Latest Posts by emptyspaxes - Page 4

Here’s a small, pretty personal comic, about how growing up with undiagnosed autism has led to me struggling to share negative emotions with other people. (I think unfortunately many can relate to this)

Pay attention to things that usually pass you by unnoticed. Discover new sounds in songs you like and new meanings in your favorite stories. And then go beyond. Listen to new songs. Read new stories. Fall in love with astronomy and then with painting. Start writing poems, songs, and love letters. The possibilities are endless and whatever you choose to do, just remember to never stop opening the doors of your existence because behind some of them you may actually find yourself.

One of the worst parts about being autistic is never knowing why. Not knowing why you don't get invited to things, not knowing why people bully you, not knowing why you can't make friends or get a date or connect with people. There's no cheat sheet or exit survey or easy fix. It's just lonely and isolating.

Being autistic is when

Either, I listen to and comprehend what you’re saying.

Or, I make eye-contact and control my facial expression.

Pick. One.

I am jealous of those who think more deeply, who write better, who draw better, who look better, who live better, who love better than I.

-Sylvia Plath

one day you think: I want to die. and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book. and I want to die turns day by day into want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun, I want a cleaner kitchen, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else. I want to live.

- via duckbunny

autism thing where i have to watch youtubers i generally agree with react to every drama or apology ever (multiple sources) because someone can make the worst, most manipulative and dishonest apology video, and i will watch it and go "yeah okay :3"

i just cannot detect it like at all. i will not notice anything is wrong. & then the youtuber reacting is like "look how awful that was look at all of these bad things they did in it" and every time i'm like holy shit man you're so right actually i did not see

have to be super careful about where i get my news bc i know i'm so easily influenced bc i miss out on this stuff. & i'm tired of ppl talking down on people who don't pick up on this on their own. it's not my fault. i try to educate myself by watching other ppl talk about it but if i make a mistake please just educate me don't assume i'm evil?

Autistic school trauma is:

knowing you’re disliked, but not being able to know why

consistently being called out for your stims because they’re “disruptive” or “annoying”

trying to simply mesh in with others to avoid getting targeted

suppressing your anger to the point that you feel it’s not justified

never being able to form connections no matter how hard you try, and thinking it’s your fault

being able to form connections but never being able to be true to yourself or set boundaries since you’re so used to being disrespected

witnessing ableism from classmates but not doing anything about it because they’ll just invalidate you

never feeling like your opinions can be validated because you’re “weird”

being outcasted by your classmates constantly

having classmates either let you know outright or subtly that you’re disliked

eventually believing that you deserve to be disliked

suffering from chronic low self esteem that affects your grades, your ability to function, and even your ideas of love

frequently getting into toxic/codependent friendships

having teachers criticize you constantly for your symptoms

living from a complex of never being good enough

feeling like you have to reach a neurotypical standard on a daily basis and if you don’t, you’re incompetent

if you’re feeling any of these things because of school, autistic or not, know that what you are experiencing is trauma, and that your trauma is valid. You don’t deserve to be in a school environment where you are consistently criticized or made to feel like you don’t belong nor can’t be good enough. You deserve an environment that makes you feel safe enough to be neurodivergent, to be yourself. You deserve to feel loved, to feel cared for, exactly as you are, with no strings attached.

Being semi verbal feels like my first language isn't English and I can barely speck it and form together sentences with mouth words (and text if overwhelmed or burned out enough) , plus misunderstanding people and struggling to understand social cues and etc its like I'm a foreigner in a foreign country (or maybe even someone from a different dimension)

happy disability pride month to those with conditions no one talks about, online or in general:

multiple sclerosis (me lol)

marfans

cerebral palsy

bells palsy

hidradenitis suppurativa

cauda equina syndrome

mixed connective tissue disorder

hyperadrenergic pots

non hypermobile eds types

stickler syndrome

mitochondrial disease

cystic fibrosis

sickle cell disease

myasthenia gravis

post-cholecystectomy syndrome

SWAN (syndromes without a name)

...just to name a few. i see you and you deserve awareness and understanding.

this list is non exhaustive, rb with other conditions you want to see represented!!

[ID: a post banner with dark red background and medium grey bolded text in the center. it reads “This post is about physical disabilities, do not derail.” On each side there is the dynamic disability icon, a gray symbol of person in manual wheelchair leaning forward with arms bent behind them mid-push. /end ID]

I actually used my AAC in public today for the first time. I know this might not sound like much to some people, but when I have speaking issues and end up nonverbal or having a verbal communication issue (I don’t know what to call it without people getting mad at me) I normally just stop talking all together and isolate myself. This AAC really helped me so much today and I don’t feel so drained physically and mentally from work. I’m really happy so now I don’t have to go home and sleep the rest of my afternoon away, I can play a game or read!!

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Also, I don’t know what you’d call it that I have. I was nonverbal for well over 7 years and have on and off verbal issues where I can talk some days but most days I’m completely silent. Recently I’m having an episode that’s seeming to last about 4 days.

(TW FOR ABLEISM, MELTDOWNS, ETC.)

Supporting disabled people is more than just supporting us when you think its cute, easy, or beneficial for you.

If your support ends when you see an adult in public with a diaper bulge, you aren't supporting disabled people.

If your support ends when you see someone drooling, you aren't supporting disabled people.

If your support ends when someone has a violent meltdown in public, you aren't supporting disabled people.

If your support ends when someone needs help being fed, you aren't supporting disabled people.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

I know that you dont think its cute or aesthetically pleasing to try and calm me down and be understanding of me when I throw my communication device across the room and slam my head into the ground because someone laughed too loudly, I know that you think its embarrassing. I know you dont think it's all "uwu cute tism" when I can't shower for a week straight and spend the whole day crying, yelling, and biting myself, but if that makes you angry at me, you arent supporting disabled people.

What is your limit to supporting disabled people? What is your limit to being okay with the fact that I am NOT like your nondisabled friends?

Where does the support end and the disgust start? How long until we are "too disabled" for you?

/not at anyone specific

This blog is not participating in the Tumblr "Blackout"

Why? It's the start of Disability Pride month. Much of the systems in society are deliberately hostile to disabled folk, even the ones that are supposed to "help" them. Pride last month around the world held events that weren't accessible for disabled queers. These people are routinely cut out from society, assaulted, harrassed, and treated less than second class. People will physically move people in wheelchairs out of their way, cut them off, and stand in front of them as they try to move. They're shamed, insulted, laughed at, and mocked.

I know many are upset about Tumblrs recent changes, but if you truly want to help increase the accessibility of this site, especially for the sight or hearing impared or those who need to use third party applications to help them navigate the site, then a blackout isn't the way to do it. What you can do is add disability tags to your liked tags, or search up disability tags and see what disabled folk are saying they need from the site and either pay to blaze or come together as a community to amplify their voices and drown out ableists that constantly put them down. Disabled people face unique bigotry and deserve to have their needs blasted to the crowd and actions taken by abled folk to help them in the way they ask to be helped. One of the biggest issues I commonly see is abled folk assuming they know whats best for someone with a disability. If you're not disabled in the way someone else is, never assume you know what their needs are; always ask and listen closely.

This is a link to the proposed blackout and further reasons at the bottom why you shouldn't join this attempt, largely because Tumblr is set up in such a way that a blackout would do nothing but silence disabled voices:

Do not join the blackout. Go support disabled folk instead. Sit down and listen to them. They've a lot to be angry about, and it's damn time people listened.

I am once again begging several companies and important services (hospitals, GPs, etc.) to allow forms of contact other than verbally calling. Even with special numbers for that kind of thing, oftentimes the people running these services will still call back ignoring issues such as deafness or mutism, and then act as though you were in the wrong for lack of response - even if informing them of your condition beforehand.

I was fully mute for a few years, and the amount of times medical professionals ignored this and tried to call me for verbal discussions, or didn't provide another method of contact, was abysmal. They even demanded verbal calling by phone to be let into the building. So many services need to do better about this, and so do several companies. Not everyone can talk (even if they can hear), and not everyone can hear (even if they can talk). I am begging these services to do better.

When you're nervous to use aac even though you need it because you don't want to "annoy " anyone or make things "harder" for them

This is so true. I believe people should do what they need to to feel more comfortable just existing. I wish I could use my aac app more often, but my parents refuse to believe that my speech issues are still as bad as they once where. I was nonverbal for over 7 years growing up and just recently been able to talk a little bit with my speaking voice but now it’s getting hard again. I don’t know why it’s hard again. I went to speech therapy for years and now that I’ve stopped it’s like everything is just getting worse.

I made a small set of communication cards to wear on a lanyard. It's nothing super fancy, just index cards with basic info and sentences on them.

I don't know if I'll ever need need them because I can usually force at least some words or short sentences out even when it's really hard. I'm not sure if what I have is severe enough to be considered selective mutism, or any other specific, diagnosable speech issue, because I can technically still talk a bit.

Still, I do have autism and anxiety that make verbal speech hard, and I'm tired of constantly pushing myself to speak. Just because I can talk doesn't mean it's easy for me, or easy for other people to understand. I find myself trying to avoid people in case they want me to talk. Often I have to stutter the same word or two several times before I can find the rest of the words needed to finish the sentence. I've broken down crying while trying to ask simple questions at school. My autism and anxiety are real and difficult even if they aren't "severe" enough to make it 100% impossible to speak.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's okay to accommodate for oneself even if you don't need need it, or can technically survive without it. You don't deserve to suffer just to look normal or be more convenient for other people.

If AAC makes communication easier, even if you can technically speak, do it! If using a mobility aid would make it less painful to go places, even if you can technically walk, do it! If turning on subtitles helps you understand videos, even if you can technically make out some of the dialogue without them, do it! You shouldn't have to wait until you're completely unable to do whatever you need to do before you make it comfortable for yourself.

Unless you're literally ripping that disability aid from someone else's hands, you're not stealing resources from anyone. And you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're using disability aids. If someone else doesn't think you need it enough to deserve it, that's on them.

I don’t know if it’s my autism that makes me this way or what, but I have been having a strong feeling of injustice lately. My brain won’t stop thinking about how the world treats certain people as lower than most just because of their disabilities, sexuality, race, economic standpoint, and much more. I can’t get over how unfair it is. I know that’s how life is just going to be especially in the world we live in today, but I wish I could do something about it. I just want everyone to be treated fairly and seen as a human being, not some creature that is lower than anyone else. I’m so sorry to everyone who faces this discrimination and please know that there are people who are here for you. I’ll always be there to support you as well. You are loved and cared for beyond your wildest imagination. Also, I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I struggle with communication but I’m trying.

just because my aac device is a phone, doesn't mean it is any less crucial that i have it with me.

just because you understand what it is like to have your phone die. and understand that you've lost access to important text and call communication, as well as photos, bank stuff, social media etc, does NOT mean you get to say you know what it's like when my phone dies.

yeah, your phone has emotional and functional significance to you,

🌹but this is my fucking voice.

“glued to his phone” “so much screen time” "get off your phone and have a real conversation for once"

🌹this is my voice.

I was a low verbal autistic kid that used plushies to communicate with people, and boy howdy did teachers/adults in general not like that past a certain age. Jokes on u fukkos, cool people absolutely adore seeing plushies just hangin out

Neurodivergent Passport

A wee update with some exciting news about My Neurodivergent Passport: a tool to communicate your needs, strengths, and sensory/communication profiles.

Following some feedback the passport has been updated.

You can now get a printed version of My Neurodivergent Passport! You can buy it here!

You can also get it as a free PDF on my blog.

all your stuffed animals love you. they're not sad if they're in a box, or on the floor, or not held/played with as much. they understand. they know that you might need another stuffie more, or that you don't have enough space. they're just happy to be with you, and if you ever give them away, they'll be happy there too. stuffies are for comfort. they understand. they love you too. it's okay.

Me: I don't know which of these things is my favorite.

Also me: You can call both of them your favorite.

Me: No, whichever is my favorite defines me. And A has always been my favorite. B is more of a recent favorite.

Also me: ... why can't both be your favorite?

Me: BECAUSE MY FAVORITE DEFINES ME.

The last day of Pompeii by Karl Bryullov

Instagram: abookandadream

Pile I   -  Friedel Anderson , 2013.

German,  b. 1954  -  

Oil on canvas , 80 x 65 cm

fatima aamer bilal, from weeping flesh above the ground.

[text id: the design of this universe is so damned, // i got to hold your limp body before i got to hold your hand.]

The last act of betrayal was my betrayal to myself.

Like everyone else, I turned my back on the girl in the mirror. Now years later, I cannot recall who I was when I died. I don't remember the day or month or year but I know I swallowed the pain.

I , therefore, was complicit in my murder.

-a.

— May 24, 1913 / Franz Kafka diaries

unfortunately if you are an old friend of mine i will always care about you no matter what even if we haven't seen each other in forever because i still remember what you were like 7 years ago and i still remember how it felt to be young with you and i still have a lot of love for you in the back of my mind