Latest Posts by rlacodus - Page 3
I am a firm believer of the fact that that all the teen superheros had a crush on Nightwing at one point and he is just completely oblivious to this fact.
Dick: Hi guys, Batman let me to give you guys a training session, because Robin mentioned you all wanted to learn how to do a backflip!
All the teens staring at Dick's abs and thighs with red faces: Oh, cool..!
Tim: OH MY GOD YOU'RE ALL DISGUSTING!
Dick: Robin! Don't insult your friends, they didn't even do anything!
Kon, shuffling to the side to peer at Dick's ass: Yeah Rob, we didn't do anything.
Tim, seething: I CANNOT WITH YOU PEOPLE!
went crazy and made this
enjoy the fruits of my madness
The concept of Dick and Jason both having their own Brucie Wayne versions to charm the public is SO funny to me. Not even the fact that the whole idea is amusing, but Bruce's reaction to it would heal me. Like, he is with Dick on some mission, and here goes Richie Grayson :> — your local bimbo and golden retriever, or you know, whatever you want him to be. That, at least, seems obvious.
But Jason turns into Jase Todd :3, the far too innocent for his own good guy with a big heart the minute paparazzi is around? Bruce is horrified.
Bruce: alright, I know social events are not your area of work, but try just to nod and smile
Jason: yeah, whatever, old man
(five minutes later)
Vickie Vale: well, mister Todd, such a smart and diligent man like you — how come you are still single?
Jase Todd :3 : oh, well... I-i actually think I am quite unlucky in this matter... Just recently, a person I dated told me that I was rather too shy 🥹 And the previous suitor was with me only because of dad's money... 🥺 Dad tells me to take it easy... I still wish to find my perfect romantic partner, of course, but-
Richie Grayson :>, mournfully: my little wing has such a warm, big heart (slaps his chest) and, of course, he deserves the best.
Vickie Vale: awww, you are so sweet!
Bruce, staring in terror, because who the hell are these sweet boys, and where did his two walking headaches go: ...
Imagine Dick actually adopted Jason. Like that's so chaotic— especially when Jason comes back from the dead.
12 year old Jason: Hey, Dick? Since I'm adopted by you, does that mean you're my father?
18 year old Dick: ...I'm still too young to called dad so no, I'm just your legal guardian.
Jason: Okay, dad.
Dick, tearing up: Please no.
——————
Jason after resurrection as Red Hood: I am your son.
Dick dating Wally: Tf?????? How would I— JASON?
——————
Bruce: All of you are my sons.
Jason: Technically, I'm your grandson.
Damian and Tim: ?????? What.
Dick: Technically he's right. You've been a grandpa since I was 18.
Bruce: ...Fuck, I forgot about that.
Damian and Tim: WHAT THE FUCK?????
——————
Bruce and Jason arguing:
Bruce: You're grounded!
Jason: TF? You're not my dad, Dick is!
Dick: Please, for the last time, I'm not really your dad.
Jason's dramatic ass: GASPS?! I'M ADOPTED?!
Birds on The Bird App Masterpost
All the Gotham Twitter posts can be found here. If you want to be added to the tag list, lmk!!
1 - Meant to be on Priv
2 - Eating burritos sloppy style
3 - Hood's war against being verified
4 - Out of costume intermission
5 - Hoods war against being verified pt 2
6 - RIP Grammy 🕊🕊
7 - Pride Month
8 - tweeting during your lunchbreak
9 - Damian and Animals, a compilation
10 - Saw trap Cornell notes
Tag List under cut
Ask/reply/dm to be added!! Whatever works for you!!
Note: some of the names aren't linkable/taggable via tumblr on mobile due to some users visibility/privacy settings. If you are one of these folks, I'll do my best to let you know of future installments via dm/ask
Taglist
@desicanary // @thegayseance // @soaring-through-the-stars // @thebat-musicman // @percyyeuss // @pathofglory // @andreaissy // @themiraculousec // @gnomewithalaptop // @viola-cola // @milotic109 // @kamala-msmarvel-khan // @suffer-my-beloved-mutuals // @arcadianico // @your-dead-european-ancestor // @asmodeusmustdiexo // @max-volume // @itsmeevie01 // @leagueofbats // @catostrofiqu // @amillionandonefandoms // @shykitten28 // @atlasaurelius // @ihavenohotcocoa // @kai-antreas // @living-on-borrowed-time // @o-i-have-too // @aroaceass // @silverwolf1249 // @cannimochi // @lesbianbooknerd // @scarlettauthor // @twinningglass // @1n0sss // @craptastico // @lovethewitchofendor // @insomniacweebqueen16 // @fashionstatement-deathwish // @brieftimetravelwhispers // @crabs-brencil // @universal-travel-er // @royal-illusion-loves-his-fandoms // @blankliferain // @p1xel-1mp // @kades-stuff // @theweevilofsweetreef // @fablehaven-rulez // @kalifornialove // @justahoomanbeing // @frosty--giants // @you-are-valid-and-deserve-love // @slitherynchiken // @kazbrekkersfedoraaintgotshitonme //
im obsessed with the difference between the Wayne family and the Kent family. like i can imagine Clark and Bruce working on some kind of case at the watchtower when Kon storms in angrily talking about how Jon won’t stop whining to play games on his phone and it’s really getting on his nerves and Clark needs to go and tell him off bcs he won’t listen to Kon, and Clark sighs before turning to Bruce with an eye-roll like ‘kids amiright?’ and then they hear a far off scream from Dick on the other end of the watchtower that’s like ‘BRUCE JASON KEEPS DRESSING UP AS NIGHTWING AND KILLING PEOPLE IN BLUDHAVEN AND NOW IM BEING INVESTIGATED FOR FUCKING MURDER AGAIN!’ followed by an evil Jason-like cackle and a crash, and Bruce just grunts and stands up to go investigate with a chuckle, returning Clark’s look like ‘oh don’t i know it haha’ as if the two are in any way comparable and Clark isn’t staring at him like his whole family is insane
Jason and Dick falling back into being brothers after Jason gets resurrected except both of them keep forgetting that although Dick is still older, Jason is now very much not a small little Robin anymore.
Dick, pointing to an ugly old guy on TV: that’s you
Jason, gesturing to a pug: that’s you
Dick: *flicks the side of Jason’s head*
Jason: do that again and i’ll smash your face in
Dick: bring it on, little wing!
Jason: *jokily shoves Dick off the couch*
Dick: *flies two feet and smashes through a glass table*
Tim and Damian watch Dick try and sneak up on Jason from behind to shove him in the pool but Jason doesn’t even budge, and they see Dick’s eyes widen in regret before he gets judo-flipped into the water. Jason tries to jump in after but forgets how big he is and manages to both land directly on Dick’s flailing body and cause a wave big enough to drench Alfred standing at the other edge. Damian turns dead eyes onto Tim,
Damian: promise me we’ll never be that immature.
Tim: we can learn from their stupidity
Alfred, dripping onto the tiles, Jason and Dick struggling in the background: please see that you do.
i've just decided you're all wrong and the actual funniest scenario of the league not knowing bruce has kids until they take his place as batman during league meetings is the scenario where bruce never even asked them to pretend to be batman.
when he can't make an important meeting he sends either jason or dick in his place just as themselves, because if he can vouch for them as proxys then why would the league have an issue with it? they just need to show up and say they're there to take notes for batman or something, there's no need to lie. he doesn't even realise that his identity is being stolen until he shows up after a meeting he sent a sub in for and when he shows up everyone is staring at him awkwardly.
batman: what's everybody looking at
green lantern: nothing! we're just... concerned.
flash: yeah... how was your surgery?
batman:
batman: what surgery
green lantern: ...well you ran out of the meeting last week yelling about how you were going to be late for your 'piles removal operation'
green lantern: so uh. how'd it go big guy?
batman:
batman: i wasn't here last week. jason was.
the league:
flash: who the fucks jason
batman:
batman: *slowly turns to superman, who is staring at the table stubbornly*
batman: clark-
superman: THE KIDS SEEMED SO EXCITED TO DRESS UP, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE BORING UNCLE AND SAY NO!
bruce ends up calling jason in front of the league to demand an explanation and clear his name. jason straight up doesn't even remember what he did.
jason, on call: oh hey B, thought you were at a JL meeting this afternoon?
bruce: i am. what happened last week?
jason: i sent tim the report to hand over already! i didn't get all of it though, i had to leave real quick towards the end because damian was threatening to set my safe house on fire if i didn't pick him up from school
bruce: and the league let you go early?
jason: yeah i made some excuse, i think i said-
jason: *pauses, remembering what he'd done*
jason: oh my god
bruce lays his head on the table while jason laughs through the loud speaker for the next eight minutes.
time travel fanfic idea where Jason comes back to before he was adopted, him and Batman still meet and he still ends up being adopted by Bruce Wayne, but he just refuses to acknowledge Batman and Robin, he acts like a civilian boy, he has over thirteen extracurriculars that Bruce does his best to keep up with. He regularly works out and trains all the fighting he's learned over the years, he goes on a gap year before college to recuperate the all blades and pretends to be the civilian in a family of crime fighting vigilantes.
He's doing pre-med and keeps nagging his siblings to go to college too (Cass, Tim), Duke is the one who spends more time with him bc everyone else is nocturnal and sleep through the day, but Jason likes to drive Duke to his classes and pick him up so they can have lunch together, Damian had a hard time at first, because Jason speaks every language that he speaks and all bat related things have to stay at the cave, his league training didn't prepare him for a civilian brother.
During an attempted kidnapping during one of the Wayne galas, Jason's whole plan almost gets blow up because one of the guys has taken a woman hostage and his Red Hood fried brain just pounced on the dude with all his might, wrestled him for the gun and kept him stuck under his boot with the gun pointed between the guys brows.
He had to pretend to be scared when Batman came to the rescue and act like he didn't know how to handle a gun.
+ Alfred 100% thinks Jason was on a children gang and that's why he's so good with knives, guns and rifles, but who's he to say anything about people's past
everytime tim pisses off jason jason's like "first you steal my fucking job, now this?!" and tim goes "i didn't STEAL robin, you were DEAD and the position needed to be FILLED." and then jason says "but when i stopped being dead you didn't give it BACK. when an office worker gets a replacement so they can go on maternity leave the replacement is supposed to FUCK OFF once the maternity leave ENDS." and tim argues "YOU WEREN'T ON FUCKING MATERNITY LEAVE JASON" and jason screams back equally loud "WELL I DISAPPEARED FOR AROUND NINE MONTHS AND THEN SHOWED BACK UP WITH DAMIAN WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!" and then tim leaping strikes him off a 6 story building
Bruce Wayne wakes up in the past, five months after Jason Todd died, and spends most days sat beside the grave because he never found out exactly when Jason had come back and he wanted to be there to save him when he did.
From an outside perspective, everyone is extremely concerned.
Batman gets frustrated with Red Hood one night and automatically just yells in his most 'Angry Dad Voice'- That's it! You're grounded!!
Jason, caught off guard and reacting on instinct, stomps his foot and starts protesting- Are you kidding me?! This isn't fair! I didn't even do anything!
The argument continues until they both realize that Jason's men are watching them with growing confusion
Guests at a gala notice that Brucie Wayne is surprisingly jacked. Like, a suspicious amount of muscle for a CEO who lives a life of luxury and doesn't do any physical labour. An amount of muscle that goes beyond "works out to stay fit and look good". And when he's asked about this by a gossip columnist guest he panicks (he's running on 2 hours sleep) and says "It's so I can pick up my kids!"
Now everyone is looking at his kids. Cass and Tim are tiny at 5’ 5 and 5' 7. Damian is still a kid and he's also small. Dick is bigger, but picking him up wouldn't require that much muscle. Maybe Duke, who is still growing but looks like he could be about Bruce's height when he's fully grown? Maybe him?
Then Jason officially returns from the dead. And everyone looks at the 6' 4, 260lbs walking double fridge and goes "Ahhh, ok then."
I really don't like any version of "Jason learns one tiny fact about how people reacted to his death and immediately is crushed by how unfair he was being and forgives everyone!!!"
However there is one version of this I would allow due to it being very funny, not a complete waste of his character potential, and close to providing real evidence of something that would let him give Bruce a pass:
Superman realizes who the Red Hood is and why he's gunning for Batman and decides to try to straighten things out before the end of Under the Red Hood. He flies over to him and explains that he was the one stopping Bruce from killing the Joker. This gets understood as Supes being the reason Batman still can't kill him. Then Jason immediately pivots his entire life to becoming a Superman villain.
Bruce gets a phonecall: "Hi Dad, I forgive you, and I'm gonna need that 100 pounds of kryptonite back right fucking now."
funniest 'Jason Todd comes back as red hood and starts talking to the bats without telling that he is, in fact, Jason Todd' trope is where Red Hood starts becoming minorly friendly with the bats and lets slip that Jason Todd is indeed still alive, but not that he is him.
now this can result in multiple outcomes, however i think the funniest possible version is the version where while Dick is bemoaning about the loss of his little brother and how great Jason is and how he wants to talk to him again, and without a second of hesitation Red Hood just nods his head and goes 'oh yeah, hottest robin by far, too. sexy as shit, that guy is.'
this results in the entire bat family fully believing that Jason Todd was somehow revived and taken to the LOA where he met and fell in love with this murderous assassin known as Red Hood, and the two are currently in a relationship.
Jason, petty and pissed at his family, decides: holy shit that's funny. and he goes along with it, meaning there are multiple occasions where we get interactions such as
Batman, brooding on a rooftop: the second Robin... he has always had such a big heart.
Red Hood, cartwheeling in the background: big dick too, godDAMN
Batman: i am begging you to stop.
---
Nightwing: you're DATING my little brother? AND YOU WONT LET US TALK TO HIM?
Red Hood, full of shit: he's too busy visiting venues for our wedding next autumn. and before you ask, no, you're not invited.
Nightwing:
Batman: you mean to tell me, you're marrying my son, and you won't allow us to be at the wedding?
Red Hood: Jason's decision.
Batman:
Red Hood: Green Arrow's walking him down the isle
Batman: ok thats it-
---
Red Robin: so is your fiance happy about all this crime lord murder stuff?!
Red Hood: my future trophy husband understands that if he's going to be able to sit and look pretty for me, then I need to bring home some serious cash, now stop interrupting my work.
Red Robin:
Red Hood:
Red Hood: for real tho, Jason's so hot-
Red Robin: STOP IT
bonus scene:
Dick: Damian, did you know about this?
Damian, hasn't been paying attention: know about what?
Dick: Jason's engaged to Red Hood!
Damian:
Damian, knows full well Jason is full of shit because he grew up with the guy in the league:
Damian: hes what now
Jason in the background: *violently gesturing death threats*
Damian:
Damian: yes. i'll be travelling home in the fall to be the flower boy. I believe Todd has already picked out my suit.
Dick:
that christmas, Bruce Wayne receives a card with an obviously photoshopped Red Hood that's got his arm around Jason's shoulders, who also has a photoshopped wedding dress on. Damian is stood in front of them, a 'just married' banner in his hands, looking very much like he was paid to be there.
Dick never forgives Jason for making him think that Alfred was invited to the wedding and he wasn't.
during occasions where Batman is really needed and Dick and Bruce are both unavailable for some reason, they have to call up Jason because he's the only other one of the bats that will properly fill out the suit. Bruce hates these occasions. Not because he doesn't want Jason to be Batman, but because Jason uses these opportunities to fuck with Batman's reputation as. much. as. possible.
while in the suit, he referred to 'himself' as the JLA's sugar daddy on live TV, and Bruce is still having to deal with it to this day. one time Bruce threatened Jason that he couldn't have guns on him while Batman, and Jason proceeded to leave his guns at the cave only to show up to the fight brandishing multiple giant water guns which he shot at police officers and nobody else. he flexes his arms and does 'sexy superheroine' poses every time he spots a camera aimed at him, even if he's in the middle of fighting somebody. he acts like he's best friends with the Flash. every. time.
Bruce wants to die inside. Dick quite honestly finds it fuckin hysterical, and he keeps trying to get into accidents whenever HE'S supposed to be Batman so that Jason has to do it instead.
Bruce tries to bribe Jason with money. Jason accepts the money. Jason does not stop. Bruce does not get his money back.
jason comes back to gotham as red hood and the batfam have no idea who he is or that he has anything to do with the league of assasins until during a wayne gala theres a hostage situation and before bruce or anyone can figure out a way to go suit up a crime lord appears and saves everybody only to have a publically friendly catch up session with.... damian wayne.
damian covers to the press afterwards that its because of red hoods 'i dont hurt kids' rule and that he'd met the guy a few times in crime alley before he was dumped on bruce's doorstep. gotham's citizens are slightly concerned but honestly? the scary stabby child that's been glaring at them from the corners of parties since he got here with absolutely no backstory or history in gotham turning out to have a past with crime alleys most infamous protector/crime boss? it's a little comforting.
it's less comforting to the bats.
damian, getting out the car after the gala: I don't know what hood was thinking, making me his public ally. he's lucky the simpletons of this city bought that, don't you agree father?
damian: *turns to see the rest of the family staring at him with hard eyes*
damian:
damian: ...what did i do?
everybody's less than pleased that damian withheld the info that red hood is trained and from the LOA, but damian simply maintains that they never asked. when further questioned about why his relationship with hood was so familial and about what his identity is... they get
damian: hood was perhaps my favourite tutor back home, the only one i didn't kill. he taught me many things, from how to poison somebody to famous quotes and sayings from classic literature.
bruce: what. is. his. name.
damian: you know what one of those sayings was? 'snitches get stitches'
dick: *slams his face into the wall*
tim: well you did want him to be more childlike.
they eventually have to move past it because damian won't budge, unfortunately jason is finding this whole scenario fucking hysterical because holy shit he'd thought about coming back and pissing off his family through their secret personas but he hadn't even considered the beauty of coming back and pissing them off through their public personas.
and from then on the entire batfamily has to deal with pretending to be nervous or wary every time the red hood comes and crashes their very real wayne public events. it's fucking incredible. jason can't believe that he was gonna try and beat the shit out of tim to freak out bruce when all he had to do was grab a glass of champagne, walk up to the dude, and ask politely how stocks at WE are doing. 'brucie wayne' has no fucking clue what to do, and jason just poured the champagne against his helmet and let it all fall to the ground and everybody's too scared to say anything.
nobody else bats an eye when red hood becomes an occasional presence at these fancy events, apart from the people who know for a fact they could be on his shitlist. mostly because this is gotham, but also because they know he's a crime lord so like... riches and business running wise he kinda fits the bill for these things anyway? and if the stoic kid of brucie wayne eases up around him then the whole 'i dont hurt kids' thing must ring true so it's not like he'll cause too much trouble. also the guards are too scared to tell him he's not allowed in, so there's that.
the bats hate everything about this. they don't even know what red hoods game is, they have no idea why they're being tortured and they're getting paranoid about it. damian's absolutely no help because he's just happy to 1. get to see his brother on a regular basis again, and 2. get to see his brother find a less self-destructive outlet for the pit rage he's watched jason struggle with for years.
it's also just really fun to watch tim accidentally fall asleep against a wall mid-gala, wake up to red hood's helmet 2 inches from his face, and then almost break his own hand trying to punch it because he forgot that he wasn't in-mask and had to hold back last second.
dick is mostly just indignant because every time red hood shows up and hangs around near damian, damian immediately becomes a picture perfect public persona, interacting with the elites of gotham with the same expertise of tim or bruce. he's so mad that a crime lord can wrangle HIS little brother in public but he can't, that he completely disregards the whole crime lord thing and starts bugging red hood both in and out of mask about how to be a better older brother to damian. at one point he corners red hood on a rooftop mid patrol.
nightwing: ok, seriously, when I asked damian not to be rude to the new investors he told a woman her coat looked like it would hold up in a fight against two-face, but when YOU ask he becomes a model citizen, what is UP with that?
red hood, being an asshole: *gasp* y-you're.... YOU'RE RICHARD GRAYSON?
nightwing:
nightwing: ....oh my god you didn't know?
red hood: no i fucking knew you're just an idiot. and damian listens to me because I'm the only tutor he could never kill and he knows i'll beat his ass with my magic swords.
nightwing:
red hood: and also im the only one at the league who played Just Dance with him so i get special privileges, like telling him what to do.
dick asks damian to play Just Dance with him that night and damian just looks at him all forlorn, like 'it wouldn't be the same without the exhilarating thrill of knowing if anybody catches us hood will be stabbed and thrown in the lazarus pit again as punishment for corrupting me... it was really an unfair punishment considering he replaced grandfather's bed with a plastic pool covered by a sheet once, and the only punishment he got for that was being banned from the family dinners for two weeks'
dick stares at him. damian just adds 'he used to sit outside the window like a dog. watching and occasionally yelling about the injustice. mother gave him a plate of roast potatoes through the window once. grandfather disapproved.'
nobody knows quite what to do about red hood becoming a gotham elite, but they are becoming more concerned about damian's family's dynamic every goddamn day.
how the fam find out Jason's still alive
Dick, looking through old photo books: aw, it's such a shame Talia didn't tell B about you until recently Dami, I'd have loved to see photos of you as a baby
Damian: ? I can get baby photos if that is required in this family
Dick: what, how? Talia doesn't seem like the baby-book kind of woman, no offense.
Damian: She was not, however after my brother was brought out of the Lazarus pit he was given a few old cameras in an attempt to make his mind focus on something not harmful to himself and settle down. He took a lot of photos of our family during his training.
Dick:
Bruce:
Both, simultaneously: your what now?
-later-
Damian, walking into the room with an old box: Alright so I broke into his current safe house while he was working and took one of the boxes. I believe these should suffice for your 'baby books'
Bruce: hold on you broke into his- your brother lives in Gotham??? there's a trained league assassin working in this city and you didn't tell me? Damian we need to talk about your habit of withholding important infor-
Dick: Bruce.....
Bruce: -mation. what?
Dick: look at the.... photo...
Bruce, leaning over to see a photo of Jason Todd holding baby Damian up at the head of a meeting table like in the lion king, red smear on his forehead, while Ra's Al Ghul stares at them both from his seat looking Tired Of Jason's Shit™:
Damian, peering at the photo: yes, Todd got quite good with the timers on those cameras, he took many a photo holding me like that. I believe it was a special campaign designed to get on grandfather's nerves enough that he'd agree to watch the movie with us.
Bruce:
Dick:
*screaming*
bonus:
Tim: you know some of these photos are actually really good, like the angles and tones you used
Jason: you steal Robin, I steal photography.
Tim:
people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.
you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.
like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.
wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?
batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing
the league:
batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*
the league:
batman:
batman: *coughs awkwardly*
superman: *sighs*
batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-
superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.
the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?
wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.
superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.
batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me
green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?
'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.
they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.
wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?
batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.
wonder woman:
green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?
superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.
the league:
batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...
the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?
'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.
the league, concerned:
superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-
batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!
superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.
bonus
the league, squinting at batman:
the league: ...
superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*
the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*
duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?
Dick is kind of a big brother who knows what effect he has on his siblings's friends, and he never misses an opportunity to make himself look even cooler in their eyes. But Jason? Oh, Jason has no idea that people even consider him pretty and interesting.
It pisses his siblings even more.
Jason, on his bike, with the most insane face card: Hey, Replacement, hop on. We have work to do.
Kon, twirling his hair: Is your brother, like... free?
Bernard: Yeah, on Friday
Tim, with his eye twitching: I will kill you.
Jason, absolutely unaware of what is going on: ??? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO
***
Jon, waving enthusiastically at Jason, who passes by kitchen: Jason is so cool!
Damian: ...
Jon: And kind!
Damian: Calling Todd kind is definitely a choice.
Jon: But he read me a bedtime story the last time I was staying here 😕
Damian, frowning: ...
(Damian, later that day: Why did you read bedtime story to Jon and not me.)
***
Jason: Why Tim's and Damian's friends keep fucking glaring at me? Or stumble when I am around? What tf am I doing wrong?
Dick, trying to hide his laughter: Eh, no idea
Bruce, absentmindedly: I, actually, have the same problem when I am around other people
Alfred, amused: No DNA test required, that's for sure
Tim: Ra's has a special hatred for me.
Tim: i'm the one he wants. he keeps specifically targeting me during attacks.
Jason, throwing popcorn in his mouth: you think that makes you special?
Jason: when i was in the league i used to sneak into his private chambers at night to set fireworks off underneath his bed.
Tim:
Jason: when i came back to gotham he used to send assassins after me, but they were all from the league, so i was chill with them. convinced them to just have a beer instead.
Jason: only reason he hasn't killed me himself is because he's afraid of what Talia will do once i come back again.
Tim:
Tim: i feel like we should have an in depth conversation about the time you spent with the league.
Dick: i feel like we should have an in depth conversation about why you're so confident you'd come back again.
Jason, shrugging: just seems likely.
Red Hood comes back and everything's the same except Bruce doesn't realise that while Jason's still pissed at him, it's more of a familial feud than it is a genuine casting himself away from the family forever. Jason's under the impression that what's going on between him and B is just normal teenage rebellion- after all, Dick basically did the same shit when they were younger, he remembers sitting on top of the stairs and listening to the arguments, hell he remembers eating popcorn while stood in the middle of a couple of them. they're a family of fucked up vigilantes, it makes sense to him that their father-son brawls are just as dramatic as the rest of their lives.
after the rooftop showdown where Bruce saves the Joker he gets into the batmobile, slightly depressed that he has to go back home and tell Alfred that he failed oh so spectacularly at convincing Jason to come home and probably actually made things a 100% worse and oh god when he finds out about the batarang-
Red Hood opens the passenger door and gets into the car
Jason: jesus christ B are you THAT fucking stubborn? YOU ALMOST DECAPITATED ME WITH THAT THING
Bruce:
Jason: whatever. actually, don't fucking talk to me. I'm not continuing this until next patrol where trust me I WILL be shooting you in the neck.
Bruce: ...w-
Jason: CAN YOU HURRY UP AND FUCKING DRIVE ALREADY? Jesus it's fucking freezing out and the heater isn't even on!
Bruce has absolutely no fucking clue what's going on. He continues to stare in the very rare Batman Bafflement that only his kids have ever managed to get out of him.
Is Jason... coming home with him?
He's so shocked at the sudden turn of events, so scared of flinching slightly in the wrong direction and ruining whatever the fuck convinced his son to actually get in the car with him, that he decides in a moment of pure panic to not question it. He turns the car on, silently turns on the heater, and proceeds to white knuckle the steering wheel and stiffly drive back to the manor, terrified that even breathing too loud will disrupt the way the Red Hood is spitefully messing with the radio station until it's playing Bruce's least favourite station at a way-too-loud volume.
when they get home Jason flips Bruce off and goes straight to the kitchen, dishing himself up some food from the dinner table with a couple of casual greeting grunts as if everyone isn't staring at him in shock and awe. Bruce comes in behind him and shrugs helplessly. Dick's face has gone white, and he's clutching his glass so hard it's started to splinter in his hands. Tim's the only person who manages to get past it all, blinking up at Jason's massive hulking frame.
Tim: I thought you hated us now
Jason: *eating, gives a questioning hum*
Tim: you keep fighting with Batman
Jason: yeah, fuck batman. I'm so pissed at him right now
Bruce: h-
Jason: Shut the fuck up I'm still mad at you.
Jason, to Tim: it's family tradition to hate Bruce and strike out on your own. Doesn't mean I shouldn't be allowed Alfie's impeccable cooking.
Tim:
Tim: ...you also tried to kill me
Jason: you replaced me as Robin. an attempt on your life is also family tradition. Dick tried to kill me a month after I took up the mantle
Tim:
Dick, so exasperated it breaks him out of his shock: oh come on, it was not a murder attempt-
Jason, slamming his fist on the table: I HAVE A PEANUT ALLERGY AND YOU TRIED TO FEED ME A SNICKERS BAR!
Dick: FOR THE LAST TIME I DIDN'T KNOW-
Bruce, desperate: boys-
Jason, whirling around: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TALKING TO ME?
Bruce:
Jason: oh that reminds me. hey Alfred? guess what B did like twenty minutes ago.
Alfred: ..?
Bruce: Jaylad please-
Jason: he threw a batarang at my neck.
Alfred:
Bruce:
Alfred: master Bruce-
Bruce quite honestly would have preferred it if Jason was a villain instead of a rebellious teen.
obsessed with like, Jason who absolutely refuses to reconcile with the bats. he wants no part in that family and will not talk to them under any circumstances. but he's legally dead with no friends and sometimes he gets sick of being completely by himself and wants to have company. so.
Bruce: hey Alfred have you seen my-
*comes into kitchen to see Alfred calmly preparing dinner while Jason Todd, Killer Red Hood, silently does paperwork while sat on the corner of the kitchen counter*
Bruce:
Bruce: uh-
Tim, doing homework at the table: don't mention it. if you acknowledge him he'll leave. he just likes being around people sometimes.
the bats have to start treating him like a stray cat, letting him go to them and acting completely unbothered by his presence because if they even make eye contact with Jason he'll jump out the window and they 1. won't see him for a month and 2. will start to see a lot more murders cropping up around gotham.
eventually it gets to the point where Dick will come to dinner to see the rest of the family wordlessly ignoring the brick shithouse of a man who is just sat on the floor of the dining area reading a book and he has to just. take a breath and pretend Jason isn't there. calmly stepping around him without acknowledging him. Alfred will silently place a plate of food by the guys elbow while speaking to Damian about school. When they decide to move from the table to the tv room for a movie night none of them can even look around when they hear him eventually follow just to sit in the corner of this room instead.
Bruce: I'm concerned, this is abnormal for Jason. what if he's been drugged with something? or he's trying to gain sensitive information?
Damian: actually he used to do this a lot after he came out of the Lazarus pit. he liked to sit in and watch me train, and occasionally we'd find him sat by grandfathers feet while he ran meetings. Mother says it's important to let him settle, because it's likely that he's simply craving human intimacy on his own terms for once.
Bruce, crying: oh
Jason still refuses to say a word to any of them unless it's in costume, and even then it's the same old 'i'm not your son! i'm not one of you! fuck off!' shtick like normal. they just have to accept him sneaking into the house every now and then too.
one time Tim needs Red Hoods info on a case he's working and since Jason's been sat on the floor against the wall of the bat cave for the past 45 minutes just. staring into space and vibing. he risks sliding the file across the floor towards him before pointedly turning back to the batcomputer, the info he needs marked clearly. five minutes later it's wordlessly slid back, info filled out and Jason refusing to acknowledge Tim's existence again. it's the only way he'll communicate with them.
after a while it gets to the point where Jason will straight up go to bludhaven and break into Dicks apartment just to silently sit in the corner of the room and Be Around A Familiar Person. Tim comes back from his lunch brake at WE to find him sat on the edge of his desk, working through a case. They work in silence for the rest of the day and when Tim leaves Jason just follows. They get a batburger together but the second Tim slips up and asks how his day was he's off like a shot. Damian regularly eats lunch at school on the roof while Jason plays mario kart on a DSI next to him. Batman will be 4 hours into a solo stake out when civilian Jason will silently slide up next to him with a crossword. they never talk. Jason still makes it clear that he's pissed at Bruce. Bruce doesn't know what else to do but let him be and hope eventually, with enough time, things will progress even further.
Dick, whispering so Jason won't pick up on the fact that he's being perceived: are you sure this is normal
Damian: is anything about any of us normal
Tim: he's got a point. at least we know Jason's watching us. I did this shit all the time before I was Robin, and none of you ever noticed me.
Dick:
Tim: sometimes its comforting to be in the same room as people you're familiar with, even if you can't handle interacting with them.
Dick, crying: ok
Jason is that one unemployed sibling who texts you weird shit at 3:27 pm on a Tuesday.
Like, Dick, sweating his ass off in his police uniform getting a text from Jason, which btw, extremely rare- and it's just a Twin tomato (two tomatoes grown as one ykwim) and captioned w "ur ass"
or Tim is in the middle of his board meeting and he gets an email from Red Hood and hes like stressing out chcking it only to find a pic of his apartment's kitchen's pantry asking "why dont you have salt?"
and then damian coming back from school to see his phone full of texts from Jason and it's all pics of ugly animals and every pic is captioned with "u" "u again" "wow u"
Bruce getting a morse code going "check phone" and it's a video of Jason flying away on an alien helicopter contraption with Roy yelling after him asking him to get down and jason saying he doesnt know how this shit works.
Pt1. // Pt.2 // next
Hood would never want to be verified and would actively hate being verified argue with the wall
A Good Hatake Kakashi-Centric Fanfictions
These are my absolute favorite fics of Baddass Kakashi Hatake / Kakashi - Centric, which I definitely will read and re-read every one of them in my free times.
This list will update frequently. :) Feel free to recommend me some Kakashi-centric fics. ♥
Oneshot or Drabble or Short Story: - Kit and Kin Series by Lolistar92. Rated T. Part 1 - the slate gray charm Part 2 - the antique silver wisdom Part 3 - lingering smoke clears Part 4 - the vermillon vanguard Part 5 - the amber orchestra Part 6 - the saffron reprieve Part 7 - the sage rampart Part 8 - the cobalt crossway - birth of a cell ; death of a star Series by thesaintraphael. Rated T Part 1 - an exercise in patience Part 2 - jigsaw falling into place
Chaptered Fics : - Nukenin by WhisperingDarkness. Rated T. (Status : Completed). - Life as a Nukenin by JKblue. Rated T. (Status : Completed). - Lichtenberg Figures by Asteroid_Duck. Rated M. (Status : Completed). - Out of the Dark by LittleBirdWrites (Pairing : Hatake Kakashi/OC). Rated M. (Status : Completed). - Daybreak Never Comes by Myst_Marshall. Rated T. (Status : On-Going). - Ear to the Wall by Vodkassassin. Rated T (Status : On-Going). - It Happened Once in a Dream by SunshineAndRainbows. Rated T (Status : On-Going). - They shrunk sensei?! by RandoLan. Rated T (Status : On-Going). - For Tomorrow Never Comes by SoaringPigeonShovel. Rated T (Status : On-Going). - The Executioner of the Mist by Veronero. Rated T (Status : On-Going).
- Scaring Crows Series by scrappybook. Part 1 - Year of the Ghost. Rated T. (Status : Completed). Part 2 - Beneath a Shared Sky. Rated T. (Status : On-Going).
Crossover Fics : - Unforeseen Mayhem by Aerugonian. Rated T. (Naruto, My Hero Academia). Oneshot. (Status : Completed). - CCG Public Enemy No 1 by euphoricimage. Rated T. (Naruto, Tokyo Ghoul). (Status : Completed). - Reddit, is my neighbor a kidnapper or just weird? by Asteroid_Duck. Rated T. (Naruto, My Hero Academia). (Status : Completed). - Edo Tensei by Asteroid_Duck (JustThatOneGirl1815). Rated T. (Naruto, My Hero Academia). (Status : On-Going). - Scarecrows Don’t Fly by Asteroid_Duck. Rated T. (Naruto, My Hero Academia). (Status : On-Going). - Wonderboy by Tsume_Yuki. Rated T. (Naruto, My Hero Academia). (Status : On-Going, possibly abandoned). So freaking good, I wish they will continue someday, :( - The Taste of Lightning on Your Tongue by PenguinEmperess. Rated T. (Naruto, Jujutsu Kaisen). (Status : On-Going, possibly abandoned). So much potential, I wish they will continue someday, :(
Kakashi/Sakura Fics. Check this link