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Dark: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Wayne: I'm a knife.
Chosen, from across the room: They're the little spoon.
wayne: I told you, chosen face flush when they lie.
dark: Why?
wayne: Look.
wayne: Hey chosen! Do you love us?
chosen, covering their face: No.
dark:
wayne: What time is it?
dark: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out
dark: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*
chosen: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING
dark: It’s 2 am
alan, driving chosen and dark: So how was your day?
dark: We almost got surprise adopted!
wayne: What?
chosen: We almost got kidnapped.
alan: Oh, okay.
alan: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!
wayne: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it
chosen: Just rip the bandage off.
wayne: It’s dark.
chosen: Put the bandage back on.
wayne: Why are you on the floor?
chosen: I'm depressed.
chosen: Also I was stabbed, can you get dark, please.
wayne: I really like this whole ‘good guy, bad guy’ thing you guys have going on.
chosen: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m good and dark isn’t
dark: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?
chosen: *turning to wayne* How tall are you?
wayne: I know you snuck out last night, chosen.
dark: Play dumb!
chosen: Who's chosen?
dark: NOT THAT DUMB!!!
wayne: You have to apologize to chosen
dark: Fine.
dark: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.
dark: Hey chosen,
chosen: Yes?
dark: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?
chosen:
chosen: Where’s wayne?
wayne: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life
chosen: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?
wayne: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.
dark: edible
wayne: Hey, chosen? Can I get some dating advice?
chosen: Just because I’m with dark doesn’t mean I know how I did it.
wayne: If chosen and I were drowning, who would you save?
dark: You two can’t swim?
chosen: It’s a hypothetical question, dark! who would you save?
dark: my time and effort.
chosen: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste
wayne: We got spring water
chosen: NO.
dark: with EXTRA minerals
wayne: it's like licking a stalagmite
chosen: DON'T COME HOME.
dark: Mmmmm cave water
wayne: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.
chosen: You people already know too much about me.
dark: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.
folks if you're wondering i'm using the name wayne referring to y/n and i think its obvious
wayne: If you had to choose between chosen and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose? dark: That depends, how much money are we taking about? chosen: dark! wayne: 63 cents. dark: I'll take the money. chosen: DARK!!!
wayne, texting chosen: chosen! Help I’m being kidnapped dark: Where are you? wayne: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help. chosen: I’ll call dark. dark, answering their cell: Y’ello? chosen: Where’s wayne? They texted me that they were being kidnapped. dark: wayne? Whaddya mean, they're right next to me- dark: dark: I’ll call you back. hangs up dark: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD! wayne: WHO ARE YOU?!
wayne: What did you do with dark's body? chosen: What didn’t I do with the body? wayne: chosen: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I disposed of the corpse respectfully.
wayne: chosen, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?
chosen: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later
wayne: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask dark.
wayne, negotiating with chosen: We have dark. Give us ten thousand dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed
dark: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I’m only worth ten thousand dollars?
wayne:
dark: MAKE IT ONE MILLION–
wayne: DARK STOP
chosen: While I’m gone, dark, you’re in charge.
wayne: Yes!!!
chosen, whispering: dark, you’re secretly in charge.
dark: Obviously.
dark: wayne, can I talk to you for a second?
wayne: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and chosen are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?
dark: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.
wayne: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
chosen: You need to stop.
Dark: Here's some advice
chosen: I didn't ask for any
Dark: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me
Store Worker: Would a Mr. Becker please come to the front desk?
alan becker, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker: points to chosen and dark
Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?
chosen and dark, simultaneously: We got lost
Alan becker: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-