This Headline Feels Like Something Someone Would Post On This Website Completely Devoid Of Context And

The reason why God was so involved in human affairs a long time ago but then noped out after Jesus is because God is going through the same motions for every animal species: making a covenant, giving commandments, and sending down his own child to die in the form of that species. I know this because I felt an odd urge to swallow a mouse yesterday and, when I questioned it, I received a vision from God saying that He was on mice right now, and the mouse I was about to swallow was the mouse-equivalent of Jonah. Tomorrow I'm supposed to spit him out in a den of sinful mice so that he can squeak to word of God at them. I wish that little guy the best.

All women can be divided into two groups: Those who are 25 and those who are not 25, the main difference between these two groups is that one primarily consists of women who are 25 and the other primarily consists of women who aren’t 25

i cant wait to be 31 to have sex

chilled greese

seeing straight men be disgusted by booktok smut recommenders has actually radicalized me to the side of booktok smut recommenders. girls your taste may be atrocious but i will never disparage you for exposing mainstream discourse to the concept of soaking through your underwear. spent my whole life listening to men talk about penises it’s about time they get jumpscared by women talking about pussy in crude detail on social media. go forth and goon my warriors

clown graveyard and its just one grave

Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Try Drinking Pond Water

Drinking pond water is a quick and easy way to contract disease.

The experience will make for a great anecdote to have in your back pocket if you are ever invited to be a guest on the Tonight Show by Jimmy Fallon.

If you are an actor, drinking pond water is an excellent way to get into "the zone" before a performance in which your character must express the emotion "regret".

Do you even have a good reason not to drink pond water?

You never know – it could actually taste amazing.

Drinking pond water will bring you closer to nature.

Drinking pond water will bring you closer to God.

Drinking pond water is a great way to impress your crush.

I'll give you a reed to use as a straw if you ask me nicely.

Kneel in the mud

im not the stepadder im the ladder you step up, the lastter that stepped up,. i m the ladder that stepped up. you know. im not the step latter im the ladder that steppes up. that you step up. laddewr

i feel like me and apple jack have been getting closer lately. today she was selling apples and i bought one and ate it while standing and looking at her. she said do you need something but i got acared and took a big bite and started choking in front of her. someone else saved me but she looked at me twice while they wwre doing it

my bridge is so dark and scary if you wantto cross it you are going to need to answer my questions three. one are you mad at me