coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection

coldbonesforperfection

Striving for perfection

hw 59.7 lw 50.2 cw 58.9 ugw 42-45 167cm somehow in semi recovery i guess TW

97 posts

Latest Posts by coldbonesforperfection

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

TW venting, suicide

I hate my life so much rn, everything is falling apart. My parents wont stop fighting, my siblings treat me like a second choice, i have terrible anxiety about university and my whole body hurts. Like literally. My joints hurt so bad and it got steadily worse over the last 7 fucking years and nothing helps. Like not at all. Something is hurting 24/7 and it never gets better and i dont know what to do. I lie down and something hurts. I sit up and something hurts. I stand up and something hurts. I walk, jog or run and something hurts.

If there wont be a miracle anytime soon, ill either kill myself directly or start therapeuutic fasting and only stop once im dead lmao

I really cant stand this any longer, im so done with all of it

I just wanna end it all

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

Well we all know that no matter what i do, ill binge on the cake when Im alone

So my father just forbid me to eat cake on Easter Sunday because it has too many calories

FIRST, I know the calories, he knows nothing about them

SECOND I am at a normal/healthy weight, he is oberweight

THIRD, I can make myself purge, ge doesnt

FOURTH, I will go for a long run in the evening

FIFTH I wont eat breakfast on Sunday

But well, i guess ill just watch everyone eat cake because now there is a 0% chance that i will eat cake in Front of my father

Lmao i wish i was dead

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

Maybe ill be perfect after eating cold bones?

Worth a try i guess 😂

Me Irl

Me irl

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

So my father just forbid me to eat cake on Easter Sunday because it has too many calories

FIRST, I know the calories, he knows nothing about them

SECOND I am at a normal/healthy weight, he is oberweight

THIRD, I can make myself purge, ge doesnt

FOURTH, I will go for a long run in the evening

FIFTH I wont eat breakfast on Sunday

But well, i guess ill just watch everyone eat cake because now there is a 0% chance that i will eat cake in Front of my father

Lmao i wish i was dead

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

PLEASE PLEASE I NEED YOUR HELP

at school, i abaolutely loved math and physics. I studied a lot at school and got straight As in every subject. But i am at university now and my Grades are so bad. I study math and physics and i really thought that i would be goot at university. I did my work throughout the Semester, and i prepared myself for the exams. I got the results today and i almost failed my exams. Now i am feeling like the biggest dumb ass on earth

So is anyone out here who could give me some tips on how to successfully study for scientific subjects at university?

Any help is appreciated


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coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

So my family tries to take advantage of my disordered eating habits?

Like i refuse to eat ice cream and they are happy that there is more for them

I dont buy my lunch at university and they only focus on the fact that they safe 2.6euros every day that i dont eat there

Whenever they dont feel like going to the basement or to a store, they tell me to go "so that i get my steps"

Once I'm skinny, they will regret treating me like this 🥲

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

Lol my family is so fucked up

My dad just yelled at me for loading the pen for my tablet. Not even 30mins later He asks me to proof- read his Email.

My brother forbid me to enter his room when he was watching a yt Video. An hour later, he asks me to help him with his homework.

My mum shames me for snacking and eating too much at a time. The Same day, she worries about me skipping meals and exercising obsessively

Once i am skinny, they will regret treating me like a back-up Plan, a second choice and a useless object. Once i am skinny, i'll male Sure they die of regret

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

@wynterpyxie my mum made a similar comment! When i Was 13/14 and wearing a tight Shirt, she was actually worried that i was pregnant because of how my belly looked. And since then she kept fatshaming me even though i Was far away from being fat

people with eds, who caused your ed and why was it your mom?

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

Just venting

I got a message that yesterday, i had contact to a Person who has covid. I was at the doctors office with my mum and later went to university.

So to decide where i had this contact, i went to my mum and asked her if she had gotten this message, too. My mum and my father were watching a movie when i asked. My mum immediately checked her Phone, but my dad just yelled at me for disturbing them and blamed me for leaving the house so often. Then He yelled at me to go to my room befor my mother could even answer me

Bruh i wish i could live on my own

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

I HATE my father so much

He is so commanding and controlling. He only does whatever he pleases to do and not a single thing more. He is truly convinced that his opinion is the only acceptable one and simply starts shouting whenever a minor thing doesnt go the way he wants it to

I hate him so so much

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

Yesterday, there was an incredible loud bang and literally the whole house was shaking. Rn, we know that it was bc of an airplane. However, my brother just admitted that he thought that i fell on the floor. This hurt so bad, i wish i would never eat again 💔

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

So my doctor just prescribed me medicaments that will make me constipated? Fml

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

I have about 6 weeks before i have to go to the doctor for a general check-up

I better lose as much weight as possible before i get there

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

Help i cant stop binging i just keep eating and eating

I have to go to university tomorrow and none of my clothes fit anymore (really, i dont exagerrate)

I am so fat and i still keep eating, i never stop

I hate it, i hate myself, can somebody pls make it stop

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

Soooo I was convinced that march would be my month. BUT MY DUMBASS FUCKED UP AND BINGED TODAY

Fml

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

Did i run a half marathon on friday and burn over 1000cals? Yes.

Did my father fat-shame me and joke about my eating habits on saturday? Yes.

Was my father worried on sunday about me not eating enough? Yes

Bruh

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

Sooo

At the moment, i am almost back at my highest weight. I used to feel horrible about that and somehow, i still do.

On friday, i binged and felt totally unmotivated, i thought that i just fucked up another day

However, on Friday evening, i decided to save the day. i ran a half marathon even though nobody believed that i could Do it (well, i believed in myself at some point, but neither my family nor my friends, except for one, thought that i could do it).

I am amazed by what my body is able to do if i fuel it properly.

This is why i will now try to stop obsessing over my enormous thighs and start training, challenging and improving my body rather than wanting a lower number on the scale

Idk if this makes any sense, just wanted to vent lol

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

My mum just yelled at me bc i am low in iron like wtf? This is not my fault?

Gosh, i hate it here

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

I am so hungry rn and wanted to get some yoghurt

However my father forbid me to eat bc someone from the insurance will come this evening and he doesnt want me to eat until He has gone again

So i guess tonight we'll be starving

Man, this family is so fucked up

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

My parents act (especially fight) as if they were 5 years old

Yk, their behaviour is so dumb and immature like ....wtf?

I wish i was dead lol

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

Is anyone here who suffered from Bulimia and managed to start restricting properly without having to binge and/ or purge?

It feels like i just cant stop binging and purging every damn day

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

I havent been tp the toilet since monday and it is fucking saturday?!

I feel like my stomach will explode, it looks like i am 7months pregnant

I tried literally everything: cardio, jumping rope, doing Yoga, drinking Coffee and diet coke and NOTHING FUCKING HELPS

Anyone have any Tips? :((

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

Once im skinny, i will spend all day posting pictures of my body lol

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

So today, my schedule was full of online classes and stuff

I had a 10min break at 10:15am where i ate some fruit and 4 Rice crackers

At 11:30, i had half a banana and fat-free yoghurt

At 12:30, i had 3 Rice crackers and fruit

Then, i had a long online class

So i came down in the afternoon and said that i was hungry. At that time, my mother had eaten 1000 calories AT LEAST whereas i had 600calories max

And my mum yelled at me for being hungry all the time and told me that i should eat less and exercise more

She is right ofc but it still hurt💔

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago

I just went to the doctor because i need some blood tests to be done

They were struggeling to get blood out of my arm, they had to try various different needles

I had to bite my tongue because i just wanted to suggest to slit my wrists open to get my blood flowing

Wtf is wrong with me

coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection
coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection

yikes

Yikes
Yikes
coldbonesforperfection
3 years ago
coldbonesforperfection - Striving for perfection

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