ace-with-anxiety

Latest Posts by ace-with-anxiety

THE RUSSOS VERY CLEARLY DID NOT GIVE A SINGLE SOLITARY FÜCK ABOUT ANY CHARACTER OTHER THAN STEVE

and yet they still managed to destroy his arc and peggys

..may this joke land with y’all the same way it did for my sister and I lol

honor™

Anyone else have this like weird anxiety about people questioning your actions? So much so that even when you’re just doing completely innocuous and normal things that nobody would ever ask you about or even take note of, you imagine having to explain and justify why you’re doing it to someone else?

I find that playboy line funny bc like... aren't tony and pepper the only mcu couple that has been in a long term committed relationship? and beyond the thing with maya (which happened in a flashback), tony hasn't had any other love interests? that line would have been relevant, what, in the first 20 minutes of iron man 1? (not trying to bring up discourse or hate or anything, I just find it interesting lol)

That playboy line follows him like a shadow when it’s not even an accurate reflection of who he is, it’s one of those things when it gets stuck in the default setting of people’s mind that Tony Stark is a ‘playboy’, and it takes them effort to remember that he is not. The fact is that he’s been everything BUT a playboy in the last ten years, and seriously you can’t name one more committed, loyal and romantic man in mcu than Tony Stark, but some people would simply let that vague idea of who he is stay, based on a quippy one liner from a movie that was seven years ago (also ignoring the context of that one liner), than to let themselves see and realise that a character has changed and developed …. It’s sadly poetic he had said it himself in a deleted scene of Iron Man, when he was confessing to the two girls he was with in Dubai that he was actually not entirely comfortable with it, and proceed to say “You know how easy to get a reputation and how hard to lose it, and I’m not playing victim, I’m not complaining, it’s just something that occurred over time..”

He was the one who played up that ‘Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist’ persona after all, so of course he knew the price, that it was inevitable some people wouldn’t see through it and took everything he presented at face value. And part of him found ease in slipping behind that mask, because then people wouldn’t know he’s scared, vulnerable and insecure, and they couldn’t be disappointed with him when he offered nothing more for them to expect. In IM 2 he embraced the persona fully and acted his most obnoxious self to annoy everyone around him and push them away, because he didn’t want to admit to his friends that he was scared, that he didn’t want to die; because (an irrational) part of him was scared that even if he opened up to them they wouldn’t care, so he opted to toughen up and push them away first and avoid getting hurt later. The similar train of thoughts was happening In Avengers when he used the mask as his defensive mechanism, and it was what gave birth to that infamous one liner. He needed to act cool and nonchalant in front of all these new super people, because how could he possibly measure up to Captain America himself with his ‘laundry list of character defects.’ He was afraid of how they wouldn’t accept him as part of the team as previously Nat’s assessment of him had suggested, and judged him by his past as Steve had put it later ‘I’ve seen the footage, the only thing you really fight for is yourself.’ So at least acting like he was so self-absorbed and savvy that he didn’t care one bit of what others thought of him could protect him from letting the others know about his vulnerability and insecurity. 

The lovely thing is though, as movies progress, you see how this mask is slowly slipping away, when he said in IM3 ‘Now I’m a changed man’, he wasn’t just saying it, he really had changed. Being in a committed relationship with Pepper had helped him to realise that he could voice his fear and be vulnerable, as he found acceptance in her; being forced out of his comfort zone of three (3) friends and an AI, he developed an unlikely friendship with a kid, it opened up his guarded heart, he learned his capability to trust other people, reply on them, and that reaching out, asking for help, whether or not it was a sign of weakness, he had allowed himself it. Thus you start to see a more genuine and vulnerable Tony Stark in the presence of others way more often after IM3. In AoU he admit to the team of what he was scared of, he opened up to Fury about the vision he saw, the nightmare he dreaded. In Civil War, he opened up to Steve of his weaknesses, his flaws, and was practically begging him to stay, ‘I don’t wanna see you gone, we need you Cap’; to give him time (which tragically was what Steve didn’t have), so they can deal with the Accords together. He had allowed himself to be rejected, and still trying to reach out, ‘because it’s us.’ He cared a lot about the Avengers and he no longer tried to hide it behind the ‘Genius playboy devil may care’ facade, he may not be verbally spelling it out, but he let his fear, worries, guilt, sadness, be written all over his face. It’s peak Tony Stark being vulnerable and emotional and not bothered to hide, this side of him with all the emotional complexity is available for anyone who’s looking to see, and it’s amazing.

The relationship he developed with Peter took him to an unexplored area of emotions, it was the first time he felt strongly and personally responsible for someone else’s wellbeing. He may have learned to take better care of himself over the years, but having a kid who was already hundred times better than him and still looked up to him? It created a lot of internal conflicts in his mind. On one hand he wanted to provide the best he can for Peter (while not overstepping), the extremely thoughtful suit he built for him with an insane amount of web shooters combinations and a friendly sassy AI is one perfect example; on the other hand he was afraid that his involvement would ruin Peter’s life. His self doubt and guilt were stalling him from being open and emotional available for Peter, which, compare to the super suit, it was what Peter needed from him more. His relationship with his own father had not given him the confidence he needed when it came to something close to parenting, so he did what he always tended to do when he was feeling insecure, he put on the cool Tony StarkTM mask and tried to keep Peter at arm’s length by putting up a barrier (Happy) between them. He wasn’t mentally ready to take on the mentor/father figure role, but sentimentally, looking at all those things he did for Peter in silence, he was already caring and worrying about Peter like a parent would to their child. He just needed to learn to show it to Peter, drop the mask, be present, be vocal, because if Peter couldn’t feel it, love failed in communication and it wouldn’t be complete. And over the course of the Homecoming and IW, you really see how he had come to it, seeing how they squabbled and Peter was no longer looking up to him like he was an idol, but simply looking up to him for reassurance and comfort, it is so (tragically) beautiful and had everyone crying. 

Don’t ask me why I turn a simple line ‘Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist’ into a character analysis, it just happened, but he’s come so far and I’m so proud of him and it just goes without saying how beautiful how complex his character is and people who still misunderstand him by default, they’re missing out. 

Mourning Tony Stark

aka that deleted scene from Endgame that made us all cry

The way Pepper bows her head, softly crying once she knows that Tony can’t hear here, knowing that the father of her daughter and he love of her life is gone, is one of the many tear-jerking moments in this scene. She’s been with Tony through the drinking, the sleeping around, the disregard for his own life, and she’s still here. Tony might finally be able to rest, but Pepper won’t.

Steve Rogers, and in my opinion, the most heartbreaking moment in this, trembles — really shakes — as he falls to his knees in a moment of weakness. The super soldier, Captain America, brought down by the loss of one of his closest friends. After all the amends he made, after finally trusting Tony again, Steve has him ripped away from him again. And he’ll always be haunted by the what ifs. When Steve came out of the ice, Tony Stark gave him a home when he needed it the most. Tony took that home away with him when he died.

Tony’s ultimate best friend, Rhodey, is so overwhelmed by grief, that even a usually stoic character can barely muster the strength to turn his head away. Peter Parker, the one of many he took under his wing, isn’t shown much in the scene, but his heartfelt crying during Tony’s death is just as painful.

Then Clint Barton kneels. He kneels for a friend, a leader, and a man he looked up to — gone, taken from them forever. A man who was part of the very first team they built together, who was endlessly loyal and never failed to make him laugh. The rest of the team — the original team — they kneel too. Thor kneels for the bravest mortal he had the honour of calling a friend. Bruce kneels for the man who taught him to love himself, who showed him the alternative to self-loathing, his “science bro” and his best friend. Somewhere out there, Natasha kneels too, for the man she so horribly misjudged all those years ago.

T’Challa, the King of Wankanda, who bows to no one, kneels too. All of Wakanda kneels. So does Carol, an all-powerful warrior, and so does Valkyrie, the queen of Asgard. Stephen Strange, who is so struck by guilt and the knowledge that there was simply no other way that he almost curls into himself. Bucky Barnes, who still holds regret for tearing Steve and Tony apart, for inadvertently causing the death of the man in front of him. Sam, Wanda, the rest of the Avengers, they kneel, they bow their heads, all for their founding father.

Nebula, who was always forced to kneel before a tyrant, now chooses to kneel because this is a man who is worth it. Peter Quill, Rocket, Drax, Mantis, the Guardians kneel for Tony because, even though they’ve just met, Tony’s heart was what struck them with the most awe.

Tony Stark touched the lives of everyone there. He truly was a man worthy of their respect, and he would live on in his legacy and in their memories.

And yes, somewhere out there, he’s with Natasha, embracing as they reminisce about all their friends, all the years they spent laughing in a big ugly building in the middle of New York, surrounded by the people they loved the most.

Adults call me an old soul and most people think it's because I grew up as an obedient child who was too focused on school to make any meaningful relationships but the reality of it is that I always breathed very deeply around cemeteries and the spirits with unfinished business entered my body

being a so-called “gifted” kid is fun bc people think your life must be extraordinary but,,,, as far as me and all the other “gifted” kids i’ve met….. its more like *ends up taking god-awful courses bc the teachers think they want to be challenged* *loses sense of childhood* *gets hated by all their peers bc of jealousy for “special treatment” that doesnt exist and better grades* *experiences extreme burnout by age 12 and stops functioning in a school setting entirely* *gets their dreams shot down because they have “too much potential” to chase after small jobs* *cries over getting a b grade* *doesn’t sleep* *gets abused as a kid by people who want to take advantage of their circumstances* *isn’t believed if they say they have a disability because “they’re too smart!”* *doesn’t sleep* *doesn’t sleep* *doesn-

you’re telling me, there are people out there who aren’t constantly overwhelmed by the feeling that they’re not doing enough with their life? everyone’s biggest fear isn’t inadequacy? it’s not a universal experience to be terrified of dying nothing more than a tiny blip on the timeline of the human race, without making a significant contribution to society? wild

Here's to all the kids who grew up gifted but have no social skills now.

To sad adults who were “gifted” kids:

Work on developing a contentment-based lifestyle, rather than an achievement-based one.  Stress isn’t a sign that you’re doing well, it’s the opposite.  (When you figure out how to do this, please share your notes with the class.) 

Just Gifted Kid™ things:

when you find yourself constantly censoring your own intelligence because in middle school everyone thought you were stuck up so maybe if you try to be Relatable™ people will like you.

Me: *reading for my education class about how if advanced learners aren’t challenged in school, they frequently develop mental health disorders and fail to develop self-efficacy and skills to cope with failure*

Me: *realizing this is where so many of my problems stem from*

Me: *whispers* Well fuck…

I sometimes wish I wasn’t me. That I wasn’t ‘gifted’. I want to be able to be normal, to be able to talk about my academic life without censoring how my grades are better than most.

I want to be able to talk to people about my experiences and not be looked at like I shouldn’t be complaining because I’m doing so much better than everyone else.

outlook on being gifted when you’re 6: cool so i’m smart i guess! that explains why i get the highest grades in the class and finish all my homework early!

outlook on being gifted when you’re 16: i decided taking 5 AP classes would be a good idea for some reason and i’ve had a high grade fever for the past 2 days but if i miss school i’ll be drowning in make-up work and i was supposed to have finished reading that book for class last week and i have 3 assignments due tomorrow but i’m just laying in bed staring at the wall

If you grew up being a smart kid™ whose main personality trait was being smart and didn't need to put any effort into getting good grades (thus never developed a work ethic), and now you're in an education level where you actually need to work but can't stop procrastinating all the time, which means your grades are slowly dropping and you feel unable to do anything about it, and you're realising you aren't actually that intelligent, but you were never anything outside of the smart kid so you feel lost and anxious and like a great failure clap your hands.

bitches with gifted kid syndrome be like "if I do not get instant gratification i'm not fucking doing it"

its me i'm bitches

On being a “gifted” kid and what to do with that once you’ve grown up

There’s a post going around that I can’t find again for the life of me that talks about how much it sucks to have been a “gifted” kid, because when you’re an adult reading levels don’t matter and you missed out on all the social knowledge your peers were getting. As someone whose lowest grade in all of high school was a B+ (which I will never, ever forgive that gorram art teacher for) and sobbed brokenly when I was kicked out of the National Junior Honor Society because of a citizenship grade (he didn’t like that my family went on vacation) believe me when I say I understand that feeling completely. 

But there’s something none of your teachers ever told you.

See, we’ve all figured out by this point that being “gifted” is a load of crock. For years people led us to believe that it was simply a quality of who we were, like the color of our hair or the things we’re allergic to, and that it would just magically always be there and help us be better at things that require “book” smarts. Then we were dumped into the real world, and we all sort of assumed that we’d hit the end of “gifted” and now we’re screwed. 

The thing, is, though, every single teacher you’ve ever had explained it wrong.

Keep reading

Okay, so you’ve been called smart all your life. As a kid, you were one of the smartest in your class. Maybe you could read at a much higher level than your peers, or you could fly through multiplication drills like they were nothing. Then, you get to high school and suddenly you’re surrounded by lots of people who were ‘gifted kids’. None of what made you ‘special’ seems all that important now. Your work is actually challenging, and it’s actually requiring effort.

If you’re experiencing this, just know that so many students have gone through the same thing. Maybe it happens in high school, maybe college. But a lot of us who were considered gifted as kids suddenly run into this and it challenges our entire identity. It can be paralyzing, but it’s 100% possible to overcome it and succeed! I’ve compiled a few tips for ex-gifted kids dealing with impostor syndrome and self-doubt. I’m not a therapist, psychologist, or any sort of education expert. I’m just speaking to my own experiences, and I welcome any input from others who have insight into this as well!

1. Understand that working hard does not mean you aren’t intelligent. If something doesn’t come naturally to you, that’s not a reason to give up. Believing that people can do things “just because they were born with a talent for it” is only going to hurt you. It’s not true! People may have natural aptitudes for things, but hard work is involved even for the smartest or most talented people. You are capable of learning anything, and you don’t have to be “good at it” right away to do so.

2. Comparison will kill you. You are your only competition. Focusing on how you rank with other students, and comparing yourself to your classmates is going to exhaust you. By focusing on others, you can’t put your full energy into focusing on your work and yourself. You belong. Even if you struggle with your work, you belong. Focus on your own self-improvement and doing your best.

3. Don’t focus on the goal, focus on your current actions. If you’re always thinking about the future, and about whether you’ll get into that school or that program or win that award or get that scholarship, you’re not using that time to get work done. Don’t worry about college applications, just do your homework. Focus on what you are doing now to reach your goals so you can apply to schools with confidence later.

4. Your grades may not reflect intelligence, but they do reflect work ethic. Don’t let others convince you that grades mean nothing. They sure as hell mean a lot to colleges, and thinking that you should “reject the current education system” is not going to harm anyone but yourself. If you don’t feel like you’re learning anything in your high school classes, that’s all the more reason to want to get into a university that will challenge you. If you put effort into your work, it will not let you down. Your hard work will be reflected on your transcript. Don’t lose focus.

5. Talk to someone. Let people know if you’re struggling. It can be hard to feel like you aren’t allowed to identify as “smart” or to feel pressure to constantly compete and improve. I went to a highly competitive high school that pushed kids to cope in dangerous ways. This is not healthy and not okay. If you’re feeling overwhelmed you need to find healthy coping mechanisms. Speak with someone you trust and don’t let yourself spiral. Don’t try to self medicate. Your well being is always more important than your grades. Period.

6. Enjoy yourself. School may seem like hell, and you may feel like it will never end and you’ll always be stressed and worried. But high school is only four years, and you can do things during that time that you probably won’t ever again. Take advantage of things that seem fun, even if people think they’re nerdy or weird. Try and remind yourself that you’re lucky to have your education and you have the power to do great things with it. Don’t lose sight of your own ability and your bright future!

As a former Gifted Kid, it's honestly so hard to be proud of anything I achieved. Because all those milestones parents might celebrate with their children - finishing high school, getting into college, graduating college - they were expected of me.

None of this felt like an achievement to be proud of, more like I barely skirted the failure of not managing it.

shoutout to all the “gifted kids”

who now have depression and/or anxiety, are probably adhd but dont know bc they were never diagnosed bc they just assumed that was part of being “gifted”, have a crippling fear of rejection and not being good enough, struggle to learn new skills bc if they arent perfect the first time then whats the point, and hide all of their self doubt with memes

Gifted Kid™ culture is spending your whole childhood being told you’re smarter and better than other kids, but also being really bad at normal human interaction, so you just end up with a weird combo superiority-inferiority complex around literally everyone else send tweet

book smart add/adhd(??) kids

no one catches it until you are older (or never) (i’m 18 i was diagnosed months ago)

you can hyperfocus on the schoolwork and projects you’re working on but you’re most likely losing 2-3 things a day that you absolutely need and getting in trouble for it 

not being able to prioritize which work goes first and doing a ton of research that isn’t necessary and getting off track super easily

takes you 2 hours to do an hour long assignment if you have too much time to do it

having the uncontrollable urge to fidget with anything in any way but being super annoyed by it

drawing during lectures once you take down the notes on the board because you can’t pay attention anyway so why waste your time trying? you can figure it out from the notes

not really needing medication because you’re doing fine in school

p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n

some teachers love you because you get so excited about what they’re teaching you (hyperfocus/hyperfixation) and others think you’re chill but you don’t really participate because you don’t care

literally living off of to do lists and check lists and lists lists lists WRITE IT DOWN OR IT’S GONE FOREVER

taking melatonin to sleep

“if i finish these two pages of reading, i get to watch one episode of friends” five hours of friends later with 28 pages still left to read and netflix asks if you’re still watching: “yes.”

can’t focus on math without music playing but can’t focus on english with music playing

gifted in elementary school, and it all went downhill from there, at least it feels like it did because you no longer LEARN, you just memorize

“A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.”

Aah people have been really nice today, and also everyone, if you’ve sent me nice messages the only reason I haven’t posted or responded to them is I don’t want them to leave my inbox, so thank you all.

Ait thesoundoftheriver: “Nothing is worse than how it feels to not be able to verbally express what you’re trying to get across to someone.”

I still get this as a member of MENSA. If I divulge this, there’s almost an expectation that I will then burst forth with something unbelievable – I’ll pluck out L’inverno from The Four Seasons on my uvula, or bend office furniture with my mind, or recite the entire periodic table in under twenty-six seconds.

“Just as their thought processes are complex, so are their emotions. Linda Silvennan, a prominent specialist in the field of the gifted and talented, notes: The intricate thought processes that mark these individuals as gifted are mirrored in the intricacy of their emotional development. Idealism, self-doubt, perceptiveness, excruciating sensitivity, moral imperatives, desperate needs for understanding, acceptance, love - all impinge simultaneously. Their vast emotional range make them appear contradictory: mature and immature, arrogant and compassionate, aggressive and timid. Semblances of composure and self-assurance often mask deep feelings of joy; feeling incredibly alive; and experiencing even the greatest pain [as] ecstatic and full of life (Piechowski, 1991 cited in Grant, 1995, p.133).”

— Drawing the Line: The Adjustment and Maladjustment of Gifted Children. OMG, stop talking so accurately about me! Stop the insanity! (via amarantoseverlasting)

I have no idea what we did, but the Travelers fandom has been blessed with the most amazing male characters. David, Trevor, and Philip are such wonderful people, the amount of generosity, care and kindness the have for others melts my heart and brings me to tears. Each and every episode further proves how awesome they are and it is a wonderful thing to see on a TV show.

And the ladies are such badasses and so smart and skillful, they floor me, especially Carly.

Going in, I didn’t think this show was anything special, but boy, was I wrong! I’m so glad I gave it a chance. I honestly hope it will get renewed for S3