talk about how skinny I am. I want people to ask me if I’ve eaten. I want people to finally see what I’m struggling with, because they’ll see how skinny I’ve gotten.

- knowing I can lose all that weight and ignore my urges to eat, I’ll know I can do anything. It’ll keep me motivated in school and exercise.

✨Body check: 5/24/20✨

You know your ed has gotten worse when:

The only thing on your mind is losing weight.

You can't sleep because the only thing on your mind is how your gonna lose this weight or how you're gonna exercise to burn more calories.

When you wake up the first app you open is tumblr,to get your motivation for the day it's like your morning newspaper,you scroll through tumblr and see thinspo,tips,exercises and more ,you save them so you can watch them again later.

You avoid social interactions so they won't make you eat.

You wake up till noon to avoid eating/you sleep a lot to make fasting easier.

You feel guilty even after you ate something small,so you purge it.

Your birthday cake is fruits.

You try all the diet that the ana community has.

You are thinking of smoking or vape to curb your appetite .

Water,tea and diet cokes are your go-tos.

You get to your goal weight and it still isn't enough

You feel fat all the time(even after you successfully fast)

my may intake rules

this is for my use. I updated my old rules to be more restrictive.

1) 500 calorie limit

2) one meal a day. Eat at 11:30. must fast 24 hours everyday

3) weigh in everyday.

✨I’m trying really hard to stop eating so I can fit into some small sized clothes I ordered online, someone please send me some meanspo! ✨

actual “tips”

it’s normal to fluctuate 2-4 lbs per day. if you’re restricting, the fluctuations are larger because you bloat MUCH easier.

however, since there are around 3500 calories in 1lb of fat, it takes a little less than 2 days to burn off a single pound of fat. your fluctuations will make it seem like you’re losing much faster some days and like you’re not doing anything at all others, but it’s not an indication of how “good” you’ve been in a particular week, or few days.

those posts that say “reblog to lose 10lbs this week’’ or whatever? yeah, if that happens, it’s fluctuation! so if it doesn’t, don’t feel bad— over a long period of time, you really cannot expect to lose more than 1/2 a lb per day even if you could sustainably fast for that entire time, which isn’t realistic and will lead to binging if you’re even slightly prone to it.

sustainable weight loss is ALWAYS better— eating around 1000-1500 per day plus whatever you burn off from exercise will result in a 1-2 lb loss consistently per week, and it’s much easier to structure your eating so you don’t binge. you’ll probably lose MORE weight this way.

keep ur goal in the healthy weight range, though. you don’t want skin that is patchy and prone to acne, bone problems that will hurt you for the rest of your life, brittle and dull hair, nails that break all the time, poor circulation leading to discoloration in the skin, a grayish tint to your skin, etc. some of us tend to romanticize the effects of being underweight like bruising, being shaky, dark circles, etc, but do you really want constantly patchy, simultaneously acne-prone and dry skin? probably not. also, do you want to never be able to go out and enjoy your body because you’re so exhausted all the time?

fasting, a summary

stomach: empty

bladder: full 

wallet: safe

“Sherlock would totally deduce me as an alcoholic…” - I think to myself as I fumble with my phone charger for 5 minutes in the dark.

I've only ever had very few ana rules that work for me:

Always eat something for breakfast and dinner, it shouldnt be too big.

Water water water water water 💦

Dont eat anything that you can easily say "no" to. If you crave that cookie, only one bite and youre done.

I usually don't eat if I dont have to during the day, so no social eating for me. (I also stay away from eating anything with my family and make my own meals which is easy)

If you're still hungry after dinner, if all day's calories were low its okay to have a little something more.

Thats about it, I've lost over 45lbs in total doing this.

reminder from me to you: unclench your jaw, soften your forehead & relax your shoulders

take care of yourself and stay safe in this scary time, lovelies xoxo

“But I can’t have an eating disorder!!”

I say shocked as I dissociate and fantasize about my thighs no longer touching and my tummy grumbles from fasting the past 2 days

-

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Anyone else go rapidly back and forth between denying and recognizing their ed because I do a LOT it’s crazy

Hard pills to swallow:

Losing weight is actually a very simple thing to do, but your lack of patience and complete disregard for your own health will inevitably lead you into a never ending binge/restrict cycle, preventing you from reaching your goals

Little things…

{{I never want to forget how good it feels to finally be skinny!!!}}

🌺 On Christmas, my cousins asked if I had ever considered modeling. I said no, I’m too short, you have to be like 5'7… They insisted I should at least look into social media modeling!

🌺 A few days later my dad brings it up again, “You know, you really do look like you could be a model!” He’s never said anything like that to me before.

🌺 My mom comments almost every day on how skinny/tiny/little I am now. She used to always talk about how we both needed to lose weight. And now she’s always trying to offer me food, rather than criticizing too many snacks.

🌺 I posted a selfie on instagram and a girl I hardly know commented “omg your bone structure is unreal” … (literally no one has ever said that to me, ever! I didn’t even think I had any bone structure lmao)

🌺 I went for a hike with my brother and I didn’t have any trouble keeping up, didn’t feel tired or out of breath, kept up with the conversation and just really enjoyed the whole thing! I’ve always loved hiking but always used to be the slow one, struggling and holding up the group.

🌺 Skinny legs in leggings! Skinny legs in boots! Skinny legs in leggings and boots and cute layers on top! There’s no words for it but it’s literally my favorite thing.

🌺 Having to wear baggy sweaters with scarves so you don’t look too skinny. (Literally never thought I’d ever have that problem lol.)

🌺 Long blonde hair looks good when it’s messy; I only ever use a tiny bit of makeup; my outfits are cuter and more interesting… It’s easy to get ready to go anywhere and I feel so much more confident about the way I look.

🌺 The best clothes in the clearance section are always XS or S, so you can buy cute things cheaper than everybody else paid for it lol

🌺 Learning to love salads and unsweetened tea!! Tastes so good and feels so healthy!!

🌺 Saying no to junk foods and binges just gets easier and easier tbh. You’re in control and you get in the habit of saying no/making better choices.

🌺 When I try to set my phone on my lap and it falls through my thigh gap… It’s mildly stressful and annoying but in the best way possible! (I usually can’t even manage to clamp my thighs together to catch it, it just ends up hurting my knees.)

🌺 The feeling of walking with a thigh gap… Your legs not even brushing past each other. I feel like dancing all the time!

🌺 You get more drunk off less alcohol. If you get too drunk you know you’re small and cute and your friends won’t have any trouble helping you get home. (I usually don’t drink that much, I like being in control of myself. But a few glasses of wine is enough to get me loose and having a good time!)

🌺 Gaining the confidence to dance in public and be goofy because you know you’re small and cute.

🌺 In general, I’m much less self-conscious about my body and it feels so free. I’m still insecure about my personality and I still struggle with school and there’s all kinds of things in my life that I still need to work on, but it feels really, really good to have at least one less thing to worry about. (At least I know I look okay on the outside even though my life is still a mess lol.)

…

🌻You can get all these results with positive and healthy weightloss methods, and it’ll probably feel a lot better! Eat good food, drink water, exercise a normal amount, and you’ll get there!!🌻

I did a thing! Tag yourself I’m The scientist and Ghost.

“She came back from summer looking gaunt and sick, clearly not well, but oh god her body dropped jaws”.

no, you won't lose 10 lbs over night

no, you won't notice changes right away

no, you won't go down two sizes in a day

No you won't become thin in just a few days

but you will eventually

one day you'll notice your pants won't stay up anymore

one day you'll shower and look down your body and your tummy will have shrunken

one day you'll see how promintent your collarbone has become

one day you'll put on a bra and notice your ribs are slightly showing on your chest

one day people will comment how slim you've become when they see you or hug you

i promise you it will happen

just don't lose hope, don't lose motivation, don't lose your dream

You. Can. Fucking. Do. This.

Comment yours I'm lawful ednos and chaotic anorexic lol

Things won't start to change fast

1 week- scale starts to change minorly

2 weeks- scale starts to change majorly

3 weeks- minor change in face

4 weeks- minor change in stomach

5 weeks- change in legs

Be patient.

REASONS NOT TO EAT

1. so you’ll never be the fat american tourist

2. so your thighs will never chafe

3. so you can wear size 0 or 00 jeans

4. to never feel like you’re losing the looks competition ever again

5. so your face won’t be so round when you smile

6. so you won’t get that mini muffin top when you wear sports shorts

7. to prove to everyone that you really do have an ed and they should take it seriously

8. i hate the shape of my breasts and if i lose enough weight they’ll look better or just shrink away and not have enough weight to have the shape i hate

9. so my options aren’t letting my thighs squish out or letting every see my leg fat hang down every time i sit

Me logging back into ED tumblr after spending a month binging and calling it “recovery”