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What are words?
What could she say?
Everything she wanted to say was stuck in her throat, all the ‘I care about you’s and the ‘I’m not mad at you, I just care about you so much that I can’t bear it when you don’t care about yourself’ and all the ‘I don’t know’s.
Because really, she didn’t know.
She didn’t know a lot of things.
She didn’t know what to say to the self-deprecating comments on the side or the casual mentions of not eating as much and being to unhealthy or the anything.
Did she talk about it seriously? Did she sit him down and tell him that he was perfectly fine just the way he is? No. That would make him uncomfortable.
Did she just dismiss or negate the self-deprecating comments and hope he took it seriously? Maybe, but there’s a chance it won’t work.
What are words?
Her parents had always told her that she took things too seriously. In truth, she just didn’t see the point in things not taken or said literally. What was the point in saying something if it isn’t true and you can’t help anyone by saying it?
Sometimes, she wished everyone else took things as seriously as she did. If they did, she wouldn’t have to worry about miscommunication and honesty.
If they did, maybe they’d listen to her.
She had so much to say, but finding a strategy to say it and coming across in the right way so they would pay attention was stressful.
She really wished she could find a way to talk to him in the right way.
What are words?
Taken literally, words are a form of communication, verbal and nonverbal. Words come in many languages and interpretations, so there’s a million ways to say anything that comes to mind.
Words are also a way to shape and share thoughts, going above and beyond the basic need for survival most animals prioritize.
But, as humans are the apex predators, they have a lot of freedom to just think.
And think they do.
What is the meaning of everything? Is there a purpose to life? Is there a reason we’re here? Should we even be here?
Should I even be here?
Why?
And she doesn’t have an answer. She doesn’t know what to say. She never does.
She’s been given a thousand answers to her million questions, and although that’s a lot of answers, it’s not enough in the context.
Will she ever know enough?
Will she ever have enough?
…
Will she ever be enough?
And she doesn’t know.
So she keeps asking questions and hoping for a single answer per every hundred or thousand, and hopes she’ll be enough to help him.
Hopes she’ll be enough to help anybody.
Maybe everyone else sees that she helps one person, and that she must be good at it, and they don’t see the dozen before that she couldn’t help.
Is it enough?
...
Words suck.