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Sleep is a mistress of whom i wish to break, but such a temptress are they.
They whisper sweet nothings to me, sooth my aches while fanning the flames of my anxieties. They whisper of choices and possibilities, they murmer of joys and woes to come. They squeeze my heart till i can no longer breathe, they soften the agony by humming a wordless tune and luring me to the edge of a floating nothingness.
THEN THEY LEAVE ME WANTING AND ENRAGED AT TWO AM AND I HEAR HIDE NOR HARE OF THEM TILL THE NEXT NIGHT.
I set traps, i lay offerings, somenights i get so frustrated, my mind hanging on threads fraying by the second, that i can do naught more than lock the door and wait.
BUT AS I WATCH HELPLESSLY THEY EXPERTLY DISMANTLE MY TRAPS IN SECONDS, COOING AT MY FEEBLE ATTEMPTS. THEY SPARE ONLY A GLANCE AT WHAT PITIFUL OFFERINGS I CAN SCROUNGE TOGETHER, A NEW ADDITION EVERY NIGHT.
They stroll down to me dawning a ghost of a smile, so faint I wonder if it was ever there to begin. They sit next to me and they whisper. They murmer they hum until i am caught pitifully in the fantasy they craft. The guide me to the floor, i rest my head on the rot, i feel it invading my skull. The promises fall from their lips like wool shedding off to reveal coarse fur.
THEN THEY SIMPLY UNLOCK THE DOOR AND I AM LEFT ONLY WITH MISERY AND THEIR AWFUL VISAGE IN THE WIND.
Im getting a ton of posts on my dash like “reblog if you support x and if you don’t then you’re evil” and it’s fucking with me because as a rule I only reblog stuff that makes me happy, inspired, or conveys a concept I’ve been trying to articulate for years (it’s harder to get me to reblog something that isn’t fandom related, since i want this to be a largely upbeat fandom rambling blog, a pocket of chaotic lightheartedness in a dark world). So I’m making one big post of all of the things:
First off: I stand with Palestine. I don’t post much about Palestine, but this is because I know that humans are much less effective if they’re sad, so I want to make visitors to my blog (who, given that they’re on tumblr, are probably looking for a break from reality) happy enough that they can actually Do Something instead of wallowing in how bad everything is, and I figure that if you follow practically anyone else on Tumblr you probably see a ton of Palestine posts already. Daily clicks link
Now for the queer/identity stuff: I support all queer people. I support arospec and acespec of all kinds, i support trans people, i support enbies, i support people of all genders (especially xenogender havers and neopronoun users, yall are great), terfs can fuck off, labels exist to help us understand ourselves and each other, not to be gatekept and exclude people just because the real villains (actual honest-to-god bigots with large amounts of money and political power) are too scary to fight.
(I am queer. Frankly, I’ve given up on labels altogether for myself, but gender, especially xenogenders, were a hyperfixation of mine for a while, and I identified with a lot of labels before tossing them all out and going with “idk, not cis?”. Wanted to add this, because all the above makes it sound like I’m a cishetallo ally and i am definitely not cis, het, or allo)
I’m undoubtedly missing a ton more things, but I needed to make this post because I don’t want my dash to just be a thousand “reblog if you support x” posts that i reblogged because i was worried people would think i was evil if i didn’t.
And on that note: please stop villainizing people who dont reblog your post. It’s really not cool, and quite manipulative. Sincerely, someone with anxiety over practically everything on the internet
Only day you can reblog this
Im bakk
Not to get real on my funny TES themed payday blog but Iunno, I feel like it.
So. Ive been pretty afk for a bit, heres why.
I moved!
I proceeded to get majorly hurt at work.
Thats mostly it.
I havent really felt good enough to post here. I posted a bit on a few of my sideblogs, which I made so I didnt feel weird about posting certain stuff here (seriously though if you can please go check those out, they're less shitpost-y and i put a lot of work into them, they're listed under the cut of my pinned post)
Then i proceeded to stop posting at all! I just havent felt like the stuff ive been drafting arent as good, so I think I'm gonna start slowly and work up to posting regularly again.
Im gonna post more Payday doodle so. Yeah!
So TLDR; Im gonna start posting again I swear /lh
To anyone who needs to hear it:
It's not your fault.
You didn't deserve it.
You will get through this.
You will recover.
Honestly not to be traumatized on main but like. Using horror to heal is such a wonderful thing and I wanna talk abt it.
I can really only speak for myself so I'm gonna talk abt my experiences with it.
One of my most helpful coping mechanisms is playing Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Amnesia is known to be one of the scariest and fucked up games of its time, and still renowned as one of the best horror games. It dives into things like torture, manipulation, unrelenting nightmares, and reality itself falling apart due to a simple action. Yet playing this game and indulging in its story and its lore helps both distract and sort of heal from life when particular memories get bad.
I use weirdcore/liminal spaces/The Backrooms to cope with my derealization issues.
I use analog horror and the Trollge to help cope with my paranoia and fear of the unknown.
I use SCP to help with fear of institutions and anamolies otherwise unable to be explained.
I use FNaF to help with terrible memories. In fact, something my brain has taken to doing is defaulting into believing I'm Michael Afton to escape from flashbacks, phantom sensations, and other things that constantly remind me of my past ab//use.
I use slashers like Michael Myers and Mr. Voorhees for fear of people larger than me (which is a lot of people, Im a very small guy) and honestly they help me accept parts of me that I hate.
It sounds terrible on paper but a lot of people can actually relate to a lot of topics in horror. Its sort of a roundabout way to get that trauma and those memories out in the open and get them resolved, even if its temporarily. Because progress is still progress, no matter how miniscule.
Strangely enough, indulging in horror reminds me that I didn't deserve it, its not my fault, and I. Will. Get. Better. I will recover. And I think thats why a lot of people with trauma turn to horror. Because when everything was shitty and when they were scared the most, horror was a proper escape. It helped, and it continues to help.
I think a lot of people use horror as a coping mechanism and I think its something that people who aren't going through the trauma recovery process should be more open-minded about. I always get odd comments about using horror as coping mechanisms and I think people should be more widely accepting of seemingly unorthodox, but healthy, ways to cope. We all cope differently.
So... are we healing our trauma through ARG Horror and Analog Horror nowadays? Take The Walten Files, Local 58, and The Mandela Catalogue, for example.
I think horror has become one of the only safe and consumable space for catharsis: to expose, explore and heal our trauma.
Please consider commissioning me!
Ah, an organizational post. Fucking finally.
Goin back thru my posts and actually tagging them and shit, might as well throw an intro in as well.
Hi! I’m Nori, but I will take literally any of the following
Neo
Wido
Bain
Michael
Gord0
Octavius
Okay listen I’m transmasc and My Bitchass (tm) will look at literally any character and go “Your name and Gender. Give them.”
This blog is sort of an outlet for my hyperfixations but I’m making an executive decision to make this mainly a Payday blog because goddammit I care about these criminals.
I reblog from @its-spelt-apocrypha
Things will be tagged by fandom and what kind of post they are (i.e. shitpost and what have you)
Posts tagged with “stay safe” is stuff like su*cide prevention, mental health resources, self-defense, and other similar stuff
I also have several alt accounts for various reasons
@oc-outlet exactly how it sounds, rant blog about my ocs
@dustserversystem system blog for me and my headmates
There’s a few more but they are currently wips so yeah.
@shifted-nights-au sideblog for my FNaF au
@its-spelt-sheogorath nsfw writing stuff
If I catch you being a piece of shit in my endless eldritch library I will dropkick you so fast. Otherwise, nice to meet you!
Deadass this is something that is honestly so helpful and important. My mom did this with me and my brother and I 100% plan on passing it on to my sister as she gets older. Please please p l e a s e do this. And if you’re a minor, please remember this. It absolutely will help and it could save your life.
-Nori
Tips That Can Save Your Kid’s Life.
TRANS PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BIND BUT DONT HAVE ACCESS TO A BINDER LISTEN UP
Avia strappy back sports bras, one forward, one backward, binding game is off the fucking charts. I’ve been wearing them when I go to work, since I do a lot of moving around and my binder isn’t the best for that and I can’t tell the difference between the bras and the binder. Get two in your size and layer them, it is. so efficient. -Nori
Houston came to work with us for the first time the other day. At work we listen to a very specific playlist. On this playlist is two versions of The Bad Touch by the Bloodhounds. I watched this man go from pleasantly jamming to "OH GOOD GOD" in .2 seconds.
- Nori
Plural ppl calling their systems stuff like “The ___ Collective” or “The ___ Hivemind” is an elite sense of humor that only certain people can understand and appreciate.
-Nori
Pyramid head: *Looming and about to kill me*
Me: Bro youre so big howd u get in here?? Did u bomp ur head? Is that why your upsetti?? Do you want an ice pack for the bomp??
- Nori
HEY GUESS WHAT, I'VE SPRAYED WHIPPED CREAM ON THIS MAN AND THEN CALLED HIM CREAM OF CAT
To Wido
- His boyfriend (The burrito man)
YKNOW WHAT FUCK IT. I'm showing up to school in cosplay. Tomorrow its gonna be Balthazar from Sorcerers Apprentice but friday.
Guys.
Guys the thermal dri ll go get it.
- Nori, who's contemplating changing its name for the fifty-fifth time since it started transitioning. Will it be Bain? Fuck around and find out.
Karkat, complaining about our headmate Equius:UGH NO YOURE NOT FEELING ME I FREAKED OUT BECAUSE HE SAID SORRY AFTER SHOULDER CHECKING ME.
Me:Youre upset cause he....was nice?
Karkat:YES BECAUSE HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WE'RE KISMATES ANYMORE? HE STOPPED TRYING TO KILL ME, HOW DO I KNOW IF HE STILL FEELS BLACK TOWARDS ME OR IF HE FEELS RED TOWARDS ME???
Me:I was into Homestuck for three years but wtf are you saying???
- Nori
*Farnsworth Voice*
Good news everyone! Mordecai is feeling affirmed in their gender! Or lack thereof, I should say!
- Nori
My newest handful of characters thus far.
The Dreadmore Brothers: Eldar, Mochikaeru, and Raccoon. One is a Death Knight and the other two are necromancers. Three of the most powerful people of their time.
Scizax Zanithar: An undead Acolyte in service to a powerful Lich. Fallen cleric who's trying to find himself after leaving the service of the lich.
Bloom Spore-Song: Myconid Bard. He is simply a whore.
- Nori
Life hack if u dont wanna fold ur clothes get those big ol clear toy boxes from target or smth and just. Clothes. In. Big pile. Its quick and its still technically organized and if u want u can hav a little box for socks n stuff but. Clothes box. Works for the neurodivergents, tested and proven
- Nori
Host: *Is mildly stressed*
The brain: *hands us a new headmate who's even less prepared for the situation*
Us:...
Us: So you're really gonna do us like that.
- The Gordons
Kakyion and Tommy: *makes a tumblr for the system to use*
Kakyion and Tommy: *sets it on the floor.*
Me: hey ur gonnaa use that, yeah?
Kakyion and Tommy:.........
Kakyion and Tommy: *runs.*
- Nori
Can cis ppl chill about trans ppl renaming themselves after fictional characters? Like yes, my names did come from anime and movies and video games. Dont like that I use Jotaro online? Think its cringe? You think you can get away with not calling me by my preferred name cause its from a video game?? Guess what chief. Your friendship is just as replaceable as my birthname. My name is Noriyaki and youre fuckin blocked, bud.
-Nori
Tommy: Please dont call us alters! It makes people in this system feel invalidated! We'd really appreciate it!
Dallas: Call me an alter and I will cause physical damage to you.
- Nori
I honestly feel like if someone calls a member of a system an "alternate personality" I should be allowed to hit them. If someone calls me by the host's name when they know its me, that bitch is going down.
- Dallas
Hate that my transition goals are either Larry Johnson or a very specific interpretation of Barney Calhoun. Like i cant be a twink and a bear at the same time, brain pick a body type.
-Nori
Hear me out.
A villain who’s just a person who snapped after being mistreated and expelled from society. They’re behavior is seen as eccentric and heroes have tried and tried to take them down, but all have failed.
Enter former-psychologist hero. They go to shoot their shot at taking down the villain. Villain captures them, but doesn’t kill them. Doesn’t even do much to hurt them. The more the hero is around them, the more they realize why the villain is seen the way they are; they’re autistic. Knowing this, when they get their chance to confront the villain, they don’t rush in with anger and harsh words, they instead choose to be empathetic. They try to understand why the villain does what they do.
The hero eventually talks the villain down from committing atrocities, and the two become friends, roommates even.
-Nori
Re: he/him or male identifying lesbians (as someone who isn't any of those things, this is just what I've seen other say)
Also I just woke up & I dont mean any of this to be rude, I'm just not awake enough to think about tone of text-voice
1 pronouns don't equal gender and you're original wording implied it does so keep that in mind
2 its actually a pretty big thing in butch culture, especially among older butches, to take masculine terms for themselves. I haven't ever seen any reasoning for this outside of potentially just trying to make straight men mad, but I do know its a thing
3 i think "male identifying lesbians", assuming you mean people who identify with no part of womanhood but do still use the lesbian label, would be similar to nonbinary lesbians or anyone who, at some point, was part of the lesbian community before (or while) figuring out gender stuff & still feels a connection to the community and the culture around it. But otherwise the only times I personally have seen a lesbian use masculine terms was in the way in point 2, which is mostly just "this is how people explain things with the words available to them and their own experience with their gender and attraction"
I hope this helps and I'm glad you asked instead of just getting lost in discourse posts because honestly? Its so hard to try to learn anything from just people yelling at each other (and usually with increasingly incorrect information)
Thank you so much, this rly helped. Also, yeah, discourse it just......blegh.
(Also super sorry for implying the whole pronouns=gender thing, twasnt intended)
- Nori