Latest Posts by eos-lies-to-you - Page 7

Jason: what? No!

Tim: why not? If B’s not here then I should be allowed to do things too.

Jason: wait-no- what?

Tim: We can't kill him! What would Batman say!

Jason: Batman's not here.

Tim: Excellent point, hand me the gun

Who knows(probably something that ends up with all of Tim’s energy drinks in the sink)

Tim, talking to Ras in front of the batfamily: I WANT you to leave me alone! AND IF I HAVE TO KILL ANOTHER ASSASSIN TO GET THE POINT ACROSS-

Bruce: Woah, woah, What!?

Tim, defeated: I am losing my mind, B.

Dick: I can’t tell if I should be worried about Damian’s reaction to this or Tim’s revenge for the reaction??

Tim, talking to Ras in front of the batfamily: I WANT you to leave me alone! AND IF I HAVE TO KILL ANOTHER ASSASSIN TO GET THE POINT ACROSS-

Bruce: Woah, woah, What!?

Tim, defeated: I am losing my mind, B.

*someone??? Something??? I dunno I can’t tell!

"Aren't you worried they're gonna kill him?!"

Tim, to kon and bart: What's the rule on murder?

Kon: Uh, don't tell batman?

Tim: Good, be free, do whatever.

"Are you serious?? You don't even care?"

Tim: What they do when I'm not around is none of my business.

"But you are around!"

Tim: Not if batman asks.

Tim, patting Kon on the back with a small, kind, innocent smile: of course not Kon.

Someone to Tim: Oh please, Kon-El isn't scared of you! He's a kryptonian, and you're just some kid.

Kon, visibly scared: I didn't say that! Let it be known that i did not say that!

Bart: What's even on the Geneva Convention anyway?

Tim: Nothing that applies to us.

Kon: It doesn't apply to us?

Tim: No. Well, yes, it's supposed to, but No.

Cassie: Rob is NEVER around when we do something that the Bat asks.

Tim: Ride or die.

Bart: I think I lit something on fire!

Kon: no, that was me

"Aren't you worried they're gonna kill him?!"

Tim, to kon and bart: What's the rule on murder?

Kon: Uh, don't tell batman?

Tim: Good, be free, do whatever.

"Are you serious?? You don't even care?"

Tim: What they do when I'm not around is none of my business.

"But you are around!"

Tim: Not if batman asks.

Someone new comes into YJ and assumes Kon's in charge bc Tim's all draped over him or sitting in his lap and they all laugh at him bc Tim is so very much the one in charge here

is this anything?

Bruce: ANOTHER assassin?!

Tim, so done with EVERYTHING: this close. /this/ close B.

Tim, talking to Ras in front of the batfamily: I WANT you to leave me alone! AND IF I HAVE TO KILL ANOTHER ASSASSIN TO GET THE POINT ACROSS-

Bruce: Woah, woah, What!?

Tim, defeated: I am losing my mind, B.

Superhero: *says something that is just a hidden insult about Red Robin*

Red Robin who overheard it: *thinks of a comeback that could psychologically kill them. but instead just does a shaky sigh like he always does*

Impulse who has been waiting for Tim to snap for literal years: *whispering* “please say it….. just once….. I’m begging you”

Give me unhinged Timberkon.

Give me Bernard stalking Red Robin the same way Tim stalked batman. Give me stalker Kon, who while stalking Tim when he's overwhelmed by the world, discovers Bernard and chooses to stalk him too- just to sus him out at first, but slowly it becomes an infatuation. He's listening to both their heartbeats at night.

Give me Bernard realising he's being followed because Kon isn't as subtle as he thinks. Bernard stalking SB back, creating a theory board dedicated just to him.

Give me Tim stalking SB when they're at the tower and he's bored. Tim stalking Bernard to make sure he gets home safe. Tim realising that he's not the only one keeping him safe when he spots a flash of red and blue and leather speed off and out of sight. Tim realising that Bernard has been stalking his hero persona, that he has several boards of photos and newspaper clippings about him and Kon, about the bats and the core four.

Give me Kon, who would die for either of them, put himself in the way of immense danger, become stupid and reckless in the name of protecting what he loves. Would sacrifice himself in every scenario to ensure Tim and Bernard are safe.

Give me Tim who would infiltrate the government for his boys, would do anything, hack anything to assure their safety. Would bug their house just to make sure nothing ever happened to them. Would go insane trying to bring them back if he ever failed.

Give me Bernard who would kill for them. Who would readily bloody his hands in the name of love if it ever came to it. Who would use everything he learned in that cult to ruins someone's life if they hurt what was his.

Give me timberkon who's love is so whole, so intense, that it cannot be contained by ethics nor morals.

CB now lives in fear of when Kon decides he doesn’t care enough to try.

Captain Boomerang, ig: Why does superboy have his arm on you like that?

Tim, with Kon's hand on his shoulder, rolling his eyes: Because he thinks I'm gonna try to kill you or whatever

CB: That's ridiculous.

Tim: i know, he thinks he could stop me

I want to read more fics that address his time in Robin training with Bruce and Dick, Jason, and/or Damian find out.

Like, they're all sitting around talking about fun or silly things that happened in training or on patrol with Batman. And Tim is just doing his thing, reminiscing about pictures he took of Dick’s and Jason's Robin, wondering if he could take time off somewhere to get some of Damian's Robin when the others get his attention and ask about funny stories from his time as Robin. He blanks, because nothing with Batman was fun, that was why he was Robin. So he says Lady Shiva getting him ice cream once and leaves.

Or they're going over protocols for Robin to follow with Damian and Tim is just sitting there confused, because it's all stuff he got in trouble for with Batman. And when Dick or Jason tell him that “you can jump in anytime, baby bird”, Tim gets up, leaves, and returns with a surprisingly worn binder he puts down.

Then he opens it, flips to a point about a third of the way through, and turns it to face them. He points at a chart and says, “I made this when the results of your advice weren't what you said they'd be. I didn't know you were supposed to wait 3 days after fear gas exposure to go back out. Bruce didn't wait and if I didn't follow, petty thieves ended up in the ER.”Dick is horrified, Jason and Damian confused. Tim continues. “This binder has the protocols and methods I followed as Robin. I wasn't Robin to contrast Batman's shadow. I was Robin to remind Batman of his morals. I have no advice to offer Damian that is relevant to his Robin. You were offered Robin, one way or another. I had to take Robin before Batman did something he'd regret.”

Red Hood just starts shooting at a Robin and the goons lose their shit, because that's the equivalent of asking Batman to make time in his schedule to fuck you up.

Goon: "Boss, come on, maybe let's leave the kid alone--"

Jason, snatching someone else's gun so he can keep shooting into the shadows after the first one ran out: "That's right you better run, you piece of shit! If you ever dye my hair pink again I'll fucking end you!"

Goon:

The ghost of the Grinch was actually a paid actor in this scheme to prank Wes.

Happy Truce (and New Years!) @elliefenton ! Sorry I’m so late!

I went ahead and mashed the Danny convincing Wes he’s wrong, Danny meeting the grinch and Ellie pretending to be Danny at school prompts together into this… silly thing… Anyway! I hope you enjoy this and hope you had a wonderful holiday season! :]

I’m doing this so I can watch it later. My internet is being funky

Pulling this out after 3 months

I regret nothing (I added the tag!)

The stupidity when meeting an AU of you

Idiot to Idiot communication

Any dp/dc fic recs?

of course! Honestly, i love so many of them and I'll try to include as many as i can in my list here! The Undead Lockpicking series by Milaley: In which Danny has a lockpicking youtube channel and he lockpicks the Watchtower. Hilarious, excellent 10/10

The Bat Trap by Threee: Honestly a good ol twin switcheroo with many funny moments but also a lot of delicious angst! (a Damian & Danny twins au) Just, chef's kiss!

GLXY:PSSNGR by socraticat: Danny takes the place of his alternate universe self who lives with vlad in Gotham after vlad killed his parents. Muchas angst, lots of worldbuilding and fantastic action!

A second life by Die_Erlkonigin6083:Kid Danny who has memories from a past life and currently is Dick Grayson's clone baby (and a bunch of others but mostly Dick's) Adorable 100/10 recommend>

lex luthor's ascent from supervillainy to fatherhood by halfagone (milkywxy): Epic. Dad!Lex and and dimensional travel son!Danny. Sweet and super well-executed Cass/Danny. 10/10 i need to catch up with the latest chappies but it's so freaking good I am aaaaaa

Rooftop Express by EmeraldsAndAmethyst: Danny/Jason. Awesome af. Crime lord Jason ftw! Danny is a (supernatural)delivery boy and professional enigma in Gotham

Our Empty Graves by suomifae: Hazmat Suit, no one knows au! Danny/Jason in which Danny finds himself helping out in Jason's gang. Very cool story building, ideas and execution. Im literally screaming in every chapter. so so good!

bloodlines by halfagone (milkywxy): Danny is Diana's and Bruce's son. He of course doesn't know that. There's a prophesy involved that says Danny will end the world, Diana finds out accidentally about it and finds out she has a son (memory wipe shenanigans) and GOSH. There's so much awesome stuff happening and it's a pleasure to see them piece together the facts. 10/10 Diana rocks

Summons by DizzlyPuzzled: Ghost king Danny in which because he's underage his father gets summoned in his stead. Bruce would very much like to know why he keeps getting yote through summoning circles. Just the right amount of funny, family fluff and angst.

If You Give a Bat a Burger by Cielle_Noire: BOI I HAVE NO WORDS. the plot in this is thiccc and juicy and delicious and the mystery is the cherry on top! Danny lives in Gotham, does some ghostly sigil stuff around to protect Gothamites from bad ghosts, it backfires, we don't know why. Red duck candles are involved. The Batkids are chaos. and im here eating popcorn because it's all super entertaining to watch unfold. 100/10 jessica's duck candle

Friendly neighborhood vigilante by Elizabehta_Beilschmidt: Jazz/Jason THE FIC. honestly one of the best Anger Management fics i've ever read. Love the way Communication between partners is portrayed here and how they overcome the hurdles despite the shitshow that is both their lives (affectionate). 10/10 would read again

Danny Fenton: Dead and Loving It by HyperKid: You need an ao3 account for this one, go go go go make one because it's super worth it! Jason/Danny. They meet at the graveyard, your honour! They actively mess with Bruce and the rest of the Batkids! Gala Shenanigans! What else can i say? Go read!

Worm Off the String by TourettesDog: I am licherally dying of laughter. Peak comedy. Danny/Tim ft little baby man Danny who Tim thinks is Danny's weird af pet. Honestly, so GOOD. 100/10 comedy gold.

Press Heart to Subscribe by Die_Erlkonigin6083: A Danny/Damian fic in which Danny is a streamer and Damian watches his stream. Super cute, well executed, 100/10 sweetness scale

Imprint by Hashtag_DriveBy: Babes i dunno what to tell you. I've done fanart of this fic. De-aged baby Danny and DadHood. Human-ish Fright Knight and Excellent friend Roy. Guys seriously. SO SO SO SO GOOD. 100/10 I wanna see the kid reveal to the batfam and am vibrating out of existence imagining scenarios. - There are more but I can't possibly list them all in one go, I'll make another fic rec list later 💙

This is amazing. Like, Lex is OBVIOUSLY a bad guy but he seems so genuine and seems to ACTUALLY value that Kon won’t do anything for him now. Sure he thinks he can convince him but there aren’t threats, actual fear, or anything of the sort being used so he’s better than canon(that everyone ignore… which I prefer) Batman.

An excerpt of morally-ambiguous-dad!Lex for @robotogato to hopefully enjoy, haha.

"Clones really don't get soulmarks, though," Kon says in frustration. "It doesn't even make sense that I'd have one."

"Well, I suppose there's the possibility that I just want you so badly that it happened anyway," Lex Luthor muses idly. "A Luthor doesn't generally accept being denied what they want."

"Very fucking funny," Kon mutters, shooting him a glower. "I'm being serious here, asshole."

"Hm," Lex Luthor observes, inspecting him neutrally. "Not even a moment where you let yourself want to believe that, was there."

"Why would I wanna believe that a bastard like you wanted me?" Kon sneers at him.

"Because I am the only person in the multiverse who would burn down reality for you without hesitation," Lex Luthor says like he's talking about the weather or something. Like he's just stating a totally inconsequential fact or reiterating something as obvious as the sky being blue.

Like there's no question there at all.

"I hope you fucking die and I hope it fucking hurts," Kon hisses as the whole world seems to bleed red, just about choking on his fury.

"Well, it will if you don't close your eyes," Lex Luthor says, raising an eyebrow at him. "Quickly, ideally."

"Wh–" Kon is almost stupid enough to ask, and then he realizes and immediately screws his eyes shut, snapping his hands up over his face just in case.

His eye sockets feel like they're on fire.

"Ah, I suppose I live another day," Lex Luthor says. "Rage and anger are notable triggers for the heat vision, if you're still unfamiliar. And apparently arousal as well, although I have very definitely never encountered that version so I can't say if it's more or less potent than rage."

"How do you even know about it, then?" Kon asks, hating that he can't trust himself to look at the bastard without killing him. Lex Luthor could be doing any stupid fucked-up thing right now and he'd have no fucking clue.

"I am a very intelligent person who can afford very good information," Lex Luthor says. "And I am also more intimately familiar with Kryptonian DNA than quite possibly anyone else on this planet, Superman included."

"Superman has Kryptonian DNA," Kon retorts dubiously.

"He does," Lex Luthor agrees. "His special little gift from dumb luck and blind chance. Some of us actually had to put in a bit of effort to get that kind of power, though."

"You don't have that kind of power," Kon says. "You have money and the fucking bullshit fear that you put into people."

"Ah, but I have you now," Lex Luthor counters mildly. "Now don't I."

"You don't," Kon snaps.

"Oh, give it sixteen years or so," Lex Luthor says, making a dismissive gesture as Kon's eyes finally stop burning long enough for him to risk a glare at him. "Your full powerset should be in by then, and I imagine I'll have had a bit of time to change your mind somewhere in there."

"I don't care what whatever custody law bullshit says about it, I'm not gonna stay with you," Kon says tightly. "Sure as shit not for the next sixteen years!"

"Oh?" Lex Luthor asks, raising an eyebrow at him. "Then where exactly are you intending to go long-term? Just planning to stay in a lab for the rest of your life?"

"Why the fuck not?" Kon says in exasperation.

Lex Luthor's eyes narrow.

"Oh," he says like a realization. "Someone's actually made you assume that you belong in a lab, haven't they."

"Yeah, I can't think of a single unrepentant bastard who might've had a hand in me belonging in one of those," Kon bites off darkly. "Real fucking mystery there, huh."

"Hm," Lex Luthor says.

He also ends up dragging the other YJ 3 around with him. Bart gets fed RIGHT, Cissie gets bought nice things without having to win things, Cassie tries(slightly) to keep the others in check, and Tim drives Luthor up the walls. They’re all chaos magnets but now, NOW they’re Luthor’s problem. The JL are both relieved and horrified.

Okay so can we talk about how hilarious it is when Lex Luthor is a good dad to Kon? Like man made a clone son of his ex and said ex turns out to be a shitty dad to the clone son while lex luthor, known supervillain, is just a good dad.

Like: kon is feeling unwanted at clarks place so he just. Heads over to lex's and gets fathered while hes there. Kon gets bounced around like a child of divorce for a while before he ends up spending his time between the kent farm (ma and pa are literally the most important ever) and lex's rich guy penthouse.

Whenever lex and clark get into arguments about kon, lex is the one to actually think about whats best for kon long term. Lex doing lame dad shit with kon, trying to take him fishing and birdwatching and shit.

Just. The comedic potential.

had an extremely vivid scene of lex finding out conner’s a thing + that clark knows and didn’t tell him, showing up vibrating in rage to ma kent’s because his ex is an asshole but martha motherfucking kent will help him get his kid back

Padme Amidalia asked AT LEAST once whether Anakin was into *her* or into her badassery. She was how he looked at Rex, decided it was both, and then proceeded to kick Palpatines ass in public for meeting with A 9 YEAR OLD boy when he was a senator.

Obi-Wan tells EVERY news station that asks that Palpitine KEPT ASKING until they HAD to say yes. Anakin reads it, thinking it’s about two different people and says that that ‘sleemo shouldn’t have EVER been granted access to a kid like that’!… a lot of things are put into perspective after that. Padme and Anakin bring Rex into their couple. Everyone is happy except Palpitine.

His name’s Luke Skywalker and he’s here to rescue you!!

June 15th prompt: Luke and Grogu save Din from Moff Gideon ( @dinlukeweek )

(I switched this days prompt out for this one!)

Bonus:

He was lonely and bored. His wife leaves so often, why not have his nephew, his girlfriend, and his best friend stay here forever!

Hades offering them something to eat literally killed me. Hades is like "the smart one's gone" and immediately tried to keep them there forever.

He does this every time they end up in a windy place😔 doesnt even have to be that windy honestly, he'll just do it

Love the idea of collective Jedi parenting. Like technically I only have one padawan but my friends' padawans are also coincidentally my padawans. My padawan’s friends are also my padawans. This padawan who got separated from their master? My padawan today. This other padawan who needs to learn to pilot but their master is afraid of flying? Now my padawan twice a week.

The Alderaanian Royal Guard gets really protective of the Coruscant Guard. Like. Really protective. At some point the people start treating the Corries better if only because they know that there is always an Alderaanian somewhere in the vicinity. Sometimes it's the Senator himself. Once or twice it was the Queen. But there is always at least one member of the Royal Guard there. Somewhere. For people who say they are pacifists, they seem really bloodthirsty.

After a while, people are starting to figure out that they might've been just supressing any murderous intents up until now, and it's better if you don't tempt them too much.

(The word got out at some point that Fox was dating the Queen and the Senator and that it was serious. The Royal Guard immediately turned on the Prince treatment. Fox bluescreened the first time one of them opened a door for him.)

Fox: The guard doesn't really do Jedi.

Thorn: What do you call that then?

Looks over towards the tables where a Ten year old Padawan is enthusiastically explaining his life goals to a large chunk of the guard.

Anakin: And then once you're all free from Depur and his Sleemo Senators then you guys can go do whatever you want, there's a whole galaxy out there you know? And one day I'm gonna see all of them and it's gonna be totally Wizard and And maybe some of you can come with me and-

Fox: He's our Jetti'ika, doesn't count

Thinkin bout Cryptid Luke…

A few ideas I have…

Luke in Legends’ continuity rebuilt the Jedi Order, but in Disney’s continuity, he did not. And while I strongly dislike Disney’s version of Old Luke, I do like the idea in my head of a lone Jedi operating without any Order (which is not what Disney’s Luke is, so I guess there’s nothing really there…)

Like, in the days of the Old Republic, you had to ask the Jedi for help. The Jedi sometimes stumbled on problems, yes, but they mostly responded to cries for help.

Luke doesn’t have that option. Yes, he can respond when a Force Sensitive calls for help with magic rocks, but for the most part, he is just wandering. He is going where the Force guides him. He is just… not there, blink, there.

I like the idea that things go to shit, Luke shows up in his ominous black hood, Luke solves the problem, then Luke vanishes as quickly as he came, with no trace he was ever there.

However, side idea: Luke travels with his motley crew of children. But, THEY are ALSO crypids!

Like, you are a citizen of some planet. You are just standing on a corner, waiting for a space bus, looking at a space newspaper, and you glance up and see an ominously cloaked figure standing on the opposite side of the street. You cannot make out any features. It is dark out, and he is standing beneath a space streetlight, but all the light does is cast his face further into shadow.

Quickly, you look back down, hoping that the ominous shape across the street hasn’t noticed you. You feel a chill run down your spine. You sneak a glance back up, only to find that there is another black-cloaked figure, standing right beside the first. It is half the first’s height, but it’s also cloaked in darkness.

You look down again. You hear a noise, like moving fabric, and look back up, worried the pair is approaching, only to find another small, ominous shape has joined the first two beneath the space streetlight. You can’t bring yourself to look away, and so watch as another black-cloaked figure emerges from behind the tallest one, the first one.

Finally, the shape moves as though inclining its head. You feel your heart begin to race as it slowly turns to face you, and the streetlights finally illuminate a mouth. A mouth that is baring a smile full of sharp teeth, right towards you.

A space bus suddenly drives past, blocking your view for only a second. But, as the bus passes, the four shapes are gone. Vanished without a trace. The streetlight goes out. You decide that you should never smoke death sticks again, despite the fact that you have never smoked a single death stick in your entire life.

(Luke was going to the grocery store with his children. He was just trying to wait for them to catch up, since he got lost in thought trying to figure out how many vegetables to get. He noticed that the person across the street seemed scared, and so tried to smile reassuringly, but there was a noise in a back alley that he and his three students darted over to check out. It’s a cat. The four of them are very pleased.)

Or, I like to think that there’s a rumour that if you say “Skywalker” in an Imperial base, Luke Skywalker will show up and destroy the place. Most of the Stormtroopers and older people are like “psh, yeah right. Jedi can’t hear their name across the galaxy.”

But, slowly but surely, the whispers of Skywalker’s name are dying out. Because he. Keeps. On. Appearing. Right after anyone says his name, even if it’s in a whisper.

(Luke just so happened to be in the area. It was the will of the Force ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ )

There are so many options for Cryptid Luke! So! Many! Options! This man does not know how to enter a conversation like a normal person, he just appears from the shadows and scares people. Most of the galaxy think he’s just a myth created by the New Republic and the Empire. The leftover Jedi themselves think that he’s just a myth made up by the New Republic and the Empire. Nobody believes he exists aside from the people who have seen him, but even they are half convinced that they made him up.

I just would like Luke to randomly show up, kill some Imperials, scare some other Imperials, adopt another child, then go home. It’s my ideal.

Time Travel is my favourite trope and I think we need more fics where both Obi-Wan AND Qui-Gon time travel together because no matter when they get sent it's chaos. They're saving the galaxy and being physic flash-bangs to everyone around them.

like before Bandomeer?

The entire council is baffled to watch as Qui-Gon 'never taking a padawan again' Jinn has suddenly cut off his post-Xanatos depression tour to return to the temple and beeline to the creche with a frantic energy. His wild eyes immediately single out a fluffy, red-haired initiate.

"You." he exhales with a pointed finger, slightly ominous as he towers over the child. Said child starts vibrating with delight. "Me." he agrees, launching himself at the man. Qui-Gon drops to his knees with a thud that cannot be healthy. Obi-Wan's attempts to clamber into Qui-Gon's robes and maybe onto his shoulders is thwarted by the fact that Qui-Gon's massive hands are cupping Obi-Wan's tiny squishy cheeks. He stares at the initiate for a few minutes with an intensity that is starting to worry people.

Finally, "You're so small." Qui-Gon sounds like he might cry.

'What the fuck?' Plo Koon projects at Mace.

"I'm 9! That tends to be the case!" the child chirps back.

"You're nine." Oh. Ah. Qui-Gon's eyes are distinctively misty. He squishes the boy in a hug so hard he squeaks. Mace makes a series of gestures that imply the need for a head-scan. Depa obligingly drifts off towards the halls. Qui-Gon scoops the child up onto his hip and claims him as his padawan on the spot. The assorted council members and creche-masters burst into noise. Mace tells Depa to bring some space ibuprofen as well.

after Naboo?

Anakin is a little apprehensive of his place in both the order and Obi-Wan's life, but then one day Obi-Wan wakes up and is suddenly a lot less sad in the force?? In fact, if Anakin didn't know better he'd say he was almost giddy, but he's watched Obi-Wan try to pretend his world hasn't fallen apart for the past few months so it can't be that, right? And um, Miss Bant? He knows grief is a funny thing that affects people differently but he's pretty sure 'massive mood swing' and 'having full conversations with invisible people' is not...great? and you said to tell you if Obi-Wan got really weird in any way.

Anyway after a lot of medical exams, intense consultation with the archives, and a couple exorcisms, Anakin ends up being raised by his 'real' master and his ghost master. He is far more well adjusted emotionally and far less well adjusted for what counts as normal people behavior(not talking to thin air). When questioned on this, all he ever says is that he's talking to Qui-Gon. Isn't he...dead? Well, yes. Wait, he's a ghost? Ghosts are real? ...Well this ghost is real.

This starts a great number of existential crises among non-force sensitives and incredibly heated theological arguments amongst the Jedi. Whenever Obi-Wan is questioned on this, all he ever says is some variation of "the force got to know him for 5 seconds and kicked him back out." Mace backs him up on this even though that reasoning is technically blasphemous. Qui-Gon is having the time of his un-life. He's ascended to his final form, his sheer existence is a heresy, this is truly all he has ever aspired towards.

the Clone Wars?

The minute they get dropped back Qui-Gon immediately goes and haunts the shit out of Dooku. They have a signed terms of surrender and promise of info on the Sith Lord within the year. Only half of it is because Qui-Gon's giving Dooku complexes that are only perceptible to shrimp, the other half is because they now have a ghost spy that is not bound by the laws of physics nor spacetime.

Obi-Wan only nominally pays attention to this as he immediately goes and implements his 19 step seduction plan with Cody (he had to focus on something on Tatooine to pass the time). It fails. Spectacularly. Publicly. Ah right. Tatooine was not exactly the height of his sanity. Everyone in the GAR and temple is now riveted by High General and Councilor Obi-Wan Kenobi's attempts to go on a date with his Commander, who bats him away him like a particularly annoying stray and seems one bouquet of cactus away from committing mutiny. Anakin is worrying if it means his master knows about his secret marriage and this is some sort of really weird power play. (It is, but not in the way he thinks)

The next time Dooku goes after Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon spends a good few months appearing tear-stained at the edge of Dooku's perception and only communicating in terrible wails and discordant mutterings of 'padawan. my padawan. my little one.' 24/7.

"Wait, you're annoying Dooku into surrendering?"

"Oh no Anakin, we're crushing his psyche like a bug. :)"