itsalwaysjune

Latest Posts by itsalwaysjune

𝔞𝔭𝔥𝔯𝔬𝔡𝔦𝔱𝔢

02.11.24

Happy Halloween/Diwali to those who celebrate!

It's been a hectic week, I had a lab report due on Wednesday, so I put all of my time and effort into that. I think I did a good job, but now I'm behind on my studies in general. I have time to catch up, that's going to be my main focus for the week. I also have things to do for the societies that I'm a part of.

I miss my partner a lot- I always miss them, but it has been particularly difficult recently due to not being able to speak to them much, since I have been busy with my report.

I didn't do anything for Diwali really, I expected bigger celebrations, and even went to little India in KL, but it was closed. I got a pretty outfit, and ate, but that's all- it felt like a ghost town.

To Do:

Poster for Merry Mixer, psychsoc

Cognitive notes for thinking lecture

some anki

Reading:

The Ape that understood the Universe- pg. 7

The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the rings- unsure

20.09.24

Today was really good. My friend from the UK arrived in Malaysia yesterday, so we met to go to the gym together. We mainly just had a look at the equipment, and got an idea of how the gym booking system worked. We then ate together and tried Nasi lemak- I found it too spicy so I manly ate the rice that didn't have the sauce on.

Then, we had a lecture for International students, it was a lot of visa explanations, and we found out that if we overstay our visas, we could get whipped, which was sort of terrifying. Then, we got a bus to the local mall. I finally got a Malaysian SIM card, it took forever to do, but at least it's done now. I also got chicken and fried rice. It was really delicious. I'm really glad my friend made me try it.

Love always,

~June xx

17.09.24

Today was a loong day. I went out for breakfast at a café called 'Fox', I had a honey-glazed chicken sandwich, and a salted caramel latte. The chicken had bones in, which is definitely a cultural difference that I'm not yet used to, but it was delicious. The coffee was really good too. Then, we went into KL and spent the day in the central market, and went shopping with my friends for clothes. There were some really pretty clothes there, I would recommend it! We ate at the Pavilion mall food court, it was okay. Then we explored the KL Chinatown.

Love always,

~June xx

16.09.24

It's my birthday! I went to IOI mall, for ice skating. I can go in a wobbly line without holing the rail if I go slow enough, which I can consider a win! I also ate at a Texas Chicken store, it was delicious, not exactly traditional Malaysian food though. There was a celebrity appearance from a Korean drama actor, named Lee Minho, and even though I didn't know who he was, the atmosphere of everyone screaming for him was crazy! We then had a wonder around the stores, and bought some bingsu (Korean shaved frozen milk)- I really liked it, it was my first time trying it.

I'm feeling much better today, I'm glad to get out with people, staying to myself all of the time made me feel lonely, so I need to make an active effort to connecting with people.

~ Juune xx

12.09.24

I'm in Malaysia now!! The flights were rough.

(Yesterday) 5h 55 into my first flight (to Dubai for layover). I'm an hour into the Hobbit. It's so enchanting. The flight attendants have come around with menus. I've had 1/2 of a bag of Maltesers already. I'm feeling excited but I wish I could message my partner. The long flight will be worse than when I'm actually these- because I can't have any contact at all.

When I landed, I got an airport shuttle provided by the university which felt like it took years. Finally, I arrived to my dorm at around 1pm (Malaysian time), and slept until 8pm. I got snacks from the vending machine, unpacked my suitcase, and fell asleep until the next day.

Today, I did a lot of admin work (signing documents, reading through emails, etc). I also took a walk around the campus- trying get bearings. So far, I've had gyros with fries, and chicken fried rice. The food so far has been really good, but I feel like I've been choosing the safe options, so we'll see how I get on.

“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.”

— Jim Rohn

Last Day in England

09.09.24

I woke up in the arms of my partner- after one of the best night sleeps I've had in a long time. It was a good weekend, a final goodbye to my boyfriend before I leave for my studies. I will come back at Christmas, but right now, that feels like lightyears away. I'll try not to count down every second that we're apart.

After breakfast, I dropped him off at the bus station to make his way home- I couldn't even bear to hug him. I was afraid that if I was able to hold him for one last time, I wouldn't have the willpower to let go.

I spent the rest of the day packing and sorting documents for my flights tomorrow. It will be a long day of travel (two 7+ hr flights) and I'm hoping that everything goes as smoothly as possible.

I had a 'final' meal with my dad- a gammon dinner (English classic); and overall, I'm feeling hopeful about my new year. I'm trying to focus on what the year away will add to my life, and not so much what it will take away. My heart will ache for my boyfriend, my dad, and my dog- but I am opening so many opportunities for myself that wouldn't exist otherwise.

Success takes sacrifice, and I'm grateful to have so much to miss.

I'll finish the rest of my packing, and attempt to have an early night's sleep.

~June xx

(📷: Pinterest)

12.08.24

I've had such a long few days (in a good way though). I need to stay busy or the stress of moving to the other side of the world catches up to me. Not much to say really.

-June xx

05.08.24

Not much has happened since my last blog post.

I met my partner's parents; they were nice and I really wasn't nervous, even though I thought I would be. I haven't done much uni work lately, I need to keep on top of it, as well as making sure my visa is going through. I applied for an online Internship, that way I can do it remotely from Malaysia. I didn't put too much effort into the application, so I'm not insanely hopeful about it. Either way, it's good practice.

It's my boyfriend's birthday today, but I'm not seeing him until tomorrow. We're on a real countdown now before we have to go long distance awhile. I'm looking forward to most parts of moving abroad, but being away from him will be my biggest difficulty. My boyfriend assures me that it's going to work, so I believe him.

I'll try to post more (I want to post daily), but can't make any promises, as it's not easy to find something to post about when so little is happening in my life.

-June xx

(No pics)

01.08.24

April begins! Lots of chaos will be happening this month as I expect to be studying abroad for a year by early September- so it's the final (big) push to ensure all the paperwork is sorted. Today I found out that my visa had been rejected for medical reasons- and when I contacted my university for help, they were not helpful at all. I'll need to keep on top of them to ensure that my application doesn't slip through the cracks.

On a brighter note, it's my brother's birthday today; as well as my boyfriend's and granddad's later in the month. This is good for parties, but bad for my bank account (lots of presents to be bought). I also have a family holiday at the end of the month, which is with my extended family (on my mother's side), so that is another thing to look forward to.

I realised yesterday that my bellybutton piercing fell out, so I'll also need to get a new one today before the hole closes up (it hurt to get it done, and took forever to heal, so I'm trying my absolute best to avoid having to go through that again.

I got a new laptop- it's meant to be for my birthday, but I should be abroad by then, so I got it early. It should be good for my schoolwork and actually be able to run the necessary programmes, hopefully meaning I'll get more done as I won't be forged to only work in the library.

At least the weather is nice.

13.06.24

Long time no see! I had to give the uni laptop back and don't currently have one (that works) and I usually don't use tumblr on my phone so this is strange.

My exams are done now, I've tried to decompress from them. I spent some time with my boyfriend which always makes me feel good (he's literally the best).

Today I packed up my first-year dorm and took it home. Maybe it would be more emotional if it weren't so chaotic. Getting everything in the car was... a struggle. I now have to somehow find space in my room for it all. I can also use the shed for storage which is helpful.

(No pics 📸)

i made memes as a way to study for my research methods final

27.05.24

[Exams 3/4]

The last exam was terrible, the exam writer was lazy (repeating questions, using questions on the mock, asking lots of questions about a tiny part of the syllabus, etc,) it really knocked by confidence and uspet me. I think I should have done better, and don't see the exam as a true reflection of what I can achieve. In all honesty, after the exam I went back to my dorm and cried- out of both upset and frustration. I hope that despite the poor creation of the test, I have done enough to get the grades I need. I have one test left, and I'm definitely burnt out. Everything got on top of me all at once, I miss my family and my sister has recently had a baby, but I haven't met him due to being in exams. Not being around family during such a momentous occasion has made me feel bad about moving away, and about my plans to move even further for the next academic year.

Not being able to see my nephew is a huge sacrifice to me, so to go through that only to sit in an unfair exam was the straw that broke the camel's back. After my last exam, I will be going out clubbing (not something I'm particuarly excited for right now, but I know it will help my social life), then all I want to do is go home to meet the newest member of my family.

(no pictures)

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

— Carl Gustav Jung

24.05.24

[Exams 2/4]

I have an exam tomorrow, at 10am. I need to go over and learn the enitre syllabus inbetween then and now.

I have been cramming all day.

(No pictures)

23.05.24

[Exams 2/4]

My stats test is today, I'm nervous. I haven't left my dorm in days. I have either been revising or sleeping, I'm not feeling great mentally or physically. Talking to my boyfirend helps, but we're mid/long distance and I really am missing him, this is the longest we've been apart since we got together. I should get used to being away from him. If I get onto this study abroad scheme, I won't see him for alost a whole year (I'll go back once for Christmas). Not seeing him is definitley not helping my mood. Luckily, he's super supportive, ang is sending my lots of encouraging messages. He believes in me more than I believe in myself. If he thinks I can do it, I must be able to, I haven't seen him be wrong yet.

My sister is giving birth today, its definitely a distraction. I am going to struggle in the test if I don't hear back from her before I go in. Re-taking these tests means I won't qualify for my study abroad. I know I've done the best I can with revision and studying, and its going to be a big blow to me if my 100% best still isn't enough. Exam anxiety doesn't help either- if I get 100% on a mock, I can expect at least a 10% reduction on the actual exam, which means when I'm hardly passing mocks, I am not confident for the real thing. I have done everything I can, I need to trust that my best is enough.

The baby is born- its healthy and cute. My exam is in an hour, I don't know what to think about it.

Exam is done! I don't think it went too bad but I can't be sure- we'll see.

(No pics I've hardly left my dorm)

“Don’t lie, because the same people who believe your lies are also the ones who believe in you.”

— Unknown

21.05.24

[Exams 1/4 done]

I had an exam yesterday- I think it went okay, after though I got some food, went to lidl, then slept all day. So it wasn't the most productive. I clearly needed the sleep, so I'm trying to not be too harsh on myself, but I'm still tired now.

Today I just need to study all day. I went to get breakfast and accidently ran into the cleaner, she was panicking about an inspection she has, so I helped her with a bit of the cleaning.

Revising stats is stressful- I feel like I know NOTHING. I got 48 on my last test- my lowest on any university exam so far. I know that panicking won't help me but I still don't feel good. I have today and tomorrow to learn everything (as well as revising for my other exams)- I'm not confident.

I spent the rest of the day napping and then watching Crash Course Statistics. I am nervous for these tests- I am praying for the 50% I need to get onto my study abroad course.

(I didn't take any pictures today)

19.05.24

My first exam is tomorrow- might not post as regularly over the next few days, my blog will obviously be de-prioritised.

I did a mock exam and only anwered half of the questions (didn't attempt the essay questions) and still passed- it relaxed me alot- as long as something doesn't go horribly wrong tomorrow, I should pass. This is my strongest subject this semester so I hope to do well and let it pull up/keep up my GPA.

I have done so much of my lab report now it's the day before it's due why couldn't I have done this ages ago and not stressed myself out aargh!!

Went for a walk in the sun (pictures), went to the library, but didn't stay there long.

Then I went BACK to the library, finished my lab report and submitted it, I'm not 100% happy with it, but that's just the perfectionist in me- really I could have worked on it everyday for the rest of my life and still want to make improvements. Time was up- I had to submit it.

16.05.24

(Pics of some blurry bunnies I saw)

Its the weekend! Its a Sunday but work as normal for me- my lab report and first exam is on Monday and I need to make alot of progress on both before I'm ready. There's nothing worse than submitting a piece of unfinished work- or going into an exam feeling unprepared, so I'm trying to avoid both- its definitely a juggling act.

Getting stressed doesn't help anyone, so I'm trying to avoid that at all costs- easier said than done.

I definitely didn't get much done today- my excuse is that I won't be getting much rest over exam season, that's why I was so restful today. I still have so much to do, and it needs to be done soon.

if you weren't ready you wouldn't have the opportunity.

if you weren't capable of it you wouldn't have the desire.

17.05.24

The weather is nice again! I'm glad the rain definitely dampened my mood.

I spent almost the entire day in the library- found 'You will beat this essay' written on the cublicle wall, it gave me the motivation I needed to get a big chunk of my Lab reoprt done.

Today I;

Did the introduction of my lab report

Did the methodology of my lab report

Created the Figures for my lab report

Started to contact the study abroad students I will be travelling with

Studied social categorisation, stereotyping and prejudice

Studied intergroup relations and conflict

I went to the library and forgot my tablet, so I had to walk all the way there and alllll the way back.

16.05.24

Raining and warm is the worst possible combination. I feel so gross and sweaty. The plan today is to focus on my Lab Report- and get as much done as possible. I feel confident that I can get a big chunk done. It may be wishful thinking but my plan is to get a first draft of everything but the abstact done. The 'We are all Insane' podcast is great background noise for a psych student.

What I did today;

My data analysis

Revised social influence on obedience and conformity

Chunked my Methodology

Studied transmission within synapses

I definitely didn't get as much done as I wanted, but it's better than nothing.

“i can’t do this anymore” says a girl who is not only going to do it but do it well

Love is taking care of myself because I know he wants me to

15.05.24

Yesterday was less than the best day of my life. I'm struggling with imposter syndrome- the truth is that I have and am doing my best, I am studying all day everyday and it just doesn't seem to be enough. I just can't get the content.

I have my last seminar of first year today, and a networking event for students planning to study abroad (like me). So far I've met two others (both psychology students) they are bith nice, one is making more of an effort to connect than the other. I plan on going on a night out with her after exams- something to look forward to. I always struggle with exam season, but I also always get the gardes I need. I need to trust that what I've done and what I'm doing will be enough. That's easier said than done.

I've been neglecting other responsibilites, so I'm going to make a mission to do one non-academic thing everyday (other than on the days I have actual exams). Today I did my laundry. It doesn't sound like alot but letting these things build up definitely contibutes to my stress levels- coming back to a well-kept dorm should help.

I was the only one to show up to my seminar- me and the semiar leas just had a chat about life and university. We talked about the evils of TikTok and ghosting people- we talked about what we wanted out of life. It was strange to connect with someone who was doing much better than me academically (phd student) but had all the same issues and fears; he got stressed, he procrastinates, he had imposter syndrome, but he did it. Maybe I can too. It was the best seminar I've been to and we didn't even go over the content.

When I left it was raining

The meeting for study abroad students was fun, we went over some of the cultural differences. I found out that the Malaysian legal drinking age is 21, meaning I'll have to stay sober- that's less than ideal. I made a groupchat with alot of them and we stood outside the room afterwards talking, that has to be a good sign. Hopefully they like me because I'm going abroad with them so if they don't it'll be a lonely year. I'm conforted by my general lack of friends now in that reguard. If I can be alone and not lonely in England, I can do it in Malaysia.

I called my family and talked to them for awhile- I half miss them and I'm half glad to be away from the chaos. It's difficult, but I plan on seeing them soon :) I ate loaded potato tots with chicken, chesse, gray, and sauce; it's my new obsession!

I spent the rest of the day studying Social Psychology because that's my first exam :)

Sorry for wasting time on my phone, that wasn't very Rory Gilmore, straight A+, speech champion, top of the class, academic weapon, relentless writer, future IVY student, 10 AP classes, graduating early, perfect score, Honors student of me.

14.05.24

Today is a full study day- exams are drawing near and the pressure is definitely getting to me. Spring semester is so much harder. I have no idea how I'm meant to get so much content memorised by the exams.

On top of this, I have my lab report- no matter how much I work on it, I'm not making any progress, I don't know what to do.

Deep breaths

I had a very late start to the day- I forgot to eat yesterday and people were in my kitchen all morning. I didn't want to leave for the library before eating. Very dramatic I know. I think I was just finding any excuse for more time in bed. I'm in the library now, planning on getting alot done. I brought my coat even though it's May, it's spotting outside but my big coat is too much. I'll need a smaller/lighter one for Malaysia. I can't study too long because I have an event tomorrow.

I spent a long time resting- I need to learn to not push myself too hard. I feel like I'm making no progress with revision and really don't want to fail.

I hate it when people are like “get out of your comfort zone” literally every single thing I do in my life feels like me getting out of my comfort zone