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Sys Shit - Blog Posts
One thing that might be helpful as an aid is a heated body pillow. They're about $100, but it can help to simulate hugging. The combination of that and a weighted blanket works particularly well. Cheaper option would be a heating pad & a regular pillow, you might already have those laying around. It won't be quite as nice, but it could still help.
Combining visualization (within a headspace situation) with hugging someone who is co-con can also work well. And combining all of these things can work *very* well.
How do I hug my headmates and have them actually feel it? They're cool and deserve hugs :]
Hello! I relate to this a lot,
Now I'm not familiar with stuff in headspace or an inner world as we don't really have one. However! I often will hug the body/ourselves, with the To Be Hugged in front or co-con with me, and that works. In fact, all physical affection we want to show to one another and feel it is through the body .. it's actually really comforting ^♡^
There are likely other ways, and this may not work for everyplural, but this is what we do! I hope they get their hugs <3
Questioning plural culture is “even if im not actually a system or plural it’s really comforting to relate thoughts and emotions to not me.” Like I can’t describe it. Like I’m probably not a system I just find comfort in having an entity to relate stuff to
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(falls over and cracks my head open) oug,hn shit my alters are escapin g,.,
- 🥀
hey shout out to plurals with "frustrating" or "socially bad" traits.
plurals who seem indecisive, "hot and cold", disloyal, dishonest, etc. to others due to subtle switches, passive influence, being median, amnesia barriers, etc. between headmates with very different opinions, wants, and moods
plurals who have headmates with "scary" attributes/symptoms, like hallucinations, delusions, anger issues, hypersexuality, low/no empathy, selfishness, need for attention, etc. especially those afraid they're perpetuating the "evil alter" stereotype
plurals who never know who's fronting. especially those with memory barriers, those who struggle with feeling any sense(s) of personhood, and/or those who struggle to keep close bonds with people due to this
plurals who struggle with meltdowns, tantrums, outbursts, pathological demand avoidance, poor sense of social norms, and other tendencies/issues that make being social or just existing in public difficult
plurals with fluctuating sexualities and/or triggers that make it difficult to remain with a partner/partners (or to date in the first place)
plurals who infight in-system and have trouble making decisions without intense internal backlash
plurals who have trouble keeping self care (and may go out of the house dirty/disheveled) due to other mental illness or due to frequent fronters being unmotivated, forgetful, or having sensory issues or triggers that interfere with self care tasks
plurals whose "self defense" relies on people pleasing, avoiding stressors, getting overly defensive, or getting angrier than "reasonable"
i write a lot of this cause i need to hear it, and i figure others do too. you are loved, you are appreciated, you deserve to be a part of society, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be understood and given patience... you deserve to be able to create, love, heal, be respected, be treated like your own age, to lead, to have a voice, to feel safe.
“You can’t be a system!! You and ___ both do this!!!”
We still share a brain.
“You and ____ LOVEEE this!!”
We still share a brain.
“You and ____ talk very similarly!!!”
We still share a brain.
Let’s have some positivity for the systems who don’t fit the strict medical/nonmedical binary! Shoutout to the systems with complex origins and/or disordered status!
Shoutout to the endogenic or spiritual systems with CDDs and/or (C)PTSD!
Shoutout to the traumagenic-spec systems who split/formed to deal with the adversity they faced but never fufilled the disordered requirements for CDDs and/or (C)PTSD!
Shoutout to the systems of all origins in late stage CDD and/or (C)PTSD recovery, or those who are fully recovered!
Shoutout to the systems of all origins who “just” have DPDR!
Shoutout to the traumagenic systems that split/formed later in life!
Shoutout to the systems who voluntarily split/formed to deal with adversity!
Shoutout to the disordered median systems of all origins who aren’t multiple enough to fulfill the requirements for a CDD!
Shoutout to the systems who don’t know their origins, find their origins irrelevant, or reject origin labels altogether!
Shoutout to the semi-disordered systems!
Shoutout to ALL traumagenic-spec and endogenic, created, spiritual, and/or nontraumagenic-spec systems!
And shoutout to every other system that cannot fit neatly into the two boxes this community has created!
Yall are amazing and valid, and you don’t need to give up any aspect of your identity, regardless of what anyone else says. I wish there were more recognition and acceptance of you in this community…
“Headmates need to be miserable all the time 24/7!!!” actually headmates need delicious homemade Mac-n-cheese
getting attached to a piece of media where a character is split into two (or more) or has multiple people in their head is probably a plural canon event
we don't understand the point or basis of the majority of syscourse but it feels like we can never admit that to any other systems because everyone seems so caught up in it
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Hi!! We’ve recently discovered we’re a system, and your posts have been immensely helpful.
Currently, we’re trying to improve intra-system communication and get to know each other better. Do you have any ideas for activities that might help with that/activities we could do together? Thank you! :)
Hi! I think a little tip is to treat this as making new friends/getting to know your friends, because often that's just what it is! Obviously there are differences, but still. And communication is different for everyplural, sometimes systems need to really focus and meditate to talk, other times they just need to be doing something to call one another to front or have something to focus on. It's important to figure out what works for y'all :]
So what we personally really enjoy doing is things like board games, card games don't really work for us but if we're co-con/front board games are really fun, and often require enough communication to strengthen it but not too much that they're unplayable without it. Plus they usually work for our younger headmates who sometimes feel left out from our older ones
So some fun activities could be, that I could think of hehe:
Just asking questions : including truth or dare and such, 20 questions, you can even look up ( or buy if something physical would help ) questions for groups, etc. A great way to talk and get to know one another
board/cardgames : as I said, these can be really fun and are 'compatible' with a lot of systems, especially board games were good for us early on
making picrews of yourselves : if you're unaware, picrew.me is a site people can make character creators on that others can then use. This can help not only with communication but we find it helps differentiating ourselves, it's also fun to just make characters up together!
^ a game we play is one person makes a character, and then we all get to make up a backstory and such for it. Picrew isn't even necessarily needed for this
arts and crafts/creating in general can be really fun plus you get something out of it. Anything and everything art wise can be a really fun group project, even just all of you doodling something personal on a sketchbook can be fun and is a great way to get to know one another
exquisite corpse/consequences : not a game we can always play, but when we have played it's been really fun so it gets an honorary mention ( look it up if needed, I didn't even know the name and we'd always called it various things like "paper fold game" or "the nonsense character" lmao )
story/option games : now these for us always result in arguing(/affectionate) on what choice to pick, but games like these are also really enjoyable for us and require a lot of communication to do
^ puzzle (games) also
what do you individually like doing? Why not try out each others interests or hobbies! if you don't have any or aren't sure, find some together and see what you enjoy!
and that's just a few activities/games to both get to know each other and in consequence have communication ingrained in them, and personally the best way we've improved our communication is just talking and talking!
Other systems are highly encouraged to add onto this! this is just what we could think of, and have personally tried
Good luck getting to know each other!! ^_^
Also no idea what this is but it was included in the original placeholder draft and.. I've grown fond of it..
in one of your answers you mention “The Four Co’s of Functional Multiplicity”
would you be willing/able to expand on that a little bit? /nf gen
I intend on making a whole post on this tbh!! So ill give you the basics- If you want, you can send in another anon with “hey this is the anon that asked for expansion on the four co’s” and Ill answer it directly with the link for the post when it goes up! Or just ask to be mentioned when it goes up- whatever works for you, works for me!
The Four Co’s of Functional Multiplicity are basically the four skills that you need to use in order to thrive as a system. They are as follows ;
Co-Consciousness
Co-Habitation
Co-Purpose
Co-Support
I’ll go through these in simple terms bc of said long post but basically
Co-Consciousness : this doesn’t necessarily mean everyone fronts at the same time, but refers to the passing of everyday memories that are important to function. Due to our trauma/types of trauma, it can be dangerous to share trauma related memories, so those are usually kept close to each alter and are worked on, in therapy, with said alter. Things we personally share are things like appointments, important dates, plans that are made, important events in our life (such as high school graduation), routine changes (such as getting a job), and self care memories (showering, eating, if we took our meds etc).
Co-Habitation : Quite literally- getting along and conflict resolution. For us that looks like openly communicating between alters, trying not to fight/torture/abuse each other, sharing time when asked or explicitly stated (such as X alter wanted to front to do XYZ activity, so they get to front for that), using polls to make big decisions, roundtable meetings on a weekly basis (which we struggle with, despite knowing how much it helps us), and learning healthy debating techniques (bc there is such a thing as healthy debate). This is one we struggle A LOT with, so I dont have the best outline for it.
Co-Purpose : Coming together to live a life worth living. This means things like a collective identity, working together to try and find a job we all like, deciding how we date, deciding where to live- stuff like that. We also struggle a lot with this one because, well,,,, we all have our own goals, and not all of us are willing to put that aside. So co-purpose also includes properly grieving that you simply dont have multiple bodies so you can’t just have “multiple purposes” if that makes sense. Like you can, hobbies and sharing time exists, but we can’t exactly split up and go to college or work in the fields we individually want. Does that make sense? Idk ill go more in depth in the actual post.
Co-Support : being there for each other EVEN IF you dont all get along. Helping others with coping skills, extending kindness to even the most ““evil”” alters. This one is so self explanatory that I wont even go into it more than this for the sake of the future post.
BUT YEAH!! Those r the four co’s of functional multiplicity!! I hope that answers it good enough until the post, godspeed.
is your system a council or a twitch chat
- 🥀
Traumagenic and endogenic headmates aren't enemies by the way. Sometimes they play Minecraft together. Sometimes they hold hands. Sometimes they kiss. Sometimes they cover work shifts or school for each other. Sometimes even within the same system. This goes for disordered and nondisordered systems too btw.
Types of Amnesia
Diagram created by me
General criteria for amnesia:
Memory loss
Confusion
Inability to recognize familiar figures/places
Difficulty recalling names or places
Not remembering where you went
Worser ability to remember things that had happened Post on how to handle these kinds of amnesia: click here!
Generalized Amnesia Where a person completely forgets everything about themself and have no recollection of what, where, and who they spoke to. This can describe a blackout switch and may still recognize who they are.
Localized Amnesia Where a person is unable to recall a specific/series of event from the whole, which creates an incomplete picture of the situation. For example, remembering childhood but not the abuse.
Selective Amnesia Where a person only lost some and retain the rest, forgetting parts yet not all of them. This can describe greyouts as it grasps some information/sensory yet not enough to tell what exactly happened. One example is playing the phone and unable to recall what occured, only to jump its memory right to being at bed.
Emotional Amnesia Where a person has an intact memory and it's details on what had happened, but do not remember what the event feels like (e.g. was scared, happy, etc.). One description is that you're watching something that didn't happen to you, because you don't feel like being in the scene itself.
Continuous Amnesia Where a person fails to retain full parts of the event/day, for a set period of time (can vary from minutes to days) and create an accumulative, small bits of selective amnesias, continuously, leaving many gaps in a chronological timeline. This usually happens in times or stress, or abuse.
Fragmented Amnesia Where a person has an unrelated, and/or disjointed memories that does not go with the timeline's order, creating confusion and difficult to grasp the cohesive picture of what truly happened. Emotional amnesia may be present in this type. Bonus for systems:
Amnesia barriers Where a person fronting is not able to recall other alter's memories, which is a form of retrograde amnesia and compartmentalization. Because the fronter will only retain any information before switching out with the next one, the rest experiences anterograde amnesia as it cannot form and remember those memories, unless being coconcious or cofronting (even though, this is not always guaranteed).
Take notes that amnesia can still happen outside system things due to comorbidities like anxiety disorders or depression, this does mean systems are bound to experience more amnesia compared to non-systems folks out there.
Do you have any discussions about this? Or would like to describe your own way of seeing these different types of amnesia? Or have more to add? Feel free to tell them here!
- j
Hey, mildly specific positivity post, but...
Throwing some positivity towards systems whose pre-syscovery experience was having a "mean voice" or a cruel "voice of reason" who told you horrible things or parroted what others had told you prior. ...That voice turning out later to be an alter who you now had to learn to work with to stay functional, especially after the traumatic period passed and their role waned in necessity. Positivity to those who used to have multiple of these voices/sides.
So positivity to the alters who were that voice of hostility and then evolved. Positivity to the ones who still act like that. Positivity to the ones trying to get better. Positivity to the ones who aren't trying because they aren't ready or aren't safe yet.
Positivity to the alters who had to bear the brunt of that behavior and have rebuilt that relationship. Positivity to the ones that bore the brunt of that behavior and haven't repaired that relationship. Positivity to the ones trying to make it better and friendlier. Positivity to the ones who can't fix it yet but want to. Positivity to the ones who don't want to make it amiable.
We were maybe a third grader when we could hear an unrelenting, methodical voice that told us we were worthless. It talked to us like a second person, and that voice eventually became Chatter B. We'd taken note of it in a moment of clarity once on how odd it was to hear a voice talk to me so harshly, but not 'as' me. I called her Reason. She was the first.
She's since changed shape and form, even changed name a couple times, seemingly fused with others, fractured again, and became the now meshy orbit of around ~10 we see her as today. But I love ya, [name Redacted], you were an asshole but you kept us alive. Props for that. I'm glad we can move on now that shit's over <3
Dissociative amnesia is most often retrograde! This is why lots of people don't realize that they have more severe amnesia than they think.
What I mean by this is let's say your persecutor part switches in and says some horrible stuff. It's not necessarily that you (whoever was fronting before/the host) weren't there for those actions, but rather after the fact, the brain compartmentalizes those memories to stay with the persecutor part.
And adding onto this it can be localized, selective, or generalized (which is what often clues people in that something is seriously wrong and often only occurs during times of severe stress)
While dissociative amnesia can be anterograde (blocking the formation of new memories) that is seen more in dissociative fugue states or during active trauma.