Your gateway to endless inspiration
Mine - Blog Posts
i swear to god i had a post about pink floyd's the wall but now i can't find it. i feel like i'm going crazy ( i probably am! ) but anyway. been listening to this album on repeat, it is such a genuine banger, the story slaps and there is something genuinely so disturbing about it all. esp the second half of each side, anything past young lust actually ?? kills me??? and then in the flesh & beyond are just insanely fucked. ‘one of my turns’ and ‘don't leave me now’ are some of my favorite tracks on this album; they're so disturbing in their own right ( one of my turns going into an almost playful, sarcastic insinuation of violence -- while don't leave me now explicitly states the violence pink would like to commit against his wife, specifically ) and there's just! so much emotion and tension teeming in these songs. i love the slow build up in one of my turns, pink just completely snapping as he destroys everything in sight, this song just. ugh. UGH! his soft, melancholic voice growing into something frenzied and screaming, voice literally breaking and wavering with how unhinged he is. that screamed “oh no!” gets me EVERY TIME. it's so good. all of the emotion you can get from the singing alone is just.... truly insane. “in the suitcase on the left you'll find my favorite axe!” is my favorite line in this song because it's soooo. UGH THAT IMPLIED VIOLENCE !! like yes he's talking about a guitar but the word ‘axe’ is still used because pink has these fantasies of committing horrific violence against people. as we see in the next song, which.... i truly do love so much, the heavy breathing in the background accompanied by the deep piano, pink's heartbroken and angry voice..
obviously the threats of violence get a lot more explicit here; talking about putting his wife through the shredder, literally says he wants to beat her to a pulp on a saturday night. it's so horrific. shifting all of his blame on to her, his shaken and screaming “oh, babe” ?!?? god it's just phenomenal. the story is so fucked and you get all of these different emotions, not only from the character but from the instrumentals, the lyrics, you as the listener ... so many different factors combining together to create such a heart wrenching story on literally all sides. then pink smashes the shit out of a tv and screams in rage <3 this man and his violence. then he's like alright im isolating! bye! and obvs who doesn't love comfortably numb? but i think hearing it in the context of this album adds an entirely new layer to it, bc he's like... so fucked he's getting shot with a drug to go perform this concert, then he imagines himself turning into a neo-nazi and killing people for the next three songs. btw when i saw brit floyd they reenacted the scene from comfortably numb where pink is sitting basically lifeless in the chair and the doctor injects him to snap him out of it. it was SOOOOO GOOD. i'm like yes brit floyd this is why you're the best pf cover band ever. anyway. will probs have more thoughts on this amazing album tomorrow esp once the adderall kicks in wooo. might even try my hand at writing this insane man? who knows the world is my oyster
new bjm is like a gift from god. a spiritual awakening. i will never get over how much i love this band
IT'S NEVER OVER!!! ALL MY BLOOD FOR THE SWEETNESS OF HER LAUGHTER! IT'S NEVER OOOOVERRRRR ! SHE IS THE TEAR THAT HANGS INSIDE MY SOUL FOREVER
TRULY i think there is something just so interesting about marius and taylor. for taylor it's all about, you're my family and i have a duty to protect you even though i kind of fucking hate you and you disgust me. i'd kill for you, i'm covering up a crime that you started, i love you, but i don't like you. for marius it's, you annoy the shit out of me, i don't like you and i've never liked you, i even hate you from the stories i hear from pete's childhood, but you're a part of this family and no matter what i'm attached and i need to protect you but you just rub me the wrong way. and honestly i think... if marius had just apologized for slashing taylor's tire, they wouldn't even be where they are in s2. but it's absolutely fascinating to see where they do end up. this dual need to protect each other even though they can't stand one another. i just...! want to explore this relationship and i think there are so many layers to it that we don't really get in s1. so, despite some of s2's failings for me, the plotline with marius absolutely rocks. and i just love what they've done with him and taylor.
spending my bday listening to jeff buckley... i wouldn't have it any other way
woke up at 3am and the first thing on my mind was marius josipovic. i fear there may never be a funnier character alive mostly bc of his perpetual irritation. the way it flares up so dramatically, you can just see it in his face. or his eye rolls??? JESUS that man can do an eye roll it's hilarious. the annoyed ass tone he gets, his lil accent slipping through. he really gets sooo upset that this fucking person ( carly ) whose family he's conning won't be his friend. what type of fucking conman tries to befriend someone who's going to be completely useless to their con. it's so funny because he really desperately tries to get on her good side, even apologizes and asks if they can start over, and presses the issue until she smiles?? his compassion for other people is actually insane considering he lies and cheats and steals, like at his core he shouldn't care, but he does, and that's what makes him stand out to me so much. i think he has the capability to emotionally remove himself from situations and other people, but when his empathetic nature hits, it's difficult to remain as unaffected as he tries to be. and something so fucking sad to me is that, for the first time in his life, marius feels welcome and at home when he goes to con the bernhardts. he feels like he has a family, because he's welcomed with open arms and there's not an inch of distrust there. which is so different from his own family - esp with his brother, who he genuinely can't trust bc eddie is actively trying to screw marius over to save himself! so to have these people who he actually somewhat trusts and who trust him in return? i think that's life changing.
and there's this scene with carly where marius mentions the bernhardts being a normal family and carly is like. normal family? and marius acknowledges that they may not be completely normal, and that's that. but to him, this is what a family should look like. a type of family he never got to experience, so of course this is normal for him. he even says this after learning about some of the fucked up things that have happened in the past and continue to go on between these people, knows about the strained dynamics, but it's still enough for him to feel safe. i think marius might be his most normal when he's with julia, shows her what he can do, but the thing is, he doesn't even think about it. he just does it, because he feels safe enough to. literally exposes himself as a fantastic liar, somewhat admits he's in deep with some bad people. and he did this all without a second thought, didn't even think, maybe i shouldn't show this person what i'm capable of when i'm about to con them. he even willingly comes back to save her life when he already told her it's best to run away from danger. she sees this as cowardice while marius just sees it as survival. which really shows the different experiences they've had in life. and yet, all the same, they bond and they work well together and they enjoy each others' company. like, genuinely. and that's something completely new for marius because he doesn't do bonding. the friends we see him have are old friends, people he's known for years. making friends ... it's not something he's interested in doing, but here, with the bernhardts, he just. subconsciously does that. sure, we can say he may need to bond with these people bc they literally think he's their cousin / family, and if he's going to be let into the family secrets, he has to be close to them. but there's no doubt in my mind that's not what's driving marius here. none of this behavior is calculated, he's not bonding or attempting to bond with them because it's the smartest thing to do. he's doing it because he fucking wants to. and that is just so interesting to me because marius knows better than to get attached, he's a seasoned fucking criminal, and yet...
and after he sees his own brother betray him?? marius doesn't even get mad, even when he would never do that to eddie, he doesn't get angry. i just don't think he's quick to anger, ever. irritation? yes. but not anger. and he can be a genuinely kind and understanding person, especially when it comes to people's emotions and motivations, like... he doesn't judge others for that. even if he doesn't feel the same way, even if it's something he would never do, he can empathize. at his core, marius is a sweet and warm person, but his entire life he's been molded into a criminal, a con artist. i'm sure he had to steal as a kid to help feed himself and his brother, because while we get very little information about he and eddie's childhood, it's clear to see that their mom wasn't a good one. and she was incredibly young. marius was always the caring older brother, always did everything he could to protect eddie, enough to where it's shaped him into who he is today. and he doesn't even resent that. he'd do it again in a heartbeat, and he does. his priority will always be the people he cares about, but when he cares about his brother and the bernhardts, who he has to steal from to protect his brother, what then? it's such an interesting dilemma and the writers just ... did a fantastic job of setting it up. this show, at least the first season, really is insanely well written and acted. giovanni ribisi is genuinely perfect as marius. and it's so funny because no one else i've showed this series to has liked it, but i just!! god i fucking adore it. i could write a fucking dissertation on it, about the fox metaphors, about marius and why he is the way he is, about VINCE?! fuckkk he's a great antagonist. there's just so many amazing characters in this show and i truly find myself liking every single one of them. that's rare. so, sneaky pete? you have a fan for life. will i ever finish s3? probably not but s1 goes so fucking hard and i'm never going to get over this story. also honorable mention, marius thinking anything spiritual is a scam is sooo interesting of him. he's such a skeptic. i love him. anyway. back to bed i go
i want to roleplay every character ever. i look at fox mulder and i'm like yeah, you'd be too fun ( i played him for a whole year wrote like 300k words but i want to revive him again... ) or i see someone like will graham with his cannibalism trauma and i just want to write the shit out of him ( he's so difficult for no reason ) and then there's me now trying my hand at coriolanus snow.... good luck to me
the fact that it's been ten years since i started reading warriors is crazy to me. so some part of me wants to make an account dedicated to that but – also, i don't read the series anymore? so mainly i'd just talk about my ocs and random story ideas i have, and some echoclan would probably slip in there, clangen, also maybe fics i enjoy ... who knows! could happen but i'm still thinking about it lol. also, i think i do plan on possibly making a person of interest acc as well, but idk i am debating heavily. i've already made four new accs do i really need to add TWO MORE??? idk we shall see
the feminine urge to make a knox & silas tumblr and rant and rave about them … do my homework? no i said shoegaze
UMMMMMMMMM ???????? am literally going to freak out flip a table throw my foot through a wall who knows but I AM SO EXCITED. and alas no one will care so here i come to tumblr to word vomit my feelings.
ANYWAY. as no one knows but now you do, i'm going to see bjm on october 28th at psych fest / levitation. AS WELL AS THE DANDY WARHOLS. and i was like hmmmm, i wonder what bjm's setlist looks like for levitation, bc usually they only play their recent music. well let me tell you my jaw DROPPED when i looked it up on youtube. their austin setlist?? FUCKING STACKED. at least it was ten years ago. super-sonic, wisdom, you have been disconnected, vacuum boots, oh lord ( with the dandy warhols, and if anton and courtney play together again i will literally fucking die on the spot ), servo, GOT MY EYE ON YOU??? and yes yes i know matt hollywood won't be around for this but if they play something off of strung out in heaven i might actually start sobbing. like i've already accepted that i'm going to cry during this concert bc it'll be one of the best days of my entire life, but full on sobbing my eyes out ?? may just happen. my poor friend gyna is never going to see me the same bc i'm gonna be the only one ugly crying over a psychedelic rock band that no one gives a shit about. WELL I DO. clearly.
anyway the very idea that they may play some of these songs, or literally ANY OLD SONGS AT ALL, is hyping me up so much i can't even describe how fucking excited i am. like this is more excitement than joel gion's memoir. and if they play goddamn super-sonic, i'm not just going to cry, i'm going to scream.
now i've said it before and i'll say it again : i'm not gonna be the same person after october 28th. i will be fundamentally changed as a human being. THAT'S a promise.
JOEL GION JUST DROPPED THE PRE-ORDER FOR HIS MEMOIR ABT BEING IN BJM. I AM GOING TO GO FUCKING INSANE. no one wants this book more than me i can assure you of that. i was part of his patreon i read so many of these stories but to see them in a hardback book!???? i am not going to be the same person in february 2024. anyway i just pre-ordered his book for $36, IT WILL BE SIGNED, and i even saw that the foreword is from anton… i want to see what this bozo has to say about his bestie writing a book about him and his band. BUT I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED. might die like today could actually be my death day i am that hysterical over this news. thank you for listening
i'm always into the brian jonestown massacre, but when i'm really into them is when i'm reminded of why i love them so much. how literally no other band in the world could ever mean as much to me as they do ... bc at the end of the day, bjm makes me feel things no other band does. how they inspired me to create my favorite oc ever ( looking at you knox ) and create a sprawling story from that, one i adore. the soundtrack to my life. will forever shout them out because where would i even be today without them!! so many people i've met through them, so much lore added to my life bc of bjm. little lost media searches and random people i love on youtube because of their music ( looking at you, mr. bjm man ). smth about saying they're my fav band just feels right. and i can also flex my special edition dvd of dig! because yes, i am a dvd hoarder. overall just had to spew this out because i'm back on their shit and, tbh, missed this fun little part of my life <3
why is it the moment i start talking about lord of the rings ( a series i am not involved in fandom wise ) it starts popping up everywhere ... recommended on youtube, fandom stuff on twitter, gifs on tumblr. these movies are calling out to me i guess. and i haven't even thought about it in years. the call will be answered soon tho dw. i just don't wanna watch them alone because let's be real, this is an experience best shared with someone else lol.
but yeah i still remember when i was little my cousin watched one of these movies with me, he had them all on dvd and i was soooo jealous. i used to be terrified of gollum he was literally so scary to me ( still is ? ) and just ... the worst lol. but! basically these movies were very very important to my childhood, i grew up on them and watched them with my dad all the time, literally rivals harry potter for me in terms of best movie series ever. i did watch all of the hobbit movies like last year which obvs aren't as good but i always like martin freeman so ... yk. also smaug stays slaying i love that dragon. will never forget watching all those movies in theatres for my bday lol, one girl cried cause of the giant spiders scene. like girl shut up.
also the fact that the extended versions of lotr are like. nearly 4 hours long each ( with return of the king being 4 AND A HALF?! ) is insane to me. sorry i'm sticking to the theatrical releases...
anyway lotr ramble? never thought i'd see the day but here we are. just kinda forgot how much i adore these movies so!
so turns out i'm in oc hell right now which is ... so not me, but i guess these characters just have me by the throat because i cannot! stop! thinking about them!
anyway, if anyone's interested, i've got a little blog set up to document these characters and grow the universe as a whole - @lorefolked ! <: even wrote a little something, which is basically just me waxing poetic for 1800 words but i'm proud nonetheless. been a while since i wrote and finished a oneshot so, i'm happy!
also, i'm so failing bjm month. bob dylan is all i'm listening to, so, i'm very sorry july, but my lovely band is going to have to wait. but dw i see bjm in october along with the dandy warhols so i couldn't be happier <3 shit will pop off then for sure. still feel like i need to do something special though? it's been 2 years in the bjm trenches and as their self-appointed biggest fan, i feel the need to celebrate. since i have the special edition dvd of dig! ( the bjm/dandy warhols documentary ) i'm thinking i'll try to figure out how to get my playstation set up and watch the 2+ hours of additional footage that has, like, never breached the internet... maybe find a way to upload it all to youtube, who knows.
anyway, more updates? i haven't been sleeping for shit and i'm really cranky and irritable but i watched i'm not there and <3 yeah that movie is just great. confusing as shit for anyone who doesn't know jack about bob dylan but !! i'm trying! still can't believe cate blanchett plays bob dylan ( kinda ) and she's the literal best one in the cast to do so. reminded me of lord of the rings and how much i love that movie series, and how integral it was to my childhood, so... bet i'll end up rewatching that soon. any takers on watching 9+ hrs of tolkien with me? <3 lol
anyway yeah! that's all the updates i've got, as this is becoming somewhat of a personal diary for me - so, yk. do what you will with all of this useless information.
me when my core three original works are all about music lol. we got a psychedelic band with the two mains as toxic lovers, got a dude who can't sell music and resents his sister for being successful, then most recently a folk singer who falls in love with his biggest rival, a music journalist… i can't stop
BJM AND THE FUCKING DANDY WARHOLS ARE PLAYING TOGETHER IN AUSTIN IN OCTOBER!!! no one speak to me ever again this is the best goddamn thing to ever happen to me and tickets are being acquired as we speak
somehow my ass managed to figure out a very precise detail from the diane perry tape... was listening through and realized it's a fucking radio session! so i did some digging trying to figure out when and where this was broadcasted, but as usual, couldn't find jack. then i came across this moment in the video where the host and anton are talking about a live bjm show that's being played at the dna lounge with spike 1000 as the opener "on tuesday." so i was like, hm, what's the dna lounge? looked it up and it's this night club in san francisco with live music, which is obvs where bjm was based out of, so it's a hit. searched up dna lounge and brian jonestown massacre together and found this calendar page on their website, with all of the past shows from 1985-1999... turns out bjm DID play with spike 1000 as the opener on august 30, 1994 which was a tuesday! i was so happy when i found this, i could've fucking kissed the person who made this page and compiled all of the past shows, this is why archiving is so damn important. so jwz from san francisco, you're my fucking guy. anyway, so basically the diane perry tape was recorded at MOST a week before that show at the dna lounge, i just don't know exactly what date and i'll probably keep digging and see if i can figure out what the radio station was or who the host was. i'm gonna figure this shit out.
also i did uncover some new evidence concerning "fade" from pol-pot's pleasure penthouse... randomly stumbled upon this chinese website that listed the length of every song on the album and fade was there! coming in at 3:19, so my theory is that this song is more akin to the cures (which have singing and are more so actual songs) rather than the other fades (which are purely instrumental). i couldn't figure out how to create an account though, unfortunately. so fade is still lost and seems to exist nowhere else on the internet except this random chinese website. what the fuck even is my life.
anyway so yeah!! more bjm things i uncovered and i'm proud of my detective work. it's always something when it comes to this band
BJM MONTH BEGINS TOMORROW!!! what is bjm month you may ask? well for the past two years i have listened to the brian jonestown massacre the most in july so i've dubbed it bjm month. i am still heavily obsessed with this band and listen to them all the time, there's not a day that goes by i don't think about them. may have to talk about my top songs or albums or something, i just need to make sure to do something special for this month! show my appreciation for this band and how much they've changed my life. hard to believe it's been 2 years... actually my 2 year anniversary of listening to them was YESTERDAY. didn't even realize until now. june 29, 2021... wow. first laid ears on anemone, then pish, then drained. what a way to start off my bjm era. clearly my interest was most caught by fingertips and vad hande med dem, and so it all began. still thanking the spotify gods and my own interest for this, who would i even be now without bjm.
but! yeah, considering i'm their biggest fan ( don't even bother arguing with me on this <3 ) i think i owe bjm some rants and raves so look forward to that. and i am going to talk about my very precise detective work when it comes to this band. there are new things i have discovered. they will be shared.
my favorite thing in the world to do is assign music to characters. and by assign i mean figure out their fav bands. fav songs, fav albums, fav musicians … their listening habits, their opinions in music. are they a music snob? do they not really care? do they listen more during the day, while working, or while they’re chilling at night? what are their unpopular music opinions? genres/decades they fancy? there’s so much you can do here and so much character depth you can add and uncover.
sometimes i just. lob artists/bands at characters to figure out what they’d think. grow their music taste and opinions yk. i think about the holts from adf quite often, it’s just fun to see the differences between three brothers and even their parents and how music is passed down vs how some go against the grain. dale might love the smashing pumpkins and tyler might hate them. complain about billy corgan’s voice, cross his arms and think about how much he hates this and how much he’d rather hear something like what’s the story morning glory (oasis). but not wonderwall! no, that’s beneath him, he may tolerate it but he doesn’t love it and resents the idea of it being assigned his favorite song just because he likes oasis. he doesn’t understand dale’s interest in weird shit like supertramp but can silently appreciate the rolling stones even if he finds it appalling that their album cover is a guy’s bulge. tyler can appreciate 70s but he just doesn’t…love it. too many long intros, not enough singing - i think tyler does enjoy hearing someone’s voice, so all that rock n roll guitar solo shit doesnt really fly with him. i know he’d just die if he ever heard dale play shine on you crazy diamond, he’d be like wtf is this? no turn it off i want to hear some real music. and dale’s like bro, this IS real music. this is literally pink floyd. and tyler’s all, i don’t give a shit change it. and dale’s like fine whatever. then tyler is like no, i don’t wanna listen to david bowie, just put it on some 90s or even some good 70s stuff, i just don’t wanna hear those weird solos. so funny to me.
and dale! i don’t see dale being into a whole lot of pink floyd - maybe just the popular stuff, esp the wish you were here album. if he dove into it more i think he’d enjoy it (especially the wall) but just hasn’t really given pf a big ole chance yet. just into weird shit, just music made for that certain demographic that people like tyler can’t and maybe never will understand. dale’s experimental and nods off to reggae, bob marley and (by extension) bunny wailer, and alton ellis. watches old docs on woodstock and the doors and jimi hendrix. probs got into stevie ray vaughan through his cover of hendrix’s “little wing,” he can just really appreciate a good fuckin’ guitarist. i think he’s a little all over the place, kinda the guy that listens to everything w other people’s influence, picking up on new songs along the way, kind of a magnet for new music. he loves his mom’s taste in music and they listen to some similar stuff. not sure yet if dale got sharon into reggae or if it’s the other way around. either way i feel like reggae is important to dale, he enjoys uplifting music and doesn’t really fuck with depressing shit, maybe more mellow stuff here and there but nothing like what jay would ever listen to. some of it is just too dark for him. so i do think he has a bit of a line despite picking up so much from others. doesn’t mean he dislikes grunge, he just doesn’t really enjoy songs like black or polly or even jeremy. tyler’s similar, not that he hates grunge or anything but if he even got a glimpse of nirvana’s “rape me” he’d be super turned off.
surprisingly i can see all three listening to pearl jam, kinda something that keeps the whole fam together. jay obviously enjoys the ten album, jeremy and black and once… thinks that whole album is a masterpiece. tyler likes yellow ledbetter and some other stuff off of vs, elderly woman and daughter… and dale i think also likes vs, def yield and maybe even some vitalogy ? better man and faithful, given to fly? yeahhhh. jay’s a full grunge fan, likes that crusty 90s, sonic youth and pixies and nirvana.. maybe a little old country thrown in from his dad. could definitely see jay being a deadhead if he’d ever been able to keep up with a band like that and wasn’t stuck to the confines of two rock. just enjoys jamming to music, electric guitar vibes all around. when it comes to blur vs oasis jay is probably gonna choose blur, much to his brother’s chagrin. not that he’d admit that, he’d probs say something like “i like em both..” just nodding along when tyler’s music snobbery comes up. unlike dale he doesn’t really mind that tyler doesn’t open his mind to different music. meanwhile i bet it annoys dale that tyler won’t even give songs a chance just because of the title. also have mentioned this in the past but jay does like a lot of girl singers, mazzy star and hole and sonic youth,, maybe even the cranberries ? can see “linger” being a guilty pleasure song of his. also he’d def enjoy the smashing pumpkins (which i am listening to rn hence why i’m bringing it up lol) so he and dale have that in common i imagine. shockingly enough i think jay might also weirdly be into like, 60s to mid-70s bob dylan? none of that christian shit he got into later in life but definitely simple twist of fate and like a rolling stone… that whole highway 61 album. maybe is possibly obsessed with that black and white bob dylan aesthetic, firing back at reporters and smoking cigarettes in every vid and being up on stage all by himself, just a guitar and harmonica. black shades and everything… and no i’m NOT just saying this because i’m also obsessed with bob dylan but jay seems the type what can i say.
so, the gist? dale is weird experimental mostly 70s/some 60s shit, tyler is 90s alt rock and jay is moreso 90s grunge and rock and shoegaze. can’t see any of them being much into 80s, maybe jay could get into the cure with some time but as of now i can’t see him being into it yet. bet dale could appreciate those synth solos that were so popular. maybe sharon listens to a bit of 80s… not too sure yet i’d have to see. i mean thats probs the era jay grew up in so? who knows. but yeah, dale is into bob marley and tyler oasis and jay nirvana, their tastes can obviously overlap and it’d be hilarious to see what they’d do with a joint playlist between all three of them and how they’d react to each others songs, may write that someday if the time is right.
why did i write this? because i needed to expel all of these jumbled music thoughts in my head and these three are the easiest to do that with. this may not be canon to anyone else in the adf fandom (btw this is not even my fandom but i’m here hi) but it makes sense in my head and i’m sticking with it. i may go deeper someday if anyone is interested or if inspiration strikes again so, we shall see. but yeah here hands you this essay
no words or thoughts, just the jimi hendrix version of the star spangled banner at woodstock 1969 . wow
working on my new person of interest / warrior cats au. not gonna be the same person after this
ben linus is actually a ravenclaw and i will defend that to my death
you guys think you like bjm but you don’t 🤍 not like me. i just needed you guys to know that for your own sake. do not even attempt to love them like i do, for you will only fail in the end
actually OBSESSED with this take… glad to see someone else in this fandom rising up to the occasion!! lol fr though this analysis is simply wonderful and i really like the idea that emilia had to escape from an abusive situation which has shaped who they are as a person, giving them some hard edges. emilia is quick to like jerma, but they’re also very critical and defensive - something i think could mirror this theory! like they need to be in control ( maybe because they’ve had a lack of it for so long ) and have a difficult time maintaining the idea that someone likes them for who they are, rather than simply using them. the entire maid service is built upon the idea that the “sexy maid” is used for some sexual gain but as you said, jerma flips the script and doesn’t do this.
emilia has grown so accustomed to people using and hurting them that they are floored by jerma’s behavior. of course, it’s not entirely restrictive - jerma does flirt - but this is something that emilia actually seems partial to in a genuine way! even growing defensive when jerma doesn’t seem to think they’re immediately sexy. maybe this potential ex put emilia down a lot and the maid service is their way of gaining back some of that love / control they never had in that relationship. plus, they seem pretty eager to go on this date with jerma, so i wouldn’t be surprised if they’re desperate to put this past behind them in any way possible and simply move on. and like you mentioned, hearing jerma think they’re beautiful - in every way, shape, and form - is something they didn’t know they needed to hear, and perhaps had never heard in their life.
definitely agree that emilia wanted revenge and was hurt by what happened! jerma never truly apologized, or at least not so soon after what happened, and i think that could’ve made emilia feel like they were used again - something which would hit hard. especially because it seems like they were starting to trust jerma to be a good person. but that trust is broken and emilia does go out of their way to destroy jerma’s life, in a mix of hilarity and tragedy ( as this stream so often shows ). emilia and jerma could’ve been beautiful together, but outside forces tore them apart and i think that’s genuinely sad, when if they had just communicated better i think they would’ve been fine! but that’s a lot of what this stream is about - outside forces - and how they shape you as a person, so i think it makes sense in the end. always gonna hope they have a future in another life though <3
thanks for responding to my info dump and giving me some tidbits on emilia!! this was fun to whip up in response, so if you have anything else, feel free to share! i’m all ears lol. us jerma dollhouse fans gotta stick together yk?
actually so sad that there are no analyses on jerma dollhouse …. aside from the 2 on youtube i saw but they talk more about the general themes of the story / bringing theater to twitch in a creative and successful way. haven’t seen anything on the characters and i’m kinda starved for that rn! i think i’m too stupid to try my hand at an analysis, but a character study on jerma or emilia or even someone like jebediah would be so fun methinks. whether that would be ignoring chat’s involvement in the whole thing or making it a part of the analysis … would be fun to throw that out the window though and treat the characters ( mainly jerma ) as their own people who act on things themselves rather than being told or forced to. like why is jerma so flirty. is this learned behavior? a defense mechanism?? why is he like that??? it puts him in the most awkward, uncomfortable situations and i wanna know WHY !! again shoving chat to the back of my mind here, just pretending jerma has complete self-control and acts on his own whims … why does he act like that.
obviously i’m taking this stream / story way too seriously but i don’t care it’s what i do!! treating comedy and crack as seriously as possible is what i find the most fun in life. and jerma’s story here is a mixture of hilarious and tragic, something i desperately want to analyze, but again, not sure if i necessarily have the capabilities to. though there would be certain things i’d want to comment on, such as : jerma and emilia’s relationship, dying and escaping death ( then ruining your life by adding on some extra years ), jerma’s friendships and interactions with others, and the crushing weight jerma always seems to carry on his shoulders while hiding it all from the world at the very same time. just a few things i really enjoyed during the stream and would love to talk about if possible. hell, maybe i will sometime, if i can actually get my act together and analyze these characters, plots, and themes. not saying it’ll all be correct or canon, but it would be fun! bringing a bit of reality in.
anyway there’s some of my thoughts on jerma dollhouse and how much it already means to me …
ao3 wrapped 2022 ( questions not by me, just some i found but wanted to answer bc why not! )
1. how many words have you written this year?
not all of this is on ao3, but calculating it up, i’ve written about 67,000 words this year! specifically: 2k from the haunting of sunshine girl, about 10k from born in blue, 20k for a wip band story, 10k from russian roulette, 7k combined for some unrelated brian stuff, 2k for a lost story, 3k for a hannibal/prodigal son crossover, 7k combined for bates motel stuff, 3k for another lost post-canon story, 2k for a scooby doo story, 1k for a there will be blood fic, aaaand…i think that’s it! a lot more than i thought, that’s for sure lol.
2. how many works did you publish this year?
in total, i published 12 works! in order of date, they are: russian roulette, the new and improved security system, born in blue, my 6 shoegaze fics, change (in the house of flies), broken by bloodied hands, and end song. most of these were published on my side ao3 account rather than my main.
3. what work are you most proud of?
out of fics i’ve written this year, i think i’ve got to say russian roulette. it was a really fun story to write and i’m proud of some of the research i did into it, as well as my motivation and pushing myself to complete it! i rarely complete fics, so it’s a welcome change and makes me really proud of the fic and myself!
4. what work of yours has the most hits?
i’ve got a secret harry potter fic from 2020 that has 17,000 hits as of now!
5. what work of yours got more feedback than expected?
definitely my there will be blood fic. i wasn’t expecting a whole lot of feedback but i got a good amount of praise for it, so that made me really happy!
6. favorite title you’ve used
oooo, this is a hard one…i’d have to say “shoegaze,” only because it fits with the story’s themes so well and has a double meaning! it’s the title of my original band story, and i’ll go ahead and explain the meaning. shoegaze is a genre of music that’s prominent in the story as well as an inspiration for it; this is the genre of music the band plays in the book. the double meaning is that the main character is often gazing at his shoes / looking down because of the abuse he’s suffering at the hands of another character. i came up with this on a whim but loved the idea!
7. if you used song lyrics, which artists’s songs did you pull from the most?
ha, this is an easy one. not song lyrics necessarily, but all of the work titles from my series “shoegaze” are song titles from a band called the brian jonestown massacre. they’re my favorite band and the main inspiration for the story, so i had to do them some justice of course! besides them, i’d say for song lyrics, probably alex g!
8. pairing you wrote the most for this year?
i don’t usually write romance, usually focusing on gen stories so that the audience can interpret it any way they want, but a pairing i wrote the most is probably neil mccormick & brian lackey! again, gen pairing, can be seen as pre-slash or romantic though. i also wrote about the same amount of words for john watson & sherlock holmes, so either one really. as for original stuff, definitely my characters knox ford/silas lowell.
9. favorite pairing you wrote for this year?
gonna have to say neil mccormick & brian lackey. those two are just so fun and i can’t get enough of their relationship, and i think i’ve got a pretty good grasp on them as characters.
10. what work was the quickest to write?
the quickest work i finished was my there will be blood fic; i wrote it in about an hour. my quickest, longest finished work is russian roulette ; it took me about a week and a half to finish! as i started it around new years 2021 and finished it on january 10, 2022. my quickest, longest work that isn’t completed is born in blue - i wrote the first 20k words in 5 days.
11. what work took you the longest to write?
most of them. my longest-running current fic is between the haunting of sunshine girl (started in 2019, has 187k words) and bound to stars (started in 2016, has around 90k words).
12. how many wips do you have in your docs for next year?
oh god, this question pains me. i’ve got about 24 wips in my docs that need to be completed / worked on…
13. what’s your longest work of the year?
shoegaze! coming out to about 20k words written. my longest completed work is russian roulette, at 10k words.
14. what’s your shortest work of the year?
my there will be blood story, coming out to around 1k words.
15. what wip are you taking into next year with you?
like, all of them.
16. what’s your most common “additional tags” tag?
unsurprisingly, this would be ‘angst.’
17. your favorite character to write this year?
that’s a tough call between brian lackey and my original character, knox ford. both are super fun to write and have a lot of angst behind them…i honestly don’t think i can choose!
18. the character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?
definitely will graham. trying to beat him into submission with my words doesn’t work - he’s a hard character to get down. his complexities make him nearly impossible for me to truly say, “yeah, that’s what he’d do.” so, will graham, i love you, but you suck to write.
19. what’s one pairing you want to explore next year?
oooo…another difficult question. i definitely want to keep exploring brian lackey & neil mccormick, probably the most, only because i love them so much. but knox ford/silas lowell is also a really interesting one to explore, so maybe them as well!
20. which work of yours have you reread the most?
without a doubt, russian roulette.
21. how many kudos in total did you get this year?
adding it all up, i got 321 kudos this year!
22. which work has the most comments?
russian roulette! coming out to 9 comments in total.
23. did you do any collaborative works this year?
unfortunately not, but i’ve really wanted to! maybe someday i can do a collab with another writer, it’s just a matter of finding someone who wants to lol. and shares a fandom with me, of course.
24. did you write any gifts this year?
no, i didn’t.
25. did you receive any gifts this year?
nope!
26. what’s your most common category?
gen! like i said earlier, i don’t write a whole lot of pairings mainly because i either have a hard time fully shipping the characters, like them in a more platonic way, and/or want the audience to be able to make their own choice about the characters’ relationship. that doesn’t mean i haven’t written romance, though!
27. what do you listen to while writing?
i either have playlists for the characters i’m writing, or i have one of my own playlists i’m listening to that i feel fits the vibe of the story. i’ve listened to the brian jonestown massacre a lot, and also the mysterious skin soundtrack. maybe a little too much.
28. favorite work you wrote this year?
as i’m so proud of it, it would have to be russian roulette! that’s a bit of a hard choice though.
29. most bookmarked fandom?
i replaced this question because the original one, “what line/passage is your favorite this year”, was too difficult. so! my most bookmarked fandom is the avengers/mcu, actually. merlin is a close second, and daredevil comes in third!
30. biggest surprise while writing this year?
probably how much i can write when angst is involved. it didn’t take me that long to finish 20k words for my shoegaze book, and that was all angst / outsider pov stuff. which is my favorite. so i think that!
well, there’s my ao3 2022 wrapped! kind of nostalgic looking back on everything i’ve written this year ; i’ll have to try my hand at this again in 2023!
yo someone needs to make a mysterious skin discord fr .... i mean we're all out here being fans, we should have some way to talk abt the movie/book but who would actually join is the question LOL. i would make it if people would join tho....