They Were Having Fag Off

The 'tension' vs the 'truth' (or a version of it, at least)

MCLAREN WHEN I CATCH YOU MCLAREN YOU KILLED ME TODAY

realistic tips for uni students

i’ve seen many tips for university students fly around here and i’ve noticed that some of them are either unrealistic or not necessary at all (take it from someone who has been studying 3 years already) so here are some real tips to help you

BUY. A. BACKPACK. i’ve made the same mistake and my back is in s h a m b l e s. and honestly, you don’t need an expensive one, but be sure to check if your backpack has a laptop compartment in case you bring a  laptop a to class. i know it looks unflattering as hell but trust me your back will thank you for it.

You don’t need expensive stationary. any pen or notebook will do but make sure you bring enough pens to classes, exams, etc because you don’t want to sit there panicking because your pen gave out.

on the topic of stationary ALWAYS KEEP A NOTEBOOK IN YOUR BAG what if your laptop dies? what if you want to make a reminder to yourself that you will forget about 5 minutes later? just keep a small notebook in your backpack in case you need it.

Always bring food and water! i’m particularly bad at this, not gonna lie, but especially when it’s summer and hot as hell this tip is incredibly important or you will most likely feel awful. i’m not a big breakfast eater myself because i get stomach issues from it but i make sure to bring something for either on my way to class, just before class, or during the break you might have in class. 

For those of you who menstruate: keep tampons/pads in your bag. you’re friends will thank you for it as well!

Moving on from backpack arrangements: pro-tip you don’t have to be bff’s with you teachers, especially not in your first year. later when you’re writing your dissertation, it’s can be helpful, but honestly they most likely won’t remember you in your first year and they will also most likely not grade your papers/tests either so no need to suck up

on the topic of teacher: you don’t have to attend every single office hour. if you have a question, please go, but otherwise you’re wasting your damn time

wait until your first lecture/seminar before buying books your professor will most likely say please buy this or this is optional. don’t waste money!

read the damn syllabus not just so that you know what to do before class, but also so that you know what to do in case you fall ill and what the attendance expectancy is (some professors have a 80% attendance or you will fail and others don’t give a shit)

don’t sign up for 9 am classes you won’t go okay? it seems fun at the beginning but you’re gonna end up dreading that class even though it would’ve been interesting if you were awake enough to take it in

procrastination is normal everybody does it and guess what? YOU DON’T NEED TO GET ALL A’S!!!! strive for it? great! but work yourself until you’re crying from the stress and thinking about dropping out because you can’t handle it? not so great!

mental health is more important than that 4.0 GPA speaks for itself but also if there is something going on please talk to your student advisor or tutor! you can better warn them in advance than try to build a case after you flunked that assignment/exam

try to make friends honestly it will make your uni experience so much nicer. and i get social anxiety, but at least try to get on friendly terms with people so you have notes when you’re sick, a partner when there is group work to be done, and just a friendly face when it’s all too much!

wear comfortable clothes yes i get the need to look cute but honestly when you’re freezing in your lecture hall because you wanted to wear that one top, you’re gonna be mad at yourself. also bring a jacket/scarf to put over yourself when you know a lecture hall/classroom is cold as hell it helps, trust me.

have fun sounds cliche but sign up for that one class that has absolutely nothing to do with your major but it looks fun, go out partying with your new buddies and stay up later than you should, it’s okay. nobody is all study all the time and you get to enjoy yourself. just find something fun in everything you learn even if you f-ing despise that one course because it will help you get through these years!

this breaks my heart for some reason

Impa 👁

Have some Megop doodles

OLLIE GETTING CALLED BABY/BABYDOLL BY THE FERRARI MECHANICS??!!??!?

HELLO?? THIS NEEDS TO BE TALKED ABOUT BECAUSE WHAT

why you stuttering bro

how to pick a therapist

A friend recently asked how I found my therapist, who I absolutely adore. I was in a bad place when I first started seeing her, and she has helped me completely turn my life around. The fact is that I saw a lot of bad and mediocre therapists, then finally got lucky. That said, now that I know what a really good therapist is like, I do have some advice for finding one:

Do interview sessions with multiple therapists and take notes on what you like or don’t like. It’s not high maintenance or pushy to ask a lot of questions. You’re a customer looking for someone to provide a service - an expensive service, possibly for a long time. This is someone you will trust with your secrets and your health. Sometimes, your life.

If you’re in a dark place while searching, try to find a level-headed friend or family member to help you interview. The most frustrating thing about mental healthcare is that patients are often too vulnerable and ill to self-advocate and, as a result, often tolerate unacceptable behavior from their mental healthcare providers. Bad providers will blame patient dissatisfaction on patients being unstable. There is little accountability for their performance. If you can’t stand up for yourself, it helps to have a trusted third party that can either come with for interviews or, at the very least, who can talk with you after about your concerns and options. If a therapist asks why you want to bring someone with, simply say, “I’m not mentally able to self-advocate at this time. I am more comfortable having someone with me for support.”

Look for someone who does holistic therapy and/or who talks about using a variety of methods, depending on patient needs. Ask what types of methods they use and if they prefer one over others. A big part of therapy is teaching you a variety tools that will help you cope with stressors. You should expect your therapist to have more than one tool in their arsenal as well.

Ask their opinion on medication. I have met therapists who don’t believe in medication at all and some who won’t even work with patients that aren’t willing to medicate. Personally, I feel the only correct response is, “Medication is an important tool for some people, but it’s not the answer for everyone.”

Ask them what successful therapy looks like to them and what they think the most important things are to be successful in therapy. You want someone who talks about how different patients need different things. For some people, stability is the goal. Others have more specific objectives. The worst sort of therapist is one that uses the same structure for every patient because they’ve decided it’s the “right way.”

During interviews, you do want a therapist to mention that a patient has to be willing to change and give effort. However, you don’t want them to spend an excessive amount of time going on about how YOU have to do the work and “this won’t work if you’re not willing to give it your all” and blah, blah, blah. That is the sign of a therapist that will see therapy not working and immediately say, “Ah, not my fault. They weren’t doing the work,” absolving themselves of any extra work or creative thinking.

The final item is tricky to spot in an initial interview, but it’s crucial. Therapy requires a delicate balance. A good therapist can guide a session and push their patient without being domineering or dismissive. You can spot the domineering therapist fairly easily: they will tell more than they ask, make you feel uncomfortable or self-doubting, and will minimize your wishes or concerns about therapy. The lazy therapist is much more common. They’re not as harmful or obvious as the domineering therapist, but they probably won’t help you. They let you guide therapy, don’t ask many questions, and don’t challenge you. They will let you use therapy as a venting session or allow you to rehash the same handful of traumas without doing any work to process them in a new way. If you find yourself with a domineering or lazy therapist, fire them.

What has made my therapy successful is that my therapist is flexible, adaptable, and willing to try new things and new methods. There were periods where I was actually too ill to do any work, but she never addressed it like, “Ah, She Won’t Do The Work.” She just scheduled us for very frequent sessions and kind of quietly came up with things to keep me busy and stable, monitoring my state for safety until I reached a place where I was able to do the work.

When something didn’t work, it was never my fault, and she never spent any time lamenting that it hadn’t worked. She would just immediately say, "Okay, not this, then. I have something different planned for us to try next week.” Just like that, we were talking about what we were going to do next instead of thinking about the thing that failed.

The mental healthcare world, at least here in the US, is pretty fucked up. For a time, it was definitely doing me more harm than good, and I have trauma from my experiences with bad mental healthcare providers. I think it’s important to talk about patient self-advocacy and provider accountability. I hope the list above will help someone avoid bad providers and get the help they need. If you would signal boost this, I’d really appreciate it.

You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me...