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Angry - Blog Posts
I tried to but I can't really express what I mean since I'm not English. (Edit: Well, I'm fluent in English, but I remember I was really tired at that moment so my brain was already in jumbles.) I think I also offended someone because of that. I wanted to be smooth, trying to use the words that might make them relate though it wasn't worded the way I meant it. And I didn't even have the time to fully explain myself without getting a cold shoulder. THIS WAS REALLY HARD ON ME, PEOPLE. I'm just really bad with interacting with people and since this incident I've been scared to interact with people online, too. Imagine getting so insecure to the point of trying to make friends online triggers your social anxiety, haha! I'm just socially awkward and I was trying to make people like me by acting tough and cool… I guess bloody tampons are a sensitive topic? Like women menstruate? Is that so bad? Is nature, how it has been going since, what, 10000b.c too much for you? You know what? Whatever. I could ramble about how shitty things have been and how this all came to be the way it is now. I'm done pretending like I'm the one being at fault whilst I STILL DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG. (Edit: Was angry.)
I'm a voluntary swimming teacher for children between 5-12 and we had a mandatory schooling on how to do it when you find yourself in this or that situation. I had my period. My period came very inconveniently in contrast to that mandatory schooling, and so it was my first time using a tampon. When I was done, me and my childhood friend from when I was 2 (24y/o, female) were in the dressing stalls (she had recommended me to work for her and her crew, which I accepted after the trials), and I couldn't place my tampon anywhere without leaving smudges. I saw this hook on the wall where you could hang your clothes on, and hung my tampon with the string there. It's not normal to do that so I was laughing so dryly at it for like a half hour straight. My childhood friend was enjoying my reaction from her stall, too. I took a picture because the way it just hung there on a hook that was made for hanging clothes NOT tampons was so silly and so funny to me. It was new and funny to me. And I like to share my silly and funny experiences solely to talk about it and how much of a weird goober I am. In this case, I wasn't expressive enough, apparently, because people started dropping out of the servers and blocking me all of a sudden. (Edit: GUYS I think FR I'm schizophrenic, my mind filled in the gaps I forgot. I CLEARLY remember writing a thorough explanation, but I DIDN'T. It happened yesterday, too. I was packing my bag for school and I thought I had packed my German book since I had looked at it and read the words 'Neue Kontakte' (name of the method we use), I turned my room upside down to find my Dutch book, couldn't find it. (Which I later on the day found out was the German book I initially thought was in my bag) and the German book was the book I left at home (apparently, I CLEARLY REMEMBER PACKING IT.) I might have schizophrenia or I'm suffering from early dementia… This is the third time this happened to me. (EDIT TO THE EDIT: I JUST FOUND OUT THOSE ARE CALLED PSEUDO-MEMORIES AND I'M READING AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT SO I CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET RID OF THESE WEIRDASS MEMORIES. (Edit to another edit's edit: I have hallucinations and pseudo-memories. Diagnosed myself; daughter of a psychologist. (can't exactly say for sure but I am trippin over here, that's certain.))
I mean, how bad at expressing could I be mess this up? I was stressing waaaay too much because I knew I had made someone uncomfortable. And this person below wasn't even one of the people I sent that image to, so I freaked out when I read that. Those were the only words I could come up with after experiencing TWICE an anxiety attack on the same day. (Edit: Feeling the lingering anxiety rn, but I'm a blunt, quite impulsive bitch so I couldn't left this feeling unnoticed without making things clear for people.) :
"I'm a little autistic about it." I meant that I'm quite oblivious to boundaries, I just cannot see them for unknown reasons. My mom is a psychologist, she had told me that people with ASD often can't read the situation. It isn't the best explanation, that I'm aware, but… I was trying to find common grounds to make explaining things easier… I couldn't even think clear, let alone come up with a decent response, because I was panicking, panicking, panicking, and once again, PANICKING. I was about to say I was sorry when… Blocked. Yeah, I could kiss my chances goodbye. At that point I just felt hollow, numb even. (Edit: this is what I meant with 'offending someone'.)
I was panicking. Like really, severely panicking. This person was the only person to talk to me normally and not block me… So I tried closing everything off to calm down and come back later to explain myself… Or so I thought.
Yeah, that was when it didn't sit right with me anymore and called it quits. The last straw, you could say.
I'm sorry for ranting and venting but I've just about had it. I really enjoy being interactive with people as Blueberry Anon, but it's been such a mental drain that I'm fucking up my school career. I'm so tired of being excluded solely because I'm bad at expressing whatever I am, and fitting into… Whatever 'society' means. Big 'go cry about it' moment rn, guys.
And now I announce, with a big sigh, the conclusion: I'm just silly, guys. Silly, inexpressive, and someone who just wants to be a fun person. Not someone who has to run away for something as trivial as this. Seriously. (I can't exactly say run, though. If my reaction follows the flee, fight, freeze and fawn psychology… I would be ostrich.)
Then again, sorry for the long text! Sorry for venting. Sorry for being angry, pathetic, being silly even. Sorry for the inconvenience. And I'm especially sorry for being me!
(My laptop crashed and I was so scared this wasn't saved because I SPENT MORE THAN AN HOUR ON THIS WHILE I SHOULD BE STUDYING. The stress of it all, guys, the stress of it all. T⋏T)
this is a gift for @blu3berry4non, (for some reason it wouldn’t let me send it in their inbox??????) but yea…
Sorry this took so long :(
Angry headshot of my Character Hyria, done a few days a go.
How do you think the Brotherhood would react to meeting Kiera and Catalina?
I'm very, very curious. Too curious...
and now heaven will smite you
Sad comic of some very old oc's
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY THERE ARENT ANY THREESOME FICS W DYLAN AND ERIC ON AO3????????
LIKE LITERALLY WTF???
ERIC GOING HAM ON READERS GUSSY WHILE DYLAN PRAISES READER????
WHY TF IS THERE NOTHING
another pixy gif for fun
So first of all, I want to clarify that the dnd table I play is basically dark medieval fantasy with Lovecraft, so religion plays an important role in the story xb
To be honest I was happy with how it was turning out until I finished it XD I think I was hoping to achieve something better but I guess it's okay.
Here is Nemara before she lost her humanity and her sanity, at no point does she actually wear a crown of thorns xb, it was actually another character in the dnd table, but the image reference I had a crown of flowers and it gave me the idea of changing it to one of thorns.
A new player recently joined us, and when she saw Nemara using her magic she called her a witch xD
Old warrior cats comic from 2020
warrior cats design: -Yellowfang: fav.me/ddl4vul -Ashfur: fav.me/ddn4hax and fav.me/dcwf3vf -Jayfeather: fav.me/dd375xu -Brokenstar: fav.me/ddl6jqb
I try to explain a scene from Warriors without have even reed it .3. I can't believe this thing took me over 100 layers ;-;
I've wanted to do this for a long time, but just now I decided to do it. I have not read this part of the book but I have seen many videos that talk about Yellowfang's decision to let Asfur in Starclan. Personally, after thinking for a long time, I think it really makes sense in her character to take that decision. Now I have only read The prophecy, new prophecy and from time to time Power of Three (I have too much to read and I don't finish ;__; ), so I have not read Yellowfang secret, just whatched a video talking about the book (and I found so stupid that they gave powers to her character, she doesn't need them. What's up with doom every medicine cat with horrible powers?). Well, for me Yellowfang is a character that although she seems to hate everyone, deep down, I think, she feels a love and a concern for her clan as big as she could get to feel for her son Brokenstar. I find her as a character who comes to give second chances and wants to help every cat she sees in need, even when they don't deserve it (* cof cof * Brokenstar). We could say that she gave Broken so many opportunities because he was her son, but it is that sense she also got to know Ashfur since childhood. Now, if Starclan really is always watching over the clans, imagine see that little apprentice who risked being chased by dogs in the first books, to save his clan, to be imprisoned in his hatred without anyone noticing, that prompts him to make a lot of stupid decisions, which eventually lead to his death. I legitimately think that Yellowfang wanted to help him, as a kind of redemption, and that "he just love too much" was more directed at her for not knowing when a cat could no longer be helped (* cof cof * Brokenstar again).
Now, in all this, I sometimes wonder how Ashfur's mom felt, because I don't think we actually ever saw it, or how this afected her relationship with her son.
Well, tell me what you think, I hope you like it :3
hese is for a project for tomorrow, from school :b This is the last week of school before Christmas break, so it's been a little heavy on projects, but at least it's drawing, which I like :}
For this project the teacher decided to do something simple, so we had to make posters related to animal conservation.
I decided to make the angry wolf, because I was thinking about a metal cover while I was making it :b and also because I'm angry at the way the fight to prevent the extinction of the red wolf is currently going on, basically it's not going well.
A sketch I did at around 12 am, I did it in a few hours, so sorry if it's out of proportion. I didn't really like the first drawing I did with this character, so I decided to try it again, and exaggerate the light and the proportions a bit. What do you think? I don't quite like the pose and color palette, so I think I'll just leave it as a sketch :0
Hazzy~
Kaiju Paradise, art by me~
Hawk X Reader
Warnings: Prepare for the emotions!
Surprise- I Guess
You were super excited to say the least, Hawk's- or well Eli's birthday was coming up in a couple days. You had planned a whole surprise for him, Hawk had mentioned how he wanted to get a new motorcycle.
So you asked your dad Daniel LaRusso for some extra money for some extra chores here and there, and what do you know he agreed as long as you got back into karate with him.
You took him on that offer, recently Daniel had changed the pool room into a at home karate dojo. You never really quit, you practiced here and there unlike your sister Sam who hadn't practice in eight years.
Both Miguel and Demetri had offered to help you pick out the motorcycle. You were instantly surprised that Demetri would offer considering the history between the two wasn't good after Eli became Hawk.
But of course you took them both up on the offer considering they knew personally what style motorcycle Hawk would like. The bell ring indicating that lunch period was here.
You, Demetri, and Miguel all decided to hang back a while in the hallway so you could discuss a few matters with the surprise and how you were to give it to Hawk.
"Okay so how about you call him up, and tell him it's an emergency and carry him to your backyard and boom-" Miguel makes a hand explosion "-surprise!" He says proud of his idea.
"That's a great idea Miguel!" You exclaim excitedly.
"Or... you could just give it to him.." Demetri states as if he's the smartest person on the earth.
You tilt your head to the side furrowing your eyebrows "and where would the fun be in that?" You smirk.
Miguel nods his head, eyes wide "yeah I'm gonna have to agree with Y/n on this one" He states.
"Oh bummer-" Demetri reply's, unfazed.
"Demetri did you actually want to help us?" You ask now concerned.
"Well not really, but Eli was my friend once upon of time you know..." He states obviously.
"We know..." Miguel says, remembering once who Hawk was.
Hawk was in the mix of laughing along with one of his new 'friends' playing with his soccer ball when all of a sudden his attention is brought to you, Demetri, and Miguel.
It was safe to say Eli was not happy, he didn't like the thought of his girl with two other boys without him, whispering.
He felt vulnerable, he felt.... anger. Even though Demetri and Miguel were technically still his friend, his past best friend and his former best friend did not sit well with him.
Walking with a more furious pep in his step he reaches both you, Demetri, and Miguel. You and Miguel immediately stop whispering, not wanting to ruin the surprise.
You turn around with a smile on your face as your heart races, almost being caught. You did not want the surprise to get ruined so soon anyways.
"Hey Eli" You say walking up closer to him, Hawk only allowed you to call him Eli, home or not he didn't mind hearing his name come from your sweet mouth, when being moaned, screamed, or just in general.
Eli cocks his head to the side flaring his nostrils, he keeps it cool for the most part as his friend behind him scrambled away noticing the boiling tension that he did not want to be around.
"Hey Y/n what's going on here?" He asks, obviously suspicious.
You couldn't risk Hawk knowing the surprise yet so you come up with the most cliché answer given "Demetri is just helping me and Miguel with our science project" You quickly say, probably to quickly causing you to cringe at the horrible convincing sentence.
Hawk smacks his lips together "yeah right" he scoffs before walking away, you wait until he's fully out of sight to turn back to Miguel and Demetri.
"Really? Science project?" Demetri scoffs using hand gestures.
"Did you have an excuse?" You asked sassily.
Demetri goes silent, rolling his eyes knowing he was stuck "he's going to be pissed" Miguel states referring to Eli.
"Yeah but it will all be worth it in the mean time yeah?" You ask hopefully.
"We'll see, or he could completely go out on a rage-r and never talk to you again!" Demetri says faking excitement.
Miguel hits him gently with the back of his hand "ow!" Demetri says holding the spot he hit.
Miguel looks at him in disbelief "I didn't even apply pressure!" He laughs.
Demetri rolls his eyes "I have fragile bones, okay?" He says putting his hand up.
"Alright, alright calm down Demetri" You joke.
"So when are you planning on giving it to Hawk?" Miguel asks curiously.
"The day before his birthday, that's my plan anyways" You say stuffing your hands in your pockets.
The rest of the day ended in glares from Hawk to Miguel and Demetri, and even you. You knew he didn't believe a word you said which was not apart of the plan but you didn't know what else to do to make him not ask questions.
The next in counter you had with Hawk had a lot of tension, little did you both know it would be the last time you talked to each other for at least a few weeks.
You pulled into the driveway of the grocery store beside Johnny's dojo, you instantly notice Hawks red Mohawk he was with a couple of his new karate friends.
Well the situation would’ve probably went different if you were alone and not with Miguel or Demetri. But you happened to be with them both today, you wanted to grab a few snacks to munch on because who doesn’t like snacks and both Miguel and Demetri wanted to come so you couldn’t say no.
You had finished everything for Hawks surprise so you decided to treat both you, Demetri, and Miguel to snacks basically as a thank you for there help. You had the keys for Hawks motorcycle and all you needed was to wait for the day before his birthday.
You all walked into the store, the old squeaking bell catches the attention of Hawk, he looks your way and sees you with Miguel and Demetri and all he can see is red as his face contorts into anger.
Hawk forces something that was in his chest to one of his friends causing them to stumble over the isles. He walks over to you with his head held high, you huff knowing he was going to start something out of nothing.
"Nice to see you here... together" He grits his teeth together as he spits out the last word with hatred almost.
You had enough of Eli’s crap so you grabbed his hand roughly as you pulled him outside. You had a feeling you knew what was wrong but you wanted to make sure.
"What is your problem?" You ask gently, not wanting to spark something.
"What is my problem! What is yours? Why are you hanging out with Demetri?!" He practically yells out.
"What so I can’t hang out with who I want?" You question, now becoming heated.
"I didn’t say that! But why Demetri!" Hawk pushes, his jealousy getting the best of him.
"I- he- he knew you best!" You try without giving to much information about the gift.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Hawk asks now confused.
"I can’t tell you... not yet anyways" you reply, not knowing what to say. You had everything else planned out not a fight.
Hawks jaw clenches and you would almost say that was a nice sight if it wasn’t him getting mad at you like that. "So now we’re keeping secrets?" He says walking closer to you, every step causes you to back up.
You soon hit the back of a wall as Hawk towers over you putting his hand on the wall behind you. "I-I-" you stutter out.
"So now you don’t know?" He pushes.
"What do you want me to say?" You question, tired.
"I don’t know that you’re not slumming it with Demetri or Miguel, h*ll or even both I wouldn’t even be surprised" Hawk spits out dryly.
Your face contorts "oh wow how low of you Eli" You spit now fully angered.
"Don’t use my name like that" He says gritting his teeth, pushing his body closer to yours.
"You wanna know what we were doing so bad huh?!" You yell grabbing the keys to the motorcycle from your pocket.
Hawks face fully contorts from anger to confusion as you press the keys into his chest with pressure and push him away as you get into your car driving away.
That leaves a very guilty Eli as he pulls the keys into vision, the label of the motorcycle on the set of keys. Hawks heart breaks as he now knew there was nothing going on between you and the other boys.
Tears spill out in his eyes as he places both of his hands on the brick wall breathing heavily as he starts beating on the brick wall with his bare fists causing blood to spill out.
Two weeks.... you hadn’t talked to Eli, it wasn’t your intention but it happened. Now it was Monday, school was still into motion. You dreaded it like any other day, getting out of your car and walking through the doors.
You subconsciously look for Eli like every other time you have, your heart drops when you’re brought back to reality.
Your head drops as you get ready to walk to first period until you run into someone. You knew that scent and you almost didn’t want to look up, but you did.
Oh boy the sight you’ve witnessed was enough to break your heart even more, Eli didn’t look like himself. He had dark bags under his eyes, he looked tired and worn out. He had red cheeks, and busted knuckles that were swollen, he looked in pain.
"Eli..." You whisper out, you didn’t know how to feel but you knew that you didn’t like that feeling.
"Y/n... can I uh talk to you?" He almost whispers.
You nod your head letting him lead you to an unoccupied class room "I’m sorry Y/n, I didn’t know I was just jealous and insecure I didn’t know- I didn’t know how to react..." He busts.
"Eli.... I’m sorry to I should’ve tried to understand-" but you were soon cut off by Eli walking closer to you putting both his hands on your cheeks.
"No Y/n that was all on me I said some pretty messed up things that I didn’t mean you have no reason to apologize" Hawk says resting his head on yours.
"I love you Eli" You cave.
"I love you more Y/n and I’m so so sorry" He says as tears prickle his eyes.
"I forgive you" You say smiling as you press your lips to his crashing your lips together.
It felt like the first time you kissed, sparks went off as your lips continued to move together in sync. That all stoped to soon when you both pulled away.
"I love you for infinity..."
_______________________________________________
Thank you @peachymelon69 for requesting! Hope you enjoyed!
Tetsuka, of The Resistance
week 16 "the rivira, decades ago, brought an end to the elemental war, but things have been far from peaceful in the region.. the magic of fire was banned across the realm, the fendites and all fire aligned were forced to submit before rivira rule, in hopes of bringing peace to the region.. but many rebel groups rise up, resisting this control. those who resist the reign, or practice fire magic in secret, often being sent to camps for rehabilitation, and labor. tetsuka was one of many, who refused to give up the fire of her ancestors. she worked in these camps for years, made to break her spirit.. but she trained, and practiced her magic in secret, and after many seasons of planning, she escaped.. she now lives on the land, wanted across the region.. she helps other fire aligned escape, and has become something of a legend, among the rebels.. though the bounty offered for her recapture only grows" -the historian, 582sd hi hi! heres week 16! ouh.. this one took longer than id hoped.. 6 hours, surprisingly only 66 unique colors, 800x1000. id drawn this girl in my sketches, and she inspired me.. wanted to give her a full piece! well, anyways.. thank you for checking out my work! i hope you have a wonderful week c: ♡
Waking up horny is the worst when you have nobody to wake up with. Guess I'll just lay here and pout about it.
After a lot of attempts I managed to finish making that drawing, but I will only post it when I reach 100 followers, in fact, I need almost 10 to reach that goal.
And one thing that impresses me is that I created this blog a few months ago and I already have almost 100 followers in less than 6 months. Thank you very much guys 🥰
PS: Oh, and I'm just going to give you a sample of how the drawing turned out, but I left it out of focus just so... Well, you know 🙂
AAAAARRRGGH!!!!
AAAAARRRGGH!!!!
A little late to Aug 15 but happy hap kagepro day.