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Matthias Helvar - Blog Posts

1 year ago

jesper: why do you call him "gandalf?" matthias: gandalf the wizard? hello, didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school? jesper: no, i had sex in high school.


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1 year ago

jesper: what's wrong, buddy? matthias: someone at work ate my sandwich. kaz: what did the stadwatch say?


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1 year ago

matthias: i don’t like bugs, okay? they freak me out.

nina: interesting. you’re afraid of bugs AND women. ladybugs must render you catatonic.


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1 year ago

this might make me problematic but i really lowkey want jesper and wylan to break up before the six of crows spin-off bc i think their dynamic as exes would be so funny and a lot more similar to the book. then they like grow back together and yada yada.


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2 years ago

kaz: matthias will show you around

matthias: um, right this way is the exit


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2 years ago

jesper: i've always been a little confused about this, why can't you kill wolves?

matthias: we believe wolves are gods

nina: not technically, in drüskelle culture, wolves are thought to be like god

matthias: do not tell me about my own culture, nina! in the mood i'm in, i'll take you out, i swear to wolf!


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2 years ago

me personally? i think kaz should be allowed to say fuck in the tv series. maybe i’m old fashioned.

bonus: inej scolding him for it


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2 years ago

i really hope that Kaz sometimes visits The Wraith and helps Inej with her slaver hunting. i hope that Inej comes around Ketterdam and they have dinner. i hope Wylan and Jesper save a spare room for her, just in case. i hope Kaz gets roped into visiting the Van Eck house once a week. i hope Nina comes to Ketterdam after her wedding. i hope they’re all invited. i hope Inej is her maid of honor. i hope Jesper and Wylan live so long that they get married. i hope Kaz, Inej, and Nina are sitting and laughing at the reception. i hope Kaz finally finds peace, and finds Inej.

i hope Matthias watches, the wolves beside him.


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2 years ago

matthias: my shoelace came untied! it could’ve happened to anybody!

kaz: that’s your excuse? inej weighs five pounds, jesper can’t swim, and wylan’s never even seen an ocean

jesper: uh, i can swim, racist


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2 years ago

wylan: my boyfriend is so stupid. he kissed the wrong guy in front of me

inej: mine called me an “investment”

nina: mine tried to kill me and called me a slur

wylan and inej: what.


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2 years ago

kaz: guys, guys. let’s take a vote.

jesper: secret vote! everyone cover your eyes!

wylan: we won’t know the result!

matthias: well, say your vote out loud

wylan: we’ll know each other’s voices…

nina: inej has a point


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2 years ago

kaz: damn it! everybody, bathroom now!

nina: what’s up, dad?

jesper: what, kaz?

kaz: is someone playing a joke on me? honestly, why is my towel still wet?

jesper: cause it’s not your towel, it’s my towel, kaz

kaz: no, it’s not your towel. your towel is the red one.

jesper: i’ll tell you this, pal: i’ve never used that. i do use that one every single day.

kaz: oh god

nina: this towel’s so warm and fluffy, it’s like it’s been in the sun forever!

matthias: this means you two have been drying your junk with the same towel.

inej: intimate


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2 years ago

matthias: are you putting butter on bacon?

nina: i don’t want it to stick to the pan


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2 years ago

jesper: throw it in the trash!

wylan: i can’t see it! cause when she comes in here, i’ll just yell “trash!” i’ll yell “trash!”

jesper: cover your ears and sing Landslide!

kaz: let’s call inej again

wylan: took my love and i took it down

jesper: we need to get this back in my closet—

wylan: i can see your lips moving!

nina: well, close your eyes!

wylan: *singing*

nina: throw it out the window, okay?

jesper: i’ll sneak down there, i’ll toss it in the dumpster

nina: *toss* here!

jesper: what the heck, nina?

nina: i threw like a boy! i’ve always thrown like a boy!

jesper: you almost hit me in the face! what are you, nuts? overhand?

wylan: *still singing*

kaz: oh well, matthias is a goner


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