My Dad Has This Crazy Ass Huge Camera Lens So We Went Out During The Eclipse Last Night And Got Maybe

forgot my night time garlic bread in the oven for the length of 2 mythbusters wpisodes and when i opened the oven door it was so thoroughly cremated that i was blinded not by smoke and ash but what surely must have been its Soul as well

did it work

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

I'm glad that people are still having fun on tumblr even after we found out about the frightening ghoul that reblogs posts but doesn't say anything

doyou think you could rob an empath by holding yourself at gunpoint.

woah

*reading from a skin bound tome summon an eldritch horror* "erm... im not even gonna *try* and pronounce that one!

cant believe on top of all the political stress and financial instability next year theyre gonna send the kaiju after us too

btw if you ever make anything for me EVER ill literally go crazy stupid. like ill go insane . il love you for ever.

it's funny when quotes from communist figures breach containment online and people are like "btw in case you didn't know this guy was really problematic"

it actually takes 136 years to draw one line. so think about that next time you want to be mean to an artist